claire77 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 (I posted this in coping, but didn't get many responses and really need some!) I 've been in an on again/off again relationship with someone for the past year in a half. He didn't treat me very well, was very selfish and in ways manipulative, and made no secret of the fact that he didn't think I was the one for him. Stupidly, I was willing to overlook anything he did or said, and all the ways he acted in order to keep the peace and keep him happy--I was/am that into him. We just had so much fun together any time we were together that I couldn't understand why he would act so differently after I would leave his house. Last night he broke it off with me, I think for the last time. In a way, I do feel a little relieved that now maybe I can go out and find a kind-hearted person who will treat me well. But honestly, what I really feel is absolutely sick about the whole thing. He claims to want to have a friendship with me, but is that even possible? We are in the same profession and as such have many mutual friends, but the times in the past that we have tried to just be friends, we have ended up sleeping together and getting back into the cycle of some weird quasi-relationship. The worst thing is, I feel that who he really is, is inside him somewhere waiting to come out. I do see a really wonderful, generous person in him, and if I could get to that, I feel like we really could be happy together. My questions are, 1) if there is any way to reverse the situation so he sees what he is giving up and get him to want me? and 2) if not, is it possible to ever actually really be friends? Oh and 3) why do I still want him so badly, even after all of this?? This is still so fresh and painful, please help!
Tony T Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 "He didn't treat me very well, was very selfish and in ways manipulative, and made no secret of the fact that he didn't think I was the one for him. Stupidly, I was willing to overlook anything he did or said, and all the ways he acted in order to keep the peace and keep him happy--I was/am that into him." You need to see a good therapist to find out the reasons you would want to abuse yourself with such an association and actually seek, at this time, to continue with a "friendshxt"....yes, I left out the "i"...because it certainly could never be a friendship. Why in heaven's name would you want to be a friend with somebody so manipulative, self centered, and selfish. One good thing, he is honest and he has made it abundantly clear that you are NOT the one for him. You should be very thankful for that. Now, back to why you would want to be friends with this guy. That is quite puzzling. If you don't get more respect for yourself and you don't start feeling that you deserve a guy who will care about you and love you as you love him, you are condemned to attracting more of these kinds of buttholes into your life. If you're young, it could be the challenge thing. You'll grow out of that one day if that's the case. But for now, delete this guy...put him in the recycle bin and empty it into space. Make him history. Then do some special things for yourself, like finding out why you would want to be so abused and waste precious earth time. This stuff doesn't last forever.
Candy Cane Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Tony T is right. I'm not exactly sure what being "friends" means but I'm pretty certain it ain't good. I think it means, "Will you hang around and provide me company until I find someone worthy enough to love?" I totally feel your pain though. It bites to know that a man can be so heartless to not appreciate you and love you when you've given so much. But...they don't care. They just shrug and say, "It's not my fault that I don't care about her. She's just not "the one." I think they're just dogs.
amytct Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 When my ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago, in an e-mail he told me that perhaps in time we could be friends, but he would leave the decision up to me. Fast forward to March 2005, when he dumped me a second time via the silent treatment. There's been no contact for over two months, which I'm very proud of. I won't lie though, I've been tempted to e-mail him. Then I thought to myself how through his actions, he is demonstrating that he doesn't give a **** about me, so what would be the point of contacting him? My ex was similar to yours. Toward the end of our relationship, he was moody and extremely impatient and critical of me. I don't need a friend like that and neither do you. Trust me, when you're ready to love again, you'll find someone who treats you the way you deserve and will be much, much happier.
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