Alan685 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Three months ago i met this girl i fell in love with, had some good time with her, we had a relationship, her ex was still in the picture, then he came back and they started texting, i told her i was afraid of losing her, and she told me she wasnt going to leave me, thing is last week, she broke up with me and told me she couldnt have a relationship with someone when she still thought about her ex, she is currently not knowing what to do, she says she doesn't know if she is going to stay alone or go back with her ex, ( her ex knows about everything) she thinks about him, but i don't want her to go they have already broke up twice, and she told me she suffered from him a lot, My question is: Knowing that she doesn't knows where she will end, and her ex wants to get back with her, and i'm in the picture, should i be friends with her while dating other women, hoping that she will get jealous and want me, to save her from a toxic relationship with her ex, or should i just let her go and become complete strangers.....Please, i don't want her to go back with her ex and suffer again, when i want to make her happy......HELP!
parishes Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Question is, if a girl that I dated couldn't choose between me or her ex, why be someone's second choice? It's quite frankly insulting. I was in this path before, and it was an emotional roller-coaster and it's NOT fun. You want to keep her happy, but first, you have to think about your own emotional well-being. Your mental health always comes first. Just let her go, and do you. Trust me, there's so much better girls out there who will NEVER make you a #2. 3
Author Alan685 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Is there any chance i can make her forget him by staying?
dumbass2 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 No, absolutely do not be her friend. You will regret that so much it isn't even funny. I have dealt with an ex who still had her ex chasing after her. It was toxic. Stay far away from any woman that still has contact with her ex unless there might be kids involved from the previous marriage and she has no choice. Your best bet is to tell her you had a great time, but you two should not be in contact any more and wish her the best. Don't say anything stupid like "if you change your mind, let me know". Do not contact her and ignore her if she contacts you. If you hang around at all, it will be as plan B. Once you have accepted being her plan B, you are done for good with her. She will never see you as a plan A again because she has lost all respect for you as a man.
dumbass2 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Is there any chance i can make her forget him by staying? You've been with her for 3 months and you said he's been in the picture. So, how is staying on and as a "friend" going to make her forget about him when she didn't forget about him in the 3 months you were romantically together and now has gone as far as to break up with you over him? You just need to disappear from her and move on. Who knows, maybe she'll come back down the road, but I guarantee you that you have no chance at all if you stick around in anything less than a committed romantic relationship and she is not ready for that.
parishes Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Is there any chance i can make her forget him by staying? ummmmmm no. You can't force her to do things that she doesn't want to do, she has to forget him on her own accord. If she can't, then it's her loss on a great guy like you. Adding to what dumbass2 said, you don't want to deal with months of being strung alot. I went through it, and I wished I saved myself the heartache by going NC right away. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Is there any chance i can make her forget him by staying? No. She is still into him and it doesn't matter if you date others or try to be her friend. She hasn't moved on from him the entire three months you've been seeing her. It's not going to suddenly happen now. Don't be her friend. Don't try to make her jealous; she'll see right through that and it will make you look silly and desperate. Don't do that to yourself. 1
LostOnes05 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 SAVE HER???!!! Man, save yourself the time...the effort...and the eventual heartache. You can not compete with her past and you shouldn't want to. When a woman says I'm still thinking about my ex or shows those signs, simply tell her to get in touch when she is actually free and ready for a relationship. No need to waste your time. 2
louxor Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Be grateful she's honest and respectful enough to tell you how it is and not keep you on the side while she tries to make up her mind. Leave her to sort herself out, you can't help her with her problems. If she wants you, she'll come back, if not, she's saved you a whole lot of trouble by leaving when she realised she can't give herself to you 100%. 1
dumbass2 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Be grateful she's honest and respectful enough to tell you how it is and not keep you on the side while she tries to make up her mind. Leave her to sort herself out, you can't help her with her problems. If she wants you, she'll come back, if not, she's saved you a whole lot of trouble by leaving when she realised she can't give herself to you 100%. I agree with this so much. Not enough people are honest enough these days and are selfish. I wish my ex was more honest with me in regards to her ex.
Samuel_22 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Three months ago i met this girl i fell in love with, had some good time with her, we had a relationship, her ex was still in the picture, then he came back and they started texting, i told her i was afraid of losing her, and she told me she wasnt going to leave me, thing is last week, she broke up with me and told me she couldnt have a relationship with someone when she still thought about her ex, she is currently not knowing what to do, she says she doesn't know if she is going to stay alone or go back with her ex, ( her ex knows about everything) she thinks about him, but i don't want her to go they have already broke up twice, and she told me she suffered from him a lot, My question is: Knowing that she doesn't knows where she will end, and her ex wants to get back with her, and i'm in the picture, should i be friends with her while dating other women, hoping that she will get jealous and want me, to save her from a toxic relationship with her ex, or should i just let her go and become complete strangers.....Please, i don't want her to go back with her ex and suffer again, when i want to make her happy......HELP! For God's sake, listen to your self man! I have all the answers for you in my bag. I met a girl, we were with each other for 7 months and then she broke up with me because her ex was back, I am talking about my most recent break up, and it has been two and half months since my break up and their reconciliation, at the 5th month of friendship, she started acting strangely, she was cold and distant a minute, and super warm and friendly the other, she kept telling me, she did not know how she felt, she was confused, and whenever I asked about what? she used to say about everything... at 6 month she breaks up with me, her excuse, my ex has come back and I need to think about it, I love you more than him but I can't make up my mind, 1 week later she texts me and says, she wants to stay, one month later she leaves me for her ex... Interesting? it is...2 months after BU she establishes contact and wants to know how I am, I replied, she did not reply anymore. Dude let her go and stay away from her, she will leave sooner or later, there are more bonds between she and her ex, no matter you are more attractive, more successful, or what... she will leave because, she is not over her ex, and he is still a part of her drama...she wants to go back to her ex? ok say farewell, and move on with pride... believe you don't stand a chance now, they have broken twice, they will again, she might come back then, if you leave the doors open appropriately. Go move on with your life champ!
Samuel_22 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Be grateful she's honest and respectful enough to tell you how it is and not keep you on the side while she tries to make up her mind. Leave her to sort herself out, you can't help her with her problems. If she wants you, she'll come back, if not, she's saved you a whole lot of trouble by leaving when she realised she can't give herself to you 100%. Grateful for what? wasting his time for 3 months? Nah, you don't move on when you are not over your ex, she was just selfish, he needs to let her go, leave the doors open, and forget about it all, think of it this way, you are trading passion for glory
ScienceGal Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I stopped reading at "her ex was still in the picture". Don't ever put yourself in that situation again. Ever. And, run. Now! 1
mightycpa Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Here's the thing...you really don't need to worry too much about him. Read through enough of these posts, and you'll soon learn that 99% of couples who get back together after a breakup and a rebound don't last. Why will they be any different? They won't be. Somebody's going to wind up disappointed about it. He's the least of your worries in the long run. Your big worry is this: rebounds don't last. If she had dumped him to date you, and never gone back to him, then you had a chance, because your relationship would have been genuine, not just a rebound. But because she's broken up with you to get back with him, the overwhelming chances are that you two will never last, under any circumstances, including if she comes back around to be with you after it doesn't work out with him. Sorry pal. Close the book on this one for your own good. If you're inclined not to believe me, read the forums. Everything you need to know is in this website. 1
louxor Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Grateful for what? wasting his time for 3 months? Nah, you don't move on when you are not over your ex, she was just selfish, he needs to let her go, leave the doors open, and forget about it all, think of it this way, you are trading passion for glory Grateful for the fact that she told OP how it was and why it wouldn't work anymore when she realised she wasn't actually over her ex (when he started texting her), instead of just stringing OP along while she bounced between the two guys, not sure on what she wanted. She may have genuinely thought she was over her ex up until the point that he texted her, and when she realised she wasn't, she let OP know. I'm not trying to glorify what she did, it's just not common that you'll find a person who will be completely honest like that when they believe they can no longer give someone their 100% attention.
Samuel_22 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Here's the thing...you really don't need to worry too much about him. Read through enough of these posts, and you'll soon learn that 99% of couples who get back together after a breakup and a rebound don't last. Why will they be any different? They won't be. Somebody's going to wind up disappointed about it. He's the least of your worries in the long run. Your big worry is this: rebounds don't last. If she had dumped him to date you, and never gone back to him, then you had a chance, because your relationship would have been genuine, not just a rebound. But because she's broken up with you to get back with him, the overwhelming chances are that you two will never last, under any circumstances, including if she comes back around to be with you after it doesn't work out with him. Sorry pal. Close the book on this one for your own good. If you're inclined not to believe me, read the forums. Everything you need to know is in this website. This is not true, just google I married my rebound, and you will see the results, the thing is that you can never overgeneralize things like that? successful reconciliations are also very common. My female friend whose ex broke up with her twice, got back together and they are now married, and they have a son, so 99% of reconciliations fail? not really... although there is a great chance of failure, you can never say, on the internet? sure full of those failure stories, because in reality couples after successful reconciliations, never come back on the internet to share their stories. I know 2 of my female friends who dumped their reboundees and got back to their exes, they went back to their reboundees and now are married and have children. The OP needs to know that everything is possible, everything is in the bag, she will go back to her ex, no doubt about it, it may last, it may not... she might want to come back to you after the BU, she might not. You have to accept that it is over, for the time being, what lies ahead? who knows? You don't thank a person for wasting your time, you move on when you are 100% over your ex, and by that it means that you have blocked your ex everywhere, and you have made sure, there is no way she/he can contact you, if you have not reached this stage, you shouldn't move on. She used the guy to heal her wounds, and as soon as the ex came back, his services were no longer needed, so all of a sudden she becomes that honest, sweet girl who cares for the OP? BS with all due respect BS. Regardless, there is nothing that can be done right now, just forget about it all, move on with the mindset that she will never come back, and you have to move on with your life, but anything is probable, she might come back, the decision will be yours by then. I myself left the doors open, 2 and half months later, she contacted me, I replied, she did not answer, so I blocked her everywhere I could, literally I closed the doors, I once had left open, because I am 100% sure I cannot forgive her, I was wrong and too emotional when I thought I could 1
Samuel_22 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 No, absolutely do not be her friend. You will regret that so much it isn't even funny. I have dealt with an ex who still had her ex chasing after her. It was toxic. Stay far away from any woman that still has contact with her ex unless there might be kids involved from the previous marriage and she has no choice. Your best bet is to tell her you had a great time, but you two should not be in contact any more and wish her the best. Don't say anything stupid like "if you change your mind, let me know". Do not contact her and ignore her if she contacts you. If you hang around at all, it will be as plan B. Once you have accepted being her plan B, you are done for good with her. She will never see you as a plan A again because she has lost all respect for you as a man. It is not about losing respect, it is a bout leaving doors open, I don't think it has anything to do with losing respect, because we all know where he is headed, he is not going to be in contact with her for at least 5 or 6 months, by the time they reach that point, and she is heart broken again, she will not remember any of these things, she only remembers that there is a door still open, so she will contact him, here is the moment he has to play it cool, to show that so much has changed, he has to earn his respect there...If you don't leave the doors open, I wager she will never come back even if they break up, since 1. it will take a long time until they break up again 2. if she is not sure, you are still willing to take her back, she will never contact you If you are serious about a second chance with her, (I don't recommend it) you have to leave the doors open and disappear, but I bet in 2 or 3 months you won't want her anymore, so you will close the doors yourself.
ambitions Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Three months ago i met this girl i fell in love with, had some good time with her, we had a relationship, her ex was still in the picture, then ...SNIP That's a huge red flag. I would've told her to only contact me when she got that all figured out and sorted. Would've done the xbox180 turn and never looked back.
drseuss Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I was in pretty much the same boat , my ex was in a long term rs ex never left the picture and we eventually split .... I knew early on it was a mistake getting with her but I let my emotions run away , and il never do that again Just walk away and don't put anymore time or emotion into something that will cause ypu so much heart break If she can come back to you after some time apart and a few months of nc and she can honestly say her ex is out of the picture and they are done you stand a good chance of things working , otherwise stay strong and steer well clear of her 1
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