jaen Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Hello, I broke contact with my ex girlfriend about 5 weeks ago after I found that she was still seeing her ex boyfriend behind my back. I had no idea of this happening until I saw them with my own eyes. She said nothing to me and I just walked away from them. I had zero contact with her ever since. One big problem that I have is that we have a son together and because of this no- contact I have been unable to see him ever since as well. I did go to court last week to get a visitation plan/order for me to see him. I am going through alot of different emotions now. One day I am sad, another day I am angry and other days I just fee numb about this whole mess. I know there is a chance and reality of things not working between us. It just sucks that I fall under that category. I am having a hard time dealing with acceptance. The no-contact rule has not yield any result in my case. What to do now ?
Samuel_22 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Hello, I broke contact with my ex girlfriend about 5 weeks ago after I found that she was still seeing her ex boyfriend behind my back. I had no idea of this happening until I saw them with my own eyes. She said nothing to me and I just walked away from them. I had zero contact with her ever since. One big problem that I have is that we have a son together and because of this no- contact I have been unable to see him ever since as well. I did go to court last week to get a visitation plan/order for me to see him. I am going through alot of different emotions now. One day I am sad, another day I am angry and other days I just fee numb about this whole mess. I know there is a chance and reality of things not working between us. It just sucks that I fall under that category. I am having a hard time dealing with acceptance. The no-contact rule has not yield any result in my case. What to do now ? Well I would have said, ''don't judge her and see what she has got to say'' had she called you or established contact with you herself to put things across, has she not? I smell betrayal all over the place, and needless to say that, this story stinks to heaven. NC is for moving on and it is not supposed to do anything else, it is not going to bring about a miracle, nor is it supposed to make you feel any better in such a short interval. The hardest part is for sure not being able to see your son, I wager this one is really hard and brutal. Stick with the judicial procedure you are involved with, don't make any contact, let the law take care of your case. I know how it feels, I have been there myself, no kids involved, but still, it sucks. your feelings are really normal, my ex also left me for her ex about two and half months ago, and I still can't recognize my own feelings, I have to admit that I still prefer feeling numb to all other feelings I have had. The worst is anger, it was not anger it was literally rage in my case, well I brought it under control, and I feel numb most of the times, and sometimes sad. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. It's only been 5 weeks since the last point of contact. Moving on can be a long process and NC is a way to help you do so, There's no specific time frame, but I would say you'd need longer than a month to really start to feel detachment from the ex. Keep doing what you need to do to see your son. You did the right thing by going to court to arrange visitation and know your rights as the father. 1
Author jaen Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Hello, First of all, thanks for taking your time to provide advise. It helps during this time. My ex has not contacted me at all as of now. Is been about 5 weeks. I have done the no-contact 100% without good results. I have court for visitation rights for my son in about a week. She might try to make it harder for me to see my son or just make the process longer. I have stated to work on myself. I joined a gym a few days ago and I started going. ( not everyday, but I try ). I moved far from her home so I don't drive by or see her or them somewhere. Mentally I am working in regaining my self steem. I am becoming a more positive person. The one thing I have to confess is that I am doing some things for her. Something inside of me wants her to regret what she did once she sees a new me. Is this ok ? The one thing that I am very negative about is her reaching out to me and somehow magically apologize. Is not going to happen. One side wants to get her back, another side of me wants to see her being hurt as she did to me.
Kehv Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Since you got a son together you must have been together for quite a while, right? She never stopped seeing that ex of hers while in a relationship with you? Or did she contact him after a period of time with you? Was she with the ex before you? Could it be she never really got over him? I'm sorry to say but this woman is toxic. I feel bad for your son (and for you). I know you still want her back, it's natural to think that way in this stage. Whatever you do, don't chase this woman.
perol Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 When you say no contact is not working, what do you mean? Do you mean you're not feeling any better or do you mean that she hasn't come back? Because no contact is not a tool to try to manipulate someone to return to you by you acting in a particular way. Doing that is like using a hammer to drive a screw and wondering why it's not working. Even worse you haven't seen your child. That's just bad on so many levels. Is she preventing you from seeing your child? If so get an emergency court order allowing visitation. If she is allowing you to see your child but your own stubborness or warped understanding of no contact is preventing you from calling to set up a visitation, then get over it.
Author jaen Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Since you got a son together you must have been together for quite a while, right? She never stopped seeing that ex of hers while in a relationship with you? Or did she contact him after a period of time with you? Was she with the ex before you? Could it be she never really got over him? I'm sorry to say but this woman is toxic. I feel bad for your son (and for you). I know you still want her back, it's natural to think that way in this stage. Whatever you do, don't chase this woman. We were together for a while but then I left for the military. While I was gone we broke up. I met someone else and she did the same. I finished my military time and came back to town and she broke up with her ex. ( I had nothing to do with their breakup, it was their own thing ). We started seeing each other and I got the idea of getting back with her and raising our son together. She used to talk very badly about her ex and how he was not a good boyfriend. The shock I felt was seeing her with someone else and specially him after she talk so badly about him.
Author jaen Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 When you say no contact is not working, what do you mean? Do you mean you're not feeling any better or do you mean that she hasn't come back? Because no contact is not a tool to try to manipulate someone to return to you by you acting in a particular way. Doing that is like using a hammer to drive a screw and wondering why it's not working. Even worse you haven't seen your child. That's just bad on so many levels. Is she preventing you from seeing your child? If so get an emergency court order allowing visitation. If she is allowing you to see your child but your own stubborness or warped understanding of no contact is preventing you from calling to set up a visitation, then get over it. I am not feeling any better, I still miss her. I understand that NC is for me to move on but it has not worked. I try to stay busy by working, going to the gym, talking to friends. But when I am alone or when I wake up, she comes to mind. And that is what I don't want anymore. I have not not seeing my child in 2 months. I went to court last week and she told the judge that she needed a lawyer so the court date was moved to December 14, which is another 45 days of not seeing my son. There is no need for a lawyer. We have no domestic violence history, there is no abuse of any form. We have never live together. I have no mental issues, never been arrested, don't smoke or drink. Not perfect but I try to stay out of trouble. I just don't understand why she is delaying me having visitation with him. I am fighting for custody, just visitations.
Author jaen Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 She call me a few days ago. She asked me why I have blocked her from my phone. I gave her no answer. She asked questions like how I was doing, if I found another job. She told me that she has been not good. That alot of things are going bad in her life. I didn't ask her for details so I have no idea what kind of things she was talking about. I didn't ask her anything about her. She told me that she broke up with her ex. She gave no details because I also didn't ask her for any information. The conversation was very dry and boring. I only asked her about my son and how he was doing. Finally she said that she misses me which I said nothing. To be honest I stay quiet most of the conversation because I didn't know what to say. I don't know her intentions. I still have not called or text her. That was the only call from her and it was short and boring. I did see her at court but didn't talk at all. What do you guys make out of all this ?
parishes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 She wanted to see if you were still hung up on her. NC NC NC NC NC Don't tell her anything unless it involves talking about your son.
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