ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I was intrigued to do some searching on the internet about "Alpha Males" and if there really is a definitive aura about a man that makes him an "alpha male." I ran across a thread on another forum where a woman had described what she thought an Alpha Male was. And as I read through the replies, I was amazed to see all the similar responses. Most people felt that Alpha Males are made, not born. Sure, some men have natural good looks, charisma and exude self-confidence, but other men, who wouldn't necessarily be confused with a "good looking guy" have the same type of self-confidence. It's not an arrogant type of self-confidence. It's a calm self-confidence that you know that person is in charge. Think of a leader and the qualities a great leader has. Nobody would follow a leader like who acted like Barney from Mayberry RFD (spaz) but they would follow a leader who had a calm, self-confident demeanor like Andy (confident). Also, I have noticed that I DO have "Alpha Male" qualities in me, most especially when I am doing my job. I have been doing the same line of work for 14 years. It was my passion and I became very good at it. So good in fact, that I was often approached by upper level management (Vice Presidents) to seek my advice on hiring needs when most of HR was ignored (Directors, Managers, etc). So self-assured and self-confident am I that I went into a partnership and now own an executive search firm. In my line of work, I am the definitive Alpha Male. Now I am soon going to venture into Real Estate and I am 100% sure I will succeed. In fact, in MOST things I do I am the dominate alpha male. Riding sport bikes, sports, playing music. I am a natural leader and like to run the show. I am confident and self-assured that I can lead any pack to victory. But when it comes to women, when I fall in love, I turn from Alpha Male to Delta Male. Thus, part of the reason for this discussion. Can you become an Alpha Male with the opposite sex and if so, how do you start the process!? The same way I became an expert in my field? Studying women hard and figuring out what they want? I think I know. It's the basics of all the animal kingdom: They want a protector. A male that can father their children and raise them smartly and protect the brood. Your thoughts?
BigB Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Interesting subject man, I have no input, but I'd like to see where this goes.
moimeme Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 It's the basics of all the animal kingdom: They want a protector. A male that can father their children and raise them smartly and protect the brood. Oh give me a break. This ain't the jungle, 'bro. Last I looked, most of us wimenfolk have become pretty good at protecting our own selves. Here's what at least some women want: a partner. Someone who has your back the way you have his. A 'soft place to land'. A friend and companion who's also a lover. A good, kind, decent human being. It's enough work to manage being all that without aiming for 'protector'. Unless you want one of those totally helpless fluffy things who clings to you because she can't stand on her own two feet. Even in the animal world, it's dad's job to bring home the fish while mom scares off the predators. Do you see a female lion hanging around waiting for the male to bring home the zebras? No way, man - she's out there prowling and pouncing too. Here's the one thing you need: the cojones to be who you are. Yes, work on improving yourself, but not trying to become something you aren't and that women don't want anyway. You've bought a myth. Send it back unopened and just get on with being you.
corythosaurus Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Wearing black muscle shirts automatically revokes any alpha male dominance one had.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC But when it comes to women, when I fall in love, I turn from Alpha Male to Delta Male. Your thoughts? yes, actually it is Beta Male, not Delta Male.
XNemesisX Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 CIOC, you know I like you a lot but now I really am thinking that you are becoming a bit too obsessed. I think you have started more threads on an ex in the shortest time period than any other person in LS history at this point j/k stop overanalyzing You have said you have had no problems with women in the past, it was just with this one. Think back on how you behaved with women in the past, that worked for you. Use those same behaviors again. I don't think it should take this much research and analyzing. Wait until you feel you are in love again, and then read up on it if you want. Stop worrying so much. Go out with some friends and have a good time or take a vacation. Relax.
lindya Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I'm sure we've all met men who could be described as "alpha males" with the opposite sex. I'd say the ones I've met have shared the following qualities: 1. Genuinely seem to like women 2. Have a laid-back approach to life 3. Are confident, with lots of energy 4. Seem at ease with their bodies 5. Haven't any awkwardness about making some degree of physical contact with women they're talking to, and do it in a natural - not sleazy -way. None of that means they'll be any better in a relationship than any other guy, but in my opinion it does make them better at flirting and creating that initial chemistry. When you don't get the balance right, the above 5 become: 1. Leers at any female who dares to walk past 2. Can't tell the difference between being laid-back and suffering from total inertia 3. Has adopted White Goodman (Dodgeball) as his role model in life 4. Is so at ease with his body that he regularly p*sses in public and does that "legs splayed as wide apart as possible" whenever seated 5. Uses any excuse to touch, fondle or grope the woman he's speaking to - whether or not she seems comfortable with it.
blind_otter Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I think that lindya has it right on. For me those qualities balance out the emotionally random flightiness that I tend toward. My boyfriend a confident man who is level-headed and calm who can give me support and guidance. The issue IS that you are over-thinking everything here. An alphamale decides on a course of action and pursues it without dithering about wondering what the outcome will be. The outcome will be what he intends it to be, if he is a true alphamale. That's where the confidence part comes in to play.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter An alphamale decides on a course of action and pursues it without dithering about wondering what the outcome will be. The outcome will be what he intends it to be, if he is a true alphamale. That's where the confidence part comes in to play.
tokyo Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 An alpha male would not write such a post. He would also not tell himself all the time how wonderful he was and what a ungrateful b*tch his ex to not appreciate his great value. As long as you continue to look uncritically at yourself and your relationship as you are doing now as long you're not going to get much farther in your alpha status in respect to relationships. Lindya, nice list!
blind_otter Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale You are such a silly boy sometimes, ALPHA. I suppose that's why we love you. But I am in such a good mood today even you can't piss me off!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 While the banter is appreciated, stay on topic please. If you have an issue with me, send me a PM. This is a topic worthy of discussion and should be left devoid of any personal zingers.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I'm sure we've all met men who could be described as "alpha males" with the opposite sex. I'd say the ones I've met have shared the following qualities: 1. Genuinely seem to like women 2. Have a laid-back approach to life 3. Are confident, with lots of energy 4. Seem at ease with their bodies 5. Haven't any awkwardness about making some degree of physical contact with women they're talking to, and do it in a natural - not sleazy -way. None of that means they'll be any better in a relationship than any other guy, but in my opinion it does make them better at flirting and creating that initial chemistry. When you don't get the balance right, the above 5 become: 1. Leers at any female who dares to walk past 2. Can't tell the difference between being laid-back and suffering from total inertia 3. Has adopted White Goodman (Dodgeball) as his role model in life 4. Is so at ease with his body that he regularly p*sses in public and does that "legs splayed as wide apart as possible" whenever seated 5. Uses any excuse to touch, fondle or grope the woman he's speaking to - whether or not she seems comfortable with it. Very good post. Can you expound on what you mean by "Seems at ease with their bodies..?" Are you saying it's the way they sit or the way they use them in conversation?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by kooky An alpha male would not write such a post. For lack of a better word: Duh. He would also not tell himself all the time how wonderful he was and what a ungrateful b*tch his ex to not appreciate his great value. In the sense of how much I loved her, I was great. But after the discussion with my best friend this weekend, my flaws became even more obvious. I know what to work on, thus the reason for this post. If I was an Alpha Male with the ladies, I wouldn't need to post it. As long as you continue to look uncritically at yourself and your relationship as you are doing now as long you're not going to get much farther in your alpha status in respect to relationships. It's not me looking "uncritically" at myself. Do you understand how to improve yourself? I do. What I have learned is it takes a lot of self-evaluation and receiving honest and straight-forward feedback from the people who know you best. Analyzing your problems, deciding on a course of action and then putting a plan in motion is exactly what I am doing. You only know of me what you see here. Unless you've spent some time with me, accurately judging my personality online is nearly impossible. And yes, the black muscle shirt is necessary. I've worked hard to get this body, I feel it's time to show it off a bit.
SexKitten Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 i think if an alpha male believes he himself is an alpha male, then he probably is, in fact, not an alpha male. i think it is a quieter confidence that other people can see and sense. the "alpha male" should not have to broadcast it in order for it to be recognized.
Cecelius Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 The above list was great. Also need to add that primarily, one isn't that concerned with what others think about you, at the same time that you're always in your prime. Plus, no woman (other than your girl children maybe) should ever be the majority factor in your life. Ever. Always be willing to walk, no matter what.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC And yes, the black muscle shirt is necessary. I've worked hard to get this body, I feel it's time to show it off a bit. why? being an alpha male is a state of mind and has nothing to do with the way a man looks. it is all about being a man in your head and your emotions. That is what you lack COC.
westernxer Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Most Alpha males I know are that way without their knowing it... they're too busy screwing (and screwing over) loads of chicks to read up on what it means to be an Alpha.
moimeme Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 i think if an alpha male believes he himself is an alpha male, then he probably is, in fact, not an alpha male. i think it is a quieter confidence that other people can see and sense. the "alpha male" should not have to broadcast it in order for it to be recognized. Exactly. You aren't going to be able to become one by dint of the fact that you're trying to become one. You can attend school, read a thousand books, and see a shrink and, in the end, as long as you worry about being one, you won't be one.
scratch Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC You only know of me what you see here. Unless you've spent some time with me, accurately judging my personality online is nearly impossible. And yes, the black muscle shirt is necessary. I've worked hard to get this body, I feel it's time to show it off a bit. The following is harsh, but intended to be constructive: It was well stated above that Alphas are made, not born. Moreover, confidence is worn best in muted colors. The black muscle shirt is actually a great metaphor - it sends the message that you are desperate for attention, and that you lack subtlety when attempting to garner it. You are indeed fit, which is great, but you come across as the equivalent of a rich jackass in a red Corvette. If a woman came up to you and told you her measurements, wouldn't you find her insecure? How about if she just told you how much she liked working out, and you got a sense of her body on your own? Wouldn't that be far more attractive? Second, although you're not nearly the only one who does this here, why the need to get defensive and say "you don't know me" or "don't judge me?" You know we don't know you, we know we don't know you, this isn't a question. Defensiveness is always weak and beta-esque. Just accept the feedback you don't like, and offer additional facts or reasons why you think it may be off base. But, a blanket denial with one of the above statements doesn't get anybody anywhere. Sometimes the best way to show confidence is to be accepting that you have flaws and insecurities.
SexKitten Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Most Alpha males I know are that way without their knowing it... they're too busy screwing (and screwing over) loads of chicks to read up on what it means to be an Alpha. see i said the same beginning thing as you in my last post... but i think in your post, the last part means that that man isn't really an alpha...he's a wannabe machismo type that most people can see right through.
Moose Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I guarentee you that if you stuck our AlphaMale in with the rest of us in let's say boot camp for instance.......or even a camping trip.....you'll quickly find out that all of us have our weaknesses and strengths all of which are equally valuable to our survival. I think it'll benefit you to get that mindset. There's no one above or below you CIOC. There are those with titles and positions, but that's all that they are. It doesn't matter whether you're an Alpha or a Beta. You're unique in your own way. Don't try to be anything you're not.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Second, although you're not nearly the only one who does this here, why the need to get defensive and say "you don't know me" or "don't judge me?" now that is funny SCRATCH. After the 67 or so threads that COC has started I think we know him the best we can in this electronic medium.
morrigan Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten i think it is a quieter confidence that other people can see and sense. the "alpha male" should not have to broadcast it in order for it to be recognized. I agree. Any woman or man confident and realistic in their own being and abilities is usually fufilled or working on their own interests, and doesn't feel the need to preen for emotional/sexual attention.
moimeme Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Actually, Moose is an alpha male. Constant preoccupation with oneself is the antithesis of alpha malehood.
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