He messaged me after a year apart

[Picnicbasketmoo]

Hello I'm new here so sorry if I'm not doing anything right.

 

Info: we were together just over 2 years, he's 23 I'm 21

 

A year ago I split up with my ex because I felt that we were stuck in a rut doing the same things, the spark had gone for me and he never wanted to go out or anything, he didn't have a job either. The way I broke up with him wasn't great.. I did it through text. And yes I know it is the worst and most cowardly way to do it, and I am still living with the regret and depression that comes from hurting someone you love like that.

 

About a month after I messaged him to tell him I was sorry for doing it over text and he blew up at me and basically told me to p*** off (which is completely understandable)... Fast forward a year I get a text from him Sunday night asking to talk, so we met up Monday night and sat in my car and talked and I just saw him and it just felt like I never stopped loving him.. We both apologised and cleared the air but since that night I've been thinking whether I made the biggest mistake of my life dumping him because the reasons for it now seem so trivial it just seems like we've broke up again and I've been crying all week over it.. I've been so depressed over the fact I broke his heart for the last year and on Monday it just felt like all the feelings came back and now I don't know what to do..

 

But the thing is, I saw him that night and he is in a dead end job, he came dressed in trackies and just everything about him hasn't changed since I left. So in a way I should be relieved that I left because it would've been the same a year on. But here I am, thinking whether I made the biggest mistake of leaving someone who showed me what unconditional love is.. I've had a few dates and been in one short relationship since but I've never felt the same way for any of them compared to my ex.

[Meli22]

I was going to start talking about how relationships require work to keep that spark up but it seems that you were the one trying and he never wanted to go out. The reason my last relationship ended was because my ex complained the spark had gone, yet HE was the one who never wanted to go out and do things, he was happy watching TV all day so of course the spark went. I got so fed up of him not trying and complaining that he didn't feel as strongly for me so I left.

 

Back to you, it seems like maybe you never fully grieved the end of the relationship? And so the meet up brought back unresolved feelings. Just a thought. The fact that he is still in the same position is motivation for you to keep moving on. However you do mention he has a dead end job. But isn't that better than not having one at all? I don't know I can't speak for you, and to be honest someone with no ambition would also be a turn off for me because I'm quite career driven. I'd give this a little more time. I'm guessing he wants to reconcile? You need to figure this out alone but there's no rush

[Wewon]

You may have done the right thing by leaving or maybe not; it sounds like you to are fundamentally not a match. Notice I said, "not a match" and not "he was wrong" or "you were wrong". Being a homebody isn't a sin nor is it a sign that your partner isn't working on the relationship, especially if you knew that you were loved. There are a lot of relationships filled with activity, but the people aren't really feeling loved. Don't mistake busyness for working on the relationship.

 

There are some lessons that you can walk away from here. I got the impression that you put a lot of emphasis on going out and "doing things" and now you're missing someone that was consistently loving towards you. Hence, you're going out more but none of them are filling that particular void.

 

Maybe in future relationships try to incorporate that into the selection process.

Edited October 24, 2015 by Wewon