FrustratedFred Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 We have been together 30 years. We are members of a sailing club. There is a singles sailing club that sometimes does the same events as our club, so there is a lot of mixing at events. We have different days off. So my wife tends to go to sailing events without me. There is a weekly race during the summer that my wife wanted to go to for years. She found a guy who is a member of both groups who would let her crew in the race every week. I had no problem with that. Once the racing season ended, he started asking her to different events. Sailing raft ups (parties), races, overnight trips, happy hours, etc. He even asked her to start using vacation time so she could race with him. Apparently the guy thought they were dating?!! WTF? I told her to end it. She did, but essentially blamed me. She told him, "My husband is upset that you and I are hanging around with each other." I told her that isn't enough, she needs to own it and stop trying to blame me. She attended a 'docking class' with the club two weeks ago. A guy from the singles sailing club was teaching the class. Now he has invited her to go to a sailing race and after party. I told her I am fed up with this singles guy sh*t, and to end it. She says that I'm just being, 'jealous'. When she said that, I lost it. As far as I am concerned, she is once again trying to blame me. I asked her why these guys always seem to get the wrong idea about her. She says she doesn't know why. I don't believe her. She has a history of berating me behind my back when she is upset with me. I suspect she is venting about me to these guys and giving them the wrong idea. I am thinking of just leaving, going dark, and cutting off all direct contact and communication with her for a week or two. She needs a wake up call. Thoughts, ideas? I am fed up. Thanks in advance.
sandylee1 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 First off, I think you'll receive more responses in the 'Marriage and life partnerships section' Here goes.... My husband would also not be happy if I were regularly doing this, so you are not alone. It's not just that they are single..but they are men. I would equally not be happy if the tables were turned. If she is just doing the activity, but makes her marital status clear and would shut down any advances, then it wouldn't be a problem, but I'm sensing there are a few issues in your marriage. I may be wrong, but I think sailing is done more by guys, so I'm sure your wife is outnumbered and she may like the attention she gets. It's also about trust and previous behaviour. It's totally unacceptable that she goes on overnight visits with another man. Unless she's giving them some signals, I doubt they would invite her (without you) to parties and other social events. If the guys have half a brain - they will know that's wrong. If she feels she has to tell the guys her husband doesn't want her hanging out with them, then so be it. Infact it's good for them to know you aren't happy with it, but she's sending the message that it's fine with her. They should know better than to be asking a married woman to double up with them like this. Having said this, your wife is probably giving a very different vibe when you aren't there. If I sense someone might be coming on to me, I make very sure to mention my husband...even though I were a wedding ring. Would she be doing the sailing activities in a group or just with the one man? Her accusing you of being jealous is a bit of a red flag too. Why would the guy think they were dating if she told him she was married? I suspect something may have happened here. It's very possible that she's done more than you know...The opportunity has certainly been there. She has overstepped the mark and you'd be wise to keep vigilant to find out what's going on. Like is she communicating with the guys at other times? Calling and texting them? Is she open with her phone? Facebook? I don't think walking away is best.... But I see you are fed up . Try and be calm and talk it through. Get her to see your concerns if you can. Would she be okay if you were socialising with a single woman like this?
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