unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Hey all. Just looking for a bit of perspective really..... so last night I went over this girl's house who I've been dating (was our 3rd date, she's 20, I'm 24). Beforehand everything was going really well and she was showing genuine interest. We had a few drinks and watched a film or two in bed. Yet apart from kissing nothing really went any further. Whether I'm overthinking it but things felt a bit weird in the morning and she seemed kind of distant. She just said "see you soon" and we just hugged and I left. Not heard from her since. Ladies of Loveshack, would staying over and not having sex be a decision maker for you? Whilst I'm confident and took the lead I'm the kind of guy who prefers to let these things happen naturally and she didn't give me any real signs it was going to happen - apart from kissing but she always cooled things off. I wish I didn't spend the night now until a little further down the line. Cheers all for any input
carhill Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Slept over her house but no sex Unless you're established platonic friends, try to avoid that. Heck, I'd even avoid it with platonic female friends unless their husbands are around.
Inaa Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 What do you feel guilty for when she was the one who cooled things off?
fitnessfan365 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 she didn't give me any real signs it was going to happen Other than making out with you in her bed...Come on dude, you need to be a bit more assertive. A lot of people usually consider the third date when sex happens and my guess is she was disappointed you didn't escalate and it lowered her attraction for you. But who knows?
Inaa Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Other than making out with you in her bed...Come on dude, you need to be a bit more assertive. A lot of people usually consider the third date when sex happens and my guess is she was disappointed you didn't escalate and it lowered her attraction for you. But who knows? I don't agree. He felt she didn't feel certain about it and he stopped himself. Maybe there was something else that pushed her back? Did anything unusual happened that night? 1
Author unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 I don't agree. He felt she didn't feel certain about it and he stopped himself. Maybe there was something else that pushed her back? Did anything unusual happened that night? that's where my confuision comes from really - nothing unusual from what I can remember. She defintiely didn't feel certain. I've been in similar situations before and even without saying it's been established we both want it from our actions. I wasn't getting these signs/feelings. I feel becasue we've kissed from the first date that's all she's still comfortable with so had no objections to that, but just nothing else. Have a feeling that I've blown this.
RedRobin Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I think it is too early for you to be having these concerns... Me personally, if someone asked to stay over, then had excuses not to, I'd kick them to the curb... Inconsistency at this early stage is a red flag. There are lots of other people out there who won't leave you guessing. If you like drama and games, then by all means, keep worrying and wondering. ...or find someone else to date who comes over after she leaves. That's another option.
Author unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Other than making out with you in her bed...Come on dude, you need to be a bit more assertive. How should I have escalated? Maybe that's where I lack.
Guyouthere Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 How should I have escalated? Maybe that's where I lack. You are a guy and asking this question? lol Comon man,,,, 1
BLND Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't see this as a huge problem. Maybe she's fine with it, Since she's not ready yet to be intimate with you. Girls can sleep in the same bed as a guy and not necessarily want sex after kissing.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't agree. He felt she didn't feel certain about it and he stopped himself. Maybe there was something else that pushed her back? Did anything unusual happened that night? Based on his response below, I'm guessing that's why she felt uncertain : How should I have escalated? Maybe that's where I lack. OP, I'm not trying to be a dick about this. I just think that you're uncertainty and lack of experience is what may have made her feel off in the moment. If you're not feeling confident/strong in the moment to lead the situation, a woman can pick up on that.
Author unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Fair points. It's definitely not a confidence issue though as I've been in this scenario before and everything has gone smoothly - I guess maybe (without to my realisation) the girls were also being proactive in them situations and doing part of the leading themselves and this one was waiting for me to do it all. I dunno. It just didnt feel right at this time and I weren't going to push it
phineas Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I can tell you how to escalate in every room of the house but the bedroom. I don't know how because when i've taken a woman to the bedroom it's already determined we are having sex. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'd have blatantly tried to put my hands between her legs or into her pants. Fingering is hot.
Truth34 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Man, idk. I'm rather respectful (actually, very respectful), so if the green light was at all hazy I would have done the same. Or if we weren't all hot and bothered earlier in the day. I wouldn't say I let the girl lead, but I usually like a pretty nice hint. Of course, that hint can come from some action on my part. Slippin a hand down between her legs is usually a good yay or nay.
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Did you try and take it further and she stopped you. I mean did you try and take her underwear off, touch her in the places that make it obvious where it's going? Did you plan to spend the night there? Because as a woman, if a guy was spending the night, then I'd be thinking, that he'd be expecting sex. If I wasn't ready for it, then I wouldn't have a guy stay over.
thecrucible Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Maybe she felt tired or wasn't feeling turned on enough? It could have nothing to do with what you were doing. Like maybe she was on her period or something? Or it just didn't feel right for some reason? I mean in the past I've felt horny about a guy but it just didn't feel right to have sex at the point so I just didn't. Did she seem awkward about it? 1
menyou Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't think you've blown it per se. If she wanted to have sex she easily could have been a bit more forthcoming. No mind reading. I don't get why people just don't go after what they want.
Author unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Did you try and take it further and she stopped you. I mean did you try and take her underwear off, touch her in the places that make it obvious where it's going? Did you plan to spend the night there? Because as a woman, if a guy was spending the night, then I'd be thinking, that he'd be expecting sex. If I wasn't ready for it, then I wouldn't have a guy stay over. It was planned which is why my doubts creep in that I've blown it but everytime we were kissing and going on the right track she'd stop and turn over etc. I don't think you've blown it per se. If she wanted to have sex she easily could have been a bit more forthcoming. No mind reading. I don't get why people just don't go after what they want. Can I get an Amen! This is where the other side of my doubting comes in (the more hopeful side) that she invited me over, knowing full well where it was likely to go, and then nothing. So maybe she just wan't ready. If she truly wanted it it would've happened so who knows.
ASG Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I have taken guys home, fully intending on having sex with them, but decided against it at the last minute. And when I say decided against it, I mean permanently, not just for that one night. Can't tell you what it was, exactly, but all of a sudden, I was not interested anymore. And as such closed myself off to any advances. Including putting a onesie on to sleep in, to make sure the message was loud and clear that sex was not happening. The same could have happened to her. Or it could be something completely different. You will need to speak to her.
LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Well man, there is an alternative hypothesis that we haven't mentioned... about 25% of the time, girls aren't going to be into it anyway. Wait a week, try making out on her bed again. Although, many times in life, the girl was straight forward about that from the start.
joseb Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 We had a few drinks and watched a film or two in bed. Yet apart from kissing nothing really went any further. How did you end up in the bed? That's the bit I don't get. I have never been in bed with a woman I haven't slept with yet unless I was about to. Did you just rock up and she's like "oh let's just watch the movie in bed"? Sounds like either she was waiting for you to make a move and is now pissed off you didn't, or she decided she wasn't feeling it physically once you two started kissing and fooling around.
SwordofFlame Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 It was planned which is why my doubts creep in that I've blown it but everytime we were kissing and going on the right track she'd stop and turn over etc. Can I get an Amen! This is where the other side of my doubting comes in (the more hopeful side) that she invited me over, knowing full well where it was likely to go, and then nothing. So maybe she just wan't ready. If she truly wanted it it would've happened so who knows. What exactly do you mean by stop and turn over? It sounds like you didn't do anything but kiss and make out. Correct me if I'm wrong here but how do you know she was rejecting you if all you did was kiss and make out? As already mentioned here, maybe she was waiting for you to escalate.
Author unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 What exactly do you mean by stop and turn over? It sounds like you didn't do anything but kiss and make out. Correct me if I'm wrong here but how do you know she was rejecting you if all you did was kiss and make out? As already mentioned here, maybe she was waiting for you to escalate. As in she would stop kissing when things started to get a bit heated and turn her head away. I guess all the other girls I've been with have shown clear signs they have wanted sex but the green lights here were hazy and I'm not used to that. I just wonder if this is salvageable or if I should move on.
SwordofFlame Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 As in she would stop kissing when things started to get a bit heated and turn her head away. I guess all the other girls I've been with have shown clear signs they have wanted sex but the green lights here were hazy and I'm not used to that. I just wonder if this is salvageable or if I should move on. And then you guys went to bed right after? No communication exchanged? If a girl did that to me, I'd ask what's wrong? 1
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