kilgore Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I believe men that like clingy women are men that need constant attention, they tend to be beta. What does beta mean?
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 What does beta mean? in plain english…. he lets the female rule his a__ ;0 aka P-whipped. But its nothing some good jelly can't lubricate
kilgore Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 in plain english…. he lets the female rule his a__ ;0 aka P-whipped. But its nothing some good jelly can't lubricate That last sentence was yuck 1
Guyouthere Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 That last sentence was yuck Hope you didn't have breakfast then. har har har
veggirl Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 To me clingy is disingenuous. You're being clingy to me because I'm the one you happen to be with, if someone else gives you more attention you're more likely to bounce than a secure person. 1
scooby-philly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Think of who you were before you went through what you did and feel now. Tat helped me a lot. You enjoyed things before her, that is still YOU. well part of the problem was that both hwr and and my previous ex..my only two long-term relationships I met through one of my favorite hobbied of hiking. In this most recent case i should have seen the writing on the wall very early regarding her instability and selfishness. However I need to take some ownership too in that I tried fixing a broken record. I did some therapy about 6 years ago and did a lot of research and reading. But that doesn't always translate into smart action. My basic problem is I try to much to help people, keep up appearances that everything is alright and I dont just do what I want to do. Not ina selfish way but in a be myself way. I always had confidence, just that this last girl "tried" to widdle it down. I didn't see it at the time, but I do now. No doubt you can see things more clearly now as well once you got "out of it". ues. Things do become more clear over time. This last one just wanted attention and didn't know how to be an adult or how to give to her partner. No one ever made her accountable for her actions. Shes was fun to be with doing things but no substance and no depth. The previous ex was only concerned about what people thought. Go back to your hobbies, that helps. boy am I trying. Part of my internal shame is that im 34 and live with my folks. I graduated college and spent 6 years in the seminary. Got a great education and traveled all over. But no money when I left in the 2009. Both of these long term relationships cost me a lot of money caused I'm a giver and have learned the hard way that people gladly take whatever you give them. I'm breading a good book now called mo mr. nice guy. I was conditioned as a kid to please others, to avoid confrontation, fear abandonment and not realize that I could be myself and follow my heart and I'd be okay and find good friends and someone special I'm just going into the best part of my treasure hunting season here in Florida. It is exciting because the winter months produce the best finds (when the reefs get wiped clean of sand and the gold can even be found by eyesight). not a fan of it per se....but I understand. Glad you're coming into a good time of year for you. I love florida though not surround I could live there. Lol If you don't have any passionate hobbies, you can find some for sure Thanks for your words. Time heals all wounds but to truly heal we need to reall puy some effort into it otherwise it's like a hole with some plywood on top 1
Guyouthere Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Probably the best thing that can be done is also not sit around and think about what you did wrong. Fact is, both do wrong in the relationship to have it end as it does. In my case, I did tell the girl "f-you". That in itself was wrong and I know pushed her too, BUT…. I also have to ask myself….. exactly why I would get to that point???? Is it me? Or was it something else? I know I am a very calm guy, would never physically hurt a woman, ever. I do know I can come out with harsh words at times, but only so when I get severely pushed. It builds up. So the real question is what happens to build that up? Why feel like that to begin with? In the case with my last woman,,, it was a combination of things, serious ones. Feeling emasculated from that first attempt at sex, to her haughtiness, to her outright neglect of MY feelings (she showed lack of anything I needed or wanted). So was I justified in my saying that to her? In a way, yes. After all, I saved this woman's life, literally, and also gave her a true opportunity she would never have, She was already deteriorating where she was. To be treated as I was (she was ready to leave me the previous incident she met a guy, I didn't realize this until much later when I looked back at her text). To me, that says a lot. No true connection there, and in the end she just had her new source, so I was at that point just trash to her. Some will see this as me blaming her or justifying why I acted like an ass to her, but I still deal with facts. She met a guy who she kept hidden from me, then when confronted, gave excuses to justify herself. Rememebr this girl also had an extremely large and abnormal ego where she looked for perfection too. Anything that was "less"' in her mind, I know only reminded her of her true self. Bottom line, I know I was dealing with a mentally ill person with her, now I know. It is the applying of logic to an illogical situation that makes one have trouble figuring it all out. In the end, I know I did all I could for her, that she just isn't capable of receiving real love, or giving it. Just realize this……. Any relationship that could have happened, with this one, or anyone else who loses one,,,, they very well might have been in a much worse position had it continued. You know in my case, I was (at a future point) ready to sell this house and move to the UK from the USA. Can you imagine what horror I could have encountered later on if this girl had really never been capable of even following through with life plans? Where would I be then? In a country with noone else, perhaps strictly at her mercy (as she is the citizen of the UK). I had plans of keeping my exit to the USA open just in case, but still….. who knows. Edited October 25, 2015 by Guyouthere 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I believe the guys with little to no experience with women would love it
scooby-philly Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Probably the best thing that can be done is also not sit around and think about what you did wrong. Very true. I said that to someone else on a thread earlier this week. It's okay to spend time thinking and analyzing. It's important to try and learn who we are, what our faults are, perhaps why we have some of them, etc. But at the end of the day we're all human and need to live and not become martyrs, or stop living because we're imperfect. Fact is, both do wrong in the relationship to have it end as it does. Also very true. Relationships are two way streets. A lot depends on how we respond and only in the interactions does the person's values, outlook on life, expectations, assumptions, and dreams/fears come out. In my case, I did tell the girl "f-you". That in itself was wrong and I know pushed her too, BUT…. I also have to ask myself….. exactly why I would get to that point???? Is it me? Or was it something else? I know I am a very calm guy, would never physically hurt a woman, ever. I do know I can come out with harsh words at times, but only so when I get severely pushed. It builds up. That's good to admit. I feel you particularly on this. Both of my long term exes were pushy - one out right the other more subtle, and I was too weak at first to realize that I let them dictate things to me instead of realizing neither was capable of a real relationship built on commuincation, mutual sacrifice, etc. I am also not a guy who would ever abuse a woman - physically, emotionally, etc. But the last one in particular got me to the same point as you just described. Standing up early on prevents this sort of thing, but the other person has to respect you, which it sounds like she didn't So the real question is what happens to build that up? Why feel like that to begin with? In the case with my last woman,,, it was a combination of things, serious ones. Feeling emasculated from that first attempt at sex, to her haughtiness, to her outright neglect of MY feelings (she showed lack of anything I needed or wanted).Real relationships are mutuality. They should be life giving not soul sucking. So was I justified in my saying that to her? In a way, yes. After all, I saved this woman's life, literally, and also gave her a true opportunity she would never have, She was already deteriorating where she was. To be treated as I was (she was ready to leave me the previous incident she met a guy, I didn't realize this until much later when I looked back at her text). To me, that says a lot. No true connection there, and in the end she just had her new source, so I was at that point just trash to her.Yes. As I mentioned in my previous post on this thread, I'm reading snippets of a book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". And in my threads on my own recent relationship someone put it perfectly - you have to stop trying to save these toxic chicks. Very true. My dad was that way with my mom. And I uttered to my ex as i broke up with her - I love my parents to death but I'm not going to turn into my dad. I don't love you enough to save you, and I can't anyway Some will see this as me blaming her or justifying why I acted like an ass to her, but I still deal with facts. She met a guy who she kept hidden from me, then when confronted, gave excuses to justify herself. Rememebr this girl also had an extremely large and abnormal ego where she looked for perfection too. Anything that was "less"' in her mind, I know only reminded her of her true self. Bottom line, I know I was dealing with a mentally ill person with her, now I know. It is the applying of logic to an illogical situation that makes one have trouble figuring it all out.Exactly. As that saying/meme goes don't argue with a crazy person cause from 50 feet away no one can tell who's who. In the end, I know I did all I could for her, that she just isn't capable of receiving real love, or giving it. Just realize this……. Any relationship that could have happened, with this one, or anyone else who loses one,,,, they very well might have been in a much worse position had it continued. You know in my case, I was (at a future point) ready to sell this house and move to the UK from the USA. Can you imagine what horror I could have encountered later on if this girl had really never been capable of even following through with life plans? Where would I be then? In a country with noone else, perhaps strictly at her mercy (as she is the citizen of the UK). I had plans of keeping my exit to the USA open just in case, but still….. who knows. I feel you on that last point. I lost 11k from trying to help my last ex run a side business and I also paid for a trip to her home country, so I basically lost like 15-20k in the process. Expensive lesson, but one I guess I needed to learn. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) Both of my long term exes were pushy - one out right the other more subtle, and I was too weak at first to realize that I let them dictate things to me instead of realizing neither was capable of a real relationship built on commuincation, mutual sacrifice, etc. I am also not a guy who would ever abuse a woman - physically, emotionally, etc. But the last one in particular got me to the same point as you just described. Standing up early on prevents this sort of thing, but the other person has to respect you, which it sounds like she didn't <--------- No, she did not. I know why now too. She truly was not capable of it. I had to look into finding answers on my own. I knew there was something different about this last one, from my very first contact with her. However, I didn't know exactly what that was until lately. I had known about things like "old souls". I saw her one, she definitely displayed all of the characteristics of one, and right down to the details. However, what I did not know then, was what causes that. In her case, it was severe neglect and abuse by her dad. She developed a false self because of it. It is not her fault, and it is sad she suffered as she did as a baby/young, but that is reality, and reality is what formed that personality. I googled Narcissim and could match her up with plenty of those traits, as well as NPD and some symptoms of actual schizotypal characteristics. She would tell me that she knew she was "broken". I gave her credit for that, that she knew she had to change things about herself. For that reason, I stayed with her, even though I knew she was messed up. It is what you do when you truly care for someone. I personally believe she has multiple sides to her too. I have been in a discussion with someone who is nice enough to help me understand this all. It has helped me heal too, because I know this is all beyond what I could deal with. My regret is that I was with her through some extremely difficult times, and I did help her escape a real family prison. I expected more from her, perhaps wrongly, but the monster I believe was created and is in her. She will need a very long time for therapy, and even then perhaps never fully recover. My issue too is that when I commit to someone, I commit. I don't leave them unless they do some serious things (which she ended up doing). It is strange, because she said the same thing to me, but the reality is that if she didn't attempt to hide a guy from me, I would have likely remained there for her. That was too much. I was cheated on in marriage, so any sense of lying or cheating, and I am gone immediately from a relationship, and I don't give another chance with that (I did with my ex wife). I have no choice now but to look ahead. Many folks tell me I am a great guy, and I know I am. I have a lot of qualities women want. I know that. Dating is all new to me now. I am confident and now back to who I was before this all. You never lose who you are, you just take a blow as a setback, but a strong man will get back up and continue on. That is how I see things. Edited October 26, 2015 by Guyouthere
TheBathWater Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I see it said often on here that being clingy is an absolute turn off for guys. I tend to disagree. I actually like women that are a little clingy. Of course, if taken to the extreme than it probably would be a turn off. As a guy who's always had trouble getting a girlfriend, I actually like the women I've dated that are a little more clingy vs the ones who were not as much. Maybe it's just me. I like women who are a little clingy as well. The key word is 'little'. I once dated a beautiful woman but she was WAY too clingy, needy, possessive early on and I couldn't bring myself to develop deeper feelings for her. It sucked, because otherwise, she was great (actually, she smoked too and lied to me about using drugs, so I take that back). But she was hot. I've dated many women who simply act like guys - being aloof, like they don't care what happens, etc... and it really is a turn off to me. I guess I like the whole distressed princess angle or something like that. Anyway, if it makes me insecure and clingy myself, so be it. I like women who are a little clingy...and who don't smoke/have drug habits.
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I like women who are a little clingy as well. The key word is 'little'. I once dated a beautiful woman but she was WAY too clingy, needy, possessive early on and I couldn't bring myself to develop deeper feelings for her. It sucked, because otherwise, she was great (actually, she smoked too and lied to me about using drugs, so I take that back). But she was hot. I've dated many women who simply act like guys - being aloof, like they don't care what happens, etc... and it really is a turn off to me. I guess I like the whole distressed princess angle or something like that. Anyway, if it makes me insecure and clingy myself, so be it. I like women who are a little clingy...and who don't smoke/have drug habits. First sign a woman smokes does drugs, anything like that… she is a no go. I pass those types up faster than they can blink their eyes. Bad news they are.
La Trese Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Think of who you were before you went through what you did and feel now. Tat helped me a lot. You enjoyed things before her, that is still YOU. I always had confidence, just that this last girl "tried" to widdle it down. I didn't see it at the time, but I do now. No doubt you can see things more clearly now as well once you got "out of it". Go back to your hobbies, that helps. I'm just going into the best part of my treasure hunting season here in Florida. It is exciting because the winter months produce the best finds (when the reefs get wiped clean of sand and the gold can even be found by eyesight). If you don't have any passionate hobbies, you can find some for sure Um that seems like the COOLEST HOBBY EVER haha. I wish we had reefs like that where I am. The only treasure I can find on my beaches are literal trash from people lol.
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