FaithInTheDark Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 My bf left his email logged in my computer...I thought it was mine until I searched in junk for a work email. I saw his name on a adult sex hook up site. I couldn't help but click the profile and it said things like he was bi curious, repressed, open to men & women.... I was shocked but for the record this profile was created in 2010 and on his junk box so this could be something he no longer does.... I also found a draft email to an female escort but it was from his old town, had an old phone number of his and didn't say it was sent just a draft. I can't help but feel weird about it. I'm not concerned about cheating because Were in love and live together and I see these are outdated links. He did say one he had sexual abuse as a kid and made him question sexuality at times. The thing is he has these sexual sides to him but our sex life hasn't been that active... He's not that sexual of a guy and says it's because he's insecure and has performance anxiety. I feel so weird about this with the bi curious, looking into escorts and us not having a active sex life. Any advice
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Sweetie, I don't mean to be a downer but you really need to stop being so naive. Making comments like you're not "concerned that he's cheating because you're in love and living together" or "he's not a sexual guy" while he's had a profile on a sex site are not going to help you. That's not to say he's actively doing anything NOW but then again he might. It would help you to read through the Infidelity threads. There are SCADS of stories very similar to yours that might enlighten you. As for feeling weird about it all, you should be. Any self-respecting woman would be particularly since you didn't sign up for that kind of stuff. Have you confronted him about what you found? 1
mattelipstick Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Are you supporting him financially at all?
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Oh and the comment about him being confused about his sexuality because of the abuse he suffered as a child, there is some truth to this. I was abused by a female family member when I was a young child multiple times and it caused me to questioned my sexuality for many, many years.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I know this is so weird.... I just know this was happening well before we were together. No I didn't confront him, and no I'm not supporting him wirh money
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I know this is so weird.... I just know this was happening well before we were together. No I didn't confront him, and no I'm not supporting him wirh money Wait, so you were already aware of all this stuff before you got together? If that's the case, why did you enter into a relationship with him knowing it bothers you? Did you talk ever have a discussion about it before you became a couple or is this some secret you both know but don't discuss?
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 No I just mean the profile was dated back to 2010 before we were together and yea I do admit before we became official I saw a pop up of the same site on his phone when we were watching tv 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 No I just mean the profile was dated back to 2010 before we were together and yea I do admit before we became official I saw a pop up of the same site on his phone when we were watching tv Again, he may not be active but you can't allow yourself to be so blinded by your love for him either. The only mature thing to do is talk to him about what you've found. The likelihood of him lying to you about it or downplaying it all is pretty high unless he's been secretly waiting to unburden himself to you. Do you think you can do that or not?
fitnessfan365 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 You found evidence that he's bi-curious and is open to having sex w/men. So maybe five years later he's slowly coming to terms with the fact that he's fully gay? It could be that his "performance anxiety and insecurity" are really just excuses he makes to mask this. 5
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I honestly think I have to confront him on this site, I'm not mentioning the bi curious just the site is what matters 1
joseb Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 You found evidence that he's bi-curious and is open to having sex w/men. So maybe five years later he's slowly coming to terms with the fact that he's fully gay? It could be that his "performance anxiety and insecurity" are really just excuses he makes to mask this. Yeah. I don't think you can use performance anxiety and insecurity when you are already in a relationship. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 There is nothing wrng if he is bisexual. My theory on love is it spreads like a rainbow. Some at the far ends are purely homosexual snd others are purely heterosexual. With many they fall somewhere in between and how it ends up depends on social upbringing, body chemistry, and other factors. He may have gay or shemale fantasies. Maybe he has acted on them in the past. Maybe he currently active. What some say is if you watch too much kinky sex then regular sex doesn't arrouse you.....thus the performance anxiety. Maybe he wants you to do things beyond missionary but you refuse. Cone to bed one night with a strap on and see how he reacts...
mystikmind2005 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Cone to bed one night with a strap on and see how he reacts... Oh i have to say, this is actually a brilliant idea!! Please do come back and tell us how that goes??
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Lol not happening I did question him about the site I found and he said sometimes when he was lonely and drunk he's join a site that poped up , told me not to worry and quit snooping.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Faith, You still have to question why he has no "sex drive" with you though. I mean at this point, don't "performance anxiety" and "insecure" seem like cop outs to you? If anything, I just feel bad for you because the idea of you wanting your guy to ravage you while you have to pretend to be OK w/just watching TV together is sad. At a certain point, you're going to have to consider your own needs.
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I know this is a sensitive subject so do your research first, then with the knowledge you have, have that conversation with him. let him know that it's OK and safe to have this conversation and will not be shared with anyone else. hopefully it will make him feel better because he has someone that is understanding and supportive. 1
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