Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 OP ...the sheets wine cooler garbage thing sounds a little fishy definitely ...but that pales in comparison to some of the things you've listed above. This guy doesn't respect you ... I don't see him getting better... but more lax. The thing with not helping your dad is heartbreaking ...guys usually want to impress the dads to stay in an honorable light with them ... If this guy stays at your house a lot .. that is a benefit to him as he lives at home ... one would think he would contribute to things around the house like putting together a table ... The belittling thing is really bad too. I know you guys have good times but these are red flags indicating a long discussion with him about healthy boundaries and what your expectations are re: respectful behavior. I wouldn't let these things slide. If the guy shows remorse and willingness to change and changes ...think about staying together. If not ...you have you're answer as to what behavior to expect in the future. FYI ...I, too, have dated guys where we had good times but had to move on due to red flags ...things I wouldn't give a second chance on. This guy is waving big red flags and it's good you've taken notice ... you'll have to decide what's best for you and your personal tolerance level ...if you don't like his behavior move on. If you were done with Uni and working a great job and your self esteem were higher ...you probably would have left this guy already. This guy is no gentleman. As I like to say ...hello bf ...meet curb FYI ...I think birth control pills are on you. I'd have him contribute to house stuff if he's staying there a lot ...one would think he'd be doing that and if he's not ... Tell him you'd like him to. I appreciate your input... I've confronted Several times when he's made disrespectful remarks and he'll say he is just joking & last week we had a heart to heart about all of the issues and when I told him about all of the disrespectful remarks I felt offended by he then became quiet and said "I'm sorry if you I was being a jerk"... And as far as birth control shots and pills go, I am willing to go half on condoms, what is wrong with him going half or at least contributing to me putting those hormones in my body? We are exclusive and he is the only one I am with so that's the least he can do.. Lately he hasn't been at my home for over night visits no more than 1-2 nights of week (some nights I have turned him down).. But there were times he was over 3-4 nights a week. I know what I need to do, so if I continue to see more then I am going to end within the next few months.. I'm usually a very smart and head strong girls when it comes to these men but I am trying to work it out and we said we would start a new.. But as I said if I keep seeing the same signs I am going to end it.
xcupid Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I appreciate your input... I've confronted Several times when he's made disrespectful remarks and he'll say he is just joking & last week we had a heart to heart about all of the issues and when I told him about all of the disrespectful remarks I felt offended by he then became quiet and said "I'm sorry if you I was being a jerk"... And as far as birth control shots and pills go, I am willing to go half on condoms, what is wrong with him going half or at least contributing to me putting those hormones in my body? We are exclusive and he is the only one I am with so that's the least he can do.. Lately he hasn't been at my home for over night visits no more than 1-2 nights of week (some nights I have turned him down).. But there were times he was over 3-4 nights a week. I know what I need to do, so if I continue to see more then I am going to end within the next few months.. I'm usually a very smart and head strong girls when it comes to these men but I am trying to work it out and we said we would start a new.. But as I said if I keep seeing the same signs I am going to end it. A man who cares about a woman doesn't make those kinds of jokes. They're not jokes at all. You assume you and your boyfriend are monogamous but based on what you've written how do you know for sure now? 4
StBreton Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) That's discouraging to hear you've discussed his lack of decorum /emotionally intelligent filter and he keeps making blunders. Sounds like he's got some growing up to do ...his big wake up call to actually put forth real change could be you leaving him. Sounds like you've got a good handle on things and not in so deep that you will continue to put up with bad behavior. Ya that BC thing is a sore spot for you ...I don't like his attitude on the whole thing ...the whole "sponsor" comment smacks of disrespect. You just don't seem to be winning with this guy OP. However ...I'd let go of wanting him to pay. I just wouldn't want any guy to be in my personal business like that ...and I'm a more traditional woman. It's your choice to do the pill and put hormones in your body ...I only did it for a few years and chose other methods because of the hormones. You're young ...you have lots of time in front of you ... sounds like you'll make the right choice with this guy. Seems like he's turned himself into Mr Right Now guy though. Edited October 24, 2015 by StBreton 2
boltam Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I appreciate your input... I've confronted Several times when he's made disrespectful remarks and he'll say he is just joking Insulting your physical appearance isn't a joke it's cruel and hostile. And as far as birth control shots and pills go, I am willing to go half on condoms, what is wrong with him going half or at least contributing to me putting those hormones in my body? Didn't you start another thread on this subject of splitting the cost of contraceptives or was it someone else? Either way the overwhelming response was that it's the woman's responsibility to pay for contraception that she uses. Edited to add: Read your back posts and it was you who thinks the boyfriend should split the costs of contraception. Give it a rest already. Nobody agrees with you, you're being cheap about it. 3
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I appreciate your input... I've confronted Several times when he's made disrespectful remarks and he'll say he is just joking & last week we had a heart to heart about all of the issues and when I told him about all of the disrespectful remarks I felt offended by he then became quiet and said "I'm sorry if you I was being a jerk"... And as far as birth control shots and pills go, I am willing to go half on condoms, what is wrong with him going half or at least contributing to me putting those hormones in my body? We are exclusive and he is the only one I am with so that's the least he can do.. Lately he hasn't been at my home for over night visits no more than 1-2 nights of week (some nights I have turned him down).. But there were times he was over 3-4 nights a week. ***I know what I need to do, so if I continue to see more then I am going to end within the next few months.. I'm usually a very smart and head strong girls when it comes to these men but I am trying to work it out and we said we would start a new.. But as I said if I keep seeing the same signs I am going to end it.**** How many more signs do you need to see??? He's a cheating, verbally abusive douchebag, why prolong the inevitable? He is not gonna change, he is who he is, damage done! Why hang around for more abuse? Because you're afraid to be alone? I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than with an asshat like him.... What happened to your self-esteem? Where'd it go? 4
losangelena Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 He's "jokingly" belittled me several times saying my nose was big and I was ugly, and also said I was "slow"... But then he'll say I'm beautiful, smart... I know I am none of those negative things he's "joked" about because I am a senior at a University, I work 2 jobs, and I volunteer... "Jokingly belittled" is an oxymoron, especially in the context of a supposedly loving relationship. I would not stay long in a relationship where this happened even once. I will put up with a lot, but cruelty of any kind of a no-go for me. 5
dreamingoftigers Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I appreciate your input... I've confronted Several times when he's made disrespectful remarks and he'll say he is just joking & last week we had a heart to heart about all of the issues and when I told him about all of the disrespectful remarks I felt offended by he then became quiet and said "I'm sorry if you I was being a jerk"... And as far as birth control shots and pills go, I am willing to go half on condoms, what is wrong with him going half or at least contributing to me putting those hormones in my body? We are exclusive and he is the only one I am with so that's the least he can do.. Lately he hasn't been at my home for over night visits no more than 1-2 nights of week (some nights I have turned him down).. But there were times he was over 3-4 nights a week. I know what I need to do, so if I continue to see more then I am going to end within the next few months.. I'm usually a very smart and head strong girls when it comes to these men but I am trying to work it out and we said we would start a new.. But as I said if I keep seeing the same signs I am going to end it. The next few months? I'd drop him over the sheets alone. That's gross. He's gross. You are DATING, you shouldn't be "STARTING OVER" at 1.5 years! Stuff is still supposed to be awesome! Sorting out stuff, not adding to issues. Please read the Verbally Abusive Relationship. 4
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 How many more signs do you need to see??? He's a cheating, verbally abusive douchebag, why prolong the inevitable? He is not gonna change, he is who he is, damage done! Why hang around for more abuse? Because you're afraid to be alone? I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than with an asshat like him.... What happened to your self-esteem? Where'd it go? Not at all afraid to be alone. Just trying to figure out when and how to go about. We are currently are on ok terms but I think the time to do it would be when does something else to really get under my skin.
losangelena Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Not at all afraid to be alone. Just trying to figure out when and how to go about. We are currently are on ok terms but I think the time to do it would be when does something else to really get under my skin. Would it? Wait, you said this happened in August? Did you bring it up then? What did he say?
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Insulting your physical appearance isn't a joke it's cruel and hostile. Didn't you start another thread on this subject of splitting the cost of contraceptives or was it someone else? Either way the overwhelming response was that it's the woman's responsibility to pay for contraception that she uses. Edited to add: Read your back posts and it was you who thinks the boyfriend should split the costs of contraception. Give it a rest already. Nobody agrees with you, you're being cheap about it. That's fine that you and whoever else disagree with him paying half... But I still think and feel what I feel.. But if thats the case I should not have to go half on condoms with him. I don't think it's necessarily the BC getting to me, its the lack of sympathy he had for me and I felt as if he is not someone I been with for the past 18 months... There's no way I should NOT feel comfortable asking my partner anything without feeling like a nuisance or burden... Now I am DONE with the whole BC thing.
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Would it? Wait, you said this happened in August? Did you bring it up then? What did he say? I did and he was like I came to check on your place and the banana peel hit my senses as soon as I walked in & also he said he walked into my room and noticed the scent on the sheet and thought he's "surprise" me by washing them... At the time, I thought it was a bit strange and then I was like maybe he really just missed me and wanted to surprise me... But somethings have transpired these past 2 months that makes my mind go back it & how something felt off at the time but I just ignored my gut. Guess I was blinded by my emotions at the time... But now that I've distanced myself somewhat emotionally from him I can see a bit clearer
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Not at all afraid to be alone. Just trying to figure out when and how to go about. We are currently are on ok terms but I think the time to do it would be when does something else to really get under my skin. Why? That makes absolutely no sense to me. Again the guy is a lying, cheating, verbally abusive douche. How can you tolerate him touching you? Cringe! Let alone have sex with him? Bigger cringe! Are you in denial about the reality of this? He is a lying, cheating, abusive DOUCHEBAG! 2
StBreton Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Would it? Wait, you said this happened in August? Did you bring it up then? What did he say? Ya I agree with LA on this one ...if you break up when things are heated by a disagreement ...your emotions will be running high and it will make it harder for you. If you do it when you're feeling strong and your head is clear ...I think you'll fair better emotionally. Plus ...if he gets under your nerves it's bound to be because he did something that hurt you ...so your heart just gets hurt another time. If you're going to break up with him ...do it before he hurts you again. Just sayin' 5
StBreton Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 And I apparently agree with Katiegrl as well ...we must have posted simultaneously 1
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) Ya I agree with LA on this one ...if you break up when things are heated by a disagreement ...your emotions will be running high and it will make it harder for you. If you do it when you're feeling strong and your head is clear ...I think you'll fair better emotionally. Plus ...if he gets under your nerves it's bound to be because he did something that hurt you ...so your heart just gets hurt another time. If you're going to break up with him ...do it before he hurts you again. Just sayin' ^^Yes, this! I think you're hoping things will change, that HE will change and miraculously turn into a decent human being. He won't, he will just continue to do things that hurt you, lowering your self-esteem even lower than it is now, which is the *real* reason you can't leave. IMO. It's a vicious cycle that will only bring you down lower and lower. Please read the verbally abusive relationship section. Edited October 24, 2015 by katiegrl 2
mrs rubble Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I would've been asking my neighbours if they noticed anyone else visiting besides wally...probably a bit late for that now though. When was your last STI check? Hopefully he hasn't given any, but it'd be well worth checking. I believe 100% that he cheated on you in your own bed. His put downs are completely unacceptable. I can't understand what there is to like about this guy!! 1
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Whether he cheated or not, the guy is rude, disrespectful, and a scrub. Where the hell is your self worth? I sure don't know why you think he is going to turn into this awesome BF....a year and a half later and it hasn't happened yet. He's a loser. You are just proving the argument that girls go for jerks and a ssholes. 2
StBreton Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Whether he cheated or not, the guy is rude, disrespectful, and a scrub. Where the hell is your self worth? I sure don't know why you think he is going to turn into this awesome BF....a year and a half later and it hasn't happened yet. He's a loser. You are just proving the argument that girls go for jerks and a ssholes. I think there should be a LS dating app ... There are some people on here who would be so much better suited for each than the people they're dating and it's not working out ...and so many single people longing for a relationship 3
kilgore Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I think there should be a LS dating app ... There are some people on here who would be so much better suited for each than the people they're dating and it's not working out ...and so many single people longing for a relationship I think people would be less frank on here if it were in the context of possible dating. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 That's fine that you and whoever else disagree with him paying half... But I still think and feel what I feel.. But if thats the case I should not have to go half on condoms with him. I don't think it's necessarily the BC getting to me, its the lack of sympathy he had for me and I felt as if he is not someone I been with for the past 18 months... There's no way I should NOT feel comfortable asking my partner anything without feeling like a nuisance or burden... Now I am DONE with the whole BC thing. For what it's worth, I agree this jerk should pay for half your birth control since in the past, YOU paid for half the condoms. He was happy to take your money for THAT and yet everyone is calling YOU petty? What a joke. This guy is about as worthless as they come. I find it highly amusing that he's putting YOU down when he's freakin' 27 years old, still living at home, and has to use YOUR place for his hookups because he can't afford a hotel. He leeches off you and NEVER offers a damned cent towards anything. I mean this sincerely. Why would you need this assclown to do ONE more rotten thing before you're finally motivated to kick his worthless ass to the curb? You're intelligent, ambitious, you have your sh*t together and this little weasel still lives with mommy. Jesus, he can't even afford to pay the $5 at the laundromat to wash the sheets HE dirtied - he had to run them all the way home to mommy's house. This guy is SUCH a loser. He's shown you that SO many times. Why won't you believe him? 4
introverted1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 The latest red flag was when I asked if he could start going half with me on birth control (mind you, I've went half on condoms before)... That's when he said "I'll help if I can sweetie, but I don't wanna get in the habit" & also said "I'm not looking to sponsor anyone"... In which I don't look for because I pay ALL of my bills on my own. Was this also your thread, under a different username? 1
joseb Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Was this also your thread, under a different username? There seems to be a spate of this at the momemt. Not sure what people fell they can achieve by posting the same stuff under different usernames. Make me wonder about the veracity of the posts. 1
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Was this also your thread, under a different username? Yes, it is me. I got locked out of that account. Password discrepancy. But this story is 100% true to the user that doesn't believe it. Things have just magnified since and I was not able to get into my account.
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 For what it's worth, I agree this jerk should pay for half your birth control since in the past, YOU paid for half the condoms. He was happy to take your money for THAT and yet everyone is calling YOU petty? What a joke. This guy is about as worthless as they come. I find it highly amusing that he's putting YOU down when he's freakin' 27 years old, still living at home, and has to use YOUR place for his hookups because he can't afford a hotel. He leeches off you and NEVER offers a damned cent towards anything. I mean this sincerely. Why would you need this assclown to do ONE more rotten thing before you're finally motivated to kick his worthless ass to the curb? You're intelligent, ambitious, you have your sh*t together and this little weasel still lives with mommy. Jesus, he can't even afford to pay the $5 at the laundromat to wash the sheets HE dirtied - he had to run them all the way home to mommy's house. This guy is SUCH a loser. He's shown you that SO many times. Why won't you believe him? Thank you Lois. What I think got me was that he was college educated, has a decent job, and has no kids in which is kinda rare to find when people start to hit their late 20s (to find someone with no kids). Honestly, I think I've been trying to make it work because I see good in him but my feelings are changing and o can't seem to Get them back to where they were. I just need to pray for strength to get out while I still have no ties.
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 For what it's worth, I agree this jerk should pay for half your birth control since in the past, YOU paid for half the condoms. He was happy to take your money for THAT and yet everyone is calling YOU petty? What a joke. This guy is about as worthless as they come. I find it highly amusing that he's putting YOU down when he's freakin' 27 years old, still living at home, and has to use YOUR place for his hookups because he can't afford a hotel. He leeches off you and NEVER offers a damned cent towards anything. I mean this sincerely. Why would you need this assclown to do ONE more rotten thing before you're finally motivated to kick his worthless ass to the curb? You're intelligent, ambitious, you have your sh*t together and this little weasel still lives with mommy. Jesus, he can't even afford to pay the $5 at the laundromat to wash the sheets HE dirtied - he had to run them all the way home to mommy's house. This guy is SUCH a loser. He's shown you that SO many times. Why won't you believe him? He has taken me out and paid for meals and movies but I have at times as well and even bought him some other things in the past. He complained about basically about he he's paid for more dates than me. But it's not like I've never did anything! Smh
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