buzzerbee Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 My current boyfriend of a few weeks is pretty much everything a girl can ask for. We've been dating for about a month and everything couldn't be running smoother. Already he tells me he loves me, wants to move in together, wants to start a life with me, and talks about marriage. Its like a fairy tale. They say when things seem too good to be true they usually are. Well him and his kids mother were together a long time. On and off yet for a span of 15 years. They have three beautiful children. They seem to coparent very well. Knowing the history of them she has hurt him many times. Every time he has a new love interest she wants him back. Although I love what we have (bond, chemistry, love) sometimes I get the feeling that he is using me to make her jealous. Other ppl that know him say the same thing to me sometimes and she has made comments to others that our relationship is just for Facebook and when we break up they will be right back together. I was told this is their pattern. My thing is, he picked me, courted and won me over. Told me he loved me after our third date. I don't want to be hurt but he seems to be moving really fast. Although I think it's genuine in the back of my mind I wonder if its for show purposes. She seems bitter and not so happy about our relationship, yet plays like she is fine. Is he using me to make her jealous?
dragonfire13 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Hmm I dunno... I doubt he would be making such longterm commitments with someone he wasn't truly interested and was just using to make someone else jealous. It all does sound like it's happening awfully fast though, but that doesn't necessarily mean his feelings aren't genuine. Sometimes, when you know you know. I met a guy recently and after a month of dating he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship. I tried to justify his words as "oh, it's far too soon to call it a relationship, im sure once we've been seeing each other for a while he'll come around" But the truth it, a guy who is longterm material wouldn't say that in the first place. My point is, when men are ready for commitment, things can move pretty quickly. Don't disregard his feelings because of his past relationship. It sounds like it was a draining situation and Im sure he's glad to be rid of it, especially since he's now met someone he's more into. But definitely don't rush the process either, and go at a pace that is comfortable for you, not just him.
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 If this is a pattern with them you better tread carefully. You talk about this being a fairytale. You may be right because it's certainly not reality. A month in is way too fast for ILYs, talk of moving in together & marriage. Maybe, the 1st one but the other two are conversations best reserved for after a year of dating. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) likely something in you that you are not even aware of is making you take a step back. I pursued my last girl pretty hard, but in her case, she wasn't what I had originally thought. Not saying you are like that, but my point being that there is often an underlying "force" that seeks out to "protect" the other from a possible serious situation later on (thus your doubts). For my last girl, I would have given her the world, and was sincere and could have as well. I never promised her anything I could not deliver. The guy you speak of might be a show, or he might not be. Look for signs. Follow your gut. I'm glad I didn't marry this girl now because I know I fell in love with a "false self" that she was extremely good at portraying. But the REAL person will eventually come out, as happened in my case. They can't put up the facade forever. Mine originally said she wasn't interested in money,, after a while she was very much in love with wanting the fine things. Mine said she couldn't lie (I caught her in lies). Mine said she was loyal and sincere (sure, as long as there was no guy around who was "better" in her eyes). Mine said she was above others in her "growth and level". (that was her false self, high horse mentality ). Mine said she remained calm in all situations (I saw her act differently, with outbursts of verbal anger towards others via texts, etc. threats of wanting to beat another girl up). Mine said she knew what real love was (she had no genuine concept of it). Mine said she was "way beyond her years" in her maturity (couldn't be farther from the truth, just look at her actions). Mine said she was considerate (only if and when it suited her). There is more, but you get the point. Edited October 25, 2015 by Guyouthere
KatZee Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Telling you he loves you after the 3rd date? This isn't even a little bit normal. How does he know if he loves you? He doesn't even know you. I think he's rushing out of the gate because he wants his ex-wife or whatever she is to be jealous. If other people see this as well, then I'd also be careful with him. If he has a history of this pattern, breaking up, dating someone new, getting back together, I doubt it's going to suddenly change now. 2
Blanco Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'm a guy and not afraid of commitment and there's no way I would ever be having talks about moving in or getting married to someone after 30 DAYS of dating. That's lunacy. You two don't even know each other all that well yet. Love? No. Infatuation, sure. But love? Too soon to really know that yet. At a month, everyone is still on their best behavior. You're getting a look at the display model of the other person. Best not to make any major decisions in the first few months of dating. Moreover, you need to ask yourself if you're comfortable potentially raising three children who aren't yours. Do you want children of your own? Does this guy want more kids? Can he AFFORD more kids? Are you prepared to deal with what sounds like a potentially combative ex for as long as these kids are minors?
Author buzzerbee Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 I appreciate the feedback! Very different ways of looking at things
kendahke Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I would tread very carefully with this guy. He's rushing everything. And if he isn't repudiating her meddling nor is standing for you, then yes, he's probably using you as a weapon in their little sick game of rubberband. He is being completely unfair to you as long as he has not made it clear to her that their romantic involvement with one another is over to never be revived. He's not emotionally done with her.
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