chrisinhidef Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Okay here goes, on August 1st my girlfriend of just over a year left me, she was truly the love of my life. I felt like my life was over, I still dont know for sure why she did it, there was so many unanswered questions, she did it over text which I dont mind she texted me the dreaded "we have to talk", i knew right then what that meant because Ive been there before, and i wasnt going to sit home awaiting impending doom. Anyway, we had a really good relationship for the most part good, I mean every relationship has its problems but moving on, the last month we were dating she had become distant going out with her friends and not coming home when she said she would, it really felt like I was the last person on the planet she wanted to spend time with she had just gotten a car so it felt like she didnt need me anymore. she started dating this other guy almost immediately after the break up, it really stung, I mean there has been sleepless nights my stomach in knots, going to the bathroom frequently at work so no one would see me cry, its horrible, its been almost 3 months and Im still having a hard time with it. I went no contact for 3 weeks then on August 20th I decided to write her a hand written letter, I told her how I felt and how there was some things I wish I had done differently. That was on a Thursday, Monday I got a text from her saying that she wants to talk. She said that she was questioning some things and she felt takin for granted by me, that was not true I loved her and was always supportive and listened to her. Anyway, she told me that she truly loved me and that her new relationship was not the same as with me and that she doesnt love him, and that my letter really had her thinking about me. I told her that I wanted to try again and she was very wishy washy. if she truly loved me then why throw it away? why wouldnt she talk to me?, we always said communication was always important and she bottled. she claimed to have talked to me about things I racked my brain trying to figure out when, all i could come up with is a few subtle hints in passing that at the time didnt really seem like a big deal oh and by the way THATS NOT TALKING ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS! We met for coffee a few days later I told her again that I wanted to try again and she said that she didnt know how she felt about it and we continued talking and at the end we had a hug that lasted for about 2 minutes, I didnt want to let go and it seemed like she didnt want to either, we went our seperate ways. Over the next few days I would get texts from her ranging from "I want to stop by I really want to see you and Im horny" to "maybe im thinking about you more than I should". You know both positive ones and negative ones. She continued to text me, sometimes apologizing for what she had said in previous texts and at this point im getting sick of these games and I told her its fine and that I accept it, she said,....please dont say that. Every time she had a problem or felt ****ty in her life she would text me and say "I need you" I asked why wouldnt she talk to her boyfriend about it she said that its not the same and she feels way more comfortable with me. to me thats just another reason why she should be with me, she said that we should just be friends for now but not forever, WTF! This is making no sense to me at all. It felt like she was keeping me on the sidelines and I was in a love triangle and I wasnt going to do that to myself so for the sake of not compromising my self respect I decided to change my phone number. I have not heard from her since, I sent her a facebook message one night about a month later when i was drinking and all i put in the message was her name, she responded immediately I froze I realized what I was doing and realized that it wasnt a good time for this she kept messaging me saying "whats up" and tried to get me to say something but I just couldnt, I just miss her so much the real her not the girl that she turned into in the last month of our relationship, I know thats not really her she just seems so confused about everything to me. I dont know if I should try to get her back, part of me feels like I can but the other part of me feels that maybe her and the new guys relationship has progressed to the point where I have no chance and i would be setting myself up for another let down but I feel like I'll always regret it if I dont at least try but I did try the first time around, I feel like this is a rebound for her and itll pass but IDK. I mean things are getting easier and Ive thought about finding someone else but I really cant imagine being with anyone else but her and I dont really want to either. Ive had other girlfriends in the past and they never had an affect on me like this when the relationships ended, she was truly my soul mate and I just dont know what to do, its so hard for me, I always imagined getting married and having a family she was truly my rock and made me a better person. Since the breakup, I refuse to let negativity into my life and as a result I got a SUBSTANTIAL pay increase at work, I fixed my credit, got a second car, made leaps and bounds into cutting my debts, lost weight, cut down on smoking cigarettes, building a nice little nest egg, and will most likely being obtaining property of some type in the spring on 2017. All these things are going great for me but its just not the same without Erin, I would give up everything I worked so hard for and start from the beginning again if it meant that I could have one more day with her. I know that sounds crazy but Ive never been this heartbroken in my whole life, so thats my story. any insight would be greatly appreciated. I really diudnt know where else to turn I have these feelings of frustration bottled up with no outlet for it so I decided to give this a try. Thanks again for reading.
futureglory263 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 hey man. i totally get how you feel...right now there's only one thing that will make you feel better, but you can't have it =/ and people will tell you, "don't worry there's plenty of fish in the sea.." and the only thing that you will feel in your heart is, "I just wanted that fish.." I hear you! I think though that it would be the best thing to try and move on from this point on... But I think that you already know that deep down. as it is, she seems to have changed from the person that you knew as a gf, and has been giving you further heartache after the breakup as well from leading you on/sending mixed signals. And yes, you might have that desire in your heart to "try one more time," but there comes a point where you need to decide finally in your heart that what's done is done. As you have already changed your phone number, you should also remove her from your facebook or deactivate your fb account. It is quite difficult to remain friends after a breakup, and emotionally speaking it is unwise. If you continue to reach out to her, or let her dwell in your heart, it will only continue to bring you down emotionally. So what can you do? Just what you have been doing.. continue to focus on what's important in your life- your family, work, health, finances. It sounds like you are making a lot of strides in those areas =) Take some time for yourself and don't feel pressured to find yourself dating again. Wishing you all the best.
Author chrisinhidef Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 thank you,...I really appreciate it. yea my plan is to just keep doing what I'm doing, I pretty much accepted the fact that its over. I dont deserve to be treated this way, after all this i still muster up the energy to get out of bed and still love myself. I love my ex,....with everything that I am but when I really think about it. I have a really good life. I have a good job, and good friends and people who love me. I do have that feeling that she will contact me again because I'm sure that this new guy is a rebound as it exhibits every single one of the signs and they can last up to six months from what i'm told, nevertheless I wish her the best. I'm also told by a mutual friend that she does not seem happy, and is showing signs of regret. I ran into her father at auto zone (who loved me!) was saying how great it was to see me I looked great and he wishes I was still in his familys life. that made me feel good I really loved her family a lot, because i received a lot of love and hospitality from them, I had a much different upbringing than her, my family loved me but we never showed it, we werent a "feelings" kind of family. She also had 4 kids and thats a lot of kids,...I loved every single one of those kids, they were a piece of her. I was looking forward to being a father figure to them throughout life because theyre real father is for lack of a better word, a loser. I'm sure she'll see how much i've grown as a person and that I dont need her to be happy and I am willing to talk to her. However I will NOT be a doormat, I refuse to let this happen again. I really truly believe that this is a phase for her or maybe an early mid life crisis, shes drinking a lot, going out every chance she gets and think she just got bored with the routine life that people at our age have as we are approaching our mid 30s. I've tried thinking of things for us to do but she didnt want to do them with me she'd prefer to do them with friends, I really tried. I'm giving myself to the end of the year to finish grieving, this really hit me hard. If nothing happens with her by the end of the year (im not holding my breath by any means) I've decided to go and find someone else, someone who genuinely wants to be with me for who I am and deserves me.
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