katiegrl Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Why so quick to jump into that conclusion? Have you considered there is a case 2 people genuinely like each other but still have a hard time to open up and feel connected emotionally? Hell it would even be easier for me if he just wants sex, I've met guys like that and I'm not stupid, I can tell the difference. But his actions and words show that he really cares, that's why it's hard for me to break it off. Like I said, you do whatever you need to do, what's right for you. You're the one dating him, not me. That said though, you have been telling us throughout this thread, your "gut" has been screaming something is off. Now you're defending him... and believe he cares, and just needs more time to feel emotionally connected, whatevs. How much more time do you think he needs? He doesn't appear to be getting closer, in fact he is becoming more distant! Did not invite you to party, not as affectionate, pulling back sexually, what more evidence do you need that he is just not feeling it ...not the way you need him to be anyway? You don't have to answer, just things to think about. Yes, breaking off any relationship is difficult and hurts. But what's the alternative? Staying in a relationship wherein you're kept off balance, insecure and on edge? That is not how relationships are supposed to be... and sorry, but if after three months, he is not feeling it, emotionally, it is extremely doubtful he ever will be. Proceed at your own risk. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Why so quick to jump into that conclusion? Have you considered there is a case 2 people genuinely like each other but still have a hard time to open up and feel connected emotionally? Hell it would even be easier for me if he just wants sex, I've met guys like that and I'm not stupid, I can tell the difference. But his actions and words show that he really cares, that's why it's hard for me to break it off. OP, I am confused. If you think he really cares, why do you think something is off? If that's the case, why create a thread? I don't mean that in a sarcastic or snarky way. I just genuinely don't understand the thought process throughout this thread.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I speak from experience....the best relationships I had were the ones where we were passionate and very emotionally connected right off the bat. The ones that didn't really get off the ground, ended after a few months. And for me it makes sense. Having that attraction that lights everything up is the best feeling ever. I wouldn't settle for less ever again. 1
oldshirt Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 After 3 months and you are not crawling over each other, excited about each other and have deep conversations til 4 am, it's not going to happen. Agree. 3 months usually isn't enough time to know if someone is "the one" or not, but it is certainly long enough to know when someone isn't. 1
Author pcs13 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) Ok so that's how I feel but with him I still act cool. He asked me to go to the cinema tonight and the film festival with him this weekend. Yesterday we had a very fun conversation via texts as well. I'm starting to feel confident again but there are still some concerns in the back of my mind. I'm conflict I know but relationships are not always black and white. I did ask him why men don't ask questions anymore after dating for a while and he picked up the hint and started to ask me more questions to keep our conversation going. I feel like he wants to make it work as much as I want so I'm not sure what to do. And it's not like there was never chemistry. There is a reason for us to keep seeing each other for 3 months (the first month we only had 2 dates though). The first time I saw his photos I was really excited and felt something familiar about him. We were both very nervous the first few dates, even after sex he said he doesn't know why everytime he sees me he gets nervous like the first date. But we talked about it and got more comfortable but haven't reached the point where we feel connected emotionally. We talked about deep stuff sometimes but it's often short. I was very straightforward, told him I know he's not sure about a relationship and I do have the same feeling but I like him so much I'm willing to give it a try. But if he still think that he can never feel it with me then we can call it quits and I respect that.he then told me he doesn't want to lead me on but why not give it a little more time and see how it goes. If he doesn't want me he would have just call it quits right? He is a decent guy I'm sure he is with me not just for sex. Edited October 26, 2015 by pcs13
joseb Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 So this is the real problem. Not the texting. If you can't see him becoming your boyfriend and he still isn't sure after 3 months, I think you're wasting your time. I'm not sure what more you need to know really. You gave it a shot, and don't really feel much for each other from the sounds of it. I don't think it's anything to do with texting. It's basic incompatibility. Just the title of you post is enough to say it's done.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 OP, why are you still having doubts about him after three months? What is it about him that is making you feel so hesitant? If he liked you and wanted to make you his girlfriend, would you still feel this way? I'm trying to work out whether you have genuine concerns about your compatibility with him, or if you're doubting him as a reaction to him not being sure about you. Your posts make it sound as though you really like him and want more, but then you turn around and say you can't see him being your boyfriend. So which is it?
Author pcs13 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 I don't know why I still have doubts about him. After 3 months of dating, I want to feel that closeness and emotional connection with him like what I used to have with my ex. I go on dates a lot but there are not many guys that I really have feelings for like him and no one has ever made me laugh so hard like him (even my ex). I don't want to give us up. What really bugs me is not him being unsure about us but the lack of emotional connection. Someone on here used to say that it takes years to build... I'm trying to take things less serious and just focus on enjoying what we have at the moment. Yesterday we had a very lovely date without sex. He talked a bit more and when the date finished he wanted to take a walk just to spend more time with me. But he still acted so nervous like it was our first date WHICH he shouldn't be! What can I do to make him feel more comfortable??
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