louxor Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) I wasn’t originally going to post about this, but another thing came up today and it’s left me a little intrigued in regards to her actions. Long story short, she broke up with me because she felt her romantic feelings for me had dropped. She wanted to be friends and at the time my mind was so spazzed out so I agreed. Jump forward 2 days, my mind is a little cleared up, I message her saying I can’t be her friend as I still have feelings for her, and I wished her the best. She replies saying she will respect this decision but that she was disappointed about the friends thing. I send another message back a few days later to clarify that I don’t want to try because I know it won’t work for me. She responds in a way where I can tell she's annoyed, and she also even tries to make me feel bad about it by saying how this was hard on her as well and some other useless stuff - So much for respecting my decision right, lol. I didn’t reply, this was about 5 weeks ago. Jump to today and my brother comes home and tells me he saw her (they study at the same place). He said he went up to her just to say a quick hello (they got along well when we were together so he didn’t want to be rude). He said that she basically straight away turned the conversation about me and he said she was clearly bothered as she told him that I had completely cut her out of my life and what not. So that’s why I decided to make this post. I know it doesn’t matter why she’s acted this way, but I can’t say I’m not intrigued as to why she’s gone from “ill respect your decision” to trying to make me feel bad about it and now to being openly bothered to my brother about the fact that I actually am sticking to my word - all in the matter of about a month. What do you think? Edited October 22, 2015 by louxor
Author louxor Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 I have no idea what you're asking. Why someone who go from saying they respect my decision to being all annoyed about it - ill go edit the original post so that's a bit clearer
LoveIsMyReligion Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 He is making conversation, no where did I see that you have to ask a question. Don't try to analyze what she is thinking you will only give yourself a headache. Next time ask your bro to not mention her in the future. I'm sure he meant well but the only cure is to cut her out completely. You need to treat the ex like it was crack and you were a crack addict. I know this sounds dumb as I type it out but it's true. You don't want to talk about crack, see pictures of crack because then you will get those urges to use it or what not.. Same goes for your ex. 6
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Why someone who go from saying they respect my decision to being all annoyed about it - ill go edit the original post so that's a bit clearer Because she never respected it in the first place? She said she was disappointed by it, so this is just a manifestation of it. I think that she expected you to chase after her a bit and was expecting an ego boost out of it and her ego hates that you didn't actually do it. That doesn't mean she'd respond positively to you doing that -- if you did try to be her buddy she'd be mad because she'd think you were trying to win her back. Either way, thinking about this is a complete and utter waste of your time. 8
basil67 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I think Simon nailed it. Her ego is hurting because you are coping without her and aren't begging her to stay in your life. 1
theredpill Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Stick to it dude, never ever be friends - she's annoyed because she's not only lost all her power but is also shows you're probably more of a man than the one she dumped. She's in or she's out, there's no in between and you should be working on you and getting back out there and enjoying yourself. I'm in the same boat, neglected her for too long - lost her connection broke up, yet she's visibility angry I don't want to talk to her or be friends unless working on us is on the table In the meantime I'm going out, having a great time 2
itsallamystery Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 This happened to me. There is no being friends. You could rack your brain for months like I did, and you probably will no matter how anybody says to cut ties but you will come to terms with it. Its manipulative. People can change, but the chances are far greater that they wont...why would they? It's gotten them everything they wanted out of you. You may have reacted different, which throws off her thinking. Again, it could elicit change, but its more likely to elicit more manipulation. The fact you agreed to what she wanted and that got her mad proves that. Likely she is the type that is always right and cannot own her faults and be accountable for them. I despise people like that. I encourage you to do the same. 2
Author louxor Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Thanks for all the replies everyone. It really is a pretty stupid thing to to wasting time thinking about after all :laugh:
itsallamystery Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Thanks for all the replies everyone. It really is a pretty stupid thing to to wasting time thinking about after all :laugh: It's only stupid if you dont take anything away from it or change something about yourself. You'll run into all the cliches about this type of thing but they are all true.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Based on the title of your thread, this is somewhat common. It's a control thing, and some people just can't accept that what they want to do is not what you want / need to do... Bottom line is... do what you need to do for you. That's it!!! This other person no longer gets a say in any of your future actions and how they may, or may not, involve them...
NoMoreJerks Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 She's annoyed because she likes having her cake and eating it too. Well, guess what, you took her cake away. lol. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 ......Long story short, she broke up with me because she felt her romantic feelings for me had dropped. She wanted to be friends and at the time my mind was so spazzed out so I agreed. Jump forward 2 days, my mind is a little cleared up, I message her saying I can’t be her friend as I still have feelings for her, and I wished her the best. She replies saying she will respect this decision but that she was disappointed about the friends thing. Up to here, totally understandable. Good re-think. Brilliant move. here's where you made your BIGGEST mistake: I send another message back a few days later to clarify that I don’t want to try because I know it won’t work for me. What do you think? I think there's so much wisdom in the NC Guide, I'm astonished people keep ignoring it. And no, it's not because it has my name on it. (Somebody else did the bulk work before I got my hands on it). There's so much sound, grounded common sense, what makes people say "Yup! Great idea! Way to go! Definitely sticking with that! Oh, except for this......"...? Now you've basically got it sorted, stick with it, buddy.... 1
Author louxor Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 here's where you made your BIGGEST mistake Yeh I see that now, with hindsight I see that I didn't need to send her a second message to further explain it - I guess I was still at that place at the time where I felt the need to still be excessively nice to her and explain things even more. No longer in that mindset though! Thanks for your comments! 1
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