My bf calls out his first gf's name and has a locket of her

[Rowena91]

I'm not sure if I should be concerned about this. My bf and I've (I'm 24 and he's 23) have been dating for 5 months and sometimes stayed at each other's house for a few days.

 

During those times, he has called out Sheryl a bunch of times in his sleep and one day, I accidentally noticed in his closet, a locket of her (along with ''Sheryl'' carved on it) hidden in an old shoe box.

 

This girl according to others, was his former Senior HS sweetheart whom he lost his v-card to, she broke up a week before the prom and at the time he was trying to get back with her. Anyway, he supposely got over her and has had a couple other relationships since. The problem is he only calls out her name in his dreams and only has that picture of her; he has no pictures of his other gfs.

 

I'm I right to be somewhat irritated and concerned?

[kilgore]

I'm not sure if I should be concerned about this. My bf and I've (I'm 24 and he's 23) have been dating for 5 months and sometimes stayed at each other's house for a few days.

 

During those times, he has called out Sheryl a bunch of times in his sleep and one day, I accidentally noticed in his closet, a locket of her (along with ''Sheryl'' carved on it) hidden in an old shoe box.

 

This girl according to others, was his former Senior HS sweetheart whom he lost his v-card to, she broke up a week before the prom and at the time he was trying to get back with her. Anyway, he supposely got over her and has had a couple other relationships since. The problem is he only calls out her name in his dreams and only has that picture of her; he has no pictures of his other gfs.

 

I'm I right to be somewhat irritated and concerned?

definitely concerned (irritated I don't know bc he is not aware of it). You should bring it up with him

[acrosstheuniverse]

If it's just in his sleep (the locket thing is normal, to hold onto keepsakes, sounds like he had it stashed away, were you snooping), I wouldn't worry too much but I'd mention it. Something like 'honey, you were calling out the name 'Sheryl' in your sleep last night, what's that all about?' and just let him talk, see what he says.

 

If he says something like 'Sheryl? That's weird, she's my first girlfriend, but I don't know why I'd be thinking about her' then I'd say you can let it go. If he gets super defensive however, and gets annoyed at you asking, if he acts like he doesn't know of a Sheryl, then maybe something more is going on. But I wouldn't stress it until you've brought it up.

[d0nnivain]

The locket stashed away is fine. If it was in his night stand & he looked at it all the time that would be different.

 

 

Mention to him that he says her name in his sleep. He may have unresolved feelings for her but it's been what. . 6 years?

[sandylee1]

Common.....you didn't accidently notice the locket. You were snooping in his stuff. Unless you were looking to wear a pair of his shoes.

 

Back to your question.......I'd mention it to him. "You were calling out Sheryl last night and you've done it a couple of other times. Is everything okay - anything I need to know"

[mystikmind2005]

That kind of dream means his subconscious mind is still trying to process the loss of that love.

 

Might be an idea to research on the internet how to move on, there might be things he can do that will help?

 

You may also need to give him some space - not as in break up, but avoid smothering.

[CarrieT]

Habit.

 

Like a Dad calling kids' the others' names. Or the occasion where my new husband called me by his ex-wife's name.

 

It happens.

[jen1447]

I'd give him a break. Sometimes the psychological trauma of breakups can be profound, and making unreasonable demands like "get over it"- for your sake - is ....unreasonable. You wouldn't demand he stop walking with a limp for your sake if he broke his leg 6 years ago.

[pteromom]

1 - don't look in his old shoe boxes. Those are his.

 

2 - if he calls out a name in his sleep, bring it up first thing next morning.

 

I can understand the emotional response being one of concern and jealousy, but you need to let logic take over. He's done nothing wrong here.

[blackcat777]

The subconscious is a gnarly place.

 

Don't judge him for his subconscious activities--gauge how he consciously replies to your inquiry of what you heard in his sleep, as others have said.

 

I still occasionally have nightmares about people I haven't seen in 15 years. I once had a dream I sawed my cats in half and tried to put them back together, but reattached the wrong back half to the wrong cat and panicked because he couldn't walk properly. I'm glad my boyfriend doesn't suspect I'm an animal abuser because of some absolute dream nonsense (I wuv my kitties ).

[newmoon]

it can happen. i wouldn't be too concerned or worried, especially if there are no other issues. i wouldn't even mention it, i don't see the point in doing so. if he's asleep when he says it he is completely unconscious of it and shouldn't be faulted for that. you work through issues/troubles in dreams and sleep and i don't see this being a problem.

[Rowena91]

Will talk to him about it next time he calls out her name in his dream.

 

I know I shouldn't be snooping around but guessing seeing such an old shoe box got me curious, couldn't help it.

[Rowena91]

I'd give him a break. Sometimes the psychological trauma of breakups can be profound, and making unreasonable demands like "get over it"- for your sake - is ....unreasonable. You wouldn't demand he stop walking with a limp for your sake if he broke his leg 6 years ago.

Having an physical impairment due to an accident is different from a break-up. If a relationship didn't work out, I think at some point you're suppose to move on because it's not fair for the other person.

[bachdude]

I would cut him some slack on this.

 

He didn't do anything wrong or unethical. I doubt people have a whole lot of control over what they say in their sleep.

 

And holding on to a locket of hers might just be for sentimental reasons. That relationship is part of his past and makes him what he is today. He probably has very fond memories of her and removing the locket from his collection of keepsakes isn't going to change that anyway.

 

But since you are concerned and feel irritated, I would definitely talk with him about it. I wouldn't blame him for anything.

[jen1447]

Having an physical impairment due to an accident is different from a break-up. If a relationship didn't work out, I think at some point you're suppose to move on because it's not fair for the other person.

 

That assumes the ability to move on is easy and guaranteed. It's not. For some ppl, that sort of trauma is as serious as a grave physical injury or disease.

 

So it'd be like saying if someone has cancer, they should get over it bc it's not fair for the other person.

[MidwestUSA]

My husband has called me by both of his ex wives names, while awake. One was from back in high school (30 years ago), and the marriage only lasted a year. None of it fazes me; it happens.

 

He's much more likely to scream 'f***!' in his sleep. Now that's unnerving.

[kilgore]

My husband has called me by both of his ex wives names, while awake. One was from back in high school (30 years ago), and the marriage only lasted a year. None of it fazes me; it happens.

 

He's much more likely to scream 'f***!' in his sleep. Now that's unnerving.

 

That made me lol

[Tayla]

If I yell out Bingo in my dreams, doesnt mean I won anything.

 

Heck my one bf and I both had ex spouses,,, and after a few snafus of calling their names... we finally reverted to knicknames, it resolved and kept us both in the here and now...

 

Be glad he isnt shouting out his moms name or the postmans name... be berry afrayed if that would be the case