Candle037 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Was seeing someone 1.5 years ago. It ended because I wanted something more serious and he didn't. Life went on and some texts over the months but I reinforced what I wanted and he didn't reply since 4 months now have passed. My father passed away and I want to reach out to my ex. We haven't treated each other with respect when it ended. I tried finding a grief forum on here but there is none. This is very difficult for me and I feel I will be rejected if I contact him. I just want to be comforted by him right now. Every day is hard for me. I am taking care of myself I'm just really missing him and my dad.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Don't contact him. Your motivation is wrong. It's not for him to help you face your grief, that is not his remit, and it's not a responsibility you should be wanting to give him. Because that is why you want to contact him. To use him to lighten the load of your grief. But it will keep you stuck. The problem you have, is of letting go, and letting be. Your relationship died. It's been over a while, yet you still cling to the vestige of what your memories give you. Now your father has died. But contacting an ex is an extremely bad idea. It will keep you clinging to him - and to your father. After all, such losses are very similar. Talk to your doctor about bereavement counselling. If it's a difficult thing for you to 'let go' of what always naturally occurs, countless times to countless people, you may need professional support. 2
Author Candle037 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 I agree that it is over and I am clinging onto this as my dad passed. I am in grief counselling and they said that these issues have come out of the profound grief I am experiencing. I do have trouble letting go of my relationships. I however didn't consider how my ex would feel if I had just out of no where contacted him and put this on him. However when his grandfather died he had reached out to me to discuss this. I am not looking to get back together with him but I do agree that this can hurt me more and dig up old wounds. I am searching current for a grief group in my city to help.
allofyou Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I think if you should get support from whoever you want at this time, given that it wouldn't be a trouble to the other party. If you ask people on LS, they will probably tell you to go strict NC even when *you* are about to die. Bear in mind I'm not a firm believer in NC.
SoThatHappened Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) If you ask people on LS, they will probably tell you to go strict NC even when *you* are about to die. Not always. Question to OP: Why do you want to contact your ex to mourn your father's passing? Side note, but more importantly: I'm very sorry for your loss. Haven't had that form of heartbreak and couldn't empathize. I'd say grieve your father first. Edited October 24, 2015 by SoThatHappened
Author Candle037 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 It's because of the connection I had with him. I really want to be comforted by him..as in a friend not sexual or pursuing anything. I miss him also but oddly don't want to get back together. I think he's easy to talk to and can empathize with me. So I want his help on this is why.
HeartinPain Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'm very sorry for your loss. I was in a similar situation nearly 2 years ago. My ex broke up with me for someone else and my father passed 5 months later. I struggled with whether or not to contact my ex too. At the end, I decided it against it and I never regretted it. I was actually really proud of myself that I stayed strong and kept moving forward alone. We ended on bad terms and had not contacted each other in the 3 months prior to my father's passing. My advice to you is to stay strong and focus on your grieving. Your relationship has been over 1.5 years ago when you wanted more and he didn't. It is important to find the strength within yourself to get through this difficult time rather than lean on someone who broke your heart. You may come to find out that contacting him during this difficult time will set you back and make this time in your life harder than it already is.
Author Candle037 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 I think there is potential yes for hurt definitely confusing for him because I was the one who went NC with very clear outline of what I wanted from him. I think everyone is right about letting this go and working on my grief. Because I really cared for the ex this is working its way out now to. I do believe emotionally this will be a slippery slope if he is contacted. It's odd though I also want him to reach out to me. I want this to pass so bad. Thanks to everyone who replied to me on this it's really made me think.
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