IHearWonders Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I began dating a guy in the beginning of the summer and our dating life was great! I could always count on spending my weekends with him and both of us always had a blast. However, it's now been over a month and I haven't seen him and our contact has dropped dramatically. On our last meeting (mid September) he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me again the next weekend, however once the weekend rolled around I heard nothing from him. I texted him the following weekend if he wanted to get together, but he was with family. Fast forward to the beginning of October, still barely any contact from him so i sent him a text, "Are you alive?". He replied back and apologized for being so out of touch and that he was having a few personal problems and going through a rough patch at the moment. I wished him well and gave him some space for over a week. I sent him a text last weekend asking how he was doing, and 6 days later still no response. This is the first time he hasn't replied to me. He's a shy/nerdy type so I have done most of the initiation physically in the relationship. We had been dating for almost 2 months before we even had our first kiss, and then we started becoming sexually active in the few weeks before we last seen each other. One other thing that worries me is that he mentioned that he had trouble getting over his last breakup in May, which was the only other girl he had ever been involved with beside me. His withdraw started taking place once Fall classes started up and she happens to have the same major as him so they obviously would see each other daily. He seems like the sweetest guy and I find it hard to believe that he's pulling the fade out on me but it seems like that's very possible. This has literally been driving me mad for the past month. Should I just stay calm and see what happens? If he remains silent should I ask him what happened?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I began dating a guy in the beginning of the summer and our dating life was great! I could always count on spending my weekends with him and both of us always had a blast. However, it's now been over a month and I haven't seen him and our contact has dropped dramatically. On our last meeting (mid September) he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me again the next weekend, however once the weekend rolled around I heard nothing from him. I texted him the following weekend if he wanted to get together, but he was with family. Fast forward to the beginning of October, still barely any contact from him so i sent him a text, "Are you alive?". He replied back and apologized for being so out of touch and that he was having a few personal problems and going through a rough patch at the moment. I wished him well and gave him some space for over a week. I sent him a text last weekend asking how he was doing, and 6 days later still no response. This is the first time he hasn't replied to me. He's a shy/nerdy type so I have done most of the initiation physically in the relationship. We had been dating for almost 2 months before we even had our first kiss, and then we started becoming sexually active in the few weeks before we last seen each other. One other thing that worries me is that he mentioned that he had trouble getting over his last breakup in May, which was the only other girl he had ever been involved with beside me. His withdraw started taking place once Fall classes started up and she happens to have the same major as him so they obviously would see each other daily. He seems like the sweetest guy and I find it hard to believe that he's pulling the fade out on me but it seems like that's very possible. This has literally been driving me mad for the past month. Should I just stay calm and see what happens? If he remains silent should I ask him what happened? Oh honey, this is dead and the water and over and done with... Ask any guy on this forum: if he is at all interested, he'll keep in touch/make the effort... If this guy stated he wasn't over his ex (and he goes to classes with her...?) Believe him when he says that. Trust me - he is so distracted by her, that he has relegated you to even way below second option. My guess is he's shifted his focus back onto her - or she is so much of a distraction that everything else pales into insignificance and of secondary importance. My suggestion to you is NOT ONLY to stay calm AND silent. It's to consider this over, and move on. By all means, if it makes you feel better, or gives you 'closure', send him a text telling him that as he apparently seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth, you consider this to be a non-happening, and that you're getting on with your life; but honestly? That may just be so obvious it doesn't even bear pointing out.... I'm sorry. Go No Contact and lead a life independent of any involvement with him. Uless and until he demonstrates any kind of interest - this is long gone south... 3
Author IHearWonders Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 That's what I figured. I am big on closure and I do feel like it'll help me move on to have an "official" breakup. Plus, at this point I'm more upset at the fact that he doesn't have enough respect to breakup with me after months of dating. I actually would like him to be honest with me on what he wants instead of thinking he can disappear off the face of the Earth.
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 he's always been a coward....2 months before even kissing you??? seriously?. Whatever he is up to, he's prob feelin so much guilt he has decided to stick his head in the sand than rather face you. This is why I didn't date shy guys....too much bloody hassle.
Ami1uwant Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 He has lost interest or something better has come around... The first sign was it took you how long till you finally kissed? I can understand the first few dates...that long???? Sounds like he didn't like the sex. If not that then there is something rose he doesn't like.
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 This story strangely resemble point by point this one: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/551331-based-these-messages-over Your man lost interest a while ago. It's not up to him to give you closure, you have to find it within yourself and move on. You hung on to him much longer than the average woman would have had. I am sorry for your disappointment. It sucks I know. It would take so little for him to let you know he's not feeling it anymore but in this day and age of 'texting' and 'online' it seems basic consideration has taken a beating. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Oh honey, this is dead and the water and over and done with... THIS... If a guy's not contacting you or asking you out, it's because he doesn't want to. Sometimes you just have to take things at face value. Does it suck because of how well things were going? Of course. But for whatever reason he changed his mind about you. 2
Author IHearWonders Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 He has confessed to me that a lack of confidence prevents him from initiating things with girls... which is why I was patient in the beginning but finally said "screw it" and kissed him myself. I doubt it has anything to do with not liking the sex since he hardly has any sexual experience in the first place and seemed very happy with it. Now I keep getting advice telling me to not text him, to just move on, let it be and create my own closure, but I am SUPER stubborn and would really like to just create some closure myself. That being said, I really feel like sending him a simple "What happened with us?" text. Whether he choses to respond to it or not is his thing. He told me it was hard getting over his last relationship because it was his first and whatnot. But it makes me wonder if he has experienced such heartbreak then why on earth would he want to inflict it on someone else?! If he was just honest about his feelings I could understand, but being ditched without any explanation makes me feel worthless and frustrated.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 He has confessed to me that a lack of confidence prevents him from initiating things with girls... which is why I was patient in the beginning but finally said "screw it" and kissed him myself. I doubt it has anything to do with not liking the sex since he hardly has any sexual experience in the first place and seemed very happy with it. Now I keep getting advice telling me to not text him, to just move on, let it be and create my own closure, but I am SUPER stubborn and would really like to just create some closure myself. That being said, I really feel like sending him a simple "What happened with us?" text. Whether he choses to respond to it or not is his thing. He told me it was hard getting over his last relationship because it was his first and whatnot. But it makes me wonder if he has experienced such heartbreak then why on earth would he want to inflict it on someone else?! If he was just honest about his feelings I could understand, but being ditched without any explanation makes me feel worthless and frustrated. Here's the thing though. You said the dating dynamic between you two used to be great right? So you know for a fact that he can be into something when he wants to be. But for whatever reason, something changed for him and now his actions are indicating he lost interest. If he was still interested, he'd be acting like he did with you originally right?
Author IHearWonders Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Here's the thing though. You said the dating dynamic between you two used to be great right? So you know for a fact that he can be into something when he wants to be. But for whatever reason, something changed for him and now his actions are indicating he lost interest. If he was still interested, he'd be acting like he did with you originally right? Well there is always the thing that he told me a few weeks ago that he hasn't been contacting me because he's having a rough time at the moment. I've noticed he has the tendency to keep to himself in the past when he's sick, upset, or busy. I always have the thought in the back of my head that maybe he's telling me the truth and just needs space. But it's just been to such an extent that it seems too iffy to be true.
Timshel Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 It may be nothing but you said their breakup was in May (end of classes?) Then you two begin to date the beginning of the summer (June?) Then he disappears in September when classes start up again, they attend Major classes together? Were you a summer romance? Are you sure they were officially off or just apart for the summer?
Author IHearWonders Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 It may be nothing but you said their breakup was in May (end of classes?) Then you two begin to date the beginning of the summer (June?) Then he disappears in September when classes start up again, they attend Major classes together? Were you a summer romance? Are you sure they were officially off or just apart for the summer? They broke up in May, we started dating the first week of July. The thing is they've both been in Summer classes together so it's not like they hadn't seen each other since the break up. And yes, I know for a fact that they were officially over. He worked and took part time classes in the summer, but now he still has the job and a full course load and he said he was struggling to keep up with all the work and that he is stressed and overwhelmed- one of the reasons he claims to not be contacting me.
Maggie4 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 He had a difficult break up in May. You started dating at the beginning of summer, what, June? He was feeling bad and you boosted his ego. You helped him feel better and regain his confidence. He went to the Ihearwonders summer therapy and had a blast. Come September, he is not so needy with his ex and feels more attractive. Once in a while you read on a forum someone posting about suffering from a break up. Then the person says that s/he will start dating to feel better. Well, this is what it looks like from the other side. Possibly he even feels guilty for having had sex with you, as if he had cheated on his ex. She was always the one, and you were the fling. This sucks! People, be kind, don't use others to get over an ex. 3
KatZee Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Ditto everything everyone else said, and i'll add this: I guarantee his line of having "personal problems" is a complete load of bulls.h!t. Sounds like him and his ex reconciled and he's too much of a pussbag to say it to your face. Instead, he'll just run away like a scared little boy and hope you don't notice. 4
newmoon Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 sounds from your story that your did the pursuit and he happily followed along. and then, he didn't anymore. sorry to quote the book, but mostly likely he wasn't all that into you. you were pushing along a guy with texts and initiating physical contact when he probably didn't care all that much for you. it happens. move on.
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 But it makes me wonder if he has experienced such heartbreak then why on earth would he want to inflict it on someone else?! If he was just honest about his feelings I could understand, but being ditched without any explanation makes me feel worthless and frustrated. You are being far too logical with that question. People do it all the time. It's not a logical decision. Someday you will do it to someone too. It's probably why he's avoiding you--feels bad about hurting you. I do happen to think as an unexperienced guy who probably wasn't over his ex, getting close to you is what did the trick. that caused him to pull away. 1
Qboro90 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 That's what I figured. I am big on closure and I do feel like it'll help me move on to have an "official" breakup. Plus, at this point I'm more upset at the fact that he doesn't have enough respect to breakup with me after months of dating. I actually would like him to be honest with me on what he wants instead of thinking he can disappear off the face of the Earth. Learn to accept the fact that you're not going to get perfect closure or reasoning behind your breakups or guys bailing on you. This guy is definitely not interested and done as everyone here has replied. Let's say you send him that text and say "what happened with us?" And he says "I don't really like you anymore, haven't for a while, and don't find you attractive" . Is that going to be satisfying to hear and the closure you want? If he doesn't answer your question, how long and how many times will you reach out to find out "why?". Accept that it doesn't matter why. He's just no into you anymore. Finding out why won't make you feel any better, it won't change anything, won't do anything at all. If you just want him to admit that he treated you poorly and was ride and disrespectful then might as well purchase a unicorn while you're at it because that's not what ever happens and he won't be any different. Telling yourself that "he's shy/nerdy, not the guy who initiates" is awful and making excuses on his part. Expect more from the men you date. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 One other thing that worries me is that he mentioned that he had trouble getting over his last breakup in May, which was the only other girl he had ever been involved with beside me. His withdraw started taking place once Fall classes started up and she happens to have the same major as him so they obviously would see each other daily. Seems like you answered your own question. Mr. Shy is probably still mooning over his 'first love.' In either event, he's made it crystal clear that he's not interested in continuing a relationship with you. Not with his flimsy excuses, but his ACTIONS. His actions have been very clear - he's making ZERO effort to see you or be in touch with you. Someone whose interested in you won't ignore your texts and give you LAME reasons for why he's basically disappeared off the radar. It ain't rocket science. 2
xcupid Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 It doesn't matter why he did what he did. He's obviously not the one for you. Better to move on instead of wanting "closure" and looking for answers which in the long run are meaningless, IMO. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Closure is so overrated. I think people that insist on it (especially on a short term thing) have watched one too many cheesy movies or bad self-help books. It's idealistic in all the wrong ways. 1
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 REBOUND!!! BOINGGGGGGGG! Don't buy his excuses, he was never that invested in the first place. Even if you ask him all you are going to get is more passive excuses to blow you off. Have some dignity, and walk away.
Author IHearWonders Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Thanks everyone, for your input. I've decided I'll just leave him be and try to keep my focus away from him for now. I guess I was in denial because he seemed like such a great guy when we were dating that it is hard for me to let someone that good go, but he obviously can't be that much of a winner if he doesn't even have the gonads to communicate what he wants with me. The situation is so obvious that I couldn't help but mentally roll my eyes at myself while I was typing the original post. Won't try to start dating someone new immediately because I'll be busy or away from home for most of the remainder of this year, but I'll do my best to move on in general. Being the rebound chick is no fun at all. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Let us know how it pans out.... if he contacts you..... Best of luck.
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I began dating a guy in the beginning of the summer and our dating life was great! I could always count on spending my weekends with him and both of us always had a blast. However, it's now been over a month and I haven't seen him and our contact has dropped dramatically. On our last meeting (mid September) he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me again the next weekend, however once the weekend rolled around I heard nothing from him. I texted him the following weekend if he wanted to get together, but he was with family. Fast forward to the beginning of October, still barely any contact from him so i sent him a text, "Are you alive?". He replied back and apologized for being so out of touch and that he was having a few personal problems and going through a rough patch at the moment. I wished him well and gave him some space for over a week. I sent him a text last weekend asking how he was doing, and 6 days later still no response. This is the first time he hasn't replied to me. He's a shy/nerdy type so I have done most of the initiation physically in the relationship. We had been dating for almost 2 months before we even had our first kiss, and then we started becoming sexually active in the few weeks before we last seen each other. One other thing that worries me is that he mentioned that he had trouble getting over his last breakup in May, which was the only other girl he had ever been involved with beside me. His withdraw started taking place once Fall classes started up and she happens to have the same major as him so they obviously would see each other daily. He seems like the sweetest guy and I find it hard to believe that he's pulling the fade out on me but it seems like that's very possible. This has literally been driving me mad for the past month. Should I just stay calm and see what happens? If he remains silent should I ask him what happened? He faded in, so fading out is no surprise. He's been lukewarm I think all along. Let him go. You haven't seen him since September and limited/sketchy contact as well. He's a no go. You can find someone who has more interest, I'm sure. Don't reach out to him again. Let him fade if that's what he's doing. It doesn't matter what happened -- whatever it is isn't going to change things between you.
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