halebopp Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I’ve been dating a guy since July, and I’ve enjoyed it very much so far. We are extremely compatible both intellectually and sexually, he’s introduced me to all his friends, and I really like spending time with him (it appears that the feeling is mutual). We have inside jokes and at this point in a normal relationship, I think we would be falling in love. However, he is non-monogamous and has been for a while. I’ve always practised monogamy, but I experience very little sexual jealousy, so I didn’t expect it to be an issue for me. He’s a grad student and I work in finance, so unlike him, I don’t have time to date other people. The problem is that so far, I’ve succeeded in keeping my feelings in check, and I’ve studiously tried to avoid developing any for him, but it’s getting difficult. We’ve had a single conversation about where this is heading a few months ago. He said he really likes me, and that we were dating, but he’s also dating other people. I asked him whether we could be primary exclusive emotional partners, which leaves him free to have sex with other people. I have no idea what exactly I meant by “primary exclusive emotional partner” (I’m a very stupid drunk person), and I have no idea how he interpreted it, but he said yes. I gave him a day to think about it, and his response the next day was “I’m fine with not maximizing my optionality any more”. I’ve no idea what he meant by that, but I was too proud to ask, and I know he’s still dating at least one other woman, so the end result was null. The issue here is that this is a non-relationship, and I want a relationship. I still don’t need sexual exclusivity, but I don’t want to be on the same level as the other people he’s having sex with. It’s really frustrating being around his friends, since they all seem to think I’m his girlfriend, but I’m not and will never be. My ego is too big to allow me to ask him for something more (and face certain rejection), so I want to get out while my feelings are still too new to actually hurt. I’m leaving for a month and a half soon, and I’ve decided to end it right before I go. Do you think this is the right thing to do, and if so, how do I break it off without compromising my dignity? What exactly should I say to him?
sandylee1 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Yes. It is the right thing to do. Your not on the same page. He's happy dating others and your plan to end it , is a smart plan.
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