westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Agreed. Now how do you go about accepting yourself in that manner? I guess experience has a lot to do with it, and timing. I went through a number of transitions in my twenties that have shaped my current outlook. Not that it's any easier now (or any worse), but at least I'm more conditioned for whatever comes my way. For the most part, anyway.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Moose I'd say first you need to realize that noone is better, or worse than anyone else. We are all equals no matter what kind of education you have, or position in life. You have to get that mindset, doesn't matter what anyone else says or do. They are no higher, or lower than you. Level your playing field a bit. Once your on that plane, you'll naturally take the next steps. How do you envison that? You just repeat it to yourself on a constant basis? And how do you do that in the midst of people who may think you are inferior?
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 How do you envison that? You just repeat it to yourself on a constant basis?Well, I remember how and when it happened to me. Really, there were a few instances that caused me to come to this realization. One in particular was on the job. I used to weld drill pipe on off shore oil rigs. I stood in a cage 16 hours a day, welding section by section up as it penetrated the floor. We were on a, "jack up", where the rig is towed out to sea, then the legs are lowered to the floor and the rig elevates above the water about 50 feet or so. Occasionally, one of the legs would rest on top of a pocket of air, just below the suface floor. One of the legs penetrated and the rig fell over. As tough as all these guys acted, the roustabouts, toolpushers, leathernecks.....all of them, I mean all of them s*** their pants! It was like a school full of 5 year olds screaming for mommy. I remember that I was freaked out, but not nearly as bad as the rest of these guys. There have been other experiences that has helped me notice that all men feel/act/respond just like I do, I've just learned to keep my eyes open and recgonize it when I see it. And how do you do that in the midst of people who may think you are inferior?Over time your mind will learn to ignore what other people think. It will become non issue for you. You'll have the understanding that they don't understand......does that make sense?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Well, I remember how and when it happened to me. Really, there were a few instances that caused me to come to this realization. One in particular was on the job. I used to weld drill pipe on off shore oil rigs. I stood in a cage 16 hours a day, welding section by section up as it penetrated the floor. We were on a, "jack up", where the rig is towed out to sea, then the legs are lowered to the floor and the rig elevates above the water about 50 feet or so. Occasionally, one of the legs would rest on top of a pocket of air, just below the suface floor. One of the legs penetrated and the rig fell over. As tough as all these guys acted, the roustabouts, toolpushers, leathernecks.....all of them, I mean all of them s*** their pants! It was like a school full of 5 year olds screaming for mommy. I remember that I was freaked out, but not nearly as bad as the rest of these guys. There have been other experiences that has helped me notice that all men feel/act/respond just like I do, I've just learned to keep my eyes open and recgonize it when I see it. Over time your mind will learn to ignore what other people think. It will become non issue for you. You'll have the understanding that they don't understand......does that make sense? Thanks Moose. I think I know what you're talking about. I went through some similar instances when i was in the Marines. Also, when I ride motorcycles a lot, I am usually the "leader" of the group because I am just a natural leader. I need to take those instances where I lead and build on them to the point where I am comfortable with myself in any situation and I don't think there's anyone better or worse than me. Just treat them equally, women and men. And in regards to someone you love though, how do you stop putting them on a pedestel and earn their respect? That's the biggest problem I have. I haven't yet learned how to give them teaspoons of sugar instead of the whole bag, you know? There's other things I need to stop doing (habits, really). Like whining. Making terrible generalizations. Talking too much (duh) (Silence to me is almost painful). These are just a few of the things I need to work on.
mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Thanks Moose. I think I know what you're talking about. I went through some similar instances when i was in the Marines. Also, when I ride motorcycles a lot, I am usually the "leader" of the group because I am just a natural leader. I need to take those instances where I lead and build on them to the point where I am comfortable with myself in any situation and I don't think there's anyone better or worse than me. Just treat them equally, women and men. And in regards to someone you love though, how do you stop putting them on a pedestel and earn their respect? That's the biggest problem I have. I haven't yet learned how to give them teaspoons of sugar instead of the whole bag, you know? There's other things I need to stop doing (habits, really). Like whining. Making terrible generalizations. Talking too much (duh) (Silence to me is almost painful). These are just a few of the things I need to work on. I think you know what you have to do. You can still be really nice to a woman, just draw boundaries and don't let them disrespect you. I.e. if they are nice to you, you are nice back (or initiate niceness). But if they act cold or are nasty, then you have to lay down the law instead of rolling over and acting like a doormat. IMO you just need to become more comfortable confronting a woman when she gets out of line. I think you have a problem with that because you put them on too much of a pedestal. How about putting them on a pedestal when they act nice, but taking them off when they don't.
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Moose, your post was interesting. Thanks Kooky. It was a definite experience that I'll never forget. 4 men lost their lives that day, I never saw a body like that before, right after the life left out of it......ya know? It kinda de-sensitizes (sp?), oneself. And in regards to someone you love though, how do you stop putting them on a pedestel and earn their respect? That's the biggest problem I have. I haven't yet learned how to give them teaspoons of sugar instead of the whole bag, you know?To be honest with you B., I don't see anything wrong with placing the one you love on a pedestal, and giving her the whole bag of sugar. In fact, I've never asked Mrs. Moose to come down off hers. At least not yet.......I think that all in all you haven't ran into that girl that'll change your life around. Behind every good man......well, you know the rest. There is a woman out there for you that'll bring out what, "alpha", you already have, and will provide you with all the confidence in the world. If you're out looking for her, it'll never happen. It's the same as a watched pot never boiling. When it does happen, it'll be totally unexpected. Maybe you're trying too hard? I mean, working on these things isn't a bad idea, but you may also be concentrating on the wrong stuff. I'll ask you again to trust me when I say be yourself around women. They can spot a faker.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Moose To be honest with you B., I don't see anything wrong with placing the one you love on a pedestal, and giving her the whole bag of sugar. In fact, I've never asked Mrs. Moose to come down off hers. At least not yet.......I think that all in all you haven't ran into that girl that'll change your life around. Behind every good man......well, you know the rest. There is a woman out there for you that'll bring out what, "alpha", you already have, and will provide you with all the confidence in the world. If you're out looking for her, it'll never happen. It's the same as a watched pot never boiling. When it does happen, it'll be totally unexpected. Maybe you're trying too hard? I mean, working on these things isn't a bad idea, but you may also be concentrating on the wrong stuff. I'll ask you again to trust me when I say be yourself around women. They can spot a faker. You could be right, Moose. But I do know that I have to fix some of the nuances I have that I listed already and need to be calm, confident, self-assured and masculine. Those are the four areas I want to improve upon. I am not "looking" for anyone and when I found her, I wasn't looking either.
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I am not "looking" for anyone and when I found her, I wasn't looking either.I may be reading too much into this, but it seems to me that you're placing all the blame of her leaving on yourself. I know it may be a hard thing for you to believe, (Given that to you, she's, "The One") but it's VERY possible that she's to blame for this. Even angels fall B.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Moose I may be reading too much into this, but it seems to me that you're placing all the blame of her leaving on yourself. I know it may be a hard thing for you to believe, (Given that to you, she's, "The One") but it's VERY possible that she's to blame for this. Even angels fall B. I do blame myself for not making some minor adjustments that would have let the pressure off of her. I also knew she wasn't a good communicator and I should have asked more questions. When you lose someone you loved so deeply, you want so badly to have all the answers... Moose, when the one you love is indifferent to you, how would you handle it?
Mz. Pixie Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Moose makes good sense. There is nothing wrong with putting love on a pedestal- just as long as they are not apt to act like they are on one. COC- I see nothing wrong in what you're saying you did. I love it when my bf communicates, is sensitive, puts me on a pedestal. I guess that's just the girly girl in me. The key is never to take it for granted or act like it's expected.......to me when a girl expects it it's a turn off.
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Moose, when the one you love is indifferent to you, how would you handle it?Well, as you probably already know, I've been with Mrs. Moose for nearly half of my life. So when her and I disagree, I can predict her reaction to what I say and do with precision. So my answer may not be helpful. Most of the time, when we don't see eye to eye, I'll have to stop her, (even if she's in mid sentence), let my feelings be known, then I simply walk away. 9 times out of 10, she'll think about what I said, and even place herself in my shoes, looking through my eyes and it'll hit her that her approach wasn't being productive. This usually winds up with her finding me, we BOTH apologize to each other, then we work it out. The hardest thing for me ever to get used to is the idea that she hated my guts. Even if it's just for a few fleeting seconds....., knowing that she's angry or hurt because of me would send me reeling into a dark world of sorrow. But now, I realize that sometimes you have to take a few steps back to move forward. It's just something I was forced to get used to if I were to help her see things the way I do, I had to be cruel to be kind. It's gonna hurt sometimes. It's a clear sign that you're alive.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Moose makes good sense. There is nothing wrong with putting love on a pedestal- just as long as they are not apt to act like they are on one. COC- I see nothing wrong in what you're saying you did. I love it when my bf communicates, is sensitive, puts me on a pedestal. I guess that's just the girly girl in me. The key is never to take it for granted or act like it's expected.......to me when a girl expects it it's a turn off. She's kind of a tomboy, so maybe girlie girl things don't work on her. She wants to do more manly things. That's scary, now that I think about it. She's a gorgeous girl, but acts like a boy sometimes. Moose, I am not sure I worded by question correctly. I loved her more than anything in life. She was always indifferent. She occasionally showed me love and other times not. I guess my question is, since she was always indifferent, how should I have handled it?
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I see. Sorry for the confusion then.I guess my question is, since she was always indifferent, how should I have handled it?Was she the one who was being indifferent? How do you know that you weren't the one being indifferent? Remember what I said about all of us being equals? BUT, I fully understand where you're coming from. Mrs. Moose and I are TOTAL opposites. She doesn't smoke, drink......she goes to Church twice as much as I do, (and I never miss Sunday mornings), plus volunteers for Church activities.....works in the youth program at Church.....I mean, for the longest time, I was under the impression that Church was more important to her than me. IT'S STILL that way. As soon as we hit that Church parking lot, her switch that reminds her she has a husband and family gets turned off. Every Sunday, the kids and I sit in the van waiting on her for at least 1/2 an hour. BUT, it's something that I've accepted B.. After-all, as soon as I get home from work, I'm in my room watchin' the 70's show till 6:30 then I'm off in the garage having an orgy in greasy, grimey engine parts......sometimes until way after dark. She knows that's just me. There are times where she needed or preferred that I stay in and spend some time with her, but she let's me know in her own way, and I gladly oblige her, with no sign of regrets. I really don't want to assume what you did wrong. But if someone you love is so indifferent from you, you should accept that person for who he/she is. If you have to mentally balance it all out all, placing her in-differences in one scale and your in-differences in the other side of the scale, then so be it. I hate to burst your bubble, but there will always be something you don't like, or is indifferent about your mate. Always. How you deal with it will determine whether or not you keep that mate. Kenny Rogers comes to mind right about now......hee hee....."You got to know when to hold em', know when to fold em', know when to walk away, and know when to run". Look, no one in a happy relationship had it ALL figured out when they entered. Part of a healthy relationship is learning these things as you BOTH go along. Also, on a final note, you definitely DO NOT want a mate that doesn't have some indifferences......how boring.
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