oberkeat Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) All the women I encounter in my area seem to be married. And when I did online dating, there were very few high compatibility matches, and mostly I got either no response, or flakes. It seems like no matter what I do here, nothing makes any difference. All the worthwhile women are coupled up. Recently, I went on a business trip to New Orleans, and just happened to check the dating app to see if there was any difference. I couldn't believe how many high compatibility matches were there. I wasn't there long enough to meet anyone, but it made me wonder if my lack of dating success is simply because I'm living in a place where single women are scarce. I'm considering moving. Packing everything up and moving to a new city several hundred miles away from my family and friends is a drastic life change. But maybe it's the only way I'll ever find a partner? Any thoughts? Edited October 23, 2015 by oberkeat
fitnessfan365 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I don't know man. Moving w/the sole purpose of having better access to women seems like a lame reason to move IMO. I mean don't get me wrong. If you find an area that is flush w/prospects, that is a nice bonus. But you should always have solid actual reasons for uprooting your life. Also, I mentioned this in another thread you posted. But women have been known to let guys down easy by lying and saying they're involved. I'm not saying every woman you encountered lied to you. But there's a good chance that at least some of them were single and just weren't interested. So maybe start small by working on self improvement, raising confidence, and your overall game w/women. I mean if your game needs work, you won't have success regardless of where you go. 4
Versacehottie Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I agree with ff. So I could see moving to N.O. or somewhere bigger and more lively because that is an overall lifestyle you want. Then I would wholeheartedly think you were doing the right thing. So why have you stayed all this time where you are? Are you comfortable with the lifestyle and everything where you are? I'm assuming it's more suburban or even rural. And the only thing that is missing is a gf? Analyze your overall life first before you make a big change like this. Even one thing you just said above in your post, sounded like you would regret leaving family and friends. If that's the case, you need to find ways around it or a compromise. Where do you live, if you don't mind saying, approximately?
Author oberkeat Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) I don't know man. Moving w/the sole purpose of having better access to women seems like a lame reason to move IMO. I mean don't get me wrong. If you find an area that is flush w/prospects, that is a nice bonus. But you should always have solid actual reasons for uprooting your life. Also, I mentioned this in another thread you posted. But women have been known to let guys down easy by lying and saying they're involved. I'm not saying every woman you encountered lied to you. But there's a good chance that at least some of them were single and just weren't interested. So maybe start small by working on self improvement, raising confidence, and your overall game w/women. I mean if your game needs work, you won't have success regardless of where you go. Five years as a singleton is a long time to do self-improvement. I think I’ve done plenty since I got dumped five years ago. I just feel like this place doesn’t have what I’m looking for. I agree with ff. So I could see moving to N.O. or somewhere bigger and more lively because that is an overall lifestyle you want. Then I would wholeheartedly think you were doing the right thing. So why have you stayed all this time where you are? Are you comfortable with the lifestyle and everything where you are? I'm assuming it's more suburban or even rural. And the only thing that is missing is a gf? Analyze your overall life first before you make a big change like this. Even one thing you just said above in your post, sounded like you would regret leaving family and friends. If that's the case, you need to find ways around it or a compromise. Where do you live, if you don't mind saying, approximately? I live in a suburb in a conservative Midwestern state, where the only thing it’s known for is college football, which I’m not really into. I don’t like it here at all. The people are very reserved in general. The drive home from the airport was depressing. All I could think about was what a good time I had on my trip, and how...flat this place looks. I absolutely would have moved years ago if my family wasn’t here. They’re the only reason I’m indecisive about moving. I could tolerate the place more if I had a gf, but as I mentioned, that's no where in sight. I'm just surrounded by married couples. Edited October 23, 2015 by oberkeat
deadelvis Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Well, it depends. Somewhere like L.A. vs. small town Arkansas is going to be a huge difference.
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I would move. If you are living in a bedroom town with not a whole lot goin on, then a busy city would sure make a difference. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Five years as a singleton is a long time to do self-improvement. I think I’ve done plenty since I got dumped five years ago. I just feel like this place doesn’t have what I’m looking for. I live in a suburb in a conservative Midwestern state, where the only thing it’s known for is college football, which I’m not really into. I don’t like it here at all. The people are very reserved in general. The drive home from the airport was depressing. All I could think about was what a good time I had on my trip, and how...flat this place looks. I absolutely would have moved years ago if my family wasn’t here. They’re the only reason I’m indecisive about moving. I could tolerate the place more if I had a gf, but as I mentioned, that's no where in sight. I'm just surrounded by married couples. So it's not just the gf thing in your area; it's the whole thing. Well then you should research places to go and where you can have a good job (or same as you've had) and then do it. That's for the good of YOU and YOUR LIFE. The girlfriend part would be 2nd up and maybe 1st priority when you meet the right one. Right now you need a more full life in general and one that meshes with where you are in your life. Single, looking for fun that a suburban place can't offer. So you will just have to allot time/money to come back often enough to spend time with your family. Start making a plan. Ooops and lastly make sure you don't just have vacation brain (i know you were on a business trip but you get what I mean). Good luck. I love New Orleans. 2
Author oberkeat Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 So it's not just the gf thing in your area; it's the whole thing. Well then you should research places to go and where you can have a good job (or same as you've had) and then do it. That's for the good of YOU and YOUR LIFE. The girlfriend part would be 2nd up and maybe 1st priority when you meet the right one. Right now you need a more full life in general and one that meshes with where you are in your life. Single, looking for fun that a suburban place can't offer. So you will just have to allot time/money to come back often enough to spend time with your family. Start making a plan. Ooops and lastly make sure you don't just have vacation brain (i know you were on a business trip but you get what I mean). Good luck. I love New Orleans. Thanks. I really think it's the right decision, but it's hard talking myself into actually doing it.
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 well if you are single and want a full social life, chance to make friends who are in similar place in life as you, do all sorts of activities and date people in similar place in life, I think you need to move. Dating is tough enough let alone adding suburb location into it. Maybe the wanderlust you are feeling is about more than dating and being single. It could also be that as you are facing your future, you just can't imagine it in a place like that. It's ok. You have to experience both to know. Growing pains but it can be great. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I feel for you, can relate too. I think you have the best of both worlds actually when it comes to finding a date or a likely suitable match. Why? Because there are women out there feeling the same. You just haven't found them yet. There are no doubt women asking the same questions, and the fact that you said it is conservative would also likely reduce the "registrations" on dating apps (I know how many in those areas think). Your best bet actually is to find one in a church. Not all women in a church are strict either, you can find all types there. As for moving, I would if you had some other reasons to add to the ones you listed, but don't make any hasty decisions. I own my own home, really have no connections here other than a job I can transfer from, and my 90 year old mom I take care of. The hobbies and lifestyle I enjoy, I can very well do the same elsewhere, and in some cases, be even more productive. That was a big factor in being with the last girl I was with. I was prepared to leave the USA for her one day. Had she been normal and truly committed to me and us, I already know I would have done it. Just think seriously about it all. If I met the right lady, I would certainly think of moving, especially if it benefited us/her. I was ready to help my last girl with her PHD, had it all planned with her. It is nice when you have certain freedoms like that.
Author oberkeat Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) I feel for you, can relate too. I think you have the best of both worlds actually when it comes to finding a date or a likely suitable match. Why? Because there are women out there feeling the same. You just haven't found them yet. There are no doubt women asking the same questions, and the fact that you said it is conservative would also likely reduce the "registrations" on dating apps (I know how many in those areas think). Your best bet actually is to find one in a church. Not all women in a church are strict either, you can find all types there. As for moving, I would if you had some other reasons to add to the ones you listed, but don't make any hasty decisions. I'm not really a believer in God, so going to church just isn't for me, though I've heard others make that same recommendation. I just think as long as I'm living here I'll never find a girl who's right for me. I don't know for sure that location would make everything right, but I feel like the odds are stacked against me here. Edited October 24, 2015 by oberkeat
newmoon Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 sounds lame to move with that sole intention. you're still going to be who you are in a bigger city with more people, so if you're in any way anti-social, not going out enough, not into bars/singles scene, etc. that won't change just because you move. usually we get all excited when we move and find new people and activities, but it'll calm down and you'll revert back to you, same as where you are now. you'll still find excuses for why you're single. that's really what they are... excuses... because there is just no way your town is filled with all married/taken women and no other options.
Author oberkeat Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) sounds lame to move with that sole intention. you're still going to be who you are in a bigger city with more people, so if you're in any way anti-social, not going out enough, not into bars/singles scene, etc. that won't change just because you move. usually we get all excited when we move and find new people and activities, but it'll calm down and you'll revert back to you, same as where you are now. you'll still find excuses for why you're single. that's really what they are... excuses... because there is just no way your town is filled with all married/taken women and no other options. Trust me, it is. No one has done more cold approaching, club joining, bar hopping, and online dating than I have. The only thing I haven't tried to improve my dating life is move to a place with more prospects. Edited October 24, 2015 by oberkeat
SoleMate Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I'm not really a believer in God, so going to church just isn't for me, though I've heard others make that same recommendation. You don't have to be a believer to go. If anyone asks, just tell them that you're a "seeker". It's true and anyone can take it whatever way they want. If the say, "seeking what?", you can then say, "More meaning in my life". I'm serious.
StBreton Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Ober ...if you think it would improve the quality of your life in general ...then go for it. Ck out job prospects in NOLA or wherever first. Personally I love New Orleans ...go every year ...just not sure how jobs outlook is. Also ...visit the place you choose a few times ...try to make some social contacts there through meetups etc. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I'm not really a believer in God, so going to church just isn't for me, though I've heard others make that same recommendation. I just think as long as I'm living here I'll never find a girl who's right for me. I don't know for sure that location would make everything right, but I feel like the odds are stacked against me here. Well you can move and hope it gets better, and it might. Make sure you have other reasons to as well, genuine ones, or else you might just be in another place thinking the same way again in another year or 2.
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