ShyLove Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Over the summer I started liking a guy who I thought was cute but he was terribly shy. I basically had to give him 3 green lights before he made a move. He would say things like "oh if you like Sushi you should come to my area I know a lot of good sushi restaurants" but he wouldn't straight out ask me out. It was so bad that I asked members on another forum (all women) how to get him to ask me out. On that forum they're all about the guy has to do mostly everything from asking, planning the dates and initiating all contact until commitment. Then I come to mixed forums and realize a lot of guys don't like that way of thinking-so I came here. Anyway...he did ask me out and we began dating for a 2.5 months. He said he was afraid to ask me out because he wasn't sure if I liked him or if I was being nice because he felt that I was way out of his league -pretty, popular, stylish (his words). Yea he is kind of nerdy, he doesn't have that much of a fashion sense and he didn't drive the nicest car -girls who live in his area (rich beachy/snooty suburb) don't really give him the time of day simply bc of those things. But I liked him. He was really sweet and he makes a decent honest living. He's 31 btw. I made the mistake (according to male friends) of asking him where it was going around the 2.5 month. He gave me an "I don't know." and I kept my cool but I was livid on the inside especially after he told me all of those nice things. So I told him "ok that's cool since I don't know is not a yes I'm going to take it as a no and continue to look for someone that wants something serious but you're a really nice guy :)" This was 2 months ago. yes, now I realize I kinda of whined and was pushy about it but my thought was why stick around if someone is not sure?? Yes, I admit I let ego get in the way. I know. 3 days ago I sent him a message about an inside joke. I didn't really care what happened as it has been 2 months. He responded right away and told me about bad things happening (health and car accident) and I told him that I'm sorry to hear that and I'd still help him if he needed anything. He wrote back "Thank you I'm glad you texted. Hopefully good things are on the horizon now..". Do you think that this was a passive attempt or him just being nice? Compared to him my personality is strong and confident so as much as I like a man who does take the lead he pretty much makes up the perfect guy for me in every other way. I was planning on just waiting it out but given his shyness Idk if that is a good plan. Idk...I just don't know.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Sorry hun but you will be waiting a long long time. He is what he is. He will never ever "take the lead". He is only going to drag you down, stop wasting your time. This is why I didn't date shy guys...I can't handle someone not reciprocating or taking initiative....was way too frustrating. 3
Author ShyLove Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Awww I don't know why but I think shy guys are kind of endearing and genuine. But yes you are probably right. It may drive me crazy after awhile. Thank you for your time
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Ya they are sweet and cute at first....then you realize they are still a boy and not a man. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 A guy who takes the initiative is one who will pick you up, throw you over his shoulder, and carry you off to his cave as you kick and bite and wave your arms and scream for help. hehehe Dinner served at 8.
Author ShyLove Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Ya they are sweet and cute at first....then you realize they are still a boy and not a man. I guess that makes sense.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Ya they are sweet and cute at first....then you realize they are still a boy and not a man. THIS.. Listen to smackie. Shy passive guys will frustrate and bore you to death after awhile. I mean you already admitted that take charge assertive guys get your panties wet. Yet your holding out because she's such a "nice" guy in every other sense? Instead of settling and then dumping him for an actual man, why not just date one right now? 1
Versacehottie Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Time will tell. Don't hold your breath and keep moving on. Let him make the next move. You did an icebreaker that lets him know it's ok to talk to you. I think you handled your response great when he told you he wasn't sure. Your guy friends are right though; i also don't think you should have asked on just the basic facts you gave here but once you did you've handled well. See what the future holds and keep dating others. Good luck.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I totally understand why you had to ask, he doesn't show any sign, or emotion of progress, and you never will. ...because you are dating a guy that works out of a snail shell. What I always say is if you have to ask, you are not on the same page, and you are dating the wrong person.
Jejangles Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 This guy doesn't necessarily sound shy, he sounds like he has low self esteem and feels you're "better" than him. And in my experience as a fellow female, that is a recipe for disaster. I'm in my 30s and have my ish together - good job, own my home, travelled the world, decent looking. All things I would think would help me in the dating world. I routinely meet guys who are un / underemployed, living in a multiple roommate situation, haven't ever left our home country and who have a chip on their shoulder about it. And that's the problem - circumstances can change, but if they feel "less than" me, it won't work. I used to think "oh our differences don't matter, who they are as a person does". But I now walk away as soon as they reveal any sort of issue or concern about our relative life situations. And they always will, through little comments. Your guy has done it already. He wasn't sure if you liked him, thought you were out of his league, better things are on the horizon... He's telling you his ego / self esteem is not up to dating someone like you. Don't bother contacting him again.
thecrucible Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Some guys are like this. They think "if she wants to date me, she'd ask me herself" so they genuinely expect the woman to do all the asking and just leave it up to them. Maybe they think it'll protect them against rejection. Personally I think it leads to more rejection because the woman feels that the guy isn't very interested in them. One of my girlfriends at school was like this. I visited her once at her university and asked her what she was doing to make friends with her flatmates, like going out for drinks together and that sort of thing. She told me she didn't really initiate conversation with them because if they were interested in talking to her, they would. Then she would just stay in her room. I think her flatmates just assumed she wasn't interested in making friends with them . So thinking like that can get in the way of forming relationships with people. Personally I don't think this guy gave you much to reply to. He could have asked you a question about how you've been or started a thread of conversation rather than simply saying "hopefully good things are on the horizon".
Author ShyLove Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 He said that after we were already conversing for awhile But yea I definitely understand what you guys are saying. I'm shy too so I felt relaxed around him because we understood each other. My last boyfriend said I was awkwardly shy because I was quiet around his friends when he introduced me. He was a partier/alcoholic (yea really) so all of his friends were basically the same and thought it was odd that I didn't immediately begin telling my life story 5 minutes in That didn't last long lol But I do see where down the road it could be frustrating. So I'll just let it be. Thank you!
Recommended Posts