No chemistry or something else?

[Inaa]

I met a really nice guy,let's call him X, good-looking with a great job, gentle and etc... he just seemed so unreal, like it was a dream came true. We dated for a month and everything seemed perfect except the sex...it lasted for a minute and then he couldn't do it again. but that didn't really bother me because i liked him and thought he hadn't had sex in a long time and we will work it out eventually.

X was so handsome and sexy, intelligent, always brought me flowers, drove a really nice car, so he could have any other girl and i started wondering if there was something i didn't know about him, for example How did he buy his car at the age of 28? in our country it is almost impossible unless you have an illegal business. so i searched his facebook profile and found a common friend with one of his friends and asked him about X. he said he hadn't seen X for a while but last he knew X had a long-term relationship.

So i asked X if any of that was true and he answered that it wasn;t true, because he wanted to be single, he didn't have time for a girlfriend, that he had to work to earn more money. i was shoked and asked him if he didn't want a girlfriend, why are we seeing each other and he said "it doesn't matter anyway, as you can see it;s not workin out, we have no chemistry, i can't perform well in bed and i don't feel well about it, i don't want a relationship so i suggest we stop seeing each other". i agreed and didn't contact him againt.

But my question is, is the sex the real reason for the breaking up or it was because he didn''t want a long-term relationship and i was just a hook up? or there was something else, like another woman? i'm not trying to get him back, it's just bothers me how everything goes well in one moment and the next it falls apart? sorry for the bad english

[Guyouthere]

I met a really nice guy,let's call him X, good-looking with a great job, gentle and etc... he just seemed so unreal, like it was a dream came true. We dated for a month and everything seemed perfect except the sex...it lasted for a minute and then he couldn't do it again. but that didn't really bother me because i liked him and thought he hadn't had sex in a long time and we will work it out eventually.

X was so handsome and sexy, intelligent, always brought me flowers, drove a really nice car, so he could have any other girl and i started wondering if there was something i didn't know about him, for example How did he buy his car at the age of 28? in our country it is almost impossible unless you have an illegal business. so i searched his facebook profile and found a common friend with one of his friends and asked him about X. he said he hadn't seen X for a while but last he knew X had a long-term relationship.

So i asked X if any of that was true and he answered that it wasn;t true, because he wanted to be single, he didn't have time for a girlfriend, that he had to work to earn more money. i was shoked and asked him if he didn't want a girlfriend, why are we seeing each other and he said "it doesn't matter anyway, as you can see it;s not workin out, we have no chemistry, i can't perform well in bed and i don't feel well about it, i don't want a relationship so i suggest we stop seeing each other". i agreed and didn't contact him againt.

But my question is, is the sex the real reason for the breaking up or it was because he didn''t want a long-term relationship and i was just a hook up? or there was something else, like another woman? i'm not trying to get him back, it's just bothers me how everything goes well in one moment and the next it falls apart? sorry for the bad english

 

Complicated situation.

 

The outcome is what matters. He gave you his take on things, real or not.

 

You could have been just a hookup.

 

Perhaps you (hopefully) learned that you shouldn't be after flashy guys like this.

 

How many normal looking guys did you pass up before this one??

 

Women who go for these types most often get burned. I had a friend who did the same, she was attracted to what he had, and she payed for it when he beat the **** out of her.

 

At the least, he is uncaring, possibly a liar too.

[Inaa]

Complicated situation.

 

The outcome is what matters. He gave you his take on things, real or not.

 

You could have been just a hookup.

 

Perhaps you (hopefully) learned that you shouldn't be after flashy guys like this.

 

How many normal looking guys did you pass up before this one??

 

Women who go for these types most often get burned. I had a friend who did the same, she was attracted to what he had, and she payed for it when he beat the **** out of her.

 

At the least, he is uncaring, possibly a liar too.

 

The thing is, we met online and i liked his personality and had no idea he had money when i agreed to meet him. And for that 1 month he has treated me better than any of the not-flashy guys i'v dated. And it had nothing to do with his money. He was just being a gentleman.

[Guyouthere]

The thing is, we met online and i liked his personality and had no idea he had money when i agreed to meet him. And for that 1 month he has treated me better than any of the not-flashy guys i'v dated. And it had nothing to do with his money. He was just being a gentleman.

 

If that is your picture… is it??? Coz you area pretty lady if it is.

 

Why the need to meet online?

 

(I guess I can say the same). lol

 

It sounds very much to me that he is simply a player and you have been duped (as I was).

 

Those types are very good at it.

 

I am sure you are very intelligent, you come across as smart.

 

But sometimes "love" gets the best of us.

[Inaa]

If that is your picture… is it??? Coz you area pretty lady if it is.

 

Why the need to meet online?

 

(I guess I can say the same). lol

 

It sounds very much to me that he is simply a player and you have been duped (as I was).

 

Those types are very good at it.

 

I am sure you are very intelligent, you come across as smart.

 

But sometimes "love" gets the best of us.

 

 

Yes, that's me. Men find me very attractive but the problem is I rarely find them attractive. I've just graduated medical school and for me is very hard to find somebody who has a god job as mine and good looks as mine The last guy, X, was a layer and was super hot. I considered him perfect for me probaby that's the only men in my life i'm going to regret for

[Guyouthere]

Yes, that's me. Men find me very attractive but the problem is I rarely find them attractive. I've just graduated medical school and for me is very hard to find somebody who has a god job as mine and good looks as mine The last guy, X, was a layer and was super hot. I considered him perfect for me probaby that's the only men in my life i'm going to regret for

 

I would concur that you are attractive.

 

Physically.

 

I base my attraction to a woman on more than that though

 

And so do many other guys (the ones looking for a long term relationship).

 

Perhaps you need to lower your standard?

 

I mean, honestly (coz I like to be upfront and say it as I see it)….

 

You seem to want the "upper class" type.

 

You were likely conditioned to think that way at some point in your life.

 

But it appears as though you have limited yourself greatly (I know, not what you want to hear).

 

I think overall even your subconscious is telling you something,,,,,

 

Perhaps you don't know yourself as much as you think.

 

You want what basically all other woman want and need, and that is love. And the fact that you are after the "high roller type", they most likely aren't going to provide that to you.

 

I was married over 15 years, I knew how to love my wife, and yes we had money, and I am still Ok in that way, but love and money aren't part of each other.

 

My point being,,,,

 

it is a trade off.

 

The simple things in life are what matters most.

 

Possessions come and go.

 

You are seeking the material good life. Not to say it won't work for you, it can and might, but in the meantime, you are going to miss out on the treasure under your nose.

 

Just saying

[Guyouthere]

Yes, that's me. Men find me very attractive but the problem is I rarely find them attractive. I've just graduated medical school and for me is very hard to find somebody who has a god job as mine and good looks as mine The last guy, X, was a layer and was super hot. I considered him perfect for me probaby that's the only men in my life i'm going to regret for

 

Would you ever date a guy who didn't make a lot of money ?

 

Im going to share a story with you,,,,

 

My first serious girlfriend (I dated her for several years).

Her name is Lori.

She came from a very rich family… very well off.

At the time, I was in the process of a living in a new place, new job, etc. I didn't make a lot, but she didn't care at all.

I doubt few couples have ever done as much as what we did over those several years. We went all over, did everything, I payed, she payed, it didn't matter. We just did it all.

 

Her family didn't like the fact that I was "lower class" economically than they were. They made comments, tried to convince her that "she could do better".

 

Nothing wrong with our relationship, her family just thought she would be happier with a "rich guy". She fought it off constantly, it tore her up, because it was relentless from her family. They were nice to me, we didn't argue, but it was obvious I was thought of as "less".

 

But she was very much in love with who I was, and I was with her as well.

 

They physically sent her away to a college in another state (I believe to just get her away from me, as she had options here). That was the start of what was the "end", or so I thought. Because she had been away, she was just exposed to other guys and she "thought" she had found someone else who was her type (he had money and spoiled her). Granted her family in that area also mentally reinforced her to do this.

 

So she dated him for a while, we lost touch. She eventually married, and he is well off and they live well physically.

 

Yet she never forgot me, and after years, came back and contacted me and told me that she had regretted it all, how she had acted and that I was (and am) still very special to her. I still talk to her to this day (after 24 years). I respect her marriage, we don't act inappropriately at all. She came down here when she got word of what my ex wife did to me, and she sensed that she needed to be there for me, and she was. And as said, this was still in the bounds of her marriage to the guy.

 

She told me many times over the years…. she regrets not marrying me. I never asked actually. I should have.

 

But now, to this day, she is in a marriage with a lot of money, and yet she cries because she realizes that love doesn't equal that.

 

But we can't be because she is with her husband, and as much as I feel for her, I do respect her marriage and I won't destroy it.

 

I think you get the point here.

 

Summation…..

 

I was never the rich guy. I gave what really matters, love.

She eventually did what ghee family influenced her to do, agains there own self assessment.

She feels she payed the price, for 25+ years now.

 

That says a lot.

 

I hope you can learn something from what I said here.

[Guyouthere]

Just wanted to add that some of the most special and memorable times she will still recount to this day were many of the simple ones we did, like going out on the ocean at night and seeing the meter showers while having the stereo on, or the times I took her fishing and she caught fish larger than herself.

 

And of course many more.

 

Money doesn't buy love.

 

If you are looking for that higher standard guy as you speak of here, the "lawyer", etc.

 

You will likely be trading off your heart for the "good life".

 

I hope you get what I am saying here, but you might not if you are set in your ways.

 

It will all come down to who YOU are.

[Inaa]

It's great that you are good friends after all those years but still... she could have divorced her husband and try to fight for you if she regretted her decision that much.

 

But I don't date only men with money. I date any man who I feel attracted to. Sadly, it happens rarely.But I do prefer men with money and not because I want their money. I want them to feel comfortable next to me.

 

And I tried online dating because I don't feel any attraction to the men I meet every day. But it's the same online. In my country 80% of the men are fitnes maniacs with huge biceps and none brain. The other 20% are married or have a girlfriend. I guess I'm doomed to be single

[Ami1uwant]

More info is needed......

 

I don't know if he is from the same town as you or one 2 hrs away and he sees you when he is in town.

 

I think you weren't the only one he had been sleeping with.

 

I would trust your common friend more...he has nothing to gain in this.

[Guyouthere]

It's great that you are good friends after all those years but still... she could have divorced her husband and try to fight for you if she regretted her decision that much.

 

But I don't date only men with money. I date any man who I feel attracted to. Sadly, it happens rarely.But I do prefer men with money and not because I want their money. I want them to feel comfortable next to me.

 

And I tried online dating because I don't feel any attraction to the men I meet every day. But it's the same online. In my country 80% of the men are fitnes maniacs with huge biceps and none brain. The other 20% are married or have a girlfriend. I guess I'm doomed to be single

 

We are friends. We are friends but I respect her marriage, because marriage is serious and also a bond before God. I don't mess with it.

 

I sensed at times that she was looking to eave her husband for me, BUT< I made it VERY clear that was not right.

 

Yes I could have influenced her to even do so, and also be wealthy as a result. I currently work in a store, love my job, but I am not rich even though I am stable and own my own home as well.

 

I took my marriage seriously, but my wife didn't, I divorced her after catching her cheating the second time around (I forgave her the first). We were married over 15 years.

 

What country are you in?

 

I want them to feel comfortable next to me. <---read my follow up post…. money doesn't equal love.

 

That is your issue,…. one of your criteria IS money. This is where you need to work on yourself.

 

I can say the same about why I dated online. I also did it because it also offers a good opportunity to get to know the person for a long time (or so you think). It just didn't work for me because (as everyone here has seen), I encountered an unstable lady who I thought was genuine.

 

You MIGHT be single forever, or at the least, in bad relationships if you don't rethink how you see guys.

 

I personally don't need a beauty, or even one who is rich.

 

All I ask is that she be sincere and someone I can fully trust and count on. The rest is all inclusive within that.

[Inaa]

More info is needed......

 

I don't know if he is from the same town as you or one 2 hrs away and he sees you when he is in town.

 

I think you weren't the only one he had been sleeping with.

 

I would trust your common friend more...he has nothing to gain in this.

 

We are from the same town. We went out, there was no problem that someone might see us together, he didn't hide his phone, always talked in front me. I don't believe he had another, at least there were no signs for that.

[Guyouthere]

The option to PM exits once you are an established member. If you need an adult and experienced friend to chat with, just msg me at that point.

 

My last relationship was with a lady around your age (she was very mature for her age, or at least passed herself off as such), involved me going overseas too.

 

In the meantime, we can continue here.

 

Just bring shark boots. hehehe

[Inaa]

The option to PM exits once you are an established member. If you need an adult and experienced friend to chat with, just msg me at that point.

 

My last relationship was with a lady around your age (she was very mature for her age, or at least passed herself off as such), involved me going overseas too.

 

In the meantime, we can continue here.

 

Just bring shark boots. hehehe

 

How many post do I need to become an established member?

 

I'm from Bulgaria and I realize that I might have a problem. When a men has money, he acts differently. He is more confident. And the confidence I find attractive. Not the money. But it's the situation in out country. I will explain more when we can PM.

[katiegrl]

How many post do I need to become an established member?

 

I'm from Bulgaria and I realize that I might have a problem. When a men has money, he acts differently. He is more confident. And the confidence I find attractive. Not the money. But it's the situation in out country. I will explain more when we can PM.

 

You need either 50 or 100 posts before you can PM.

[Inaa]

You need either 50 or 100 posts before you can PM.

 

I read your replies in another thread so I hoped you could give your opinion on my thread but thanks for the info anyway

[katiegrl]

I read your replies in another thread so I hoped you could give your opinion on my thread but thanks for the info anyway

 

Oh gosh, I apologize for not responding, you and Guyouthere were having a good and healthy exchange ....and I agree with him, and didn't have much to add to what he already said.

[katiegrl]

Inas, I think he really liked you, and may have even wanted a relationship with you, but because he is unable to perform sexually with you, he feels bad about himself.

 

And when men (and women) feel "bad" about *themselves*, it's difficult for them to feel "good" about *someone else*.

 

In his case, that "someone else" would be you.

 

Please try not to take this personally. This has nothing to do with you!

 

HE has issues, whether it be a fear of intimacy, commitment issues, or something else, his issues are preventing him from performing sexually.

 

And because of that, he doesn't feel good about himself, and in turn, about you, and can't move forward.

 

I am so sorry.

 

I would not worry though, there will be other men, other doctors/professionals you will meet, you have your entire life ahead of you!

Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[StBreton]

Sorry things didn't work out with this guy. It's possible he wasn't over his long term girlfriend and that affected him during your intimate times together. It could also be the reason he's not ready for a relationship.

 

While it seems the $ is of importance to you ...I get the feeling it's more the intelligence factor ...and if the guy is successful ...which brings forth confidence ...which you like ...and often times money. I know looks are important ...but try to see the person inside as well ...someone to whom you're not extremely attracted to instantly ...but you are a little attracted to ...might become very attractive to you as you date ...as long as they do all that romantic stuff you seem to enjoy:)

 

Once you're established in your medical field ...you'll probably need continuing education hours ..you might meet someone there. I wouldn't lower my standards when it comes to being on similar intelligence levels ... From how you describe your situation ...this is important. It's good to know yourself.

 

Also ...I think you need so many messages as well as being a member for a month before you can PM

[StBreton]

I read your replies in another thread so I hoped you could give your opinion on my thread but thanks for the info anyway

 

Katiegrl is one of the best ...you're a smart girl for IDing that ...I think she and a few others on here should have their own talk show

[katiegrl]

Katiegrl is one of the best ...you're a smart girl for IDing that ...I think she and a few others on here should have their own talk show

 

Thank you! Super nice of you to say that!

 

I feel the same about your posts too!

[Inaa]

Inas, I think he really liked you, and may have even wanted a relationship with you, but because he is unable to perform sexually with you, he feels bad about himself.

 

And when men (and women) feel "bad" about *themselves*, it's difficult for them to feel "good" about *someone else*.

 

In his case, that "someone else" would be you.

 

Please try not to take this personally. This has nothing to do with you!

 

HE has issues, whether it be a fear of intimacy, commitment issues, or something else, his issues are preventing him from performing sexually.

 

And because of that, he doesn't feel good about himself, and in turn, about you, and can't move forward.

 

I am so sorry.

 

I would not worry though, there will be other men, other doctors/professionals you will meet, you have your entire life ahead of you!

 

I know that I should not take it personally but I take it. I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at the faith. Why couldn't it have just worked out for 4-5 months at least? I needed to feel I have somebody next to me, even for a short period. I have posted a thread about the last guy I was seeing, he was awful. I just needed somebody to bring back my hope in men, dating, realtionships... and he seemed so perfect. He suggested to drive me every time i had somewhere to go to, although i have a car. I know it's nothing special but no one had done that for me before. And I just miss his attention...

[StBreton]

I know that I should not take it personally but I take it. I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at the faith. Why couldn't it have just worked out for 4-5 months at least? I needed to feel I have somebody next to me, even for a short period. I have posted a thread about the last guy I was seeing, he was awful. I just needed somebody to bring back my hope in men, dating, realtionships... and he seemed so perfect. He suggested to drive me every time i had somewhere to go to, although i have a car. I know it's nothing special but no one had done that for me before. And I just miss his attention...

 

I totally understand and it's difficult to find someone ... And the lonliness gets to me too ... Less than it used to but it's still there. You're a beautiful intelligent woman ... it'll happen for you ...and you're better off being single when the right one comes along.

 

Re the guy who drove you around all the time ...I had one like that last year ...he became very jealous possessive and controlling. Now if a guy wants to drive me anywhere my amber alert goes off (aka red flag ...forgot you're in Bulgaria:) Oh the baggage we acquire from dating ...

[katiegrl]

I know that I should not take it personally but I take it. I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at the faith. Why couldn't it have just worked out for 4-5 months at least? I needed to feel I have somebody next to me, even for a short period. I have posted a thread about the last guy I was seeing, he was awful. I just needed somebody to bring back my hope in men, dating, realtionships... and he seemed so perfect. He suggested to drive me every time i had somewhere to go to, although i have a car. I know it's nothing special but no one had done that for me before. And I just miss his attention...

 

Okay, but sweetie, HIS issues are not about you and what you want and need (attention).

 

HE is unable to perform sexually, and as such, HE feels inadequate.

 

This is about HIM, not YOU.

 

Can you understand that?

 

Do you actually care about this guy? Or was it mostly about him being the right "type" and all the attention he gave you? Cause frankly, that's what it sounds like, which is pretty self-centered and shallow IMO.

 

Which he may have sensed too which added to him feeling lousy about himself.

 

I would suggest you step outside yourself and your own needs for a sec, and think about him and how and what he was/is feeling or may have been feeling when with you.

 

You are very pretty. But it takes a lot more than that to maintain a man's attraction.

 

Things like empathy, compassion, understanding.

 

Not everything in this world is about you.

[Inaa]

Sorry things didn't work out with this guy. It's possible he wasn't over his long term girlfriend and that affected him during your intimate times together. It could also be the reason he's not ready for a relationship.

 

While it seems the $ is of importance to you ...I get the feeling it's more the intelligence factor ...and if the guy is successful ...which brings forth confidence ...which you like ...and often times money. I know looks are important ...but try to see the person inside as well ...someone to whom you're not extremely attracted to instantly ...but you are a little attracted to ...might become very attractive to you as you date ...as long as they do all that romantic stuff you seem to enjoy:)

 

Once you're established in your medical field ...you'll probably need continuing education hours ..you might meet someone there. I wouldn't lower my standards when it comes to being on similar intelligence levels ... From how you describe your situation ...this is important. It's good to know yourself.

 

Also ...I think you need so many messages as well as being a member for a month before you can PM

 

I guess it has something to do with his ex-girlfriend. Because 1 day after he broke up with me, he called me to ask me what to do with his sex problem (still I'm a doctor) and told me he broke up with his last girldfriend because he didn't want to marry her and have children with her. At that time I thought maybe he was calling just to make sure that we stay in good terms... and now I see him online on Facebook when he goes online sooo rarely and thinking maybe he's chatting with another girl. omg maybe I should delete him