Jackiejolie Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) I suppose I'm just looking some advice and reassurance here, if anyone can offer I would really appreciate it. My ex boyfriend and I decided to take some time apart approx 7 weeks ago. He had issues with guilt and depression in relation to his child from a previous relationship. This break was completely instigated by him, I did not want to be apart, even though things had not been going well and he was acting very cold and distant towards me. We spoke on and off for around 4 weeks, and even met up for a chat during this time. He had always implied he intended on us reconciling after time to seek therapy and clear his head. I was agreeable to all this and went to see a therapist myself to help with issues of codependency. Around 2 weeks ago I suggested we take time apart and not talk/text etc to really make a decision on where to go from here. He didn't really want to but after that conversation I didn't hear from him so assumed that's what we were doing. Fast forward to today, I get a message from him saying we are clearly over and let's just leave it. When pressed he said he didn't want the no talking time. I asked why he didn't bother to contact me then and he said I clearly wasn't interested. Instead of my usual running to fix things and make him feel better I stood my ground and told him he didn't make the effort to reconcile and expected me to do everything. He doesn't value me or the relationship and if he doesn't want to try then yeah he's right we are done. He didn't take this well and seemed angry at me but I felt proud of myself for saying what I really felt, and telling him that he is the reason we will not work. I have done so much for him and been typically codependent in nature. Today I feel I turned a corner and although I'm sad we aren't going to work out I have no regrets. Do you guys think I did the right thing and if so, how do I now adjust to life without someone? (As a codependent type I have very rarely been single as I fear the notion of being alone) Edited October 23, 2015 by Jackiejolie Left something out
mightycpa Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Do you guys think I did the right thing and if so, how do I now adjust to life without someone? (As a codependent type I have very rarely been single as I fear the notion of being alone)Issue #1 - The right thing. Yes, that was the right thing. He's clearly not communicative, and if you're proud of yourself for doing that, then you need someone who's headed in that direction too. Issue #2 - All the lonely people. If you've rarely been single, then you know how to reel them in. So get another one. In fact, get two or three of them at the same time, and the clingiest of the trio will be the one best suited to your codependent personality. Keep cycling though more and more of them until you meet the one with just the right amount of clinginess to match yours. Be forewarned that you need to be prepared to ditch a lot of guys who are otherwise pretty good catches. You're looking for a match, not the best qualities.
Luke22 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Hey Jackie. From what you've written, IMHO I believe you are right. He had a choice to work on issues with you or without you. He chose to take a break to work on himself (good for him). However, he cannot expect you to wait around until he figures things out. Your gut told you to get out, you did it. I wish I did, I wasted an additional 9 months waiting for my relationship to "heal". Wasted time. If it's meant to be, he'll reach out. If he does, he will have to prove that he has changed and share what his plan is. If that happens, you'll have to think long and hard. Now. If you have a weak moment come here and the members here are full of advice and will share their experiences. You are not alone. Good for you!
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