DesertDweller Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 If anyone remembers my other posts, you'll know I was emotionally involved with a married man. I've since decided I don't want to be the other woman. Nevertheless, the MM and I still see each other through our work. We are both booksellers and buy our inventory at the same place. Anyway, his wife has decided to join him on these buying trips. I missed her today--fortunately--but I'm sure she'll be there again. She's a teacher, so she'll be free all summer. She has called me names via email, and I'm sure she can't wait to humiliate me in person. She loves to make scenes. Here's the question: Because I am morally wrong, do I have a right to defend myself? Or should I just take my medicine? BTW, I can't--won't--let her run me off. I have been buying books there long before her husband has. I'm a single mother and this is how I support my daughters. HE should leave if she has a problem. What do you think? Thanks.
kkat Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 This is a tough situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Check out the previous post "Threats from Wife" - a more extreme situation but similar in some ways - you might get some good thoughts from that. I don't think you have to "take your medicine" - her husband had a relationship with you and she's angry - but you don't have to stand there and take it if she attacks you verbally or causes a scene. Is there anything you can do, without jeopardizing your business, that would help you avoid seeing her/them - at least for a while? Not being very helpful, sorry.... You know, I want to tell you one thing to please keep in the top of your head --- the thing that really matters, and will matter, days, weeks, months, years down the road -- is not that this man's wife is angry with you and causes a scene, but that you had the courage to end a dead-end relationship and that you will go on and find your intended love...in yourself and with someone else. So just try to keep that in mind - and focus less on the butterflies of running into them. Good luck and good thougths!
Author DesertDweller Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Thanks for the advice! I will go check out the "Threats from Wife" post. I guess I could stop buying books for awhile. It just doesn't seem fair: they supposedly have 2.2 million dollars in the bank and they shop at a thrift store outlet! I need the income--they're just slumming. He already told me he only started buying books there because of me...Oh well...
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 She does not have a right to abuse you in public, and you are not obligated to accept it. If she makes a scene, talk to the owner. You are a customer, and you have a right to buy your stock without being harassed by other customers. If it continues, call the police.
MiChick43 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Youve done the right thing by ending the emotional relationship you had with the MM. I dont think that you should be berated by this mans wife. I wouldnt give her the chance to go off on you, if and when she does.....like LucreziaBorgia said, go to the owner and dont give the wife the benefit of a catfight. If she makes a scene, walk away. Once being the betrayed wife myself, I can understand where she may want to confront you. But you shouldnt be bothered by this woman. Especially when you are moving on. And BTW, congrats!
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 You didn't betray this woman, her husband did. Bad enough if she had a public go at him for becoming emotionally involved with another woman. To air any dirty laundry she thinks she has with YOU in public is just not acceptable - and whether or not you feel guilty about what happened, there's no obligation on you to tolerate that sort of thing.
MiChick43 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Once being the betrayed wife myself, I can understand Let me rephrase this. ONCE BEING THE WIFE in a situation where my HUSBAND betrayed me.... I personally never cared to confront the OW. It was a total waste of my time. But if your ex friends WIFE does confront you Id walk away.
Marie1973 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Hi Do NOT let her go off on you. Even though you were wrong, stand up for yourself. Do not let her humiliate u in public. If she has a problem with it, let her make her husband stop going there. Funny how the wife always takes it out on the other woman & not their own husband. Stand tall desert!!
guest Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by lindya You didn't betray this woman, her husband did. Bad enough if she had a public go at him for becoming emotionally involved with another woman. To air any dirty laundry she thinks she has with YOU in public is just not acceptable - and whether or not you feel guilty about what happened, there's no obligation on you to tolerate that sort of thing. You are so wrong. She did betray this woman - in fact, she betrayed every woman! Anyone who invades someone else's life for a bit of fun is playing with fire. And we all know what happens when you play with fire...
lindya Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by guest You are so wrong. She did betray this woman - in fact, she betrayed every woman! Anyone who invades someone else's life for a bit of fun is playing with fire. And we all know what happens when you play with fire... DesertDweller isn't gloating about the fact that she became involved with someone else's husband. Indeed, she ended that relationship - but nonetheless the man's wife continues to harass her about it. On that basis, the advice most people here have given her is fair-minded. It doesn't condone the fact that she had an affair, it simply focuses on helping her deal with the problem at hand. You seem to be implying that by her actions she betrayed some sort of "sisterhood". Are you a staunch proponent of women's rights in general? If so, then I guess you're entitled to take that line - though it's surprising that you've no comment to make on the man's behaviour in all of this.
MiChick43 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 When my ex cheated on me I blammed my ex. He made me believe we were in an exclusive relationship. ThaT it was not a threesome. I blame the OW because we, or at least I, was taught not to take what isnt yours for the taking. That snickers bar isnt free for the taking. But I guess that is just good old fashioned morals.
Mr Spock Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 When you play with fire sometimes you set that nasty ***'s house on ablaze, figuratively, should she EVER try and mess with you. Publicly or privately. Two wrongs don't make a right, or did we forget that? Funny how people feel they have the right to do whatever they want simply because they felt pain. No one has the right to heap any kind of abuse on you, for whatever reason.
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