Ex is getting married, I congratulated him, he was cruel

[bolase]

My ex boyfriend of several years ago and I eventually became distant but genuine friends, catching up when in the same town and checking in on each other.

 

When we broke up (he had wanted marriage and babies more quickly that I did) he was also quite mean and hurtful and it was bad.

 

Consequently, his new partner (fiancee) has never wanted to meet me, even though he's tried to introduce us before. Him and I havent spoken much in the year they've been together.

 

Today I see he's engaged on Facebook and congratulate him via private message. He says sorry his partner doesnt want me there and its a small wedding anyway.

 

I responded with that's fine, I didn't think I would be but in theory I'd like to wish you well at your wedding anyway!

 

He asked if I have a boyfriend. I said I do, and I'd like to get married someday.

 

THEN he says "I doubt youll ever get married (no offence)." I said, not bothered (by his comment). Then he said "oh, you will be..."

 

And yeah, I think those comments are unnecessarily mean. Why did he try to be above me? He should be happy with his own life not trying ot bring me down?

Edited October 23, 2015 by bolase

[TaraMaiden2]

And then people ask why it's a dumb idea to be 'friends' with an ex.

 

Friendship with an ex is totally different to being a friend of anyone else.

These types of 'friends' know exactly which buttons to push to get a rise out of you. They had sex with you fer chrissakes, they know you better than you'd like....!

 

Just go NC (again!) and this time, only contact him again, when they've finished building your condo on Mars....

[Sunberry]

Becauase he's bitter. You broke off your marriage with him and the fact you've moved on and do intend on getting married now struck a chord. In some way he may still have some resentment towards you for it. That's what I think anyway.

[bolase]

Thanks Tara and Sunberry, I feel better already!

 

We weren't married actually but after off-on-off-on dating he declared his intention to start a family etc, but I had written him off as he had shown himself not to be a suitable partner for life for myself.

[Toodaloo]

bolase

 

Block him from your damned facebook.

 

He is not a friend. He is an arse who is still hurt about you and wants to hurt you back. He is not even a very pleasant person. He can't even take a "Congratulations" message with grace.

 

I have exes that are friends. Actual friends. There is absolutely NO WAY any of them would say things like that to me. The fact that we used to sleep together is not something we even think about.

 

The guys who are exes who would say stuff like that are NOT my friends.

 

Tara is absolutely right! Yes the friends I have who are exes know all my "buttons" the difference is that they would never even think to press them... Neither would I with theirs!

 

Your trying to be nice. Stop it. Get that man out of your life asap.

[jen1447]

Toodles said it above but it bears repeating bc it's one of the most fundamental things about human behavior and one of the most helpful things to understand. Almost universally, ppl try to hurt others bc they've been or feel hurt themselves. There are few genuine sadists in the world who just go around hurting ppl for fun.

 

When you understand the motive, it takes all their power away bc how can you really be mad at someone who's so vulnerable they exhibit childlike characteristics like getting even? I'd stop short of saying they're pathetic but anymore when someone does that to me I just want to give them a hug out of pity.

[autumnnight]

My biggest thought is:

 

Thank God you dodged THAT bullet!