Author friend182 Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 To those of you with stepchildren, how do you truly feel about them?
susanl Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 What a great question I can't wait to see the replys. Seeing as I have been dating someone for 1 1/2 yrs and we are planning on getting married soon--within the next year. He has two children 14/16 I have two but 18/20 and they are in college and belive me they have not been raised the same. But as I hear you can't impose your thoughts etc on them as if they were yours. My kids are expected to clean up in the "common areas" But their rooms are theirs except for sunday when they clean up--they know it they accept it and they do it--his have no limits no expectations etc. So everybody please post your replys---good bad indifferent
Merin Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 My EXBF has 2 Children.. a Son who is almost 3 and a Daughter who just turned 10.. honestly I loved his Kids. I have 2 of My own as well and it was disappointing to me that he (My EX) Didn't try as hard with My Wee Peeps... I grew very attached to his little boy and miss him a lot
soccorsilly Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Boy is this opening a can of worms! I am here for the ride!
Jlmic1 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I have a 4 year old step-daughter, and I love her very much. There a a few things I don't like about the situation, I'm sure most people would feel the same way. My step-daughter is great, it's her mother that is the problem. But that's a whole other story. Anyway, when you're a step-parent it is really hard to know when or if it's ok to disipline. I often disagree with the way my husband handles his daughter, as I feel that he spoils her rotten and doesnt ever put his foot down. BUT- considering the way he treats her, it's surprising she's not a total brat. I guess that will probably come later
tiki Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I have a six year old step daughter. I love her. She's sweet. I just hate her mom. Love isn't automatic. When dealing with a step-child, it's not a child that you've carried for nine months in your belly. All of a sudden, it's just like having an extra child. And there's no such thing as automatic love in those situations. Love grows. It takes time to florish. Set down a foundation, surrounded with loving, tender caring and see what comes of it. Now if I could find some way to rid myself of the mama drama....lol.
Author friend182 Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 I have a 10 year old stepdaughter. I am having a hard time. She lives with us and goes to her mom's on the weekends. She likes (even loves) me. There is not really a problem on her part. It is me. I am an only child and the youngest grandchild. I do not have a lot of experience being around children. I am a quite and very calm person. I am very girly. She is loud and somewhat hyper and a total tomboy. There is just not a lot in common and I think it just annoys me having someone else in the house. I know that is horrible to say, but it is true. I knew that I would be a stepmom when I married her dad, I just didn't realize how hard it could be.
brashgal Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 My son is hyperactive and after a couple days together I resent his presence (and he's my kid!!). It's an adjustment living with other people, especially those who are so different from you. Enjoy your weekends to the fullest, it'll help you get through the week. Hopefully you'll be able to find activities together that you both enjoy - get her involved in meal preparation, housework, yardwork - active kids are easier to handle when they are busy - wear her out!! Although you are girly, maybe there is an activity like rollerskating or riding bikes that you'll both enjoy. Sometimes hobbies or interests can focus their energy also - my son loves movies, reading to me or being read to, going to museums so we find quiet activities too. Hang in there - look for the good and the similarities rather than the differences.
jnel921 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Steparenting is sticky. Depending on the situation. In my own...My husband was divorced when I met him and living alone. I have 2 from a previous marriage...So this is the second time around for the both of us. His ex-W lived in another state with their daughter and I thought great..I'd only have to deal with her on holidays...etc. But the ex W had to go to Iraq for a year and so when he moved in so did she. I feel that we lost alot of that honeymoon time. She is 16 now and has been with us for the past 2 years. She is finally going back in 5 weeks! I have to say I have mixed emotions. I am happy because I get my space back and do not have to worry about being away from home. I am also a little sad. She helps me with my two at home and helps to take care of them. I know that I am not her mom. But I think that I have earned her heart and respect. I do worry when she leaves that her mom will not be there for her...But then again I have to trust that everything will be fine. At first she came to me with attitude and a typical teenage attitude. I know that sometimes a stepparent feels that they are limited on how they should discipline...But I say that if there is an issue...Bring it out into the open with the child. I made the mistake of taking it to my husband all the time and this caused more problems between us. Now I go straight to the source. I know I can be very selfish at times... and having my hubby to myself is something I look very forward to.
innerconflict Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I have a five year old stepson. Almost from day one, he has become attached to me. Like some of the other posters on here, we have the mama drama. His mother tends to put herself first. She will make plans with their son and than change them at the last minute. We don't mind having him but there are days when I can just shake this woman. To brush off your own child to do something else is mindboggling. It drives my boyfriend bonkers too. But luckily we are able to get along and do fun things as a family.
lnichols Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 My step kids are grown. (18 and 25) so I can take or leave them. I spend more time with the 18 year old, and he's a little strange. Nothing like my 17 year old. He's graduating from HS this week and he lives several hours away so I don't see him much. Other than money, I don't think he needs his dad for much. My kids love their step dad, but I don't know how he really feels about them. I think he likes them a lot, but I don't know if he "loves" them.
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2005 Posted May 28, 2005 My ex-husband had a daughter from his first marriage. I hated her. He spent all his time with her, she was a spoiled brat, an unbearable kid, and whatever I would do for her was no good. I was always expected to do more. I was expected to be crazy about her awful behavior. I was never allowed to say anything except how wonderful she was. On the other hand, my BF loves my kids and they absolutely adore him. It's easy to love good kids that love you. It's hard to love someone who has a difficult personality and doesn't accept you completely. Besides, it's very hard for a woman to accept another woman's kids even if the mother is dead (like in my case). It's almost like sharing your husband with another woman. Even worse, cuz this is not about sex or adventure, this is true love. You know he loves the child more than he will ever love you.
Author friend182 Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 You know he loves the child more than he will ever love you. I don't know about that RP. He says that he loves me more because he and I will be together for the rest of our lives. He sees his job as raising her to be a good person and being able to support herself. Then he thinks that she will move away for work and we will be left together. Besides, don't you love your children and spouses in different ways?
ms^ blitz Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Well...that's a very complex mix of feelings. Right now, I feel angry and resentful towards my stepdaughter. She is 13 and has some very heavy issues emotionally. Fortunately for me and my 2 year old son, she is no longer living with us.(she went to live with her mother)My husband loves his daughter and he always will but he's very angry at her too.He was the one who had to make the final decision abput his daughter. A month ago, my stepdaughter went to the school psychologist and made some ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE allegations regarding how we were treating her, that her father physically abused her and that our son was potentially in an unsafe enviroment. Well, being that school officials are required by law to notify DCFS, they did. And DCFS sent an investigator to us who interrogated us and coerced us into believing that we had to submit to their DCFS recommendations. Basically, a witch-hunt. All due to the false allegations of an angry, disturbed, vengeful and manipulative pre-teen. And, schools and society basically teach kids that they can call the cops on their parents. Or make up stories and tell you teachers, guidance counselors, etc. private business and in their bungled interpretation, a FAMILY IS RIPPED APART.This incedent was the main impetus to send her back to mom. This is all she wanted the whole time she lived with us!!! Well, where did this poor kid learn all these behaviors? I'll just say this... she hasn't had the easiest childhood. She was with her mother for 5 years prior to moving in with us. I guess it doesn't matter where it came from. What does matter is that I hope she'll thrive with her mother and that she'll get some professional help. As for us, we'll see what happens. We haven't done anything wrong, we've got nothing to hide, and hopefully someday we'll all get along.
Author friend182 Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 ms^ blitz That is terrible!!! I cannot imagine how you must feel. I would be so angry and hurt. I hope our situation never comes to something like that. Is there anyway that the officials would give your step-daughter a lie detector test? Maybe that could help.
ms blitz Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 [color=cyan][/color]At this point, a polygraph is way overkill. All I hope is that my SD can move on and that we can as well. I hope oneday she understands the full concequences of her behavior and that she'll be a decent productive person. She(sd) called yesterday and spoke to my H for the 1st time since leaving us and it sounds like she is realizing the damage she has done to her relationship with her Dad.She states that she misses her cat. NICE. Not her Dad or her brother and certainly not me because I am truly the STEPMONSTER! lol. Never ever give up. -winston churchill But let go when a situation is to painful to bear. -Me
Author friend182 Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Maybe now that she is out of the house, she will realize how much you all meant to her and try to act right to make amends. Even if she doesn't, at least she is out of the house!!!!
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