No chemistry or something else?

[katiegrl]

I guess it has something to do with his ex-girlfriend. Because 1 day after he broke up with me, he called me to ask me what to do with his sex problem (still I'm a doctor) and told me he broke up with his last girldfriend because he didn't want to marry her and have children with her. At that time I thought maybe he was calling just to make sure that we stay in good terms... and now I see him online on Facebook when he goes online sooo rarely and thinking maybe he's chatting with another girl. omg maybe I should delete him

 

He didn't want to marry or have kids with his ex, he is unable to perform sexually, broke up with you out of the blue -- no warning = FEAR OF INTIMACY/COMMITMENT.

 

Not your problem.

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Inaa]

I'm really sorry that English is not my language and I cannot express myself the way I'd like to and sometimes my comments seem superficial but it's just the lack of vocabulary anyway, I know something was wrong with him but I regret it didn't work out. Would have been perfect Thank you so much for the replies.

[StBreton]

I guess it has something to do with his ex-girlfriend. Because 1 day after he broke up with me, he called me to ask me what to do with his sex problem (still I'm a doctor) and told me he broke up with his last girldfriend because he didn't want to marry her and have children with her. At that time I thought maybe he was calling just to make sure that we stay in good terms... and now I see him online on Facebook when he goes online sooo rarely and thinking maybe he's chatting with another girl. omg maybe I should delete him

 

Definitely delete him if it's causing you anxiety like this. No sense in prolonging the agony. There's a no contact link on this forum somewhere ...do a search for it.

 

Curious ...did you ask him how long he'd had the sex problem?

[katiegrl]

I'm really sorry that English is not my language and I cannot express myself the way I'd like to and sometimes my comments seem superficial but it's just the lack of vocabulary anyway, I know something was wrong with him but I regret it didn't work out. Would have been perfect Thank you so much for the replies.

 

I know how disappointed you must be. You meet this seemingly perfect guy, only to discover he's got major issues and can't move forward! Ugh.

 

Please understand that these guys who come off as *perfect* at first, charming, confident ,(almost cocky!), showering you with attention in the beginning, usually DO have issues!

 

Flash and dash.

 

They come on fast, then tend to disappear from your life just as fast!

 

Unfortunately though, you are attracted to this flashy, confident, cocky type of guy. So you may encounter this a lot if you're not careful.

 

Good luck with med school, and in your career!

[Inaa]

Definitely delete him if it's causing you anxiety like this. No sense in prolonging the agony. There's a no contact link on this forum somewhere ...do a search for it.

 

Curious ...did you ask him how long he'd had the sex problem?

 

He said it has never happened before, just with me... and that's why he thinks that "we have no chemistry no matter how intelligent, fun and pretty you are" ... well, these words didn't make me feel better

[Inaa]

I know how disappointed you must be. You meet this seemingly perfect guy, only to discover he's got major issues and can't move forward! Ugh.

 

Please understand that these guys who come off as *perfect* at first, charming, confident ,(almost cocky!), showering you with attention in the beginning, usually DO have issues!

 

Flash and dash.

 

They come on fast, then tend to disappear from your life just as fast!

 

Unfortunately though, you are attracted to this flashy, confident, cocky type of guy. So you may encounter this a lot if you're not careful.

 

Good luck with med school, and in your career!

 

Thank you. I've already graduated and now I'm waiting to start a specialisation (??), at least that's how we call it, it's post-graduate education.

And he was not the typical flashy guy, he was silent, even mysterious, he didn't talk much about himself... 50 shades of grey hahha even though I hated the book and didn't even go to see the movie

[katiegrl]

He said it has never happened before, just with me... and that's why he thinks that "we have no chemistry no matter how intelligent, fun and pretty you are" ... well, these words didn't make me feel better

 

Jmo, but his sexual problem (with you) goes way beyond a simple lack of chemistry.

 

Hell, most men are able to have sex with women they have zero chemistry with, with bags over their heads! LOL

 

His issues go much deeper than lack of chemistry. Makes no sense.

 

Perhaps he felt intimidated by you? Your beauty? Your intelligence? Education? Career? All of the above?

 

That would do it.

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Inaa]

Jmo, but his sexual problem (with you) goes way beyond a simple lack of chemistry.

 

Hell, most men are able to have sex with women they have zero chemistry with, with bags over their heads! LOL

 

His issues go much deeper than lack of chemistry. Makes no sense.

 

Perhaps he felt intimidated by you? Your beauty? Your intelligence? Education? Career? All of the above?

 

That would do it.

 

I'm not that beautiful nor that intelligent. I try to balance things, go to gym, keep my body fit, read many books... but I'm lucky that my mother has worked a lot her entire life and bought me a huge apartment and a nice car but I'm not the type of person who goes to shiny places and buys expensive clothes. When I was 1st year sat the university I fell in love with a colleague of mine and I think he fell in love with me two. For 2 years we kept seeing each other, just talking and never had sex, and finally he told me that he can't be with me because there's nothing he could give me, I already had everything. Since then I know I might make men feel uncomfortable around me that's why I'm looking for a really strong man with confidence and money. And I though X was that man but maybe I was wrong

[katiegrl]

I'm not that beautiful nor that intelligent. I try to balance things, go to gym, keep my body fit, read many books... but I'm lucky that my mother has worked a lot her entire life and bought me a huge apartment and a nice car but I'm not the type of person who goes to shiny places and buys expensive clothes. When I was 1st year sat the university I fell in love with a colleague of mine and I think he fell in love with me two. For 2 years we kept seeing each other, just talking and never had sex, and finally he told me that he can't be with me because there's nothing he could give me, I already had everything. Since then I know I might make men feel uncomfortable around me that's why I'm looking for a really strong man with confidence and money. And I though X was that man but maybe I was wrong

 

Your mom may have bought you material things, but one has to be pretty darn intelligent to be accepted to med school, let alone graduate!

 

And based on your pic, you're very pretty, but nevertheless, you are right, at the end of the day, this guy could not rise to the challenge and sort of crumbled.

 

He is weak, not strong. He actually lacks confidence, his persona was all a facade.

 

He's a fake.

 

Time to let go and move on, there is someone better for you out there! Have faith! Never lose faith, otherwise you have nothing but a bunch of material things that don't mean jack shyt in the grand scheme of things.

[StBreton]

He said it has never happened before, just with me... and that's why he thinks that "we have no chemistry no matter how intelligent, fun and pretty you are" ... well, these words didn't make me feel better

 

It's possible he was intimidated by you ...you've got a lot of positive attributes. That would tie into what Katiegrl said about his strong persona being fake. When he found you to be so strong it made his insecurities surface

 

Just curious ...do you let on what you have as in the apt car etc? And how intelligent you are?

 

A lot of guys are intimated by that stuff ...even in my age bracket. Go figure

Edited October 24, 2015 by StBreton

[thecrucible]

I think the others were right about the fact he might be intimidated. To some guys, it makes them feel like less of a man if there's an intelligent woman around and maybe they need to feel like there's something they can provide that she doesn't already have. It's probably not that the man compares himself directly with the woman but more of the fact that they will be competing with other men for the woman. I wonder if any male posters will chime in on this thread?

 

Perhaps he might feel emasculated as well about not being able to perform. That can be a bit pretty big deal to a guy imo. I dated a guy who had trouble in that department and they are so sensitive about it.

 

P.S. I like Bulgaria. I went to a place called Nesebar when I was on holiday there.

[Guyouthere]

How many post do I need to become an established member?

 

I'm from Bulgaria and I realize that I might have a problem. When a men has money, he acts differently. He is more confident. And the confidence I find attractive. Not the money. But it's the situation in out country. I will explain more when we can PM.

 

I would like to be your friend. We will PM when you have the ability.

 

I am a crazy scuba diver here in Florida USA. hehehe

 

From what you are describing about many of the men there, I can see why you feel like they aren't good.

 

I will say that having money is not having confidence, at least not always. What are the classes there? Are there either rich or poor?

 

I have good confidence, but I am not rich. I am not poor either.

 

Confidence comes from within, not what someone has.

[Guyouthere]

Jmo, but his sexual problem (with you) goes way beyond a simple lack of chemistry.

 

Hell, most men are able to have sex with women they have zero chemistry with, with bags over their heads! LOL

 

His issues go much deeper than lack of chemistry. Makes no sense.

 

Perhaps he felt intimidated by you? Your beauty? Your intelligence? Education? Career? All of the above?

 

That would do it.

 

Dont assume that men are always intimidated by a pretty and smart lady. I am not intimidated at all. The women I like are the honest and sincere ones. Beauty is a plus, but not on top of the list.

 

A guy can have a pretty woman who cheats.

 

A guy can have a pretty woman who doesn't cheat.

 

It depends on who she is inside.

 

Intelligence is a must no matter what she looks like.

 

No man with his own confidence is going to run from that. I know I would not run from a woman UNLESS she was untrustworthy. That is what ruined my marriage and also the last relationship I was in. I realized I couldn't trust either one.

[Guyouthere]

that's why I'm looking for a really strong man with confidence and money

 

<----well, if thats what you want, it is what you want.

 

But I believe that you will pass up a very good man who perhaps can't spoil you with material things.

 

Read my post about my first girlfriend. (further up on this thread).

[Guyouthere]

Katiegrl is one of the best ...you're a smart girl for IDing that ...I think she and a few others on here should have their own talk show

 

No,

 

You, Katie, I, and Versace should do a show together.

 

The theme….

 

Sex therapy talk on the steps of the Versace mansion on South Beach with shark fishing, and scuba diving for treasure and golfballs in the Gulf Of mexico while new building new resorts.

 

Notify the Discovery Channel

[Guyouthere]

and finally he told me that he can't be with me because there's nothing he could give me, I already had everything.

 

 

<-----what I see here is that he felt you were spoiled with material things.

I have to give the guy credit where it is due.

 

You see, the guy was indirectly saying that material things and money are not the most important thing.

 

He felt a loss with you because he saw that is what matters to you.

 

What was evidently important to him was love, giving that.

 

I think you made it clear to him that material things mattered more..whether that was your intention or not.

 

Most men will run from that situation, NOT because they are insecure, but because they want a woman who doesn't consider money to be happiness.

 

You understand, correct?

 

With him, you made him feel that he couldn't spoil you. Maybe he didn't have the means to. Maybe he did, but as said, didn't think a relationship should be based on materialism.

 

Its all about how you present yourself too.

 

You say that you don't like expensive things, etc. But at the same time you say you want a man with money.

 

This is conflicting.

[katiegrl]

Dont assume that men are always intimidated by a pretty and smart lady. I am not intimidated at all. The women I like are the honest and sincere ones. Beauty is a plus, but not on top of the list.

 

A guy can have a pretty woman who cheats.

 

A guy can have a pretty woman who doesn't cheat.

 

It depends on who she is inside.

 

Intelligence is a must no matter what she looks like.

 

No man with his own confidence is going to run from that. I know I would not run from a woman UNLESS she was untrustworthy. That is what ruined my marriage and also the last relationship I was in. I realized I couldn't trust either one.

 

I agree with you. What I posted was that *this* man was intimidated, precisely because he lacked true confidence, which I said in a later post.

 

He came off initially as having confidence (which attracted her) ... but as I said, his whole persona was a big facade. Phony. He turned out to be a fraud.

 

He couldn't live up to the image of himself HE initially portrayed, which was strong, confident. He crumbled! And it affected his ability to perfom sexually! So he bailed.

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Guyouthere]

I agree with you. What I posted was that *this* man was intimidated, precisely because he lacked true confidence, which I said in a later post.

 

He came off initially as having confidence (which attracted her) ... but as I said, his whole persona was a big facade. Phony. He turned out to be a fraud.

 

He couldn't live up to the image of himself HE initially portrayed. He crumbled! And it affected his ability to perfom sexually!

 

Such a description would indicate narcissism.

 

But I am not getting that vibe here.

 

The vibe I am getting here is VERY specific.

 

He felt inadequate because he likely wanted to love her, and then felt that perhaps money was more important to her.

 

I have been there in that position. It has nothing to do with confidence if this is the case.

 

It has everything to do with "priorities".

 

Love comes before Materialism.

[katiegrl]

Such a description would indicate narcissism.

 

But I am not getting that vibe here.

 

The vibe I am getting here is VERY specific.

 

He felt inadequate because he likely wanted to love her, and then felt that perhaps money was more important to her.

 

I have been there in that position. It has nothing to do with confidence if this is the case.

 

It has everything to do with "priorities".

 

Love comes before Materialism.

 

You could be right, not ruling that out.

 

Or it could be a combo of both.

 

Because if he were truly confident, sans " issues" .... one would presume he would have been able to perform sexually with her ...at least at the beginning, before he found out how *materialistic* she was (according to your theory).

 

IMO he has intimacy issues, but again not ruling your theory out... I am just not inclined to blame all this on the OP, she sounds like a lovely girl who has a lot to offer.

 

And remember, she said her English isn't that great and she acknowledges she may come off as superficial.

 

I think she is just looking for a strong confident man to love her and not bail on her when the going gets tough.

 

Same as everybody else.

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Guyouthere]

You could be right, not ruling that out.

 

Or it could be a combo of both.

 

Because if he were truly confident, sans " issues" .... one would presume he would have been able to perform sexually with her ...at least at the beginning, before he found out how *materialistic* she was (according to your theory).

 

IMO he has intimacy issues, but again not ruling your theory out... I am just not inclined to blame all this on the OP, she sounds like a lovely girl who has a lot to offer.

 

And remember, she said her English isn't that great and she acknowledges she may come off as superficial.

 

I think she is just looking for a strong confident man to love her and not bail on her when the going gets tough.

 

Same as everybody else.

 

I agree with you too, to an extent.

 

The guy might have physical issues, or mental ones.

 

Like I said somewhere else on here….. normally I am VERY sexual and can be turned on easily. but I had a naked woman under me and I had a hard time getting hard. It isn't that I wasn't attracted to her, because I was, and very much so. BUT, something about her wasn't "right", and I was picking up on it subconsciously.

 

The guy might have just felt too that there was no love there. That can also affect performance.

 

I can't just **** a woman. I need to feel something from her and also have feelings for her.

 

Sure I love the feeling of the physical, but its quite obvious that at least for some of us guys, there is something even more important than just a tight P.

[Guyouthere]

I agree with you. What I posted was that *this* man was intimidated, precisely because he lacked true confidence, which I said in a later post.

 

He came off initially as having confidence (which attracted her) ... but as I said, his whole persona was a big facade. Phony. He turned out to be a fraud.

 

He couldn't live up to the image of himself HE initially portrayed, which was strong, confident. He crumbled! And it affected his ability to perfom sexually! So he bailed.

 

You should always agree with me because I am always right.

 

hehehe

[katiegrl]

I agree with you too, to an extent.

 

The guy might have physical issues, or mental ones.

 

Like I said somewhere else on here….. normally I am VERY sexual and can be turned on easily. but I had a naked woman under me and I had a hard time getting hard. It isn't that I wasn't attracted to her, because I was, and very much so. BUT, something about her wasn't "right", and I was picking up on it subconsciously.

 

The guy might have just felt too that there was no love there. That can also affect performance.

 

I can't just **** a woman. I need to feel something from her and also have feelings for her.

 

Sure I love the feeling of the physical, but its quite obvious that at least for some of us guys, there is something even more important than just a tight P.

 

You left out the most important issue -- emotional issues! Which covers a whole spectrum of other issues, including intimacy/commitment issues.

 

From what the OP wrote, this guy DID feel it was *right* at the beginning, he was showering her with attention after all. No man showers a woman with loads of attention if he isn't into her. So that is not why he could not have sex.

 

It sounds like his fear finally took its toll. He was sick of not being able to perform sexually, he felt emasculated, bad about himself, and like I said earlier, when people feel BAD about themselves, it's difficult for them to feel GOOD about someone else.

 

I truly believe this is what happened. Fear of intimacy which often times does manifest into inability to perform sexually.

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Guyouthere]

You left out the most important issue -- emotional issues! Which covers a whole spectrum of other issues, including intimacy/commitment issues.

 

From what the OP wrote, this guy DID feel it was *right* at the beginning, he was showering her with attention after all. No man showers a woman with loads of attention if he isn't into her. So that is not why he could not have sex.

 

It sounds like his fear finally took its toll. He was sick of not being able to perform sexually, he felt emasculated, bad about himself, and like I said earlier, when people feel BAD about themselves, it's difficult for them to feel GOOD about someone else.

 

I truly believe this is what happened. Fear of intimacy which often times does manifest into inability to perform sexually.

 

Yes, but still not always the case.

 

Feeling emasculated,,,,, my last girl tried that with me as you know I said on here.

 

That one moment when she said those things, I felt like I went 4000 miles and wasted 6 months of my life, and money as well.

 

At that moment I realized she had an false picture of what real love and intimacy is.

 

And it wasn't until after I got back here and did the research as to why I felt as I did, did I see that it was really my reaction to her inflated ego, I was disappointed in it and her.

 

Yet I tried again with her while I was in the UK.

 

Its a case of what came first.

 

One affects the other.

 

I still feel that the guy has other reasons why he didn't perform. It wasn't necessarily lack of confidence.

 

It could be he simply felt disappointed about the relationship and it manifested as such.

Edited October 24, 2015 by Guyouthere

[katiegrl]

Yes, but still not always the case.

 

Feeling emasculated,,,,, my last girl tried that with me as you know I said on here.

 

That one moment when she said those things, I felt like I went 4000 miles and wasted 6 months of my life, and money as well.

 

At that moment I realized she had an false picture of what real love and intimacy is.

 

And it wasn't until after I got back here and did the research as to why I felt as I did, did I see that it was really my reaction to her inflated ego, I was disappointed in it and her.

 

Yet I tried again with her while I was in the UK.

 

Its a case of what came first.

 

One affects the other.

 

I still feel that the guy has other reasons why he didn't perform. It wasn't necessarily lack of confidence.

 

It could be he simply felt disappointed about the relationship and it manifested as such.

 

At the beginning he was disappointed? That makes no sense.

 

Remember, he has *never* been able to perform sexually, straight from the get go! Even at the beginning when everything else was awesome, he couldn't.

 

That indicates something deeper, that was there before he even met the OP.

 

In any event, let's just agree to disagree. I'm cool with that.

[Guyouthere]

You left out the most important issue -- emotional issues! Which covers a whole spectrum of other issues, including intimacy/commitment issues.

 

From what the OP wrote, this guy DID feel it was *right* at the beginning, he was showering her with attention after all. No man showers a woman with loads of attention if he isn't into her. So that is not why he could not have sex.

 

It sounds like his fear finally took its toll. He was sick of not being able to perform sexually, he felt emasculated, bad about himself, and like I said earlier, when people feel BAD about themselves, it's difficult for them to feel GOOD about someone else.

 

I truly believe this is what happened. Fear of intimacy which often times does manifest into inability to perform sexually.

 

It depends on what sex is to a person.

 

You see, when I was with her in bed, and we began doing it, I felt good physically, and attempted to connect to her emotionally, but she was unresponsive that way (I believe for several reasons, one not to forget she told me she was seeing her ex in my face).

 

Our later sexual times were really all about her, which also turned me off. She made ONLY the attempt to satisfy her. She ONLY cared about her feelings. It was always about HER only.

 

Not saying the OP here is like this, and in fact I do not believe she sounds like that type at all.

 

What I believe happened here is that her guy felt he couldn't "do it right" because he STILL felt something was not in the relationship that needed to be.