hart23 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 hello all i have been dating this amazing girl for about 4 months now. we started off great. we had great chemistry. we even went away for a trip to the country side just few weeks into our relationship. everything was great. then i had to go away on my holidays, which i had planned long before i met her. then when i came back, she was busy preparing for her accounting exam. we still met twice a week during her busy period. she would plan for catching during her free time during her exam preparation week. we would just meet, hold hands and talk and cuddle. she said she was very stressed and tired to have sex. so we did lot of talking and bonding. then after her exam we met and we watched a movie at my place. then after the movie we started making out. it was great. but when the making out escalated and we started kissing passionately, i felt very nervous and anxious. she said she felt the same way. then she said that may be because we havent had sex for a while now and thats the reason we feel nervous. she said that it should be ok in sometime. we then just cuddled and talked and got to know more about each other. then now its her turn to go away for a week to attend her uncle's wedding. but before she went away, she took me out for dinner for my birthday. she was more bubbly and relaxed on that night. now she is in japan for a week.. i am bit worried on how to get our spark back. we are great together otherwise. we feel great and connected. and she is a very straight forward person and she told that i am an amazing guy and she loves waking up next to me in the morning should i be worried about this anxiety when we try to have sex? is it due to lack of attraction or just a temporary anxiety? and when she is back from japan, should i organise a romantic night and get over this anxiety and have sex ? or should i take it slow ? any advice would be great.
boltam Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 No duplicate threads allowed. It's akin to spamming.
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 She may have fallen "out" of love as quickly as she fell "in". It happens....you cannot "force" anything to happen. When she returns....read her body language when she greets you. You will know if it is forced...if it is cold.... Best of luck to you
menyou Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 No amount of anxiety would keep me from having sex with someone I was with unless I didn't want to have sex with them at all. Sounds like she's holding out and not for very good reasons.
Author hart23 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 we had sex before i left for my holidays ( which was 3-4 weeks ago)
oldshirt Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 In London during the Nazi bombings there was a baby-boom because people were having unprotected sex in the subways where they were seeking shelters from the bombs. So I'm not buying that her impotence is from stress from a test or anxiety that has built up from not having sex in while. Anyone who uses not having sex in awhile as an excuse for not having sex now is just plain cray-cray. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 hello all i have been dating this amazing girl for about 4 months now. we started off great. we had great chemistry. we even went away for a trip to the country side just few weeks into our relationship. everything was great. then i had to go away on my holidays, which i had planned long before i met her. then when i came back, she was busy preparing for her accounting exam. we still met twice a week during her busy period. she would plan for catching during her free time during her exam preparation week. we would just meet, hold hands and talk and cuddle. she said she was very stressed and tired to have sex. so we did lot of talking and bonding. then after her exam we met and we watched a movie at my place. then after the movie we started making out. it was great. but when the making out escalated and we started kissing passionately, i felt very nervous and anxious. she said she felt the same way. then she said that may be because we havent had sex for a while now and thats the reason we feel nervous. she said that it should be ok in sometime. we then just cuddled and talked and got to know more about each other. then now its her turn to go away for a week to attend her uncle's wedding. but before she went away, she took me out for dinner for my birthday. she was more bubbly and relaxed on that night. now she is in japan for a week.. i am bit worried on how to get our spark back. we are great together otherwise. we feel great and connected. and she is a very straight forward person and she told that i am an amazing guy and she loves waking up next to me in the morning should i be worried about this anxiety when we try to have sex? is it due to lack of attraction or just a temporary anxiety? and when she is back from japan, should i organise a romantic night and get over this anxiety and have sex ? or should i take it slow ? any advice would be great. There could be a host of reasons why this happened. Best I can do is give you some insight based on what happened to my last girl and I. For whatever the reason, it was very much the same as your experience. It could be because she had her mind elsewhere, you picked up on it subconsciously, and didn't feel comfortable. She could have done the same. She (or you) could have issues neither are aware of. In my case, I had a very selfish one who simply said I wasn't up to her standard and she said she saw her ex in my face. Needless to say, that killed the relationship right there, even though we attempted it after that. One thing is for sure,,,, One person ail most definitely pick up what the other is feeling, and it will affect the outcome. I had a problem getting hard with this last one…. and that is unheard of for me. I never had that before. She was pretty too, so it wasn't the physical. I got her really wet, but we just weren't into it because I sensed her mind was not in to it. Starting to feel now she even had a multiple personality, as evidence for that has been discussed with someone who knows about those things. So, it can be any number of issues.
compulsivedancer Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it. For the first several months with my guy, I'd get nervous when I didn't see him for a while. Of course it only heightened the sex! Just push through and have sex. Don't worry about it. Sounds like your relationship is working well. Don't overthink and create trouble where there isn't any! 2
SJS Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 In London during the Nazi bombings there was a baby-boom because people were having unprotected sex in the subways where they were seeking shelters from the bombs. So I'm not buying that her impotence is from stress from a test or anxiety that has built up from not having sex in while. Anyone who uses not having sex in awhile as an excuse for not having sex now is just plain cray-cray. Having just been through mid-terms, I can vouch for his girlfriend and say that when you are mentally preparing for a test it can be difficult to switch gears. You're in study mode and the brain is working OT, not sexy mode. It is not a fair comparison with the very real possibility of death. OP, don't over-think the nerves. I think once she gets back from Japan and you see each other again, the nerves will fade. You're still in the honeymoon stage and probably not 100% comfortable yet, which is contributing to the nerves. IMHO. 1
oldshirt Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Having just been through mid-terms, I can vouch for his girlfriend and say that when you are mentally preparing for a test it can be difficult to switch gears. You're in study mode and the brain is working OT, not sexy mode. It is not a fair comparison with the very real possibility of death. OP, don't over-think the nerves. I think once she gets back from Japan and you see each other again, the nerves will fade. You're still in the honeymoon stage and probably not 100% comfortable yet, which is contributing to the nerves. IMHO. You have to look at the bigger picture. People can tied up and stressed out over some big exams or project at work or something that can limit their time and energy for a very finite period of time until the exam/project is over. When someone comes up with one excuse after another, it all boils down that they don't want to. Millions of people every day carry on a healthy and happy love and sex life despite terrible stressors and hardships in their life. If someone is using the excuse of exams one week, then an upcoming trip the next week and the tires needing to be rotated the next week and their Aunt Petunia's dog getting hit by a car the next week etc etc etc it is because they don't want to have sex with you. And not one single person ever in the recorded history of man has ever not wanted to have sex because it's been awhile since they last had sex. That quite frankly is one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard on here and I have heard a lot. The second that came out of her mouth Hart should have wished her well in her travels and then went home and reopened his Match.com account. That is a game over moment. 2
Popsicle Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I may be alone in my advice here, but I think you shouldn't worry. 4
bluefeather Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Could be loss of attraction or it could be nervousness. I think only the two of you can determine which one it is. Guyouthere You makes some good points but why must you skip a line after every sentence? It tires my eyes to move that much to read your words. I may be alone in my advice here, but I think you shouldn't worry. When are you getting PMs back??
SJS Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 And not one single person ever in the recorded history of man has ever not wanted to have sex because it's been awhile since they last had sex. That quite frankly is one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard on here and I have heard a lot. I have re-read this over and over and can't find where it says she doesn't want sex because it's been awhile? She says she's nervous, which HE said the same thing as well. She didn't want sex when she was stressed and tired, which as a female I understand. If she had said yes and not been 100% into it, he'd be here asking about their sexual chemistry. 1
joseb Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I actually think if OP was nervous or anxious while making out, this could in turn turn her off. I'm guessing that's what happened. OP. Do you normally get anxious about sex? Another possibility is that the sex was not soo good. Did she enjoy it when you did have sex?
Author hart23 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) thanks a lot for your advice guys. really appreciate it. @Joseb.. i dont normally feel anxious while having sex. this time i was more anxious because i was meeting her after a few weeks of being away. so i was bit nervous whether we would still have the same chemistry. and infact i felt rushed to have sex rather than doing it the flow.. do you think that might be the reason? and yes, when we had sex she loved it and we both enjoyed a lot! Edited October 26, 2015 by hart23
Maxtor Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 The only reason for a girl to be nervous when having sex with you, its because she is around you, which is a negative aspect.
losangelena Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 then after her exam we met and we watched a movie at my place. then after the movie we started making out. it was great. but when the making out escalated and we started kissing passionately, i felt very nervous and anxious. she said she felt the same way. then she said that may be because we havent had sex for a while now and thats the reason we feel nervous. she said that it should be ok in sometime. we then just cuddled and talked and got to know more about each other. Wait, so you admitted to feeling nervous FIRST? Why is everyone here jumping on your GF like she was the only one? OP, can your pinpoint why YOU felt nervous and anxious? Would you have continued if she hadn't said anything? Who decided to actually stop that? Also, what kind of nervous? I don't know about anyone else, but I always get some butterflies before sex, I think that's kind of normal, no? I'm with popsicle, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you both are feeling anxious about things, trying to figure out "what it all means" isn't going to make getting back into the flow of things any easier. 2
menyou Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Wait, so you admitted to feeling nervous FIRST? Why is everyone here jumping on your GF like she was the only one? OP, can your pinpoint why YOU felt nervous and anxious? Would you have continued if she hadn't said anything? Who decided to actually stop that? Also, what kind of nervous? I don't know about anyone else, but I always get some butterflies before sex, I think that's kind of normal, no? I'm with popsicle, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you both are feeling anxious about things, trying to figure out "what it all means" isn't going to make getting back into the flow of things any easier. I second that butterfly feeling. The only anxiousness that should be felt is in a positive way like you excited for the moment.
Author hart23 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 @loasangelina i felt nervous because. during her exams she openly told me that she is too stressed and sleep deprived to have sex. so thats why i was nervous when we were making out. i had doubts whether she will like it.
Els Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Millions of people every day carry on a healthy and happy love and sex life despite terrible stressors and hardships in their life. And millions of people ARE having issues with their libido due to stress or bad circumstances. Not everyone reacts the same way. It's way too soon to know whether the OP's gf's libido dip is temporary and circumstantial or a sign of more to come. Jumping the gun here is just going to ruin a relationship that might actually still hold promise and likely put her off. Nobody wants a partner who jumps to the absolute worst conclusions from a dry spell that lasts a few weeks during an exam. OP, just try and work through the awkwardness and carry on as usual. If she is willing to work on it with you I think you should be fine. If the issue persists then you can cross the bridge when you come to it. 1
Miss Peach Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Women are very mental when it comes to having stress. If you want to go there try to do something relaxing to put her in the mood. I don't see anything yet to worry about. Just another thing - often a few months in the crazy infatuation chemistry starts to diminish. That's perfectly normal.
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