cluelessgal Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 So I've had the hugest crush on this guy at work for a little over a month now. We exchanged phone numbers and have been flirting over text for 3 weeks. At first, I wanted to take it slow because he strikes me as the sensitive, intellectual type, but he actually has an incredibly high sex drive and initiated sexting only a few days after we began talking. I was taken aback, but played along because I really liked him. So our conversations mostly consist of sex, although I'm not nearly as into it as he is. I like him because we share a lot in common: compatible personalities, same sense of humour and political views, similar tastes in literature and art, etc, but I think he only likes me for my body. He says he thinks about me all the time, and last night he asked me to be his. I asked him why he liked me. His response? "You're so incredibly hot, and you're very sweet." Wow. What if (God forbid) I get into a freak accident? Or if a hotter girl comes along--will he forget about me and obsess over her instead? I expected a much more mature response than that, seeing as he's 30. I think he's just in lust with me, and a relationship based on sex definitely does not have a solid foundation. I'm still young (21), and I want romance, ice skating, late night conversations, all that corny stuff. Do you think what we have right now is worth continuing? 1
empresario Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 So I've had the hugest crush on this guy at work for a little over a month now. We exchanged phone numbers and have been flirting over text for 3 weeks. At first, I wanted to take it slow because he strikes me as the sensitive, intellectual type, but he actually has an incredibly high sex drive and initiated sexting only a few days after we began talking. I was taken aback, but played along because I really liked him. So our conversations mostly consist of sex, although I'm not nearly as into it as he is. I like him because we share a lot in common: compatible personalities, same sense of humour and political views, similar tastes in literature and art, etc, but I think he only likes me for my body. He says he thinks about me all the time, and last night he asked me to be his. I asked him why he liked me. His response? "You're so incredibly hot, and you're very sweet." Wow. What if (God forbid) I get into a freak accident? Or if a hotter girl comes along--will he forget about me and obsess over her instead? I expected a much more mature response than that, seeing as he's 30. I think he's just in lust with me, and a relationship based on sex definitely does not have a solid foundation. I'm still young (21), and I want romance, ice skating, late night conversations, all that corny stuff. Do you think what we have right now is worth continuing? I mean, I'm not going to lie. There are a lot of sex addicts that target younger women because A) they are sexually jealous (often times from not being able to get women like you at that time) and B) because it's easier to trick a girl with less experience that their behavior is normal. This is a very big red-flag to me. But, you also haven't spoken with him about it. You need to. If he gets upset or won't take a step back...then it's fairly clear what he's after. 4
fitnessfan365 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 As a guy, I'll share my take on this. When I've dated women I didn't feel anything deep for, the conversations would tend to just be flirty and sexual. I always kept it light because I knew there wasn't anything under the surface. I just liked her her company on a basic level and was sexually attracted. These were usually the women I'd wind up being FWB with. When I've dated women I actually see as GF potential, I'll actually make more of an effort to get to know them. In general I'll hardly ever talk about sex except for the occasional playful innuendo and flirt. I just let the chemistry handle itself and I let my sexual attraction speak through action. Pretty much the only "sexting" that happens is dirty talking during sex itself. Now you say that you have so much in common with this guy. Yet all you talk about is sex. So what my intuition is telling me is that he's not truly interested enough to dig deeper. 11
LostOnes05 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Nope...not if you say you really want those things.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 OP, hold out for those things you seek in a relationship and tread carefully with this guy. Just because he's 30 doesn't mean squat. Maturity levels aren't the same as with women. Unfortunately, his 30 is probably about your 21. Sexting is not unusual and can be a hell of a lot of fun but only if you're both into it. Have you had sex yet? Or maybe a better question is, has he asked you out on a real date yet?
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Well right now you have a relationship based on a foundation of flirting and sexting. You do not want this ...as you state ...so you've, in effect, answered your own question. If you really like this guy I'd have a little sit down with him and let him know how you feel his texting behavior is diminishing your feelings for him ...and see how he feels about that. If he cools off and is respectful wash rinse and repeat the next time something comes up.
kendahke Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Seems you've already set up the parameters of this involvement by going along with the sex banter when you know it makes you uncomfortable. Yeah, you can tell him to cool it, and his interest in you will probably also cool off for the very reasons FF365 mentioned. The best policy is to not isht where you eat. Nothing is messier than a guy who's really not into who you are, but into what your kitty can do who you have to see 5 days/week. Find a guy you don't work with. 2
mystikmind2005 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Plenty of good advice toward caution here, so i may as well add something the other way.... Lets face it, the chances of any new relationship lasting the distance are very low regardless, that's life. So don't over think it, because right now what you have is a blossoming intense sexual relationship, lucky you! ...Enjoy
O'Malley Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Any actual dates, or is it all texting? Talk is cheap and nothing indicates that he's trying to become better acquainted with you - your interests, your passions, your life outside of work. Tossing out a couple of texts doesn't cut it. Someone that was interested in you would be doing some legwork, asking you out and wanting to meet up outside of work, even if it's just for coffee. 1
joseb Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I just wonder why you are calling this guy your "boyfriend" 6
Maggie4 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 How do you know you have the "same sense of humour and political views, similar tastes in literature and art," if he hasn't talked to you about these topics that are unrelated to sex? You should also examine your part in this. It takes two. You allowed things to go in a sexual direction. Not saying this is you, but some girls play up their sexuality because they have total confidence in that department so they tend to go there. But these same girls worry others see them as only sexual beings. Start by having confidence in your own talents and intellectual abilities, then you will not be asking the question you posted here. Believe in yourself. Others will meet you where you set your standards. Ask him to go ice skating. 2
deadelvis Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Maybe he's just really attracted to you. He doesn't really know you very well yet, but he knows he's really hot for you. IMO that's a good thing. It's okay to be turned on by your GF. Especially in the first months, guys can't get enough. 2
newmoon Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 if you 'played along' and went with the sexting, then it's basically giving him permission to start being sexual and reaching out to you for that. you have to set the tone from the beginning with a guy and not mislead them. if you're down for sex, sext away... if you want to take it slow, then step back and don't engage. regardless of their age, men often misread cues and it's probably a lil late to let him know you were only interested in movie dates and flowers... 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Maybe it's just me. But I've never understood why people waste so much time sexting. I mean it's one thing if you want a casual hook up and you feel it out a bit. But if she's down, you should just make plans to meet up and let things happen naturally. I may be old fashioned, but I'd rather have sex w/a woman instead of my phone. Just saying..LOL 2
Odinani Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 So I've had the hugest crush on this guy at work for a little over a month now. We exchanged phone numbers and have been flirting over text for 3 weeks. At first, I wanted to take it slow because he strikes me as the sensitive, intellectual type, but he actually has an incredibly high sex drive and initiated sexting only a few days after we began talking. I was taken aback, but played along because I really liked him. So our conversations mostly consist of sex, although I'm not nearly as into it as he is. I like him because we share a lot in common: compatible personalities, same sense of humour and political views, similar tastes in literature and art, etc, but I think he only likes me for my body. He says he thinks about me all the time, and last night he asked me to be his. I asked him why he liked me. His response? "You're so incredibly hot, and you're very sweet." Wow. What if (God forbid) I get into a freak accident? Or if a hotter girl comes along--will he forget about me and obsess over her instead? I expected a much more mature response than that, seeing as he's 30. I think he's just in lust with me, and a relationship based on sex definitely does not have a solid foundation. I'm still young (21), and I want romance, ice skating, late night conversations, all that corny stuff. Do you think what we have right now is worth continuing? No I don't. I've dated several guys who only seemed interested in my looks and couldn't really care either way if I lived or died at the end of the day. Such men are worthless, although I suppose you could use him for sex if that's all you want.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 had to put several likes in a row here, that's unusual! great posts guys!
joseb Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Maybe it's just me. But I've never understood why people waste so much time sexting. I mean it's one thing if you want a casual hook up and you feel it out a bit. But if she's down, you should just make plans to meet up and let things happen naturally. I may be old fashioned, but I'd rather have sex w/a woman instead of my phone. Just saying..LOL Yeah, I really have nfi why people bother with it to be honest. Feels totally contrived and fake, especially as from the sounds of it they haven't even dated yet! I guess it might make sense if you were in contact with several people and looking for a hookup and didn't want to invest the time in meeting up with them all in case they were not DTF. Edited October 22, 2015 by joseb
jdubinva Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 OP, hold out for those things you seek in a relationship and tread carefully with this guy. Just because he's 30 doesn't mean squat. Maturity levels aren't the same as with women. Unfortunately, his 30 is probably about your 21. Sexting is not unusual and can be a hell of a lot of fun but only if you're both into it. Have you had sex yet? Or maybe a better question is, has he asked you out on a real date yet? If you had said this for teenagers I might agree but otherwise it's a ridiculous statement. Sure, there is a gap between a 30 y/o guy and a 21 woman but that's really a huge generalization. EVERYONE advances or doesn't at their own pace and I've met many immature women in their 30's. The women can act histrionic, melodramatic and take small things into the sky is falling. I know men can do the same thing but I don't pigeonhole everyone into one stupid stereotype. You seem to do it because it makes you feel better about how men truly feel.
hippychick3 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Save the sexting (and sex) for after you're in an established and exclusive relationship. Otherwise, it will be difficult to establish a man's true interest in you as a person. Aside from that, after only a month it's normal for a guy to describe a girl he just started dating as hot and sweet. That's a good thing for the first month...you're just getting to know each other. Just make sure he takes you out on dates and treats you with respect.
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