Karine26 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 That may be a far stretch in this situation but I'm letting you know that there are cases where the girl does this type of stuff on purpose. And according to my friends (and countless threads here) the guys try 1000 times harder to get their full attention so ... sad to say here but it seems to work in the girl's favor when they act like they don't fully care. I hope you figure this out My reply got cut off somehow but it began with me saying I have 2 girlfriends that actually do this on purpose because they know it throws the guy off when a girl doesn't want to stay over and it makes the guy try harder. They swear by it. They said it was advice given by some Tv show or dating book I can't remember where. I'll ask them. But yea...this is the advice that women are choosing to listen to. But in their defense it seems to be working for them so what can I really say.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 My reply got cut off somehow but it began with me saying I have 2 girlfriends that actually do this on purpose because they know it throws the guy off when a girl doesn't want to stay over and it makes the guy try harder. They swear by it. They said it was advice given by some Tv show or dating book I can't remember where. I'll ask them. But yea...this is the advice that women are choosing to listen to. But in their defense it seems to be working for them so what can I really say. I agree. There is also that games aspect. She threw the idea out there, also said something like "can have hot sex all Morning" and then totally backtracked. It does work I suppose. Like sort of I don't have all of her, and she is remaining mysterious. But for me it arouses my interest, but also makes me back off 1
katiegrl Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) My reply got cut off somehow but it began with me saying I have 2 girlfriends that actually do this on purpose because they know it throws the guy off when a girl doesn't want to stay over and it makes the guy try harder. They swear by it. They said it was advice given by some Tv show or dating book I can't remember where. I'll ask them. But yea...this is the advice that women are choosing to listen to. But in their defense it seems to be working for them so what can I really say. I recall reading or hearing that advice somewhere too! Basically the advice is .... keep the guy "on edge" and "off balance" (just a bit), and you keep him interested and coming back. If he feels too sure of you, he loses interest. This is at the beginning of course... later on down the road, ease up a bit. Not sure what I make of it though. Although when I first started dating my fiance, he came on super strong, texting, calling, wanting to see me all the time, and I had to put on brakes. Because as much as I liked him, it was all too much, too soon. We did "sleep" together though, on the nights we were together. Anyhoo, my attitide might have thrown him off balance, he never let on... But maybe there IS something to it...cuz we have been together 5+ and getting married next year... Edited October 25, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author oregon0011 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 I recall reading or hearing that advice somewhere too! Basically the advice is .... keep the guy "on edge" and "off balance" (just a bit), and you keep him interested and coming back. If he feels too sure of you, he loses interest. This is at the beginning of course... later on down the road, ease up a bit. Not sure what I make of it though. Although when I first started dating my fiance, he came on super strong, texting, calling, wanting to see me all the time, and I had to put on brakes. Because as much as I liked him, it was all too much, too soon. We did "sleep" together though, on the nights we were together. Anyhoo, my attitide might have thrown him off balance, he never let on... But maybe there IS something to it...cuz we have been together 5+ and getting married next year... I think this is what makes dating so confusing. It is hard to distinguish between "playing harder to get" and a genuine lowered attraction level. I sense she has pulled back too, but not sure if this is on purpose or she is losing attraction.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Well she started texting me at 8 am this morning... She mentioned wanting to see me tonight, but nothing was definite as of Saturday. I texted her let me know what your schedule is like and when you might be free this week... The total silence and no text for 10 hours...
jam.over.jelly Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Well she started texting me at 8 am this morning... She mentioned wanting to see me tonight, but nothing was definite as of Saturday. I texted her let me know what your schedule is like and when you might be free this week... The total silence and no text for 10 hours... She's keeping you on the back burner for sure.
carhill Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yep, don't text her again. The old sex hook strikes again. Sometimes, heck it seems most times, giving benefit of the doubt just shoots oneself in the foot. Ouch.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Yep, don't text her again. The old sex hook strikes again. Sometimes, heck it seems most times, giving benefit of the doubt just shoots oneself in the foot. Ouch. Just odd... It was one of those girls that is all over you from the first minute, making future plans, wanting to be with you non stop, then within a month somehow dissipates to this..
carhill Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 It can seem odd, but some people like surfing that emotional wave, then it troughs out, they offload and look for another one to catch. Hard to know for sure since we can't read minds but the sex quick thing is one telltale sign, when put together with the other stuff. If this is a glitch, she knows where to find you.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) It can seem odd, but some people like surfing that emotional wave, then it troughs out, they offload and look for another one to catch. Hard to know for sure since we can't read minds but the sex quick thing is one telltale sign, when put together with the other stuff. If this is a glitch, she knows where to find you. Yeah, definitelty not a glitch.. She was texting me Friday night to check up on me.. Saturday night in bed saying things like "it is getting cold, what will be do this winter"...Then text me this morning,(flirting texts) but when I do the normal thing and ask when she is free she goes dark... For me the biggest sign was the point of this thread.. Why did she never spend the night..She just seems emotionally unavailable.. Edited October 27, 2015 by oregon0011
phineas Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 So, you've never been to her place? If not, then i'd think she has a man she is living with or playing games. i'd just relax & keep myself busy, let her tell me when she is coming over to have sex. She may or she may not. If she does then don't mention her staying the night and maybe even give her the boot when your done. Tell her you need some sleep.
h0000 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 why doesn't she stay the night..hmmm... Just some random thought, have you ever seen her without makeup? 1
Karine26 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 What about an ex? When was her last relationship? Could you be a rebound?
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 It can seem odd, but some people like surfing that emotional wave, then it troughs out, they offload and look for another one to catch. Hard to know for sure since we can't read minds but the sex quick thing is one telltale sign, when put together with the other stuff. If this is a glitch, she knows where to find you. So now she texts me at 11pm, saying she didnt get home from work until 9;30..(place closes at 7) Telling me she is free Wednesday and she misses me.. All just pretty odd..
La Trese Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I actually am the type who would hate staying over at anyone's place: friends my parents or boyfriends unless I had all my stuff there and like planned it ahead of time. Honestly it could be as simple as she wants to stay, but then she realizes in the morning she wouldn't have fresh clothes, fresh underwear, wouldn't be able to change in pajamas, wouldn't be able to brush her teeth, cant wash her makeup off, doesn't have makeup to put on in the morning, yada yadda. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 In this case I think she is seeing other people. Her routine is usually to see me right after work, come over, and usually leave between 1030 and 1. She gets out of work the same time everyday. So yesterday she "went dark" when returning a tex for 10 hours and then texted ME at 11 saying she worked late etc. I understand the make up part and not having things here etc. That could be part of it, but I think the bigger picture is she is still seeing others.
carhill Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Expect a woman to be seeing/dating others and having sex with others unless and until clear evidence of monogamy voluntarily takes place. Heck I'm ancient and that was perfectly normal back in the 'old days'. I doubt it's any different now. Hence, you have a choice, either to accept the real as it exists now and wait for her or date and have sex with other women in accordance with your own dating and intimacy style. That she spent the night one time and then chose to leave after sex after that one time was an aspect which you chose to make remarkable and discuss. That's OK. Still, it was a choice. You can choose differently. Or the same. It's up to you.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Expect a woman to be seeing/dating others and having sex with others unless and until clear evidence of monogamy voluntarily takes place. Heck I'm ancient and that was perfectly normal back in the 'old days'. I doubt it's any different now. Hence, you have a choice, either to accept the real as it exists now and wait for her or date and have sex with other women in accordance with your own dating and intimacy style. That she spent the night one time and then chose to leave after sex after that one time was an aspect which you chose to make remarkable and discuss. That's OK. Still, it was a choice. You can choose differently. Or the same. It's up to you. No. Sorry for confusion. We got together 12 times and never once did she spend the night. (Everytime was a different reason why she had to drive home)She suggested she wanted to, but never followed through after several times I offered. So to me, we are closer than dating and having sex once or twice as we have been together many times and she told me she wasn't seeing anyone else. So now when she goes dark on me and texts me at 11pm for the first time, I am assuming she is sleeping with someone else and lying. Edited October 27, 2015 by oregon0011
ravfour4 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Sounds like she's unsure about you and losing interest. You should probably pull back a bit or just ask her what's up - "hey, before you said you wanted to stay, but now you never do. What's up?" . If you're too afraid that will end things, then continue as you have been.
stillafool Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 OP, I'll ask again, have you ever been to her place? Yes it definitely sounds like she's dating other guys too.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Sounds like she's unsure about you and losing interest. You should probably pull back a bit or just ask her what's up - "hey, before you said you wanted to stay, but now you never do. What's up?" . If you're too afraid that will end things, then continue as you have been. Yeah. I did pull back and not respond to her text for about 20 hours. She texted a few times and asked if I am free Wednesday. At this point I can just keep having good sex, or start questioning her. After 4 weeks not sure if this is too soon or not. Or maybe I need to multi date.
Author oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 OP, I'll ask again, have you ever been to her place? Yes it definitely sounds like she's dating other guys too. No I haven't been to her place. We both work a lot and I live by her work. She has roommates. Or so she says. This is always my conundrum. Once sex occurs, should monogamy be talked about/ understood. Do both people have the right to question everything? She might be seeing others. Playing a game. Losing interest. Or all three. It just seems if I start to pry and pry it comes off as needy and kills attraction.
ravfour4 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I was in a similar situation a week ago, one where we were getting intimate (no sex, but everything else and hanging out often for the past 2 months) but both were keeping our distance at the same time because we were afraid of getting hurt or really starting to like the other one only to not have it reciprocated. It was making me uncomfortable and unsure of her motives. After camping and a few too many drinks, she spilt the beans about what she was angry about. She thought I wasn't as interested for a handful of (incorrect) reasons. Once we talked it through, she's been completely open about liking me and shortly after we said we were exclusive and had sex. My point is, you can definitely have the conversation if you're feeling uncomfortable not having it. It made things much better for both of us in my situation. However, it's risky as it may expedite things ending, that being said, I think it's worth it unless you solely are interested in the sex. The sex will be much better if you know she's yours. That being said - she is acting sketchy and very well could be using you for sex while seeing other guys or a bf, but is too afraid to admit it and potentially sees something in you hence the flirty words 1
Author oregon0011 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Well I found out what is going on. We had plans for Wednesday that she initiated twice. Wednesday am I ask her what time is good. Takes her a while to reply. Then she says "everyone at work is sick. I might be getting sick. Let's keep in touch throughout the day" So I was irritated and told her. Turns out she was in a 3 yr relationship with a drug user. They have been broken up since march. The guy used to hit her, steal her money, wouldn't work etc. So she works two jobs to pay his bills as well. She also buys him groceries. She feels he will die if she totally leaves. She said she won't and can't abandon him. To me it is liked she is being pimped out and manipulated.
stillafool Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 No I haven't been to her place. We both work a lot and I live by her work. She has roommates. Or so she says. This is always my conundrum. Once sex occurs, should monogamy be talked about/ understood. Do both people have the right to question everything? She might be seeing others. Playing a game. Losing interest. Or all three. It just seems if I start to pry and pry it comes off as needy and kills attraction. If you are having sex with someone you definitely have the right to ask who else they are sleeping with. It's about your health at that point. 1
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