GL009 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Hi, I'm single mum with a young child. I've been dating a man for the past 4 years and I'm getting fed up. I have a good income and do not expect him to support me, but it seems like he has overstepped acceptable behaviours in a relationship, here are the facts: - He claims to be a multi-millionaire, & brags to my friend that he and I do not need to work - he is from a foreign country, so has been staying at my place whenever he is here, which may be 6-8 months at a time, but never contributes to household spending - he claims to love me and wants to grow old with me but refuses to accept my child, said he would never provide for my child since it's my ex's responsibility ( he knows my ex does not contribute anything) -every time he goes out with me & my child I have to pay for everything from transport, his entrance ticket, food for all of us - he said he paid vast amount of money for his dad's heart operation and need short term cash, so I loaned some money to him which is never mentioned again - I fell pregnant twice, he said He does not want to have any kids, and gave me ultimatium to terminate. I told him he has responsibilities towards the baby, he said I would never be able to find him or hear from him again if I had the baby. He even asked me to pay 1/2 of the abortion fee. - he generally ignores my child when he stays at my place except to yell at her. He said I failed to discipline my child and I have an annoying brat. He is a great lover, physically affectionate, he is extremely intelligent, I came out of a loveless marriage of 10 years, and he made me feel like the sexiest woman alive. He lost his job and lost a lot of his wealth, I told myself I have a good salary and do not need to focus on the small things. But the stinginess makes me feel like he is taking advantage of me as I need to provide for my child & pay off my mortgage. I have been thinking about breaking up with him, but he was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and said he has no reason to go through treatment except knowing I'm waiting for him. I feel the relationship has carried on for so long because I was craving for physical affection, but it has run its course due to his stinginess, ruthless treatment of me during pregnancy, plus not accepting my child, but feel terrible about breaking up whilst he faces stage 4 cancer. I want to be compassionate without tying myself to this relationship any longer. And how common & acceptable are his behaviours in a relationship in terms of money?
madjac74 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 He told you he has stage 4 cancer and you believe him? It sounds like a pity party excuse to keep you hooked for a bit longer so he can continue to use you. I can just picture him now throwing in the occasional fake cough when you discuss your relationship 2
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 He is a first class con artist. Dump him and don't look back. Waving red flags... He claims to be a multi millionaire, but can't pay when you go out. He loans money from you. He ignores your child He said he'd disappear if you kept the baby Now he says stage 4 cancer...I don't believe it for a minute Do you really know him. His real name. If he has other kids? Has a wife or GF? Does he have a job? Do some digging....this guy isn't genuine...He's using you and be careful that he's not doing more. How does he come to be a multi millionaire? Have you met any of his friends or family ? A quick way to see him go - is to say you are pregnant again and are keeping it this time. You know he's not interested in kids and as he previously told you he would disappear - that's brought the relationship to an end. The fact that he can disappear from your life - shows that you don't know enough about him. 3
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Just to add.. Don't allow him to yell at your daughter. He has no right and your daughter will resent you putting him over her. Why is he bragging when he's broke. The sex is not worth being used . Let him grow old with someone else. Please wake up and smell the coffee. Ask him....... What type of cancer What's the treatment plan. When does treatment begin Where is he having treatment What's the name of his oncologist How did the diagnosis come about What hospital is he under What's the prognosis Ask him not in an interrogation style...but as though you care and are concerned.......make up a story about an imaginary colleague with cancer and use that to bring the conversation round to him.... I'll bet you don't get straight quick response. I wish I was your friend...........I'd be round there and have his lies exposed in a flash. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 No. None of the rest of it is acceptable but the glaring red flag is what he's like with your daughter. You're a MOM. You and the kid are a package. The second he yelled at her for no reason or told you he'd never accept her you should have bolted. That's not what mature, adult, responsible men do. Why are you putting this waste of space above your child, who has done nothing to deserve it? 4
StBreton Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) OP ...I know it's difficult to be a single mom ... But it's you're number one job to protect your child ...to put her first. You are failing. What you are experiencing is not normal. Guys usually put you first ...and they try to show their love by being loving to your children. This man shows contempt for you and your child. I, too, am a single mom. My one experience dating and introducing my children to someone I dated ...the guy would take us all out to dinner ... I didn't expect him to pay but he did. This man is not only cruel to your child but taking money from this child. Instead of loaning money to this user and loser ...you could be putting that money into an educational account for her. I can only think you must be so desperate for someone that you've become blinded to your situation. Have you no parents or good friends who know about your situation and told you this is not acceptable? Why would you allow this person to be cruel to your child by ignoring her? To take money from you?? Why do you have loyalty to this person when they've shown you zero loyalty?? There are so sea of red flags in your story ... Get rid of this guy pronto. Tell him you need the money you lent him and then break it off. He's nothing but a grown child himself and you his meal ticket. Be a mom ...but only to your child ...not this man. Let his family support him during his supposed illness. Edited October 25, 2015 by StBreton
spanz1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 are you just looking for us to abuse you on here? you can not be that deluded in real life, can you? Obviously you are acting foolishly. get a restraining order on this lout, and cut off all contact. Maybe get his visa revoked too.
Author GL009 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Just to add.. Don't allow him to yell at your daughter. He has no right and your daughter will resent you putting him over her. Why is he bragging when he's broke. The sex is not worth being used . Let him grow old with someone else. Please wake up and smell the coffee. Ask him....... What type of cancer What's the treatment plan. When does treatment begin Where is he having treatment What's the name of his oncologist How did the diagnosis come about What hospital is he under What's the prognosis Ask him not in an interrogation style...but as though you care and are concerned.......make up a story about an imaginary colleague with cancer and use that to bring the conversation round to him.... I'll bet you don't get straight quick response. I wish I was your friend...........I'd be round there and have his lies exposed in a flash. Thanks for taking time to reply. Deep down I knew something wasn't right, but hate confrontation, and I always Put in my best effort to make a relationship work, prob why my marriage lasted so long as well. I ended up spending most time alone with my child & limited any contact he had with her. I know this seems too compromising, at least if I have given my best and it does not work out, I'm at peace and would not look back & wonder what if. his cancer is most likely real, he had stage 1 & 2 cancer 5-6 years ago, this is a relapse. The bizarre thing is all the most devastating things happened to him, on the day I found out about my first pregnancy and he was pushing me for termination, his mother passed away suddenly the same night, for my 2nd prenanxy, on the day I had the abortion, he got laid off without prior warning. And then a week or so ago, the day I told him I wanted to break up, within 2 hours his doctor called for an appointment that his annual checkup & biopsy results showed advanced cancer. He begged for a 2nd chance, I told him I will pray for his healing & recovery but it is over. now just a couple of hours ago, he sent through pictures, his car ran into a deer & was crushed by a oncoming truck. The car was split in half, but he managed to walk away unscathed. I'm not sure what to make of all this, he was not a very kind & generous man, but I did care about him and certainly do not wish upon him such suffering & bad luck. I'm over the relationship now, and have gained some wisdom & life lesson, I have the support of friends/family, and all the caring people in this forum as well. He is not my responsibility, and it's hard to like him given his bravado, stinginess, and ruthlessness, It still bothers me to see all the suffering and bad luck he is going through.
SJS Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 He doesn't want to go through his cancer alone so that's why he's begging for you to stay with him. Stage 4 cancer is survivable. How will he treat you then? I know you said you're done with the relationship, but you will need to completely cut ties with him or he will take advantage of your niceness.
sandylee1 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Did you meet his mother before she died? Do you know for a fact 100% sure that he had cancer? Believe me people do lie about these things. Everything about him is dodgy. Now he's survived this 'deer accident' . I'm sorry but I don't believe his story one bit. He's getting to be like a cat with 9 lives. Cut him out of your life and NEVER take up with a man who won't accept your child and treat her with kindness and respect. You need to make a mental list of qualities in anyone you date and don't settle for less. 1
joseb Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Either he is a con artist and making all this up to fool you, or you have too much time-consuming your hands and are wasting peoples time. Only you know which one is true. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Well, lets assume for a moment he is not a con artist.... If i was in your position, i would tell him straight to his face that i am too busy feeling sad about the abortions to care what happens to him. He made that bed, time to reap the reward, which is to die alone. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 He tells you that the sky is green and you're trying to figure out where he can get new glasses... He is a compulsive liar.... everything he tells you is a lie. I can't believe you let yourself get used by this for years on end. Sex isn't that hard to find... you need to move on, NOW!
pteromom Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Ewww ewww ewww. I don't know him and he disgusts me! Not accepting your daughter is a dealbreaker. All the rest of the dealbreakers don't even matter, although there are a whole litany of them. The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to RUN, not walk, away from this disgusting pig loser manipulator. If his cancer is real, which I doubt, you still bear no responsibility for it. He isn't supportive of you as a mom; you don't need to be responsible for him either. And it breaks my heart he forced you to have 2 abortions. Eww. I need Lysol just reading about him. I have no idea how you allow him to touch you.
spiderowl Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Totally unacceptable. He lacks compassion and generosity. By generosity, I don't mean he will spend a fortune on you, but sharing and helping each other is what it's all about. His stinginess would have put me off from the start. I don't expect a guy to spend money on me but my family were always generous to friends and family and I am too. I can't imagine being with a guy like yours; he would just seem too authoritarian, selfish, insensitive and small-minded for me.
Author GL009 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Quick question, all the posts about lying and con artist got me thinking, I downloaded the car accident photo he sent me from early this week (supposedly happened last weekend) and looked into photo property, it said it was taken on an Olympus camera in Feb 2007. Does this mean the photo could not be from last weekend? And this may be a random photo downloaded from Internet?
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) No. It's kinda strange you even have to ask. The time/date stamp on a pic, in & of itself, is not any sort of infallible evidence. Edited October 27, 2015 by Clarence_Boddicker
preraph Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Look, I don't know how to break it to you, but your man is a pathological liar and con artist and opportunist. Please, you now this isn't right. He is not rich. If he was, he isn't sharing. He's not all in with the child. It's not good. It's bad. Time to leave before he cons you into something you'll really regret.
No_Go Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Look, you know the answer!!! The guy IS A CON ARTIST and you know it, that's why ALL the coincidences. I've been with the same type of person an it sounds soooooooo familiar. I'm not going to get tired to show this link to LS-ers, the memory of this experience of mine still haunts me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/504300-break-up-live-mooching-boyfriend Regardless, I escaped and swallowed the money that this piece of sh*t mooched off from me, believe me his stories were as endearing as the ones of your "BF". Get rid of him, for the sake of your future, get rid of him ASAP, if you need to think of a strategy how to do it, ask here, people have good ideas... Please keep in mind con artists strive on pity... and lack empathy... Evaluate his actions in that light and they'll start making sense... Quick question, all the posts about lying and con artist got me thinking, I downloaded the car accident photo he sent me from early this week (supposedly happened last weekend) and looked into photo property, it said it was taken on an Olympus camera in Feb 2007. Does this mean the photo could not be from last weekend? And this may be a random photo downloaded from Internet?
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