pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I'm still seeing the same guy. My gut tells me it's not gonna work out and I will just get more attached while he's losing interest. In the beginning I was very confident and I could tell he adores me for that. Recently we talked about our feelings, both agreed we couldn't feel the deep connection but we're willing to work on that. Since then I've tried to be more open with him but the more I try the more attached I get. The more attached I get, the more insecure I feel. I feel so vulnerable and transparent. There is nothing changed about his behaviors but he is so hard to read and I keep being afraid he's not gonna like me anymore. I know I'm over-thinking and I need to work on myself instead but I also trust my gut. Emotional connection is not something you can force. He was in a very bad mood today and I let it affect me. I feel so depressed and helpless that I couldn't make him feel better. I was driving home from his house, crying because I know I'm gonna have to break things off with him sooner or later but I like him so much I don't know if I should. I really really want to make it work with him somehow. I don't think I need or want a relationship right now but what's the point of keep seeing someone if it's going nowhere? 1
kendahke Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 You can't work things out with someone who doesn't want to work things out. He's not showing any interest; in fact, he's losing interest from what you've written. No you can't force emotional connection: either it's there or it isn't and for him, it's not there with you. You need to stop laying yourself bare for someone who wont' do the same. If you dont' need or want a relationship, then act like it. What you are doing is acting desperate for attention--that's not love.
Lois_Griffin Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 There's really NOTHING less appealing to a guy than a needy, desperate female. Pick up the book "Why Men Love Bitches." It's all about NOT making any man the center of your universe, which is exactly what you're doing with this guy. 1
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Oh when I said "there is nothing changed about his behaviors" I mean he is still showing interest and there is nothing I should worry about, but still. I can tell he's talked a bit more about his feelings since we agree to try to make it work but he's still hard to read. And believe me I've read the whole book "Why Men Love Bitches" and I'd always been the confident girl with her own life until we had that conversation. He said he hated that I never texted him first and he didn't feel the deep connection with me so I thought stop acting cool and open up a bit more might help. Maybe that's where I ****ed up. He said he hates the game so I told him I actually want to see him everyday, I go crazy when he doesn't text me etc. Oh man I didn't realize how desperate I sounded until now... He even had to tell me again and again that he likes me and likes chatting to me to make me feel less insecure... I was never like that up until 4 days ago. I feel like the PMS kinda ****ed me up big time.He knows that my mood changes around this time though. How can I save it? Should I say no to him the next time he asks me out?
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 I told him I'm not sure if I want a relationship and I have to figure it out so we agree that we won't put a timeline on that and just keep seeing each other to see how it goes. But now it seems like I can't just enjoy it the way it is... I just really want to connect to him in a deeper level but also know I will just get more attached.
Guyouthere Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Oh when I said "there is nothing changed about his behaviors" I mean he is still showing interest and there is nothing I should worry about, but still. I can tell he's talked a bit more about his feelings since we agree to try to make it work but he's still hard to read. And believe me I've read the whole book "Why Men Love Bitches" and I'd always been the confident girl with her own life until we had that conversation. He said he hated that I never texted him first and he didn't feel the deep connection with me so I thought stop acting cool and open up a bit more might help. Maybe that's where I ****ed up. He said he hates the game so I told him I actually want to see him everyday, I go crazy when he doesn't text me etc. Oh man I didn't realize how desperate I sounded until now... He even had to tell me again and again that he likes me and likes chatting to me to make me feel less insecure... I was never like that up until 4 days ago. I feel like the PMS kinda ****ed me up big time.He knows that my mood changes around this time though. How can I save it? Should I say no to him the next time he asks me out? I believe it safe to say that really everyone here can see that you are killing your own mind and heart with this relationship. So you should take the writing on the wall for what it is worth. 1
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Well I would like to know if I change my behavior now would the relationship be worth saving? He doesn't show any sign that he's losing interest at all and everything is going fine. The problem is just my gut's telling me it's not going to work but I really like him, it hurts to think about breaking it off with him.
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 You can't work things out with someone who doesn't want to work things out. He's not showing any interest; in fact, he's losing interest from what you've written. No you can't force emotional connection: either it's there or it isn't and for him, it's not there with you. You need to stop laying yourself bare for someone who wont' do the same. If you dont' need or want a relationship, then act like it. What you are doing is acting desperate for attention--that's not love. How am I asking for attention though? I've done nothing but being more honest about my feeling which is what we both agreed to do. Agree I'm laying myself bare for him but I want to know if it's too late to save the relationship.
Guyouthere Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Well I would like to know if I change my behavior now would the relationship be worth saving? He doesn't show any sign that he's losing interest at all and everything is going fine. The problem is just my gut's telling me it's not going to work but I really like him, it hurts to think about breaking it off with him. If you feel as though you have to change who you are to be with someone, you shouldn't be with them. It is as simple as that. Because if you attempt that, it will eat you from the inside, which in reality, will cause you to build frustration and it will eventually come out, and most likely not in a good way. This was a major issue in the last girl I was in that relationship with. Her excessive inflated ego kept her in a place of "high status" in her own mind. She saw her as above others level (including mine). And she tried to belittle me, and tell me (in some ways) how I was "lacking". In reality, I resented her trying to control me and shape me into her wanting to paint me as perfect, to match her ego (which I am not). I know me, what I am worth, and I also know what is normal and what is not. You get the point. 1
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 If you feel as though you have to change who you are to be with someone, you shouldn't be with them. It is as simple as that. Because if you attempt that, it will eat you from the inside, which in reality, will cause you to build frustration and it will eventually come out, and most likely not in a good way. This was a major issue in the last girl I was in that relationship with. Her excessive inflated ego kept her in a place of "high status" in her own mind. She saw her as above others level (including mine). And she tried to belittle me, and tell me (in some ways) how I was "lacking". In reality, I resented her trying to control me and shape me into her wanting to paint me as perfect, to match her ego (which I am not). I know me, what I am worth, and I also know what is normal and what is not. You get the point. Well changing who I am is different with changing my behaviors in the relationship. I get that's not good to be transparents and I made a mistake by letting him know how crazy I am for him.
StBreton Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Well said GOT! I guess that breakfast wasn't too bad for ya this morning:)
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Well I guess my question now is "How to come back from seeming deserprate?". I was caught up with my period and became too emotional, said unnecessary things. How can I turn the tables?
Author pcs13 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 He just texted apologize for being moody all day and asked about my work and how I feel. I thought about leaving the text until tomorrow to reply but decided I don't want to play that game with him and texted right back. He still sound interested.
walkingonair Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Its best to move on. Just don't talk to him anymore and if he contacts you, ignore him. If you continue interacting with him you will feel awful and stressed 24/7. You'll feel less stressed not talking to him than talking to him.
Recommended Posts