JoJo82 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Hi im Jo. 3 months ago I answered an online advert from an ex-army instructor offering outdoor pursuits (camping, shooting instruction etc) Im a veterinary nurse and a bit of a tomboy who jumped at the chance of some escapism away from my usual friends, work and family. I was also coming out of a long term relationship (6 month trial separation) and enjoying living alone again and being independent. My friendship with David grew rapidly and it wasn't long before we were exchanging hours of banter via Whatsapp. It was like we'd always known eachother and clicked in a massive way. One day we exchanged a picture of eachother and both were instantly attracted, it all seemed too good to be true. I delayed actually meeting for 3 months due to work commitments, my Mum being ill and a bit of guilt that it was happening so soon into my trial separation with my ex partner. During these 3 months we fell for eachother hard. To the point of it feeling like we were in a relationship already. He called and text all the time and generally made it clear what he wanted with me. Im not easily influenced and I genuinely questioned is character and motive but found noting in my gut that said he was a player or anything. I tested and pushed him many times and he stayed as keen as ever. Some background info on him; He's 41, out of the army for 3 years, not worked for 10 months due to PTSD anxiety from bad military injuries and experiences, lives with his sister and her family, never married, has 2 children from one long previous relationship, he see's his children every other weekend (he's a good loving Dad) but finds it hard to cope with everyday life and doesn't do much apart from go fishing which helps with his PTSD. He finds it hard to go in crowded places or long distance journeys and is a bit lonely now I think. He also lost massive amounts of personal confidence after losing his military fitness regime and gaining lots of weight (still handsome, but porky) Fast forward 3 months and we finally meet to go camping. Meeting him was amazing and felt so right the first time we hugged and kissed. That night was a combination of fun, awkwardness and getting to know eachother. For some reason the awkwardness almost overtook everything, maybe it was his anxiety but he was a little harsh and rude, a bit jittery and not as close to me as I was expecting from all the intimate loving comms we'd had. Im told im very attractive and he only saw a few headshot pics of me before we met, Im probably 28llbs over weight but he said he finds me really sexy etc. Because of the lack of closeness I was expecting from all our months of comms, the next morning I left with a heavy heart that told me something wasn't right. I honestly believed that would be the end of us. He called later that night and said how much he liked me and couldn't wait for me to go to his sisters house the following weekend as she'd be out of town. He never got the house to himself. The week that followed his comms slowed down from his usual over enthusiastic tone, yes he'd still text and call but not as much. I kept questioning this with him over and over and calmly and politely said if anything changed since meeting we should address it. If he had second thoughts then it was fine. He reassured me he felt the same. The week escalated into negativity as I kept sensing he was losing the spark, he kept reassuring me he wasn't and I wasn't satisfied. Instead of chilling out and seeing what happened I kept on at him. I genuinely thought he was 'dragging it out'' so that I would spend the next weekend with him and have more sex. On the Thursday he attended a friends funeral and I didn't get the usual ''good morning'' text. He called later in the afternoon to ask if we were ok and I said its best to leave things as they are as I definitely sensed a sift in him. Arguments ensued and he begged me not to end tings. Later that night, in a stupid desperate psycho moment to find ANY reason why he was losing spark for me, I looked at his Facebook page (we never added eachother on Facebook) his Facebook in fairness in made up of 90% men and a few women who are family or friends. No hallmarks of a player or anything. I noticed he'd added a woman the day of the funeral and 'liked' her picture. When I asked him about it *cringe* he said she was a family friend he'd saw at the funeral (this turned out to be true and they haver lots of mutual friends of the deceased) I tried spooking him saying tat we had a 'mutual friend' on Facebook. He was super pissed off that id looked at his Facebook and said he'd felt stalked (I kinda don't blame him in fairness) We then didn't speak for 2 days. I called him on the Saturday and he explained he'd been quiet as he'd ad emergency dental treatment. We kind of patched things up on the phone and he then text me saying he was sorry for not being in touch, had a lot of pain, and just wanted to see me, love me and be with me forever. I stayed the night at his sisters. Yup, more sex. During the night I asked him about his text and the whole wanting to be with me forever statement, he would only say he loved me and that was that. I grilled him most of the night trying to get it out of him. I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say to someone so soon and I just wanted to call him on it and see if he was genuine when he said it to my face, but he couldn't. I figure he was either being shy or just plain didn't mean it in the first place. The next morning I sat on the bed, cheeky smile and said ''dude, I think you and I were just meant to be friends'' but he replied he loved me too much to just be friends and that everything would be ok. I told him that my gut was telling me he wasn't feeling the spark since meeting in reality and I just didn't want to be dragged out, id delete his contact details and just go away making it easy for him, and he said in a cocky way ''no you wont, you couldn't walk away now'' and ''id find you anyway if you did that'' meaning he'd never let me just walk out of is life. I got the feeling he couldn't wait for me to leave that morning, could've been to tidy the house before his sisters return? couldve been my interrogations lol I don't know. My house is an hours drive away and again, no text or call from him to see if I was ok, to say he'd had a good time nothing so I jump on his case again. We argue, he says ''I don't know what to say, i'll call you later.....'' that call never came. That was 2 weeks 3 days ago. While we were in comms he'd only really use Whatsapp to speak with me and a mate in Germany. If we called or text he wouldn't use Whatsapp for days at a time. Ive noticed since we ended contact that he regularly checks in, but doesn't stay online long enough to chat to anyone, once it was 4.30am. I get the feeling he's wondering what im doing. From the actual time we spent together I could sense something wasn't right, all I wanted to do was discuss it, take a massive step back and after some time has passed maybe we could go back to having the amazing friendship we had in the beginning. I miss him so much, yes I still have feelings for him, but im crushed that he could so easily walk away with no explanation after everything he'd pushed. I never signed up for this, we were supposed to be mates. Im proud I haven't once contacted him but I feel the need to send an email saying how gutted I am that everythings worked out like this. My friends and family are split on two views, that he totally played me a blinder from day 1, or that reality didn't meet his fantasy for whatever reason and he was too guilty to admit it so just ghosted me. I haven't eaten or slept since I last spoke with him, I cant concentrate on work which is dangerous as im a veterinary nurse. Im feeling quite depressed and desperate for some sort of clarity on the whole situation. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated
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