Chahy377 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) I recently asked a guy I was seeing if he had feelings for me or if he saw me as just a friend. I thought it was a straight forward easy question to answer, but he couldn't answer directly, got annoyed with me, and told me the conversation is over. He refuses to talk about it, even though i told him I had feelings for him, and was very confused about what was going on with him and some of the things he said. The only reason I brought it up was because I felt I was being used because of the following: -I've known him for 3 years...we've seen each other on and off. We recently started talking again 3 months ago, where he pursued me heavily for a week. After I gave into to performing oral sex on him, he didn't initiate contact for a week. -He only texts me once a week...usually trivial on the surface empty texts that don't go anywhere -He only wants to come over last minute -Every time he comes over he initiates something sexual -doesn't initiate kissing -He only comes over once every 1-2 weeks for only a few hours and never spends the night -he doesn't touch me intimately, he is the only one that is "satisfied" in our encounters -I just found out he had no intention of having sex with me, even though he told me he wanted to play -The first time he started to act funny...I told him that we should just be friends, and never initiated anything sexual at anytime. He was the one who kept on initiating and I would give in because I thought he genuinely liked me -when we began talking again, I asked him what he wanted/was looking for and he refused to tell me. -he is extremely evasive, I can never get a straight answer out of him, but he doesn't see that and blames me I thought I was being used for random blowjobs and he didn't like me. I asked him if he had feelings for me at all. He never said yes or no. I tried to say he only sees my as a friend with no feelings...he said that wasn't true and I'm twisting his words. Yet he refuses to explain and says that things are my fault. I feel really bad. Should I not have asked him? I don't understand my attachment to him, but this has been extremely embarrassing to me, considering his response and him not wanting to have sex. It has been difficult for me this last day. Edited October 24, 2015 by Chahy377
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I recently asked a guy I was seeing if he had feelings for me or if he saw me as just a friend. I thought it was a straight forward easy question to answer, but he couldn't answer directly, got annoyed with me, and told me the conversation is over. He refuses to talk about it, even though i told him I had feelings for him, and was very confused about what was going on with him and some of the things he said. The only reason I brought it up was because I felt I was being used because of the following: -I've known him for 3 years...we've seen each other on and off. We recently started talking again 3 months ago, where he pursued me heavily for a week. After I gave into to performing oral sex on him, he didn't initiate contact for a week. -He only texts me once a week...usually trivial on the surface empty texts that don't go anywhere -He only wants to come over last minute -Every time he comes over he initiates something sexual -doesn't initiate kissing -He only comes over once every 1-2 weeks for only a few hours and never spends the night -he doesn't touch me intimately, he is the only one that is "satisfied" in our encounters -I just found out he had no intention of having sex with me, even though he told me he wanted to play -The first time he started to act funny...I told him that we should just be friends, and never initiated anything sexual at anytime. He was the one who kept on initiating and I would give in because I thought he genuinely liked me -when we began talking again, I asked him what he wanted/was looking for and he refused to tell me. -he is extremely evasive, I can never get a straight answer out of him, but he doesn't see that and blames me I thought I was being used for random blowjobs and he didn't like me. I asked him if he had feelings for me at all. He never said yes or no. I tried to say he only sees my as a friend with no feelings...he said that wasn't true and I'm twisting his words. Yet he refuses to explain and says that things are my fault. I feel really bad. Should I not have asked him? I don't understand my attachment to him, but this has been extremely embarrassing to me, considering his response and him not wanting to have sex. It has been difficult for me this last day. The only reason I brought it up was because I felt I was being used because of the following: <-------your answer is here. 3 years….. This is your instinct speaking to you. Follow it. Never ignore it if the feeling doesn't face. It is your mind telling you these things to help you do what is best for you. You know (or now should) what to do.
Inaa Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I recently asked a guy I was seeing if he had feelings for me or if he saw me as just a friend. I thought it was a straight forward easy question to answer, but he couldn't answer directly, got annoyed with me, and told me the conversation is over. He refuses to talk about it, even though i told him I had feelings for him, and was very confused about what was going on with him and some of the things he said. The only reason I brought it up was because I felt I was being used because of the following: -I've known him for 3 years...we've seen each other on and off. We recently started talking again 3 months ago, where he pursued me heavily for a week. After I gave into to performing oral sex on him, he didn't initiate contact for a week. -He only texts me once a week...usually trivial on the surface empty texts that don't go anywhere -He only wants to come over last minute -Every time he comes over he initiates something sexual -doesn't initiate kissing -He only comes over once every 1-2 weeks for only a few hours and never spends the night -he doesn't touch me intimately, he is the only one that is "satisfied" in our encounters -I just found out he had no intention of having sex with me, even though he told me he wanted to play -The first time he started to act funny...I told him that we should just be friends, and never initiated anything sexual at anytime. He was the one who kept on initiating and I would give in because I thought he genuinely liked me -when we began talking again, I asked him what he wanted/was looking for and he refused to tell me. -he is extremely evasive, I can never get a straight answer out of him, but he doesn't see that and blames me I thought I was being used for random blowjobs and he didn't like me. I asked him if he had feelings for me at all. He never said yes or no. I tried to say he only sees my as a friend with no feelings...he said that wasn't true and I'm twisting his words. Yet he refuses to explain and says that things are my fault. I feel really bad. Should I not have asked him? I don't understand my attachment to him, but this has been extremely embarrassing to me, considering his response and him not wanting to have sex. It has been difficult for me this last day. This is one awful guy who doesn't deserve your attention, you talking to him, and he for sure doesn't deserve your blow jobs. If I were you, I'd kick his pity ass immediately. 3 years??? And I''m sorry to tell you this but he doesn't respect you a bit. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Girl, you are being used for blowjs'. Listen to your gut. He's not into you the way you are into him, so yes, I'd say you misinterpreted his intent. Time to bail on this one. 1
Author Chahy377 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 I don't think I would ever be able to treat anyone like that...especially someone who was simply seeking clarity. I have had many guys ask me how I feel about them, and I have always been clear. I don't think it's a question that should draw ire or annoyance
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I only had to read the first paragraph. After hearing that response, that should have been your cue to gracefully excuse yourself, exit the premises, and never see or speak with him again. 1
xcupid Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 You're his booty call. Nothing more. Sorry to say.
Author Chahy377 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 I reached out to him today. I wanted to finally stop this. No response and that was 7 hours ago. I guess he is done with me. 3 years of knowing him, and he is gone, just like that. He is really mean.
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I reached out to him today. I wanted to finally stop this. No response and that was 7 hours ago. I guess he is done with me. 3 years of knowing him, and he is gone, just like that. He is really mean. He did you a favor, since you apparently couldn't. Enough is enough, jeez! 1
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 This sounds like narcissistic discard. It is when a narcissist is done devaluing you (whether or not you know it), they throw you out like the trash. In Plain English, you weren't worth it to them to begin with. To one of these "people", your ONLY value is the ego boost you can supply to them. Once they determine you don't have any more value as such, they discard you, and very quickly. You should google it. There is a LOT of information online about this topic, and a lot of victims out there who share their experiences as well.
mrs rubble Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I reached out to him today. I wanted to finally stop this. No response and that was 7 hours ago. I guess he is done with me. 3 years of knowing him, and he is gone, just like that. He is really mean. He'll contact you again when he wants some more action......that's when you tell him the shop is shut to him forever.....no matter how much he begs and grovels, resist him. Have some self respect, and look for a man who treats you like an equal. 1
Author Chahy377 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 This sounds like narcissistic discard. It is when a narcissist is done devaluing you (whether or not you know it), they throw you out like the trash. In Plain English, you weren't worth it to them to begin with. To one of these "people", your ONLY value is the ego boost you can supply to them. Once they determine you don't have any more value as such, they discard you, and very quickly. You should google it. There is a LOT of information online about this topic, and a lot of victims out there who share their experiences as well. That was incredibly eye opening and explained him perfectly. Everything made perfect sense after I looked up narcissistic discard. I've held on to him for so long because I've always thought things were my fault...he always blames things on me, can never be straight forward or honest, he operates in confusion and always had me doubting if I was the one at fault. He would do perfectly irrational things yet couldnt accept blame for them or made them seem like it was normal and I was acting crazy. He made me feel so guilty for asking for clarity and would always leave me feeling so bad and uncertain. Thank you for this.....it has really helped me feel better and hopefully I can start to move on from him and this situation. I still can't believe he is such an awful person.
Survivor12 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'm glad that you found a reason to be able to end this but before you write off the experience thinking that him being an awful person was the sole cause of what has been a negative experience, you need to figure out why you allowed him to treat you so poorly. Knowing yourself & your vulnerabilities, knowing what you deserve & learning to value yourself & setting healthy boundaries will help you to avoid having the same thing happen again in the future.
Odinani Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I recently asked a guy I was seeing if he had feelings for me or if he saw me as just a friend. I thought it was a straight forward easy question to answer, but he couldn't answer directly, got annoyed with me, and told me the conversation is over. He refuses to talk about it, even though i told him I had feelings for him, and was very confused about what was going on with him and some of the things he said. The only reason I brought it up was because I felt I was being used because of the following: -I've known him for 3 years...we've seen each other on and off. We recently started talking again 3 months ago, where he pursued me heavily for a week. After I gave into to performing oral sex on him, he didn't initiate contact for a week. -He only texts me once a week...usually trivial on the surface empty texts that don't go anywhere -He only wants to come over last minute -Every time he comes over he initiates something sexual -doesn't initiate kissing -He only comes over once every 1-2 weeks for only a few hours and never spends the night -he doesn't touch me intimately, he is the only one that is "satisfied" in our encounters -I just found out he had no intention of having sex with me, even though he told me he wanted to play -The first time he started to act funny...I told him that we should just be friends, and never initiated anything sexual at anytime. He was the one who kept on initiating and I would give in because I thought he genuinely liked me -when we began talking again, I asked him what he wanted/was looking for and he refused to tell me. -he is extremely evasive, I can never get a straight answer out of him, but he doesn't see that and blames me I thought I was being used for random blowjobs and he didn't like me. I asked him if he had feelings for me at all. He never said yes or no. I tried to say he only sees my as a friend with no feelings...he said that wasn't true and I'm twisting his words. Yet he refuses to explain and says that things are my fault. I feel really bad. Should I not have asked him? I don't understand my attachment to him, but this has been extremely embarrassing to me, considering his response and him not wanting to have sex. It has been difficult for me this last day. so do you guys not kiss?
Author Chahy377 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 He never initiated it....and there would be some times when he wouldn't even touch me
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