Maliel Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) My ex and I had been on and off for about two years. Did the NC thing before and we always started talking again. This recent time we dated was extremely good and we bonded a lot more than any other time before. We broke up mainly because he needs to get his life together and grow up. There were a lot of 'firsts' for him in this relationship, I was the first girl he told that he loved, said that I knew him better than anyone, etc. The breakup was insanely hard this time and it came from a choice that he had to make and wasn't ready to make because he wasn't where he wanted to be in life yet apparently. It unfortunately happened a few days before his birthday. I bought him presents and he said he didn't think he could ever open them. We both cried...a lot. I told him that I didn't ever want to be friends at the time because I was so hurt over something specific with his decision. The idea that we couldn't be friends ever hurt him more because he said it felt like he never meant anything at all. I never said happy birthday when the date rolled around because everything just felt so fresh and it didn't seem appropriate, it broke my heart not to say it though. I was told by a mutual friend that he went out for his birthday but wasn't himself and left early. I didn't talk to him for a little over a month and a half. I casually texted him the other night and basically asked how he was doing and said that I hope we can be friends at some point, I didn't want to say too much. Maybe I sounded really contradictory in my text but I had calmed down a lot and didn't want him to think that I actually hated him. Anyway, he always gets texts and his job requires him to be quite tethered to his phone but, he never replied. It hurt a lot, it never feels good to be ignored. At this point I feel like he hates/doesn't care about me and will most likely ignore my upcoming birthday. Any ideas as to why the brush off? Edited October 21, 2015 by Maliel
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Maybe this time was the straw the broke the camel's back.
BonerFide Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Either he's not over you, which is a definite possibly considering it hasn't actually been that much time, so he doesn't want to play with fire by responding in case he gets hurt, or he's trying to get on with his life. If he really needs to get his life together and grow up, that's something that's really important and is going to take him a long time, and you have to accept that it's going to be a process he wants to go through without you there holding his hand. I get that you think "he hates you", it's something most dumpees have as a scary thought. It's likely not true at all. However, even if he still loves you, evidently it's not enough for him to be in your life, so it doesn't matter. Just be happy in the knowledge that he really did love you at one point and you have those memories. Remember you're both likely heading towards indifference, not hate, which takes time but is ultimately the endgame. I hope you get through it, but until then I'd recommend not contacting him again or talking to friends about him as it will only prolong the healing process.
mightycpa Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Yeah, either he has blocked you and has no idea you texted him, or he has decided that his feelings for you are against his best interests, and he wants desperately to fall out of love with you, and he can't do that if you're around. Personally, that whole maybe we can be friends someday**** would give me the extra resolve I needed to ignore it. I'd totally double-down on the NC in response to that ****.
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Although you have previously ridden the on again off again merry go round, it's not a healthy place to be. Your EX recognized your text for what it is -- an invitation to ride again. He finally said no thanks. Let this latest break up be permanent. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Perhaps he's started seeing someone and doesn't want to give you false hopes. In any case, it doesn't sound like you two are compatible. If after 2 years it still isn't working, it's time to let him go.
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