Am I selfish when it comes to sex?

[Mstokes]

I'm currently involved in a FWB type of relationship with a guy because that's how we both want it. Neither of us are ready for a relationship as I'm a college student and he's a little older than me. Here's the problem. We started out with just good sex and every now and then I'll ask him for a few dollars, something to eat, or a ride somewhere. He has no problem helping me out when he can but he seems to be pressuring me to have more sex with him. Yes I know it's a sexual relationship. I orgasm easily and you would think any man would be happy with that but when I orgasm I'm usually done with sex. I'm not one of those girls who keeps going trying to have another orgasm nor am I interested in whether he gets his. Yes, that sounds selfish but that's just how I am.

 

This week I called my guy asking for a ride to court because I got a ticket while driving my brother's truck. He said sure and asked if we could hang out later at his place or even my dorm. I was fine with that and then asked him could he buy me some lunch afterwards. He said ok. He picks me up and we go to court then to lunch. By the time everything was done I didn't have time to hang out with him. I told him we'd hook up later that night. I got busy and never hit him back up. The next day I hit him up wanting to know if he wanted to hang out and again he said sure. Again I asked for lunch which he bought. We get back to my dorm and were almost naked when I asked him if he had a condom. He said he had one out in his car. When he left my room a friend called me wanting me to come see her at her dorm. I left and told my guy that I'd be right back. He told me he was already in my room waiting on me. I told him to go back to his car and wait on me to come get him. 30 minutes later he's still waiting on me so I told him we'd just hook up later. At about 11 PM I hit him up asking him what he was doing. He actually was out and I had him come by. We get naked and get into it. 10 minutes later I'm having my orgasm and at that point I was done. I get up, get dressed and sends him home. Later that night he sends me a text and it basically said this, "does it ever bother you that I hardly ever get to cum when we have sex?" My reply to him was, "Well if that's how you feel you don't have to come back."

 

As bad as this sounds I like the guy We have great conversations and he allows me to be me when we're together. He's come to my rescue when my parents and family have let me down. But I just think that this pressure from him when we have sex is a bit much. I'm sorry if when I have my orgasm I don't want to be touched anymore but that's just how I am. And yes, he has cum before when we've had sex. I'd say that in the past couple of months of us hooking up he's cum a few times. Maybe I'm just in it for me. Am I selfish?

[d0nnivain]

Since you asked, actually yes you do sound selfish. He carts your butt to court, feeds you lunch twice, you leave him hanging & when you do have sex with him, he doesn't get to finish because you are out of bed & dressed immediately after you orgasm. Really what is he getting out of having you around?

[Gaeta]

Yes you are selfish and a lot of other things but your question is if you are selfish so I will limit myself to that question. Yes.

[Mstokes]

Since you asked, actually yes you do sound selfish. He carts your butt to court, feeds you lunch twice, you leave him hanging & when you do have sex with him, he doesn't get to finish because you are out of bed & dressed immediately after you orgasm. Really what is he getting out of having you around?

 

I can't help how I am. That's why I'm not really looking for a relationship.

[PegNosePete]

Yes you do sound very selfish.

[Redhead14]

I'm currently involved in a FWB type of relationship with a guy because that's how we both want it. Neither of us are ready for a relationship as I'm a college student and he's a little older than me. Here's the problem. We started out with just good sex and every now and then I'll ask him for a few dollars, something to eat, or a ride somewhere. He has no problem helping me out when he can but he seems to be pressuring me to have more sex with him. Yes I know it's a sexual relationship. I orgasm easily and you would think any man would be happy with that but when I orgasm I'm usually done with sex. I'm not one of those girls who keeps going trying to have another orgasm nor am I interested in whether he gets his. Yes, that sounds selfish but that's just how I am.

 

This week I called my guy asking for a ride to court because I got a ticket while driving my brother's truck. He said sure and asked if we could hang out later at his place or even my dorm. I was fine with that and then asked him could he buy me some lunch afterwards. He said ok. He picks me up and we go to court then to lunch. By the time everything was done I didn't have time to hang out with him. I told him we'd hook up later that night. I got busy and never hit him back up. The next day I hit him up wanting to know if he wanted to hang out and again he said sure. Again I asked for lunch which he bought. We get back to my dorm and were almost naked when I asked him if he had a condom. He said he had one out in his car. When he left my room a friend called me wanting me to come see her at her dorm. I left and told my guy that I'd be right back. He told me he was already in my room waiting on me. I told him to go back to his car and wait on me to come get him. 30 minutes later he's still waiting on me so I told him we'd just hook up later. At about 11 PM I hit him up asking him what he was doing. He actually was out and I had him come by. We get naked and get into it. 10 minutes later I'm having my orgasm and at that point I was done. I get up, get dressed and sends him home. Later that night he sends me a text and it basically said this, "does it ever bother you that I hardly ever get to cum when we have sex?" My reply to him was, "Well if that's how you feel you don't have to come back."

 

As bad as this sounds I like the guy We have great conversations and he allows me to be me when we're together. He's come to my rescue when my parents and family have let me down. But I just think that this pressure from him when we have sex is a bit much. I'm sorry if when I have my orgasm I don't want to be touched anymore but that's just how I am. And yes, he has cum before when we've had sex. I'd say that in the past couple of months of us hooking up he's cum a few times. Maybe I'm just in it for me. Am I selfish?

 

YES and emotionally detached. If you truly care for a partner, you will want to make the sexual experience mutually satisfying.

[d0nnivain]

I can't help how I am. That's why I'm not really looking for a relationship.

 

 

 

Yes you can. Being polite is a learned behavior. It takes some effort. Stop being lazy about your interpersonal relationships & only taking without giving anything in return.

 

 

You could have done the following without a great deal of effort on your part:

 

 

* offered gas money for the ride

 

 

* offered to buy him lunch instead of expecting him to treat you after he did you the favor by driving you to court

 

 

* called him back or at least apologized for not calling him back

 

 

* continued having sex until he climaxed. Who knows if you stuck around you may have been treated to a second orgasm.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Is this a serious question? Come on!

 

You already know you're incredibly selfish but I think you forgot a bit spoiled and entitled too. I don't care if you see this as just FWB or NSA. That doesn't excuse your behavior or give you the right to treat him like your personal chew toy. It's called showing common decency.

[Els]

Another vote for 'selfish brat'. Most of us are capable of acting like decent human beings regardless of whether we're with a partner, FWB, platonic friend or even acquaintance.

[Odinani]

To be honest this does sound very cold and soulless. Is this how you are generally in relationships?

 

I'm currently involved in a FWB type of relationship with a guy because that's how we both want it. Neither of us are ready for a relationship as I'm a college student and he's a little older than me. Here's the problem. We started out with just good sex and every now and then I'll ask him for a few dollars, something to eat, or a ride somewhere. He has no problem helping me out when he can but he seems to be pressuring me to have more sex with him. Yes I know it's a sexual relationship. I orgasm easily and you would think any man would be happy with that but when I orgasm I'm usually done with sex. I'm not one of those girls who keeps going trying to have another orgasm nor am I interested in whether he gets his. Yes, that sounds selfish but that's just how I am.

 

This week I called my guy asking for a ride to court because I got a ticket while driving my brother's truck. He said sure and asked if we could hang out later at his place or even my dorm. I was fine with that and then asked him could he buy me some lunch afterwards. He said ok. He picks me up and we go to court then to lunch. By the time everything was done I didn't have time to hang out with him. I told him we'd hook up later that night. I got busy and never hit him back up. The next day I hit him up wanting to know if he wanted to hang out and again he said sure. Again I asked for lunch which he bought. We get back to my dorm and were almost naked when I asked him if he had a condom. He said he had one out in his car. When he left my room a friend called me wanting me to come see her at her dorm. I left and told my guy that I'd be right back. He told me he was already in my room waiting on me. I told him to go back to his car and wait on me to come get him. 30 minutes later he's still waiting on me so I told him we'd just hook up later. At about 11 PM I hit him up asking him what he was doing. He actually was out and I had him come by. We get naked and get into it. 10 minutes later I'm having my orgasm and at that point I was done. I get up, get dressed and sends him home. Later that night he sends me a text and it basically said this, "does it ever bother you that I hardly ever get to cum when we have sex?" My reply to him was, "Well if that's how you feel you don't have to come back."

 

As bad as this sounds I like the guy We have great conversations and he allows me to be me when we're together. He's come to my rescue when my parents and family have let me down. But I just think that this pressure from him when we have sex is a bit much. I'm sorry if when I have my orgasm I don't want to be touched anymore but that's just how I am. And yes, he has cum before when we've had sex. I'd say that in the past couple of months of us hooking up he's cum a few times. Maybe I'm just in it for me. Am I selfish?

[StBreton]

Yes you are selfish ...a FWB is just that ...seems like you're the only one getting the benefit. I can't imagine what it's like for this guy to be with you ...then have to go finish things for himself??

 

Also ...you can help this ...and the longer you do this selfish routine ...the more ingrained /imprinted it will be on your psyche ... You're setting yourself up for a lot of work later to rework that deeply ingrained pattern. I'd recommend taking g it a little at a time ...if the current situation is 1:5 times he "finishes" with you ...to work on 2:5 times ...but move forward

[Redhead14]

YES and emotionally detached. If you truly care for a partner, you will want to make the sexual experience mutually satisfying.

 

It is extremely unusual for a woman to have this kind of "attitude" toward sex and relationships. I think it would be wise for you to seek counseling. How old are you? Do you have any history of abuse in your background?

 

I am concerned for you.

[GemmaUK]

I'm really stunned reading that.

 

Yes, you are selfish about sex and it seems selfish on several other counts as well.

 

For you this is FWB but for him it appears to be FWOABAA.

[Redhead14]

It is extremely unusual for a woman to have this kind of "attitude" toward sex and relationships. I think it would be wise for you to seek counseling. How old are you? Do you have any history of abuse in your background?

 

I am concerned for you.

 

If you respond to the question regarding abuse, you don't need to go into detail. Yes or no is sufficient.

[Odinani]

It is extremely unusual for a woman to have this kind of "attitude" toward sex and relationships. I think it would be wise for you to seek counseling. How old are you? Do you have any history of abuse in your background?

 

I am concerned for you.

 

I have a friend who used to treat a man she was involved with exactly like this. She later revealed to me that she had been a victim of childhood rape.

[Toodaloo]

I actually think you are behaving like a hooker but he isn't getting his moneys worth.

 

Personally I think you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet rather than getting him to do everything for you for the sake of a shag.

 

Your behaviour is very selfish, not just towards sex, very self centred and entitled all round.

 

I think you need to address it or you are going to have problems with relationships later.

 

Just to clarify. This behaviour is NOT ok...

[Redhead14]

I have a friend who used to treat a man she was involved with exactly like this. She later revealed to me that she had been a victim of childhood rape.

 

This is why I'm concerned. She is very young. We do need to use caution here. This entire thread could be triggering to her. Since we do don't know what the history is, we should err on the side of caution on how we treat this.

[Letmeknow]

Girl! You're selfish...come on now.

 

Doesn't mean you have to change that, but recognizing your behavior or your personality traits will do A LOT for you in the future.

[fitnessfan365]

I can't help how I am. That's why I'm not really looking for a relationship.

 

1) It isn't that you can't. It's that you don't want to.

 

2) If you don't want a relationship, stop acting like this guy is your boyfriend. Don't ask him for money, rides, or for him to take you out to eat. A FWB implies no expectations or obligations.

 

BTW - I can guarantee that the sex isn't "good" for him with how one sided it is. Do you seriously just stop once you cum?

[Mstokes]

If you respond to the question regarding abuse, you don't need to go into detail. Yes or no is sufficient.

 

No I've never been abused. Question answered.

 

I like himm, honestly I do. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy our time together. Sexually, I'm just the way I am. Several of my friends have told me that if I don't change my behavior I'm going to find myself by myself.

[Mstokes]

1) It isn't that you can't. It's that you don't want to.

 

2) If you don't want a relationship, stop acting like this guy is your boyfriend. Don't ask him for money, rides, or for him to take you out to eat. A FWB implies no expectations or obligations.

 

BTW - I can guarantee that the sex isn't "good" for him with how one sided it is. Do you seriously just stop once you cum?

 

To answer you last question, YES! I don't see the need to continue. I've gotten mine. A lot of the time I'll tell him not to cum so I can get mine but then when I'm done so are we. I don't need him anymore. If he doesn't get his, that's his fault.

[Els]

Sexually, I'm just the way I am.

 

This is just nonsensical. Even if you lose ALL sexual desire after an O, you can arrange things such that you O last, or you take turns, or you just carry on and give him a BJ/HJ after you O even if you aren't feeling horny.

 

And it doesn't address the fact that you are equally selfish outside of bed.

[fitnessfan365]

No I've never been abused. Question answered.

 

I like himm, honestly I do. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy our time together. Sexually, I'm just the way I am. Several of my friends have told me that if I don't change my behavior I'm going to find myself by myself.

 

If you liked him, you wouldn't be taking advantage of him the way that you do. What you actually like is that he lets you get away with the crap you're pulling. Any guy w/backbone would tell you where to go pretty soon into the process.

[autumnnight]

Yep, you are absolutely selfish.

[Redhead14]

No I've never been abused. Question answered.

 

I like himm, honestly I do. He's easy to talk to and I enjoy our time together. Sexually, I'm just the way I am. Several of my friends have told me that if I don't change my behavior I'm going to find myself by myself.

 

There is more to this that you may not be aware of on a conscious level . . .

 

And, your friends are correct.

 

The "relationship" with this guy is going to end as well. This attitude is very unfair to and toying with men. Regardless of the fact that this is "just the way you are", men will not appreciate being left hanging. You may find yourself in a precarious position in the future when you're seeing a man, having sex with him and not reciprocating.

 

You say you like the guy but are detached even on that level. If you like someone, enjoy spending time with them and are having sex, you should actually want them to be happy and enjoy the time with you as well.

 

I'm kinda questioning the guy too now . . . why would a man want to spend time with a woman who has sex with him but doesn't care if he's satisfied . . . he did raise the question, so I'm betting he's getting ready to move on if things don't change.