PogoStick Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 This is the same girl I went on a first date 2.5 months ago, and described her as having masculine energy. We've hit it off and our sex life is crazy. I banged her so hard that she fell in love (lust?) and she wants all she can have now. It's a 90 minute drive so we see each other once a week or less, but when we do the neighbors totally hate us! She is so eager, so horny, and it makes her a great match because I'm the same and I love it. The thing is, I've just never been with a girl like this. She jokes (probably just honest) that if we live together she's going to bang me 3 times a day. She jokes about "being such a dude" and says we can cuddle after I fk her first. I'm actually fine with all of this, but I do ultimately want love and a relationship. She does show love too. She says she is happy and falling hard. She initially warned me about needy guys and how she doesn't like talking on the phone, but she calls me every other day or so. Her friend laughed and said she talked to me more in a month than her last boyfriend in 1.5 years. So, any girls here who will support her and explain how her relentless sexual desire = love?
Guyouthere Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 As an older guy, i will tell you this… This isn't love, it is infatuation. Real love is actually separate from sex. Sex is an expression of it, or should be. She sounds infatuated by you, really nothing else but hormones. The bad part of all of this, is that this type of things wanes after a while, when real life issues creep in. Ask me how I know. You now have the benefit of someone telling you this, when I wish I did in the past. 2
ZA Dater Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 This is the same girl I went on a first date 2.5 months ago, and described her as having masculine energy. We've hit it off and our sex life is crazy. I banged her so hard that she fell in love (lust?) and she wants all she can have now. It's a 90 minute drive so we see each other once a week or less, but when we do the neighbors totally hate us! She is so eager, so horny, and it makes her a great match because I'm the same and I love it. The thing is, I've just never been with a girl like this. She jokes (probably just honest) that if we live together she's going to bang me 3 times a day. She jokes about "being such a dude" and says we can cuddle after I fk her first. I'm actually fine with all of this, but I do ultimately want love and a relationship. She does show love too. She says she is happy and falling hard. She initially warned me about needy guys and how she doesn't like talking on the phone, but she calls me every other day or so. Her friend laughed and said she talked to me more in a month than her last boyfriend in 1.5 years. So, any girls here who will support her and explain how her relentless sexual desire = love? Sounds good to me for the most part, enjoy it! 2
Toodaloo Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 So, any girls here who will support her and explain how her relentless sexual desire = love? Just because she is a tom boy doesn't mean that she is incapable of love. Also its worth you noting that women tend to get horney around guys that they have an "emotional connection" with. I am always at my most horney when I am in a relationship with someone I love. 3 times a day barely covers it. When I fall out of love I don't want them, or sex at all... I always joke that the day I don't want sex is the day that my relationship is in serious trouble or I am due another trip to the hospital because I am seriously ill again...! Just saying. 1
BlueIris Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 In my opinion, there isn’t just one kind of love, way to love, level of love, or better or acceptable type of love. Accept and respect that she loves you and don’t judge or doubt her. None of us can ever truly know how another person feels or thinks inside so we can’t judge whether someone’s “right” or whether their feelings are valid. How would we ever assess that? It sounds like you do not have strong feelings for her and instead are detached and skeptical. If that’s true, I’d just recommend respecting that she has strong feelings for you and don’t take advantage or mislead her. 3
J21 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Sex definitely does not equal love. Sex is just sex. People can have sex with no emotions attached. 3
Gaeta Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 She does show love too. She says she is happy and falling hard. How does she show her love? Telling you she is happy and falling for you is not <showing you>, it's telling you, not the same. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 She is so eager, so horny, and it makes her a great match because I'm the same and I love it. The thing is, I've just never been with a girl like this. She jokes (probably just honest) that if we live together she's going to bang me 3 times a day. She jokes about "being such a dude" and says we can cuddle after I fk her first. I'm actually fine with all of this, but I do ultimately want love and a relationship. Eww. I couldn't imagine acting like a dog in heat like that. Passion and desire is one thing, humping your leg is just so freakin' unattractive. You're thinking with your d*ck right now. That's why it's great. Jeez, it ain't rocket science. My brother married a woman just like this. She was a sex hound - acted like she had to have it all the time. For the first year, he thought he was the luckiest guy on earth. Constant sex on tap? Yes please! But as with anything, the thrill eventually wore off. That's just human nature. It got to the point where he was actually avoiding going home straight after work because he got sick and tired of being jumped on as soon as he got through the door - or shortly after he took off his work clothes. Enjoy it while it's new.
Author PogoStick Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Do you love her? Yes. We connect on a lot of levels. Intellectual, religion, politics, desire for travel, no kids. Add in the passion and sex, and it's been great! 3
Toodaloo Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Yes. We connect on a lot of levels. Intellectual, religion, politics, desire for travel, no kids. Add in the passion and sex, and it's been great! Well what are you worried about then? Enjoy!
katiegrl Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Because you are 90 minutes away, and only see her once a week or less, of course when she sees you, she wants sex all the time! She misses you! Most women would, I sure would, especially in the beginning stages, aka *the honeymoon* period. Sex IS an expression of love. Right now, my guess would be she is infatuated and *falling in love.* This period is akin to temporary insanity, adrenaline is high, hormones are raging, and all you want to do is ravage each other sexually. The distance and limited time together exacerbates those feelings. That is how it was with my fiance too in the beginning. We are getting married next year after five plus years, and our sex life is STILL hot! Enjoy it while it lasts! This period is very special, and if your relationship lasts longer term, you can look back at it and smile! As time goes on, one of you moves closer, and you are able to spend more time together, things will calm down a bit. But right now, to me this is normal. She is incredibly attracted to you, you click sexually, your time together is limited, and she misses you! Enjoy!!!!:bunny: Edited October 22, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Also pogo, you said you never met a woman like her before... (loving sex with YOU and wanting it all the time when you're together (again once a week or less). How about, instead of putting all this on her, shift your thinking to "I have never been in a relationship where WE were like this"? So hot for each other, can't keep our hands off each other, etc. It's the two of you together that is causing this hot combustion. Not just her, not just you, but the two of you TOGETHER! Again, enjoy while it lasts!
RecentChange Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Just adding my two cents because this girl sounds a lot like me. I feminine on the "outside" - but I tend to behave more "masculine" - like her, I am not one to talk on the phone, tend to be the less emotional one in a relationship, my interest are more in line with men's, and since I was young I have had more male friends... "Masculine energy" is a good way to describe it. And I tend to run on the HORNY side.... (Side note, I have a finger length ratio that indicates exposure to high levels of testosterone in the womb - always wondered if that has something to do with it. Is her ring finger longer than her index finger?) For me, sex absolutely does not equal love. I have had some wonderful, very satisfying "sex only" relationships. We hung out, f'ed like rabbits, but I never "fell" for these guys. Now, I did eventually fall for someone, and it was near instant. The sex was great, and copiuos.... But there are "honey moon" stages for sure... Ours lasted years. Then it waned.... I feel like the desperate husband begging the wifey for it at times..... And I think it's a lot easier to cheat when you can have zero emotional connection to sex. Sex can be an expression of love..... And it can just be sex.
jen1447 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I'm gonna buck the trend here Pogo and say I think you should be cautious. I don't advocate ppl being 'afraid to live,' but at the same time we need to temper the risks we take with a stable foundation as the fallback plan. That bscly means have your mind right before going in. The risk I see here is that ppl who burn really brightly tend to burn out. That means there might come a day where this level of passion wears off. The question then is what will that leave in her case? Women can be (and usually are) flighty emotionally, so it could well be that the same level of excitement she has now points in the other direction if she loses her sexual muse so to speak, and without that whispering in her ear the flames may die off quickly and leave you holding the bag. If you've got your feet under you tho, that's not such a big deal, and just having the air of someone who has their feet under them to begin with makes them more attractive and less vulnerable. But if you're a guy who "can't live without her," you'll be a disaster waiting to happen, and all the more likely a victim bc that trait itself makes women in doubt want to run. The risk with you specifically is that you sound like you're falling in goofy love. That feels great but it leaves you extremely vulnerable if things go south, bc you'll have dropped your guard and went all in emotionally and then ....boom. You know all the ppl here who post saying their "life is over," they're "destroyed," they're "hopeless," etc.? Those are all ppl who went too far in without a safety net and got burned hard. I'm not saying pull back or start deliberately acting like an a-hole, PUA style. Just ground yourself and understand that in the final-last-end-all analysis, it really is just you out there, and that's fine. She can be a great partner to you now and maybe she will be for a long time, but you need to hammer home the stability message now and internalize it now, not try to convince yourself of it later after it's too late. Also, before you think to speak up saying don't worry I've got it all figured out, understand that pretty much everyone who's ever been burned 'figured' they had it all under control. But even the toughest tough guys have been reduced to a pile of gibbering mush by emotional abandonment. You have to be completely honest with yourself, do a gut check, and actually get yourself under control. You can do it, just be honest and realistic. 2
katiegrl Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Keep in mind peeps, they have been dating 2.5 months, they did not just meet and fall in "lust" like some of you are describing. They got to know each other first, and click intellectually, emotionally, religion, politics, kids, etc. also. He also said she is very giving in many ways, not just sex. And has told him she is falling hard, NOT that she is in love with him yet. Just falling.. All normal and healthy feelings after 2 5 months. When it's *right*! If she did not want sex as much as he did (he said HE loves sex a lot too), he'd be complaining. Now he has found a woman who he clicks with on all levels, including sexually, obviously she is incredibly attracted to him, and vice versa, and some of you are telling him to be wary and put the breaks on? Jesus. Just can't win around here I guess. Edited October 22, 2015 by katiegrl
kpl Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I think with anything I would be cautious. If she has had trouble being emotionally present in other relationships, sex could be used as a way to avoid intimacy. But since she is calling you when it isn't something she would normally do I think for the most part things seem like they are going well. Losing your mind and falling in love to me is never really smart b/c love and compatibility are separate things. I think ppl should always be focused on finding compatible partners they love. Not love ppl and hope for compatibility.
Author PogoStick Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Both Katie and Jen have valid points. Jen: I do get devastated, and I'm a deep lover. But, I'm approaching 40, married and divorced, several multi-year relationships. Break-ups are painful but I'm experienced at navigating them at this point. My fear is along the same line you suggest: hot sex, cloudy minds, burnout. Katie: I enjoy your optimism. We saw each other twice in the first month. Now every week for the last 6 weeks, including 2 weekends with her staying at my place. She invited me to her place date 3 and I declined sex, but date 4 was game on. Lots of communication between seeing each other. We've both been holding back on "love you" but both decided to embrace it last week. Girls have wanted me, good sex and good relationships. But even girls who wanted me act like typical girls, I initiate, I set the pace. This girl doesn't hold back, doesn't hide her desire, she's aggressive, and I'm not used to it. It's awesome and we're both loving it. I'm just concerned along Jen's thinking. It's progressed hot and quick. If this was 6 months in I'd feel more sure.
LostOnes05 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 As an older guy, i will tell you this… This isn't love, it is infatuation. Real love is actually separate from sex. Sex is an expression of it, or should be. She sounds infatuated by you, really nothing else but hormones. The bad part of all of this, is that this type of things wanes after a while, when real life issues creep in. Ask me how I know. You now have the benefit of someone telling you this, when I wish I did in the past. This is true. I had a girl tell me she loved me, wanted to have my children and everything. She wanted sex all the time as well. Thankfully, I kept my emotions in check to a degree but I'm still here on LS talking about it...so...:laugh:
soyou Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Your girl/ or date is very much similar to me. Go and enjoy it. Have a good time. If she says she's falling for you, she's falling for you. I can assure you that. Di t think too much, just go with the flow. Dont put so much pressure and assumption unnecessarily on the fun you are having :) 1
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