basil67 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Your actions are NOT clear. I've can't count the number of women in FWB who've said "we have a FWB thing, but he likes talking with me and cuddling too - surely this means he cares!" If you just f*cked him and threw him out the door, then your actions would be clear. I do only call him when I have nothing else to do and just want company of a cute guy. ^^^ THIS is what you must tell him. That you are simply using him when you've got nothing better to do. I think then he'll get the message. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Your actions are NOT clear. I've can't count the number of women in FWB who've said "we have a FWB thing, but he likes talking with me and cuddling too - surely this means he cares!" If you just f*cked him and threw him out the door, then your actions would be clear. ^^^ THIS is what you must tell him. That you are simply using him when you've got nothing better to do. I think then he'll get the message. I wish I could just be that cold and do so. But I can't. I treat my FWB like I treat a friend. But you are all right. I need to be clear about my intentions, which I will definitely tell him tonight when he comes over to pick up his charger. 1
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I wish I could just be that cold and do so. But I can't. I treat my FWB like I treat a friend. But you are all right. I need to be clear about my intentions, which I will definitely tell him tonight when he comes over to pick up his charger. Right bc you're a nice person. That f-inch charger...
WomenWubber Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Show him this thread. That should clear things up for him. 1
KatZee Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 LOLOL. You're saying that you thought your actions showed him you weren't interested, but you're missing a key part here. Women behaving one way, and men behaving that exact same way, mean two ENTIRELY different things to both sexes! When a man behaves the way you're behaving, never initiating, only coming around for sex and cuddles, it's OBVIOUS that the dude is using the woman for a booty call. When a woman behaves the same way, the dude TRIES HARDER! to lock down the woman (assuming he's really into her, which it sounds like this guy is, since he dropped the "L" bomb.) If you want him to "get it" you have to actually spell it out. "I'm not interested in you beyond that of a booty call. I'm sorry that I led you to believe otherwise." 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 LOLOL. You're saying that you thought your actions showed him you weren't interested, but you're missing a key part here. Women behaving one way, and men behaving that exact same way, mean two ENTIRELY different things to both sexes! When a man behaves the way you're behaving, never initiating, only coming around for sex and cuddles, it's OBVIOUS that the dude is using the woman for a booty call. When a woman behaves the same way, the dude TRIES HARDER! to lock down the woman (assuming he's really into her, which it sounds like this guy is, since he dropped the "L" bomb.) If you want him to "get it" you have to actually spell it out. "I'm not interested in you beyond that of a booty call. I'm sorry that I led you to believe otherwise." You are SPOT ON!
losangelena Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Yea, seems very selfish I know but I do only call him when I have nothing else to do and just want company of a cute guy. The thing that bugs me is that he purposely left his charger at my place so he could come back, and I'm not a confrontational person at all so when he does come back I know I wouldn't be able to just tell him to take his charger and go home. He does live an hour and 15 mins from me. But I also want him to know he can't just force me to be in a position where I have to let him stay over. Plus the whole "I love you" thing is so weird. I will talk to him tonight and figure out where he stands. So far all of his behaviors have pointed towards him wanting something more serious than what I can give him. Don't mean to sound harsh here, but where is the "friend" part of FWB in that statement? You only call him when you have nothing else to do? I don't know about you, but I don't generally call my friends when I don't have anything else to do; I call them when I want to spend time with them and because I genuinely like him. Maybe that's what meant and it just sounds a bit callous, but eeesh. 1
losangelena Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 But he can't change how he feels Only quoted to say something about your profile photo, kilgore. LOLOLOL!! 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Don't mean to sound harsh here, but where is the "friend" part of FWB in that statement? You only call him when you have nothing else to do? I don't know about you, but I don't generally call my friends when I don't have anything else to do; I call them when I want to spend time with them and because I genuinely like him. Maybe that's what meant and it just sounds a bit callous, but eeesh. I guess we're less than a friend, because you're right i wouldn't treat a friend like that, however I do care about him more than a stranger, as in I can't just kick him out right after sex, I let him sleep over, and when he's in the neighborhood and hit me up when I'm out, usually he wants to meet up and I just agree to it, that's when the occasional hang out happens. I never initiate any hang out with him while I'm out socializing with friends. 1
joseb Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I wish I could just be that cold and do so. But I can't. I treat my FWB like I treat a friend. But you are all right. I need to be clear about my intentions, which I will definitely tell him tonight when he comes over to pick up his charger. There is no need to treat a FB/FWB with total coolness, it's not like you have hired a hooker or something, but what you do need to do is be honest with them. My FB and I get on well and are friendly and have a laugh. But we both know what the relationship is and are clear we are on the same page and are careful not to form too much attachment. 1
Guyouthere Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 So I've been involved with this guy for about a month or two now. Nothing serious, he's sort of my booty call. I call him when I want company and cuddle. We had sex twice, and hung out a couple times when I was out with my friends. We never talked about expectations regarding our "relationship". I assumed he knew what it was: just a booty call. Lately he's been getting on my nerve with all the texting. I don't respond to his texts, but he still texts me. Nothing crazy, one text a day, usually asking me how my day is going. I rarely respond. I finally told him that I'm not a phone person, and I will hit him up when I have time. He left me alone for a couple days, and back to texting everyday again. Last night I was out with friends and bumped into him at a bar. I didn't drive so he drove me home, I told him he should stay over which he did. We didn't have sex, just cuddling. He kissed me when he left this morning, I told him to drive safe, and told him to "Text me later or something", which I soon realized I should not have said that. Ugh! And he said "I will. Go back to sleep. Love you". I was shocked, but didn't want to make it awkward, I went back to sleep. When I woke up, he left his charger there so I texted him to tell him that. He said he did it on purpose so he could have an excuse to come back and see me tonight. OMG I'm freakin out. What should I do?! This is so awkward for me! I think my actions speak louder than anything! That I don't want anything serious with him. But he doesn't seem to get it. I want to ask him about what he told me this morning. But then again, what if he just said that by mistake? Then bringing it up would be so weird. Plus I like having sex with him and I do enjoy his company, just don't see myself in a romantic way with him. Any advice? You know I admire you, I really do. But sometimes I just have to say it as I see it, and I will. Sex with no romance…. This is your original problem here. Quite honestly,.,,,, This isn't possible for any long term relationship, regardless if you or he wants one. It plays on the mind too much.
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Only quoted to say something about your profile photo, kilgore. LOLOLOL!! I like to flaunt it. Lol
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I guess we're less than a friend, because you're right i wouldn't treat a friend like that, however I do care about him more than a stranger, as in I can't just kick him out right after sex, I let him sleep over, and when he's in the neighborhood and hit me up when I'm out, usually he wants to meet up and I just agree to it, that's when the occasional hang out happens. I never initiate any hang out with him while I'm out socializing with friends. There's nothing so unusual. But he just wants more than you can give
katiegrl Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I like to flaunt it. Lol Apparently, he's not the only one on this thread who likes to flaunt it... 3
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Apparently, he's not the only one on this thread who likes to flaunt it... Who else does?
katiegrl Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Who else does? Like you really have to ask? Come on now..... 1
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Like you really have to ask? Come on now..... Aside from me?
katiegrl Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Changing subjects for a sec, losangelina I love your new avatar!!! :bunny:
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Changing subjects for a sec, losangelina I love your new avatar!!! :bunny: Where did yours go? I liked that you had a picture of yourself
joseb Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Kilgore, where can I get my hands on one of those Mankinis? 2
kilgore Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Kilgore, where can I get my hands on one of those Mankinis? Walmart I think
introverted1 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 So I've been involved with this guy for about a month or two now. Nothing serious, he's sort of my booty call. I call him when I want company and cuddle. We had sex twice, and hung out a couple times when I was out with my friends. We never talked about expectations regarding our "relationship". I assumed he knew what it was: just a booty call. Lately he's been getting on my nerve with all the texting. I don't respond to his texts, but he still texts me. Nothing crazy, one text a day, usually asking me how my day is going. I rarely respond. I finally told him that I'm not a phone person, and I will hit him up when I have time. He left me alone for a couple days, and back to texting everyday again. Last night I was out with friends and bumped into him at a bar. I didn't drive so he drove me home, I told him he should stay over which he did. We didn't have sex, just cuddling. He kissed me when he left this morning, I told him to drive safe, and told him to "Text me later or something", which I soon realized I should not have said that. Ugh! And he said "I will. Go back to sleep. Love you". I was shocked, but didn't want to make it awkward, I went back to sleep. When I woke up, he left his charger there so I texted him to tell him that. He said he did it on purpose so he could have an excuse to come back and see me tonight. I guess we're less than a friend, because you're right i wouldn't treat a friend like that, however I do care about him more than a stranger, as in I can't just kick him out right after sex, I let him sleep over, and when he's in the neighborhood and hit me up when I'm out, usually he wants to meet up and I just agree to it, that's when the occasional hang out happens. I never initiate any hang out with him while I'm out socializing with friends. What you initially posted (see the bold in the top message) and what you are saying now is not consistent. You have invited over just to cuddle and you have included him in outings with your friends. It seems to me that you have sent this guy some very confusing signals and I understand how he might have thought you actually cared about him. It's fine to replace your dildo with a FB, but make sure your FB is on the same page. There are plenty of guys willing to take on that role, just be honest about it.
losangelena Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 By the way, OP, to answer your original question, on "how to get him to 'get it,'" it's quite simple—you just have to plainly state how you feel. I'm sure that feels "confrontational," which you claim you don't like to be, but your very refusal TO confront the issue head-on has created confusion on his part and frustration on yours. Of course you don't want to be direct. It might hurt him and jeopardize your "relationship" or make you look like "the bad guy," but as the advice you've gotten could be summarized—you're gonna have to open your mouth and say how you feel.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Damn. I did. I asked him why he said what he said. He told me it just felt right. Jesus! So I had to tell him how I felt, and that it wasn't the same feelings he had for me. I told him I didn't think it would be a good idea to continue because I don't want to hurt him. He said he didn't see it coming, thought we got along great and all. Well, I guess it's done and over with. It sucks to be in his position but it also sucks to be the one on the other side. I feel extremely bad 3
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