1z3 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 About 3 weeks ago, my ex broke up with me. We were together for just over a year and a half. Prior to the break up, we seemed to get more easily upset with things in the relationship. I was getting bored and frustrated with not seeing each other as often as I'd like. We were both having a little GIGS from our summer holidays. I told her that I was feeling about not seeing each other as often as I'd like (Seeing each other like 2-4 weeks when we're less than a 30min drive from eachother but we see each other at college often). This being said, I didn't feel like I loved her any less. I felt very strongly for her. We both had new things going on at college - a more stressful environment for us both but not completely new (we go to the same college). I don't see this a hugely contributing factor to breaking up only to making us more tense. She then broke up with me. I was at her place. She told me the negative aspects of the relationship that she felt. They were not told in depth - basically hints that she'd prefer single life. Strange thing here with this break up is that we were both hugging and holding hands while crying for about an hour (first time I saw her cry). We're not a very hugging or holding hands couple so when we do it is a very intimate thing. Then we parted. Things really hit home. I was devastated for the next couple days after the breakup. However, I was not angry or worried. Just in intense pain. I appreciated the values that made our relationship special (a sanctuary for stressful events like exams, improving each other's work drive). The problems that I had seemed nothing in comparison to these values. A week later, she seemed very eager to talk to me. I tried to remain distant. After talking she told me how she regretted breaking up with me completely. She said she realized that I have done 'so much more for [her] in so many ways'. She thought herself a coward that she threw everything away after versing her dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the relationship when she broke up with me. She asks me to give her another chance. She's always been emotionally calm and controlled but I've never seen her like this. I told her the day after she told me this that we need more time to reflect. She was adamant that she completely wanted me to give her another chance. A week and a bit after this of no contact, she'd began to initiate a little jokey/casual texting. I respond in an equal manner. She tries to sit near me when I'm studying. However verbal communication is held back and short between us. We still sometimes smile when we see each other. I went to a party where 2 hotties were trying it on with me. However I just didn't feel right to have a thing with them which was so meaningless, temporary and with no virtue. I think it's clear I still want to be with her. How should I proceed?
BonerFide Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 How should you proceed? Well, I would say... don't. It's only been three weeks, that's hardly any time if you were together for that long. If there's truly a potential there for you two to be back together and happy, there's no time limit you have to hit. Give each other space to actually move on and see what you want before jumping back into a relationship again just because it's easy. You broke up for a reason.
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Have you made a plan to work on things slowly? And not all at once? Letting go of the other things for the time being while you work on one thing at a time? It seems you 2 really like each other ...as long as you have a plan and place and stick with it ...take it slowly and give each other space but I wouldn't let this one go just yet.
Author 1z3 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I'm seeing that I should take it easy, be patient and to have space. As I see her around college, should I ignore her and try to avoid her? If she messages me should I reply or ignore?
mightycpa Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I'd have a talk with her and you two should decide if this separation is silly or if it is a good thing. You've been together for 18 months and so you both have a pretty good handle on whether this thing you have is real or if it isn't. What does each of you think the future looks like? With the other, and without? The reality of the situation is that within a few years, one of you is likely to bail. So there's that, because you're investing all this time in a relationship that is likely to fizzle out, and that doesn't seem wise. You could be spending this time dating other people, and growing in your understanding of the opposite sex. Ok, I started out thinking give it a chance, but now I'm thinking that because you're doomed anyway, you might as well experience the heartache now, and be done with it. It's not like it has to be forever. Maybe after you each have a few flings, graduate and live life for a little while, you can find each other again. But in reality, probably not. I don't think this time in your life was meant for permanence, unless of course you needed a mate to scratch out a hardscrabble existence, have kids and likely to die in your early 30's. But it isn't that way these days. The world is a huge place, and it is available to you.
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