MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 A little while back I was out of town for about 4 days & at the time my boyfriend had a key to my place (in which I've took it back since because we were having some issues and somewhat still are)... But the day I came back he was washing my bedding because he said days prior we were intimate and there was a scent to my sheets... But before I came back he was like let me know when you are an hour away & he never said why he wanted to know at that point... When I arrived home my bedding was not on (he went way to his and his parents house to wash my bedding, they live like 25 minutes away)... He changed my trash because he said a banana peeling in my trash was smelly and he also bought a bunch of wine coolers & said it was for me,, in which I appreciated.. Does it sound suspicious he chose to wash my bedding the day I came back from vacation? He's never washed my bedding before... We are both in our 20s,, he's 27 & I am 26.. He currently lives with his parents & I live alone. Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yes it's very suspicious. I had an experience like that and the person was definitely hiding something. I suggest you do some digging around your place, you might find something he forgot to clean up. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yes it's very suspicious. I had an experience like that and the person was definitely hiding something. I suggest you do some digging around your place, you might find something he forgot to clean up. This was around the middle or end of August but it's has been in the back in mind since then and I finally thought I should talk about it... So I may not find anything at this point? :-/.. I questioned him about washing my sheets but at the time didn't think too deep into it Link to post Share on other sites
boltam Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 VAR in the bedroom the next time you're away. Even if you don't have a reason to go away, find one. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) Overall, was his behavior out of character? Why would he worry about your bedding at all? Was he staying at your place and sleeping in your bed while you were away? I don't really buy the "smelly" argument for the bedding. The trash yes - if you (or he) had left a banana peel in it. And buying you wine coolers sounds like he was feeling guilty about something unless he's done things like that for you before. Just seems odd to me. Edited October 24, 2015 by xcupid 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Overall, was his behavior out of character? Why would he worry about your bedding at all? Was he staying at your place and sleeping in your bed while you were away? I don't really buy the "smelly" argument for the bedding. The trash yes - if you (or he) had left a banana peel in it. And buying you wine coolers sounds like he was feeling guilty about something unless he's done things like that for you before. Totally out character.. He's never washed my bedding before and as you said he could've bought the wine coolers out of guilt or he could've had them for himself.. He told me he checked on my place a couple times when I was gone but didn't sleep over, at least that is what it told me.. Something in my gut felt a bit off but not enough to keep pressing the issue... Just made a mental note of it & now that I have sat down and pondered it I don't think something is adding up... But then again I don't want to feel as if I am being paranoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Sounds extremely odd. It's one thing to plan a surprise 'welcome home' with a few wine coolers, maybe have some take-out waiting for you when you got home, etc. etc. But to arbitrarily take off someone's sheets because there's a supposed 'scent' on them from sex that happened days before sounds like a crock of manure. Was he sleeping at your place while you were gone? If he was, why did it take him until day #4 to finally get RID of this supposed offensive 'scent?' I also have my doubts about the garbage and the 'banana peel' as well. It's possible the garbage was full of empty wine cooler bottles and maybe some kind of snack or take-out stuff, so it was easier to dump the whole thing rather than pick out all the stuff he didn't want you to see. Honestly? I'd be willing to bet $100 he used your place for a hookup. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Totally out character.. He's never washed my bedding before and as you said he could've bought the wine coolers out of guilt or he could've had them for himself.. He told me he checked on my place a couple times when I was gone but didn't sleep over, at least that is what it told me.. Something in my gut felt a bit off but not enough to keep pressing the issue... Just made a mental note of it & now that I have sat down and pondered it I don't think something is adding up... But then again I don't want to feel as if I am being paranoid. Your gut is screaming to you for a reason. NEVER ignore your gut - it's rarely wrong. The more I read, the more I'm convinced he had someone over there and needed to get rid of the evidence. I don't believe he bought those wine coolers for you. I think you got what was LEFT of them after his 'date' at your apartment. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Sounds extremely odd. It's one thing to plan a surprise 'welcome home' with a few wine coolers, maybe have some take-out waiting for you when you got home, etc. etc. But to arbitrarily take off someone's sheets because there's a supposed 'scent' on them from sex that happened days before sounds like a crock of manure. Was he sleeping at your place while you were gone? If he was, why did it take him until day #4 to finally get RID of this supposed offensive 'scent?' I also have my doubts about the garbage and the 'banana peel' as well. It's possible the garbage was full of empty wine cooler bottles and maybe some kind of snack or take-out stuff, so it was easier to dump the whole thing rather than pick out all the stuff he didn't want you to see. Honestly? I'd be willing to bet $100 he used your place for a hookup. Thanks for the input Lois.. There's just been too many red flags with this one.. We've been together 1.5 years and I am having serious doubts... But I agree with you, something was off.. I can't prove it but I am not stupid either.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Your gut is screaming to you for a reason. NEVER ignore your gut - it's rarely wrong. The more I read, the more I'm convinced he had someone over there and needed to get rid of the evidence. I don't believe he bought those wine coolers for you. I think you got what was LEFT of them after his 'date' at your apartment. I agree. My dad mentioned the same thing. Glad I took my key back.. Never again will a man get my key again unless it's a husband and we live together... If you see my other thread you'll see we have our fair share of problems.. I honestly don't feel in my heart at this point that he's the one I am suppose to marry 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'm sorry, MsHopeful. About 10 years ago I was living with a guy I suspected was a cheater. He worked at night, I worked during the day. He'd moved into my apartment after we dated a while. I had suspicious about him for awhile and I remember coming home from work one day (he normally left for work about an hour after I got home) and finding an ashtray in the kitchen that was normally in my smoking room (he was a non-smoker). I asked him why the ashtray was in the kitchen on the counter and he gave me some lame excuse about having emptied it for me and having forgotten to put it back. I knew damned well that was a lie. Like you with the sheets, this guy never took it upon himself to do a damned thing around that apartment, so he'd never take it upon himself to empty it - unless someone was there using the ashtray and he needed to hide the evidence. These idiots think they're so clever, but they're not. They're as transparent as glass. And yes, his ass was booted not too long afterwards. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 He changed the trash too because it contained used condoms no doubt. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I tend to not jump to there is another girl conclusions like a lot on the site. But the bedding isn't the only thing that stinks. I don't think he's telling the truth. I'd be very suspicious. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 This guy absolutely hooked up with someone else in your bed. Yikes! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 This guy absolutely hooked up with someone else in your bed. Yikes! Absolutely! To me, this is a no-brainer. Just common sense. Why the HELL would he remove your bedding and then drive 25 minutes away to wash! I would be suspicious even if there were a washer/dryer in your home, but to drive 25 minutes to his parents house to wash the damn sheets? Because he didn't like the way they smelled? I am sure he didn't ....they smelled like the sex he had (with another woman/women) while you were out of town! What a bunch of bull crap, please. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yeah ... sounds so sh*tty. But, question—if he'd hooked up with someone (not saying he didn't) why wait til she's home to wash the sheets? Why not do it hours earlier? What a dummy. Unless it was one of those "I want to get caught" scenarios. OP, what other red flags have their been? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Absolutely! To me, this is a no-brainer. Just common sense. Why the HELL would he remove your bedding and then drive 25 minutes away to wash! I would be suspicious even if there were a washer/dryer in your home, but to drive 25 minutes to his parents house to wash the damn sheets? Because he didn't like the way they smelled? I am sure he didn't ....they smelled like the sex he had (with another woman/women) while you were out of town! What a bunch of bull crap, please. And I forgot about the part where he asked you to call him one hour prior to you coming home. Helloooo!! This guy should be in your history book! Cannot believe you continued dating him for two months after that! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yeah ... sounds so sh*tty. But, question—if he'd hooked up with someone (not saying he didn't) why wait til she's home to wash the sheets? So classic. He probably ran out of time--another clue that it's out of character--he didn't allot enough time for sheet cleaning. I think if let's say he was just having his "alone" time in your bed, he would have maybe washed the sheets so OP wouldn't assume he cheated. HOWEVER, coupled with wine coolers AND emptying the trash, signs do point to him bringing someone there for cheating. I think you should do a little more digging around on your own and then speak to him about your suspicions. If his answers are not good enough, then break up with him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 This was around the middle or end of August but it's has been in the back in mind since then and I finally thought I should talk about it... So I may not find anything at this point? :-/.. I questioned him about washing my sheets but at the time didn't think too deep into it It isn't uncommon to miss something at the time. If it is on your mind, there is likely a VERY good reason for it. The subconscious works in mysterious ways. We pick up on things without even realizing it. I would say that your mind is making sense of the information it has gathered from other "incidences" as well, and is now sending you a signal to consciously process it. This type of thing is exactly what I just went through. It is actually the "gut" feeling we all experience. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Well god, what an idiot. If you're gonna use someone's space like that, do it right! He's obviously never used his parents' place for a party, lol. You put the wine cooler bottles in a separate bag. Plus, if you're gonna wash sheets, do them first-thing so that the bed is made by the time she gets back. Also, don't mention either of those things! Dumb. Not only is he an a$$, he's an incompetent one at that. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MsHopeful0208201689 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yeah ... sounds so sh*tty. But, question—if he'd hooked up with someone (not saying he didn't) why wait til she's home to wash the sheets? Why not do it hours earlier? What a dummy. Unless it was one of those "I want to get caught" scenarios. OP, what other red flags have their been? Other red flags.... I'll start from the beginning... We were in my parents garage over a year ago & my dad claims some item was in there but when we left it mysteriously disappeared,, he said the guy is a snake and is just grooming you & told me don't get my heart broke.. Then there was a time his mom mentioned him not coming home one night & I'm like that's weird because he wasn't with me & I brought it to his attention and he said "you think I'm cheating on you?!"... Just seemed weird and his mother let something slip out that shouldn't have.. He's kinda changed his attitude and demeanor in front of one of his friends and laughed at me when I mentioned a musical artist that I liked.. One of my friends was present and noticed the same thing.. He's "jokingly" belittled me several times saying my nose was big and I was ugly, and also said I was "slow"... But then he'll say I'm beautiful, smart... I know I am none of those negative things he's "joked" about because I am a senior at a University, I work 2 jobs, and I volunteer... The latest red flag was when I asked if he could start going half with me on birth control (mind you, I've went half on condoms before)... That's when he said "I'll help if I can sweetie, but I don't wanna get in the habit" & also said "I'm not looking to sponsor anyone"... In which I don't look for because I pay ALL of my bills on my own. He's also complained about me not putting something together in MY home but he won't do it.... When my dad was struggling to put together my table he didn't offer to help just sat on my couch and watched.. Although many of these red flags have nothing to do with cheating they are STILL red flags... Certain aspects of the relationship are good but I'm starting to have many doubts after 1.5 years.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 You ever heard of the movie "Failure to Launch"? Funny movie with Matt McConaughy. Different scenario, but same premise. Your big mistake in this whole scene was your "failure to launch" when you first started noticing these BRIGHT red flags! Better late than never, after 1.5 years of this bull crap, time to launch! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think it's safe to say something unsavoury happened on those sheets and he forgot about washing away any evidence until it was almost too late. He's not the brightest, because his cover-up story is flimsy as hell. Sorry, but this doesn't look good at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) OP ...the sheets wine cooler garbage thing sounds a little fishy definitely ...but that pales in comparison to some of the things you've listed above. This guy doesn't respect you ... I don't see him getting better... but more lax. The thing with not helping your dad is heartbreaking ...guys usually want to impress the dads to stay in an honorable light with them ... If this guy stays at your house a lot .. that is a benefit to him as he lives at home ... one would think he would contribute to things around the house like putting together a table ... The belittling thing is really bad too. I know you guys have good times but these are red flags indicating a long discussion with him about healthy boundaries and what your expectations are re: respectful behavior. I wouldn't let these things slide. If the guy shows remorse and willingness to change and changes ...think about staying together. If not ...you have you're answer as to what behavior to expect in the future. FYI ...I, too, have dated guys where we had good times but had to move on due to red flags ...things I wouldn't give a second chance on. This guy is waving big red flags and it's good you've taken notice ... you'll have to decide what's best for you and your personal tolerance level ...if you don't like his behavior move on. If you were done with Uni and working a great job and your self esteem were higher ...you probably would have left this guy already. This guy is no gentleman. As I like to say ...hello bf ...meet curb FYI ...I think birth control pills are on you. I'd have him contribute to house stuff if he's staying there a lot ...one would think he'd be doing that and if he's not ... Tell him you'd like him to. Edited October 24, 2015 by StBreton 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Sure, there has been SOME good in this r/s......just not enough to outweigh the obvious bad. Recommend natural outcome for this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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