teardrop Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 This is my first time here and I am hoping that you all can shed some light on my situation. My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. We work very closely with one another as well. The first week was very difficult. But I've managed to focus on work while there. We have went out a few times and had the best of time. I have given him space to be with his friends and do the things that he enjoys - without me. I'm older than him and my social circle is not as elaborate as his. But I have been spending a lot of time with my boys. Everything was going well up until this weekend. He asked me to go out on Sat night and in a nutshell we didn't - we "debated" on the phone about nothing!! I couldn't get a word in edgewise - everytime I tried to validate my views, he freaked out. He went away with a few of his buddies for a few days and he has called and left messages. But I'm just so confused right now. He has basically told me that if him and I are going to work, it's going to be "long and slow" because he is still angry with me. Why is he angry? I had had an online "thing" (if you want to call it that) with this guy BEFORE we entered our relationship. I spoke to this online guy a few times during my relationship. But our conversations were basically "hi, how are you, how's life" etc. Well my boyfriend broke into my system, downloaded to a disc all my files from yahoo messenger (I archived), uploaded them to his computer and used the yahoo decoder to read everything I ever said to this man. Keep in mind, this "thing" was BEFORE we ever met. Anyways, he says he can't get past that but that he only loves me and doesn't want anyone else. How should I act? I mean, I was pissed that he did this but that was about 6 months ago. I'm over it ... he just keeps bringing it up saying I lied to him and cheated. I admit I didn't get into what I had with this guy prior to us because who really wants to know all the intimate details of your past. I'm so sad right now because he said hurtful things to me before he went away and I know I came across as iritating to him by wanting to resolve whatever started this crazy mess the other day. I just wanted to go our with me Sat night as we had planned. I feel like an idiot because I can't communicate my thoughts to him without him thinking I'm picking a fight. I'm sorry if this sounds all over the place - I guess it's just mirroring my life right now.
moimeme Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Well my boyfriend broke into my system, downloaded to a disc all my files from yahoo messenger (I archived), uploaded them to his computer and used the yahoo decoder to read everything I ever said to this man. Keep in mind, this "thing" was BEFORE we ever met. Anyways, he says he can't get past that but that he only loves me and doesn't want anyone else. Can you say 'stalker'? This guy is BAD news. Really, he's no loss. Drop him and run - fast!
Author teardrop Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I beg to differ there! I know what he did was wrong and so does he. He actually confronted me about this guy a few times and I was the one who said I don't speak to him anymore. I guess I "fibbed" because I felt as though a simple "hi how are you" was not having contact with him. This guy continually would contact me and I tried to avoid him. But because I developed a bond with him, I felt bad. The bond I created with him was more of a "work" thing than anything - looking back on it. I mean, at one time, I liked him. But found out he was married with kids - and I lost alot of repect for him. I continued a "platonic relationship with him for a few years because we studied and worked at the same thing - graphic/web design. I was new to the field - he owned his own company. His insights and knowledge helped me land the position I am in today ... so I thank him for that - though not really saying it to him. When I stumbled upon a problem at work and nobody could help me, I didn't immediately turn to him (one time I think). I liked his outlook - even though he was at times a little agressive with me. I just was trying to be nice and adult by saying hi and then saying I had to go. The fact that my boyfriend acted upon this is really not his fault because in a way I guess I didn't me truthful to him when he asked if I still talk to him. In my mind "still talking to him" was the online thing we had years before. I considered him a friend - despite his ultimate intentions. When I learned of this behaviour my ex did, I became defensive ... but soon after I realized his jealousies and insecurities got the best of him - and I accepted that because I, too, have been down that road. I forgive him ... and I want to forget about it (no big deal now). But he can't and therefore his trust issues with me have depleted. Never in my life would I ever cheat on this man ... and he knew that up until this point. Now he thinks everytime I log on my internet that is what I'm doing. I feel guilty and saddened by this because, if I could change the clock I would. I'll admit I am not a perfect woman. But I do have self respect. I would never intentionally hurt him ... but too late for that.
Merin Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 All I can tell you is this... If this online deal was BEFORE you met your BF and he's STILL pissed about it, then yeah for real he's got some problems... If it's that your BF knows you were STILL talking to this Guy (since you've been with him) in a romantic way and feels he can't trust you because he has evidence of this, and it was done with intent then maybe he has a reason to be mad. With that said, I'll tell you that I ended a 2 year relationship because My EXBF was straight up crazy... he was actually mad at me for ALL relationships I had PRIOR to him.. He dwelled on them and wanted to discuss them at length... this included even relationships I had when I was in High School. Just like you, I would never cheat on him (or anyone for that matter) BUT he couldn't get past the idea that I had a life BEFORE I met him and it ate him up.... IF this is the case with your BF, I'm just going to say Best of luck in changing his mind...
bstill Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 "Never in my life would I ever cheat on this man ... and he knew that up until this point. Now he thinks everytime I log on my internet that is what I'm doing. I feel guilty and saddened by this because, if I could change the clock I would. I'll admit I am not a perfect woman. But I do have self respect. I would never intentionally hurt him ... but too late for that." What did you do that hurt him? Was it only that he found out about this guy? Do you talk to this guy? Have you told him you had a boyfriend you thought was wonderful and all you wanted? Did you tell your boyfriend he was wonderful and all you wanted? "I considered him a friend - despite his ultimate intentions." Do you still consider your internet guy a friend? I've heard this and it makes me a little angry when I've heard it, like why would you consider someone a friend who used a friendly facade to make a go at your panties? I think you've done okay with everything, and its very childish of you boyfriend to hold this over your head like he is doing. I used to be a little like that, and I did it because it slightly manipulative; I was able to avoid a lot of responsibility in arguement becuase I had the old reliable mistake she made awhile back to escape into.
FolderWife Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Ok, he BREAKS INTO YOUR YAHOO ARCHIVES and pulls out everything you ever said to a PAST LOVER!? AND THEN DUMPS YOU OVER IT?! This guy's an idiot! And you're not much better for wanting him back! He didn't trust you. He invaded your privacy. He broke up with you over your PAST. and he's trying to string you along!? Get rid of him!
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