Ghaldie Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 So just got sort of dumped but left hanging by a girl after a three months of dating. Im a guy, we both are close to thirties and not newbies to dating or breakups. We met through Tinder. As we started going to dates and I started getting really into her. Our values and hobbies matched, and we had great time together. Never met girl like her before and I thought she was a rare find, and felt like the luckiest guy in the world. My feelings were growing, and its clear she was beginning to get deep feelings for me too. I was probably getting borderline obsessed, which I know is not right, but felt powerless to stop it... Probably because she seemed such an awesome find, but she stayed just a little cold which pulled me in even more. Anyway, yesterday she told that shortly before she met me, she had a short thing with a co-worker, who she had had a big crush on. The co-worker had ended the thing, and her feelings were left dangling. After meeting me she had thought that the feelings for the co-worker would have died. Apparently not so. A week ago the co-worker had revealed to her in a bar, that he actually had feelings for her too. She apparently got messed up and confused, and now doesnt know what to do. She told that she has feelings for both of us, and doesnt know what to do because she had a wonderful time with me, but shes seeing the co-worker daily... She told me that she would never have wanted to date a co-worker, but you cant help your feelings right? Anyway I was crushed, as I really thought this might be something. Occasionally i had some creepy feelings about her that she might not be that interested, but her actions spoke a whole different world. She said that shes not very good communicator via phone or texting, which led to my creepy feelings. I believe she was honest about that. She also seemed to be a little self-centered. I really appreciate her being straight about this with me, but cant help feeling like **** obviously. Now im unsure what to do. Should I keep fighting for her? If I do and she lets me in, I know that shes going to see her crush daily on her workplace. Not good. The second option is to let her search her feelings and wait for her. Which leaves me at this place, hanging and waiting in an emotional mess. The third option is to break all connection and hope for anything with her. Which is probably the right thing to do but feels like hardest. I just want to fight for her, but not sure if its the right thing to do. Any honest input is very welcome, even though just writing this down helps. **TL;DR**: Got left hanging by girl who has feelings for both me and her coworker.
quattrob Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I think you'll be fighting a losing battle if you tried to fight for her. Like you mentioned she had/has a big crush on this co-worker of hers and she's "confused" right now because she is getting feelings back from her "first" choice. Only way you and her would work is if somehow they didn't. I suggest you look for someone else as she's definitely picking him over you if she had to choose and there's nothing you can do about that in my opinion.
Candle037 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I know this sucks and it hurts please don't chase her she isn't considering how you feel at all and isn't worth it. You want someone who wholeheartedly wants to be with you only. This really isn't fair what she did to you. I would suggest NC and yes it is hard. This isn't awesome..she's not awesome. Also it seems really messed up that months later especially at a bar this guy leads her into believing he has feelings for her..I'm sorry but what **** if you want someone you know you chase them so she is potentially getting in a really tough situation where he can toss her around when he feels like. Also what about your feelings? you were with her! not this ass. In the future I think this fling with her coworker won't last and she'll be back and please get on with your life. She will mess you up harder I promise.
Qboro90 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 There's no point in fighting man. Sorry to tell you but you already lost and nothing you're gonna do is gonna change how she feels. Not your fault. If she wanted you she never would've told you about the other guy and set up her "out plan". Only way to ever have a shot with her in the future is to act like it doesn't oh as you, no contact and show her that you're not an obsessed kinda guy.
Survivor12 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 You can't help the way you feel about her so how is she to blame for how she feels? It wasn't as though she lied to you. When her crush revealed his interest in her, she told you about it. She admitted being conflicted. That doesn't make her a bad person. In fact, being honest about it is admirable. Yes, it is disappointing to have feelings for someone that aren't reciprocated, but it happens and it hurts. How you choose to respond has a lot to do with how long it takes to move on. Blaming her for how she feels is not only unfair but will keep you from moving on. Accepting that she isn't able to change how she feels just because you want her to will make it easier to recover. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that her feelings for someone else have anything to do with who you are. They don't. Step back, lick your wounds and give yourself time to get over the rejection and disappointment. There is no point in "fighting" for her because even if you "win" her back, it won't necessarily mean that she is "over" the co-worker. Instead, let her go and free yourself to find someone who knows that you're the one that they want to be in a relationship with. Good luck.
NoLeafClover Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) U do the same thing...get on tinder and start talking to other girls hardcore and see if you can find a date. When people do this kind of stuff, you have no choice but be a player. Btw, coworkers almost never work. It is very rare and they would have to be pure with their feelings. Don't get me wrong it might last couple of years, but long term it usually never happens. Also, you will not be at peace with her working with him if you two got together. Her seeing him everyday will bother you constantly. Edited October 24, 2015 by NoLeafClover
Author Ghaldie Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Thanks alot everyone. Ive applied NC and going to keep it. I already knew its what was needed, but your words really help in this process. Some words she said, which led me to believe I should fight: "I dont know if things are going to work between us." -My thought: You dont know so you know. Youve already decided. "I dont know what im doing, I had such wonderful time with you." -Then why dont you want to continue this? "I just wanna hug you." -This is leading me on to believe she still has feelings for me. "I have feelings for both of you. But I see him everyday at work." -This makes the choice easier to understand... Yes, we did hug. And yes we kissed also. Last thing that was left in the air was that shes going to search for her feelings, which really led me hanging on. Even though I know that shes made her choice. Also I dont believe that the thing with the coworker is going to work, but who knows. I couldnt take her back, unless she wasnt around him anymore, gotten over him and long time passed so that she would really have moved on. Edited October 25, 2015 by Ghaldie
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