GrandRail Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 We're long distance, though we're not boyfriend and girlfriend right now. We were planning to get back together officially as boyfriend and girlfriend when I returned in December. Everything was great, and then he disappeared for three weeks, returning with a bad phone excuse. I admitted I was already in love with him, and this led to a constructive discussion where he finally admitted he wanted reassurance of my feelings for him by pulling back and thought seeing my actions would tell him more than what I was saying all along, that I really liked him. He apologized and said seeing how we were discussing it maybe he should have just talked to me, he didn't think I'd be hurt or affected like I was because I always seem happy and independent, and that it would never happen again. We reconfirmed our plans to be official in December, he told me he loved me again, and we made plans for Christmas and were doing great. Things were good for another week or two. Now it's been two more weeks since I've heard from him. I've sent only a few messages to him thinking he had a lot going on, but he hasn't replied to any of them, though he was literally online when they were sent. He hasn't replied even at a later time to say he was busy. He was the one who wanted me to ask him to be official and now he's disappeared again. Knowing how much it hurt me last time and knowing how sensitive I am to long distance because of a past situation. I've been trying to forget him subtly these last two weeks I guess, but the fact our last talk was a great one and we have plans to meet Christmas and for him to become my boyfriend that day leaves everything hanging in the air. Especially because he disappeared three weeks last time and came back saying his feelings for me had not changed, he was just unsure I liked him as much as he liked me. Tonight, I was crying and thinking of him, and decided this wasn't working. He said he'd never do it again, and yet it's happening. If it was just one week, maybe I could have laughed it off and pretended we were both busy. If it's two weeks, he's ignored messages, and it's happened before, I'm just a doormat if I let it go. Long distance itself requires consistent communication to work, and it's just making this absence more obvious. I feel like I'm disrespecting myself if I don't acknowledge this shows he's not that into me anymore, no matter what he says. He used to be a guy who paid $180 and took a 6 hour bus ride every week to see me. Now, he won't even reply to a message. I'm 21, and this is really my first relationship, so I didn't know how to handle this mess. I went on Facebook just now, and messaged him saying basically that I wasn't okay with what was happening, I couldn't deal with it a second time, and thanks for everything. I wish we could have talked on Skype and worked this out, but how do you do that if you can't even get someone to reply to a message? How do you work out a lack of interest, especially when the subject's already been broached? Since we were supposed to be in a relationship starting December, this might be a dumping. I'm the one ending it, but I feel like I'm being forced to. I don't want to, but I know I should. I feel it's basic human nature he won't value me at all later if I just ignore this kind of neglect, show a lack of love for myself, and bury my head in the sand. I feel like I'm the one being dumped. I'm crying right now and feel sick to my stomach and sad. I love him. I just extinguished a future and all the plans we had for ourselves starting December. I didn't want to suck up my pain until then. It's not like I have no feelings for him. In fact, it's only a month or two ago I completely fell in love. How do I get over this when I've closed a door I was begging not to have to shut?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't really understand what type of agreement you have at the moment. You're not a couple at this point, so is seeing other people okay? Would it be alright if you (or he) went on dates with other people, or pursued a casual arrangement with someone else? Going for long periods without contact indicates that his interest level just isn't all that high and I think you were setting yourself up for disappointment. You aren't dumping or breaking up with him, as that would first require being in a relationship. He is obviously not so keen to keep up a connection until December so you've done the right thing. If he were truly interested in starting to date you in a couple months, I feel he would at least be in some type of contact with you or reply to you.
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