LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 As in she would stop kissing when things started to get a bit heated and turn her head away. I guess all the other girls I've been with have shown clear signs they have wanted sex but the green lights here were hazy and I'm not used to that. I just wonder if this is salvageable or if I should move on. That was the hint that you were kissing the wrong lips... or at least that you should start on her neck and shoulders, maybe her chest. Maybe her belly as you slowly slide her shirt up and make your way... 1
KatZee Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I love all the dudes on this thread trying to speak from a woman's perspective. :lmao: Woman here. If I invited a dude over and he didn't "push" for sex after I was cooling things off, it wouldn't lower my attraction for him. When we really like a guy, we are not easily turned off. Three dates in, not sure how much she can actually like you, but as a woman I've dealt with some awkward dudes. Guys who were scared to make a move, and I've had some hilarious moments, it didn't turn me off to them at all. People are human, first times can be awkward, especially when you are both new to each other. She probably acted awkward because it was a little awkward. It's 3 dates in, not three months in. She could have been a little insecure with how she looked in the morning, she could have been insecure that she didn't put out and now thinks you don't like HER. Either way, if she was giving you vibes to cool off, you did the right thing. We don't want to be pressured into doing something we aren't quite ready to do. I had a guy do that with me. I was not ready to be doing things with me and he pushed and pressured and honestly, THAT is what turned me off. I felt pretty crappy around him at that point, and honestly a little scared. I didn't want him at my place anymore, and anything that could have happened with us if he didn't act "assertive" the way he did, was completely halted and I wasn't comfortable dating him anymore. 2
xcupid Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Fair points. It's definitely not a confidence issue though as I've been in this scenario before and everything has gone smoothly - I guess maybe (without to my realisation) the girls were also being proactive in them situations and doing part of the leading themselves and this one was waiting for me to do it all. I dunno. It just didnt feel right at this time and I weren't going to push it She has to be proactive and involved too. Sounds like she just wasn't ready. You didn't do anything wrong. She didn't do anything wrong. Let it take its natural course.
preraph Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 You shouldn't have stayed over. I'm sure neither of you got much rest. Why not make your first move (if you get the chance) early in the evening instead of when you're tired and it's time to either go home or go to bed. Make out during a movie, while stopping to watch it and keep up occasionally and see if things develop further or not there on the couch. Leave if they don't. It's up to you to take it one more level up and see if she's ready to go there or not. But that means you doing things to her, not the other way around. Less likely to say no that way!
adiamond Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I agree that if she wasn't giving clear green signals, you shouldn't have made a move or been pushy. It would totally push me away. Maybe she's inexperienced. I know that when I first started dating my ex, maybe date 4-5 I would invite him over to watch a movie and that was literally all I wanted to do, watch a movie. He would try to make "moves" but I didn't want to have sex yet. It didn't mean I was any less serious about him, or liked him any less, I just wasn't ready. I still enjoyed cuddling and watching movies together and chilling on his bed, just wasn't ready to have sex.. I was also 20 at the time, I am 21 now. 1
Truth34 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I agree that if she wasn't giving clear green signals, you shouldn't have made a move or been pushy. It would totally push me away. Maybe she's inexperienced. I know that when I first started dating my ex, maybe date 4-5 I would invite him over to watch a movie and that was literally all I wanted to do, watch a movie. He would try to make "moves" but I didn't want to have sex yet. It didn't mean I was any less serious about him, or liked him any less, I just wasn't ready. I still enjoyed cuddling and watching movies together and chilling on his bed, just wasn't ready to have sex.. I was also 20 at the time, I am 21 now. I really thought this response would never come. Please tell me more women think this way, if only the ones in their collegiate years!? I'm a man and I wouldn't have a real problem with just coming over to watch a movie and fool around without actually going all the way. As long as we liked each other and it wasn't because of an attraction concern, of course.
PogoStick Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I can tell you how to escalate in every room of the house but the bedroom. I don't know how because when i've taken a woman to the bedroom it's already determined we are having sex. True that. Most recent girl that invited me over for the first time: We hung out for 30ish minutes in her living room. Then tired of waiting I simply said "Want to go to your room?" She paused, shocked for a second, realized what that meant, and said "sure". And I also 2nd the "I'm not staying the night at any girl's house who I'm not having sex with".
jen1447 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 You'll know soon enough if she's still feeling you or not with her tone in texts and calls etc. I wouldn't really worry about it tho - you didn't exactly do anything wrong, being as there are no real 'rules' about this stuff ('no sexless movie-watching allowed' lol ....yeah right) despite what a lot of ppl say. She may have wanted to and not wanted to at the same time. Guess what, we can be confusing (and confused) that way. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 It sounds like the two of you are in the vicious circle of uncertainty. I don't think her opinion of you is based on whether or not you had sex, only if it got or felt awkward. A guy might care whether or not sex happened and presume she cares because it's how you think. Guessing she cares about the awkwardness like you do. You can resurrect things. Just explain something, even if there's a little white lie in there so she doesn't know how unassertive you are. Just say something along the lines that you're sorry that it seemed awkward after that great night spending time together. That you erred on side of taking things slow out of respect toward her and didn't mean for that to be interpreted the wrong way as in you are not interested in her. good luck
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