"the strong woman"

[xxoo]

A strong, independent woman is with a man because she wants to be with him, not because she needs to be with him.

 

This only requires the man to be someone she'd want to be with I could support myself, but I much prefer being with my husband. He brings joy and pleasure and love to my life

[Guyouthere]

Why is what other women think so important to you?

 

I happen to be a fairly traditional and traditionally feminine woman....but I really don't get why men are in such a wad about how women they wouldn't date anyway choose to live.

 

Everyones opinion matters

 

Unless you are Obama. hehehe

[Guyouthere]

It's figurative.

 

Eggs (men)

Bacon (women).

 

The chicken contributes.

The Pig is committed.

 

In other words, when a successful hard-working couple decide they'd like to start a family, the hard-working wife has to be the one who takes time off to incubate, bear and stay with the child, physically, for such a period of time that COULD mean that her position with her firm, or "The professional Market-place" is compromised.

 

This causes a massive drain on the company also, because it creates a gap, and causes the company to perhaps require a replacement who may need training; a person whose job is in limbo, because at times, the woman does not in fact return to reclaim her post.

 

If she chooses to remain working,. it means finding a carer, and paying a considerable amount of money to hire such a person. Finding someone reliable and trustworthy, is a challenge, and the guilt factor of working, while someone else is essentially 'bringing up your child' is through the roof.

 

Should a woman have a child if she is merely then going to pass the maternal responsibility onto someone else?

 

If on the other hand, a woman decides to stay at home with her child, the severance from professional life is a wrench, and picking up a career again (either F/T or P/T) is extremely difficult and companies are occasionally biased against women with young children.

 

Examples:

when my eldest daughter eventually started full-time school, I found work with a company 25 miles away, .

My then H worked as an office products engineer, and was far more local to the school than I. In fact, his radius of work was 15 miles.

 

Without fail, if my daughter needed attention or parental care, the school would ring me, to go and pick her up, in spite of several attempts (both by my H and ME) to convince the school that contacting him was the swifter option.

 

"Yes, but a child needs her mum when she's poorly, really, doesn't she...?" The school would say....

 

Second example:

I know, for a fact, that one good reason I was awarded my current P/T job is that I made it plain I would be available as a stop-gap, or to work extra hours, because \I had the advantage of having no minor dependents at home. In other words, I wouldn't receive the call from school about a sick child, or be absent during holidays, or have to take tommy to the dentist....

 

:Let us please leave aside the complexities of divorced parents, or single-parent families: in my long experience, the bias still exists that if a woman wants a child, HER career will have to suffer; if she doesn't want a child, she is considered odd, peculiar or out of the norm.

 

A man has no such protracted interruption to his career.

 

I was once asked:

"I see from your CV that you have two young children. Is that going to pose any problems for you?"

 

I replied, "If I were a man sitting here, would you be asking me that question?"

 

"....N.n.n.ooo.... I guess not...." my interviewer conceded.

 

Those kinds of questions are no longer permissible, and are in fact illegal, in an interview situation.

 

There is more I could add....

 

Comments?

 

Eggs should be women, they have them.

 

Bacon, well, I prefer ribs

 

Chicken is good on the grille.

 

The pig was committed, but escaped in a Jaguar.

 

Interesting observations and I agree with all you said. Discrimination still exists, albeit in a lot of cases, more subliminal.

 

Your response to that question was quite right on too

 

I would have loved to see the look on his face at that moment. lol

[Guyouthere]

wow...I just want to retire and live quietly on the beach surrounded by my honey(literally) and wine.

 

This is way too complicated....

 

Is this a thread jack? well is it? hurry up and answer....time's a wastin

 

I already live near the beach.

 

I have no honey, and I rarely, if ever drink.

 

Lets get married next weekend.

 

Case closed.

 

hehehe

[Guyouthere]

Yeah wasn't really seeing this. Not much of a debate. It is your opinion though so . . . okay.

 

What is there to say after that?

 

Dinner served down the hallway.

 

Turn left at the door.

[Guyouthere]

Here's a thought... You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

You can't have a wife that stays at home at considerable risk to her long term (and her children's survival) without taking some risk yourself.

 

When I hear this gripe from men, it is mostly about wanting some woman to be dependent on him (so that he can feel emotionally safe and in charge), while whatever happens to her if he dies, they get divorced, whatever... Well, THAT is when all of a sudden she's supposed to be 'strong' so that she's not a burden on him.

 

You can't have it both ways.

 

I don't eat much cake, doesn't agree with my lifestyle.

 

Oh no, women should be self sufficient.

 

They should know how to cook all meals for the man, wash his clothes, make his bed, and all out pamper him without his assistance.

 

Please add some Pepsis to the fridge.

 

I am running low.

 

 

hehehe

[ManyDissapoint]

My mom has 16 siblings and my dad 12. Both poor farmers families struggling to put food on the table. There was no time or mean to spoil children. Nowadays children are spoiled and narcissist not because of women but because couples have 1 or 2 kids only so they are put on a pedestal, protected and spoiled. Fathers are as guilty of this than mothers.

 

As for the strong women. Life trials make you a strong woman you just don't become one at will. I want to bring your attention that the women you see shouting loud and clear being independent and strong are often not. It's insecurity. A real strong independent woman doesn't need to put it in your face. It's something between her and herself, not her versus others.

 

The strongest and most independent women I know are at the center of their family. They have a husband, children, parents, siblings they are caring for. Being strong and independent doesn't mean being single or living alone, or wanting to pay her own lunch. It runs deeper than that. What you're talking about here are strong & independent wannabees.

 

Hear hear! I don't agree with a lot of what I read on this forum but this was very nice to read.

[sambolini]

When I hear the term "strong woman" I think of two different types:

 

1) A woman who lives her life authentically according to her morals and desires. She's comfortable in her skin, comfortable with herself, and approaches life in that manner. She doesn't have a sense of perpetual victimhood, takes care of herself and her obligations, and makes her way through this world all on her own abilities. She's confident, but not cocky. Self-assured, but not in your face. Tough, yet compassionate. She's earned what she has through her own hard work.

 

2) The kind of woman who lives and breathes "I am woman, hear me roar", and has no problem making sure you hear her roar. She believes she is entitled to everything, should suffer no consequences for any decision she makes, and that society owes her what she wants. She is so vocally loud about the fact that she's a "strong woman" that you can't help but feel that beneath that loud, obnoxious exterior lies the beating heart of a fearful, insecure person who has no sense of identity beyond her genitalia.

 

I get the impression you're talking about the latter, and not the former.

 

I'm not impressed by the number two type of woman. Great, you have a vagina...doesn't make you special.

 

But the number one type of woman will turn my head every single time. You just have to learn how to filter out the twos from the ones.

[Guyouthere]

When I hear the term "strong woman" I think of two different types:

 

1) A woman who lives her life authentically according to her morals and desires. She's comfortable in her skin, comfortable with herself, and approaches life in that manner. She doesn't have a sense of perpetual victimhood, takes care of herself and her obligations, and makes her way through this world all on her own abilities. She's confident, but not cocky. Self-assured, but not in your face. Tough, yet compassionate. She's earned what she has through her own hard work.

 

2) The kind of woman who lives and breathes "I am woman, hear me roar", and has no problem making sure you hear her roar. She believes she is entitled to everything, should suffer no consequences for any decision she makes, and that society owes her what she wants. She is so vocally loud about the fact that she's a "strong woman" that you can't help but feel that beneath that loud, obnoxious exterior lies the beating heart of a fearful, insecure person who has no sense of identity beyond her genitalia.

 

I get the impression you're talking about the latter, and not the former.

 

I'm not impressed by the number two type of woman. Great, you have a vagina...doesn't make you special.

 

But the number one type of woman will turn my head every single time. You just have to learn how to filter out the twos from the ones.

 

You have describes a true and genuine narcissist in number 2.

And the overwhelming consensus out there is to ALWAYS avoid that. They WILL bleed you emotionally, and often financially as well.

[Quiet Storm]

Strength manifests in different ways.

 

My great grandparents were children of Irish immigrants. My grandmother told me how her mom had to find work in a man's world because her dad was an alcoholic. Her and her sister would find their dad passed out on the street and drag him back home. While her mom worked in the factories. That's strength.

 

Granny grew up and married a sailor. His ship was kamikazied and he managed to make it back alive, but was traumatized by what he saw. They had four kids. When he couldn't handle life back home and drank, she stepped up and became a teacher and ran numbers on the side. That's strength.

 

My mom was one of the four kids. She fell in love with my dad (Cherokee mom, Welsh/Irish dad), who has a really messed up family (sexual abuse). But she didn't know that when she married him. He ended up embezzling from his job, drinking and smoking crack. My mom endlessly tried to help him. Her youngest daughter (my sister) was raped by my dad's family member. My mom made the best of the cards she was dealt. She is strong. Even if she didn't leave. She did what she felt was best. That's strength.

 

I managed to rise above the dysfunction (so far). I married a guy from a military family. He doesn't cause me problems or stress. He loves me and I know it. But I still feel strong. I feel like my crazy childhood inspired strength. I feel like I can handle whatever comes my way. If he leaves me, cheats or morphs into an alcoholic... I know I'll be OK.

 

Strength isn't only about going after what you want and declaring how you don't need a man. Sometimes, it's about putting your kids and family first. It's loving and caring, in spite of the negative. It's being invested in your kids. It's choosing to not be selfish. That's another aspect of "strong".

Edited October 25, 2015 by Quiet Storm