La Trese Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 So im a little confused about this situation. I met this guy and he was really hardcore pursing me and wanted my number. I was interested, but I told him im a medical student so I told him I didn't really respond to texts much since im always in class or studying. He asked for my snapchat since its more casual and I was like okay. He ended up moving a few hours away but after a few months of occasionally having snapchat conversations, I started liking him and he liked me, and he asked if we could be facebook friends. I told him sure since we had been talking for a while. I warned him I don't go on facebook that much but I would try to message him when I could. He messaged me throughout the week; I sometimes responded, sometimes didn't because I was in class or something. Every time I wouldn't respond he would ask me if anything was wrong, and i'd explain I probably saw the message in class and forgot or something. I had exams this week so I didn't message him the whole week and he didn't message me, and then all of a sudden I get a message saying "hey so we will probably never talk or meet so if its okay im going to unadd you". I was so confused....I was just like....i mean lol okay go ahead if that is what you want but im just confused why did you add me after not meeting up for two months if that were a problem then he was just like ok then I will and unadded me. I don't know if I should message him and be like can you explain to me whats going on are you upset we never met up (he never asked), I like talking to you, or just let it go. I kind of want to just let it go because I liked him but the fact that he pushed the whole facebook thing when I warned him im bad at responding and then messaged me that kind of put me off a bit. Maybe the fact that I am not really a fan of texting/facebook messaging constantly is offputting to him or maybe he is hurt by the fact I only respond about 60% of the time. What do you think I should do should I just let it go and chalk it up to different personalities or try snapchatting him? Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 why are you surprised that he doesn't want to communicate with someone who only responds half the time. You being a medical student has nothing to do with being considerate. You sound flaky to me- especially since it only takes about 30 seconds to respond to a text. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 why are you surprised that he doesn't want to communicate with someone who only responds half the time. You being a medical student has nothing to do with being considerate. You sound flaky to me- especially since it only takes about 30 seconds to respond to a text. I was upfront about it to him though...I told him when he asked to add me "im just warning you I don't go on that often". Im in medical school classes and by the time I get home I have to study. It does take 30 seconds to respond to a text but then you start a conversation and have to be texting back and forth while you are trying to study. When I am not studying, I do engage in a conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Seems pretty obvious to me: He got the message loud and clear that you don't have time for a relationship. So he's unfriending you and moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) Seems pretty obvious to me: He got the message loud and clear that you don't have time for a relationship. So he's unfriending you and moving on. Aww thats a shame I liked him but oh well I had a boyfriend in medical school I have time but my ex boyfriend and I were on the same page about texting and stuff. Edited October 24, 2015 by La Trese Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I was upfront about it to him though...I told him when he asked to add me "im just warning you I don't go on that often". Im in medical school classes and by the time I get home I have to study. It does take 30 seconds to respond to a text but then you start a conversation and have to be texting back and forth while you are trying to study. When I am not studying, I do engage in a conversation. you sound rather condescending and very off -putting and uninterested, like you don't have time for him/he doesn't deserve your attention. "I want to add you on Facebook" "yeah I don't use that often" "I will text you instead" "yeah I don't reply often" Who do you think you are? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) you sound rather condescending and very off -putting and uninterested, like you don't have time for him/he doesn't deserve your attention. "I want to add you on Facebook" "yeah I don't use that often" "I will text you instead" "yeah I don't reply often" Who do you think you are? An introvert Please don't put words into my mouth. I liked him I thought he was so sweet and even now I have only good things to say about him. I never said I don't have time for him and he doesn't deserve my attention, its just hard for me to have texting conversations plus I hate texting conversations I only use texting to pretty much arrange phone calls. Thats why I tried to be upfront with him with my introverted personality and how I only log onto facebook once a week and about classes so if I didn't respond he wouldn't take it as disinterest. I did tell him several times if he was ever in town let me know i'll show him around and he never did and I would have followed through with it too. Also keep in mind I never really knew where we stood but I saw it as more of a casual talking friendship/maybe more type thing. Edited October 24, 2015 by La Trese Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 An introvert Please don't put words into my mouth. I liked him I thought he was so sweet and even now I have only good things to say about him. I never said I don't have time for him and he doesn't deserve my attention, its just hard for me to have texting conversations plus I hate texting conversations I only use texting to pretty much arrange phone calls. Thats why I tried to be upfront with him with my introverted personality and how I only log onto facebook once a week and about classes so if I didn't respond he wouldn't take it as disinterest. I did tell him several times if he was ever in town let me know i'll show him around and he never did and I would have followed through with it too. Also keep in mind I never really knew where we stood but I saw it as more of a casual talking friendship/maybe more type thing. Maybe your wording is terrible and makes you sound uninterested; or maybe his interest level wasn't that high anyway;or maybe you really don't have time but he needs time/attention and it's frustrating for both of you;or maybe YOU are not as interested as you thought so you didn't make much time for him. You didn't give much info so I can only guess.It seems you are so busy even meeting him is a struggle and he can see the difficulty and decided to move on. You can try explain things to him and see if he wants another shot, otherwise move on as well Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I never said I don't have time for him and he doesn't deserve my attention, You may not have said it, but your actions showed it. If you want a guy to be your boyfriend, you need to make time for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yeah, if there's literally one thing I hate the most about the online thing, is the people who say they want a relationship or want to date and then they just act like a casual texting friend. He got that vibe off you and he wasn't having it, so he deleted you. I've done the same thing to every single guy who's pulled this with me. Either they were "too busy" or not interested enough. And either way, I have no time for that. I don't need online friends. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftViolin Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I get what you are saying, OP. I, too, dislike prolonged text convos, or facebook chats that require you to stay by the computer and respond. I'd much rather also be talking on the phone or meeting up in person. You did make that preference clear, so you were honest. That said, no matter how busy and no matter the communication medium preference, when you like someone you find time to respond to them at least once a week. So maybe you didn't really feel it for him and he sensed that? It's not a pleasant feeling being unfriended, but at least he asked you about it. You might just have to let this one go... Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yeah, if there's literally one thing I hate the most about the online thing, is the people who say they want a relationship or want to date and then they just act like a casual texting friend. He got that vibe off you and he wasn't having it, so he deleted you. I've done the same thing to every single guy who's pulled this with me. Either they were "too busy" or not interested enough. And either way, I have no time for that. I don't need online friends. That and the people who say they want a relationship but their schedule is so full they can't meet you for two weeks. why are you trying to date if you are that busy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 You may not have said it, but your actions showed it. If you want a guy to be your boyfriend, you need to make time for him. Oh man you guys are right this is why dating is so hard as an introvert. I'll message him and apologize for not making time for him And wish him the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 That and the people who say they want a relationship but their schedule is so full they can't meet you for two weeks. why are you trying to date if you are that busy? I'm not busy to meet him but he moved once we started getting to the point where we felt that close. But yeah I guess idk if I'm too busy to text maybe I should just not date. Idk how to solve the problem of not really liking texting in the first place it's always been hard for me but maybe next time if a guy tries having a text conversation with me I'll just ask to meet in person instead. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Oh man you guys are right this is why dating is so hard as an introvert. I'll message him and apologize for not making time for him And wish him the best. You are so introverted you can't hand;e responding to a text yet you are attending medical school. I'd hate to be your patient. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 You're probably going to have to date someone with a similar busy schedule who lives closer to you. Only someone in your position (med student/grad student) really understands the pressure you're under and how busy you are. I did not get a "I'm better than you vibe" from your post...just someone who wants a relationship but has a hard time developing one or maintaining one given your schedule. Let him go. He has way more time on his hands than you do, and he needs someone who is more attentive than you're able to be at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
IHearWonders Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I made a post earlier tonight and it sounds like your situation is the flip side of what I'm dealing with. Even if you are busy with school and everything and it's hard to keep up with texts, if you are seriously seeking a relationship you would need to put in more than just a 60% response time. I would say if you would really like to continue seeing this guy, try your best to get it through his head that you would like to pursue something further with him, and apologize for your lack of responses due to your schedule. He probably feels like you're just not that into him. If he understands that you can't be around 24/7 to full fill his needs and still has a problem, then maybe you are not the girl for him, or maybe even though you would like a relationship you are just too busy for one at this moment. It takes effort on both parts to move in a better direction. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 You are so introverted you can't hand;e responding to a text yet you are attending medical school. I'd hate to be your patient. These two things are not related at all. I know many introverts that are successful in "client facing" roles. The thing is, they especially need their me time even more in their personal life. It is exhausting to be "on" all day and also need to do that to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think it's pretty childish to "unfriend" someone AND announce it like he did to you. However, it's also pretty childish to respond to someone about 60% of the time, not address it when he is asking what is wrong (other than to say in a very dismissive manner that you just don't always respond which translates to just deal with it buddy) AND then still expect him to stay in same place with you. Flakey and self-centered. He's over it or annoyed. Why are you surprised? Since it seems like you don't have time for dating, here's a suggestion: try not to string people along and then be surprised when they are not up for it. If I could talk to your guy, he should have just unfriended you if it meant that much to him or leave each other as friends but not contact you. Jeez. Also you kept (purposely?) wording it vaguely--did you ever actually MEET this guy? Or do you mean "met this guy" online or on internet in some way and never in person? jeez Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 So im a little confused about this situation. I met this guy and he was really hardcore pursing me and wanted my number. I was interested, but I told him im a medical student so I told him I didn't really respond to texts much since im always in class or studying. He asked for my snapchat since its more casual and I was like okay. He ended up moving a few hours away but after a few months of occasionally having snapchat conversations, I started liking him and he liked me, and he asked if we could be facebook friends. I told him sure since we had been talking for a while. I warned him I don't go on facebook that much but I would try to message him when I could. He messaged me throughout the week; I sometimes responded, sometimes didn't because I was in class or something. Every time I wouldn't respond he would ask me if anything was wrong, and i'd explain I probably saw the message in class and forgot or something. I had exams this week so I didn't message him the whole week and he didn't message me, and then all of a sudden I get a message saying "hey so we will probably never talk or meet so if its okay im going to unadd you". I was so confused....I was just like....i mean lol okay go ahead if that is what you want but im just confused why did you add me after not meeting up for two months if that were a problem then he was just like ok then I will and unadded me. I don't know if I should message him and be like can you explain to me whats going on are you upset we never met up (he never asked), I like talking to you, or just let it go. I kind of want to just let it go because I liked him but the fact that he pushed the whole facebook thing when I warned him im bad at responding and then messaged me that kind of put me off a bit. Maybe the fact that I am not really a fan of texting/facebook messaging constantly is offputting to him or maybe he is hurt by the fact I only respond about 60% of the time. What do you think I should do should I just let it go and chalk it up to different personalities or try snapchatting him? The bottom line is that you don't have time for him and he wants more. He has a right to want more from someone and he's not obligated to be your friend so let him go, and don't feel an ounce of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'm not busy to meet him but he moved once we started getting to the point where we felt that close. But yeah I guess idk if I'm too busy to text maybe I should just not date. Idk how to solve the problem of not really liking texting in the first place it's always been hard for me but maybe next time if a guy tries having a text conversation with me I'll just ask to meet in person instead. You're only going to get busier so don't bother with someone who is long distance and can't be there with you at whatever time you get home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author La Trese Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) I think it's pretty childish to "unfriend" someone AND announce it like he did to you. However, it's also pretty childish to respond to someone about 60% of the time, not address it when he is asking what is wrong (other than to say in a very dismissive manner that you just don't always respond which translates to just deal with it buddy) AND then still expect him to stay in same place with you. Flakey and self-centered. He's over it or annoyed. Why are you surprised? Since it seems like you don't have time for dating, here's a suggestion: try not to string people along and then be surprised when they are not up for it. If I could talk to your guy, he should have just unfriended you if it meant that much to him or leave each other as friends but not contact you. Jeez. Also you kept (purposely?) wording it vaguely--did you ever actually MEET this guy? Or do you mean "met this guy" online or on internet in some way and never in person? jeez No we met in person initially at some concert and he just asked if I had a snapchat and were casually talked for a month before just recently talking more when he admitted he was crushing on my snapchats and wanted to get to know me. And I don't get what's wrong with my answer. I told him before he added me on Facebook I don't go on often are you sure you want to add me or do you want to just talk on sbapchat? He said yes it's totally fine we will just talk at night after I come home. Then he messaged me all day and I only responded at night and he gets mad at me for not sitting around Facebook all day when I actually went on way more often that I usually did just to talk to him. Nothing was wrong I wasn't mad at him so why would I lie and make up something other than I don't go on that often which is the truth. If it weren't for me needing it for school id delete Facebook that's how much I hate using it. Edited October 24, 2015 by La Trese Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 No we met in person initially at some concert and he just asked if I had a snapchat and were casually talked for a month before just recently talking more when he admitted he was crushing on my snapchats and wanted to get to know me. And I don't get what's wrong with my answer. I told him before he added me on Facebook I don't go on often are you sure you want to add me or do you want to just talk on sbapchat? He said yes it's totally fine we will just talk at night after I come home. Then he messaged me all day and he gets mad at me for not sitting around Facebook all day when I actually went on way more often that I usually did just to talk to him. Nothing was wrong I wasn't mad at him so why would I lie and make up something other than I don't go on that often which is the truth. Ok, good that you had a real life meeting. Maybe i don't get it--why would you have more time to snapchat with him vs texting. Or why not save up some time to make time to spend an hour or two DOING something with him. He sounds fed up. You both sound like you are being stubborn. You "laid" out your requirements and he must have been hopeful that you didn't really mean that if you meant to date him at some level. If you are having trouble squeezing in a bit of time to text or snapchat, there really is no point to hope for more. He was probably bent out of shape because he considered what you did "stringing him along" and was frustrated. You are not on the same page at all. Dating requires some compromises that most are HAPPY to make. I realize you said you went on snapchat more than usual to make an effort to communicate with him. It wasn't enough for him and he is frustrated about it. It wouldn't be enough for most people. Sure maybe he was a baby to reach out and say he was going to unfriend you. I'm guessing it was a warning to you so you could "step it up". But if you don't really have time for this, or to see him, maybe you shouldn't given him the expectation that you were going to date. Also how much time snapchatting/texting was he trying to get from you? 15-30mins sounds reasonable. Maybe you felt like you "NEEEDED" to respond and it was annoying to you. So much so that you only responded about 1/2 the time. It's all just not a good basis for a relationship in these initial stages. Maybe you will find the next guy more motivating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I have to say I sympathise with the OP. I've lost guys for the same reason. And I don't blame them. I don't like Facebook conversations or texting. I'd much rather someone call me, we talk on skype video or meet in person. I know what I'm doing wrong and that is not being able to sustain the positive momentum at the beginning where the guy wants you to be texting back to him straight away and via online dating. I find it very exhausting to communicate a lot so I space it out. I love talking to people so it's not because I don't like anyone. I'm just introverted. However, even in a close relationship, I could go through most of the day without texting and then hear from them later. The sad thing is I could be interested in a guy but I will just take it a slower pace, but this can be interpreted as no interest at all :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Let it go. You're wasting your time with this one IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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