one way or another - never a good in between!

[kaddyB]

Just to clarify, this is not a thread about looks!

 

I seem to have an issue with guys in that, I am either completely uninterested or completely head over heels straightaway. There never seems to be a "happy medium" where I am mildly interested and it grows into something more.

 

Sometimes I meet a guy and I just seem to develop feelings very quickly. There is just *something* there that draws me to him. There's no common denominator between these guys - they aren't always good looking or in particularly good shape. I don't know what it is about them that has made me so crazy about them. Sometimes they like me back, sometimes they don't. But because the feelings are so intense so early on, it often leads to me messing things up and pushing them away. Usually I end up a bit heartbroken as a result.

 

On the other hand, if I don't have that feeling for a guy pretty early on, I just can't develop those sort of feelings. Usually I break it off after a few dates. Most recently I dated a guy for a few months. On paper he was perfect - attractive, intelligent, kind etc. I so wanted to be crazy about him in the way he was about me, but it just didn't happen.

 

I'm fed up falling head over heels for guys and then not having it work out - I think if I could somehow reign it in, it would mean less heartbreak for me because I wouldn't get so emotionally tied up early on.

 

Any advice please?

[empresario]

I'll take a crack at this.

 

 

From what I read, you have a psychological problem. Are you asking us to figure out how to overcome your psychological dilemma? It's not an area we have a high chance of fixing.

 

 

Let me ask some questions to get a better idea of how to help you, if you'd be so kind as to answer them.

 

 

You didn't fall for a guy that was perfect. Why? What is the key difference between those you fall for and those you don't? You said there is no real reason...but think closer. Is it confidence? Is it a smile? What happens during that moment of connection? I have a 180 patterns IQ...and one thing I've learned in life is there's always a pattern, even if it's not obvious.

 

 

Second thing, is why do you think you have no control over how fast you jump into a relationship with guys you connect? How do you 'mess up' because of these feelings?

[kaddyB]

I'll take a crack at this.

 

 

From what I read, you have a psychological problem. Are you asking us to figure out how to overcome your psychological dilemma? It's not an area we have a high chance of fixing.

 

 

Let me ask some questions to get a better idea of how to help you, if you'd be so kind as to answer them.

 

 

You didn't fall for a guy that was perfect. Why? What is the key difference between those you fall for and those you don't? You said there is no real reason...but think closer. Is it confidence? Is it a smile? What happens during that moment of connection? I have a 180 patterns IQ...and one thing I've learned in life is there's always a pattern, even if it's not obvious.

 

 

Second thing, is why do you think you have no control over how fast you jump into a relationship with guys you connect? How do you 'mess up' because of these feelings?

 

I really don't know what the difference is. I wish I did. The guys I DO like, don't really have anything in common with each other either. Looks wise, not similar, lifestyle wise, not similar. One thing I have noticed, is that straight away I'm not interested. Usually they show a bit of interest that indicates they like me, and it's like a lightbulb goes off and i'm like "actually, yeah, I do like this person." As I mentioned, this happens pretty early on.

 

I don't jump into relationships exactly. I mess up because I become too emotionally involved too soon. So for example, mostly recently - I met a guy on holiday. At first I thought he was attractive, even though lookswise he isn't my type and he is from a very different background to me. We kissed, but nothing else. A few things made me wonder if he liked me as much as I had started to like him, but despite this, I still fell for him - over the course of a week.

 

By the time we parted ways, I was pretty upset at the thought I was unlikely to see him again, although he'd mentioned coming to visit me. We were texting afterwards, but he started to grow a bit distant. I panicked a bit at the sign of him withdrawing and this pushed him further away until he essentially broke it off.

 

If I hadn't fallen so hard for him (I'd only known him a week), and if I had been able to listen to myself (I knew there was a chance he didnt like me the same way, and I knew a long distance relationship was unlikely), I might not have gotten so emotionally involved and subsequently upset when he broke it off.

[empresario]

I really don't know what the difference is. I wish I did. The guys I DO like, don't really have anything in common with each other either. Looks wise, not similar, lifestyle wise, not similar. One thing I have noticed, is that straight away I'm not interested. Usually they show a bit of interest that indicates they like me, and it's like a lightbulb goes off and i'm like "actually, yeah, I do like this person." As I mentioned, this happens pretty early on.

 

I don't jump into relationships exactly. I mess up because I become too emotionally involved too soon. So for example, mostly recently - I met a guy on holiday. At first I thought he was attractive, even though lookswise he isn't my type and he is from a very different background to me. We kissed, but nothing else. A few things made me wonder if he liked me as much as I had started to like him, but despite this, I still fell for him - over the course of a week.

 

By the time we parted ways, I was pretty upset at the thought I was unlikely to see him again, although he'd mentioned coming to visit me. We were texting afterwards, but he started to grow a bit distant. I panicked a bit at the sign of him withdrawing and this pushed him further away until he essentially broke it off.

 

If I hadn't fallen so hard for him (I'd only known him a week), and if I had been able to listen to myself (I knew there was a chance he didnt like me the same way, and I knew a long distance relationship was unlikely), I might not have gotten so emotionally involved and subsequently upset when he broke it off.

 

Don't try to think what the men had in common. Try to pick out what was similar about each encounter. What happened at that 'lightbulb' moment?

 

 

One thing I can tell you for sure, is you're an Anxious Attachment Style. Perhaps we're even looking at the wrong problem. Maybe it's not how quickly you fall for someone, but rather the type of Attachment Style that person is? Or why you can't control your emotional plunge?

 

 

Do you have any issues with abandonment?

[kaddyB]

Don't try to think what the men had in common. Try to pick out what was similar about each encounter. What happened at that 'lightbulb' moment?

 

 

One thing I can tell you for sure, is you're an Anxious Attachment Style. Perhaps we're even looking at the wrong problem. Maybe it's not how quickly you fall for someone, but rather the type of Attachment Style that person is? Or why you can't control your emotional plunge?

 

 

Do you have any issues with abandonment?

 

That's the thing - I have read up on attachment styles and I've always identified with secure (although a few elements of anxious attachment style, overall I identify mostly with secure).

 

I don't have any abandonment issues with my parents at all. My parents are very supportive of me and i'm very close - compared to a lot of my friends especially, I have an excellent relationship with my parents.

[kaddyB]

Don't try to think what the men had in common. Try to pick out what was similar about each encounter. What happened at that 'lightbulb' moment?

 

I find them attractive, then they do/say something which makes me realize they like me. With an ex, he came to my housemates house all the time and I found it really endearing. He came to a planned event even though he was sick, because he knew I'd be there. We had our first kiss then and that's when I really fell for him.

 

Next guy, I stayed over at his after a night out (nothing happened). The morning after, he was really keen and affectionate. I found it endearing and had fun talking to him and started to really like him based on that. Looking back, he was just really wanted to have sex with me and i'm guessing hoped he could win me over.

 

Next guy I met on holiday at a beach party. The next day he added me on social media and got my number. He sent a text which I forgot to reply to, and when I met up with him again he brought it up, but I could see he was nervous around me a little, which again, was endearing.

 

The really nice guy I mentioned that I didn't have a thing for - he was sweet too, and he was also very endearing. But the lightbulb moment just never happened.

[empresario]

I find them attractive, then they do/say something which makes me realize they like me. With an ex, he came to my housemates house all the time and I found it really endearing. He came to a planned event even though he was sick, because he knew I'd be there. We had our first kiss then and that's when I really fell for him.

 

Next guy, I stayed over at his after a night out (nothing happened). The morning after, he was really keen and affectionate. I found it endearing and had fun talking to him and started to really like him based on that. Looking back, he was just really wanted to have sex with me and i'm guessing hoped he could win me over.

 

Next guy I met on holiday at a beach party. The next day he added me on social media and got my number. He sent a text which I forgot to reply to, and when I met up with him again he brought it up, but I could see he was nervous around me a little, which again, was endearing.

 

The really nice guy I mentioned that I didn't have a thing for - he was sweet too, and he was also very endearing. But the lightbulb moment just never happened.

 

Interesting. Out of all the stories you just told me one thing stuck out. These guys put on facades in order to try to get you to like them. They showed weakness in order to earn your trust.

 

 

Normally people come on these boards with way too much cynicism. In your case, it almost feels like the reverse. You have no cynicism. You are taking people at face value without considering in that moment that their motives may be less than 'endearing'.

 

 

When a guy comes on too strong and/or acts desperate it turns off most women. But not you. Why is that?

[kaddyB]

Interesting. Out of all the stories you just told me one thing stuck out. These guys put on facades in order to try to get you to like them. They showed weakness in order to earn your trust.

 

 

Normally people come on these boards with way too much cynicism. In your case, it almost feels like the reverse. You have no cynicism. You are taking people at face value without considering in that moment that their motives may be less than 'endearing'.

 

 

When a guy comes on too strong and/or acts desperate it turns off most women. But not you. Why is that?

 

I am definitely not a cynic! if anything I have been too naive in the past.

 

I am an honest person and generally pretty honest/open with my feelings. Although I've definitely been hurt in the past - generally I can take a positive from it and I've never been in love and thus never truly heartbroken. So I guess because I am honest, I generally expect it from other people.

 

It doesn't occur to me at the time that a guy might be lying or exaggerating his feelings, but usually I realize with hindsight that this is what has happened. It has happened quite a lot.

 

I guess because I really like that feeling of when you meet someone you feel excited about and assume it's just that way with them too, that they feel this way also.

 

I also tend to be quite maternal/protective with people in general. I hate it when people are upset or hurting, particularly when they are vulnerable. For example, with one of the guys mentioned above, his mother had passed away when he was a teenager. This made me feel quite protective/maternal towards him. Maybe this is why I don't see vulnerability as a turn off, or even as a weakness.

[fitnessfan365]

I actually don't think you're doing anything wrong. When you don't like a guy, you're trusting you intuition and not stringing him along. Also, you know what gets your panties wet and are trusting your intuition when a guy sparks it right away. That's how it should be. I wouldn't worry about not finding someone you're lukewarm about. After all, why settle and go out with a guy you have to convince yourself to be fully passionate about?

 

I'm a guy but I can say that I date the same way and see it in terms of black or white. Either I feel a strong attraction and continue, or I know pretty much right away she's not for me. But I don't chase shades of gray.

[kaddyB]

I actually don't think you're doing anything wrong. When you don't like a guy, you're trusting you intuition and not stringing him along. Also, you know what gets your panties wet and are trusting your intuition when a guy sparks it right away. That's how it should be.

 

Why settle for somebody you're lukewarm about and have to convince yourself to like?

 

That's generally my attitude! But at the same time, it feels like its so rare for me to find a guy I feel sparks with. And when I do, it's often the wrong guy/situation/timing etc. so ends up causing me pain ultimately.

 

I would like a relationship and a partner I can be happy with, but my current modus operandi isn't achieving this for me. A lot of the time now, I get frustrated with myself - why can't I just feel crazy about a guy who is emotionally available/lives near me/feels the same way about me etc.

[empresario]

I am definitely not a cynic! if anything I have been too naive in the past.

 

I am an honest person and generally pretty honest/open with my feelings. Although I've definitely been hurt in the past - generally I can take a positive from it and I've never been in love and thus never truly heartbroken. So I guess because I am honest, I generally expect it from other people.

 

It doesn't occur to me at the time that a guy might be lying or exaggerating his feelings, but usually I realize with hindsight that this is what has happened. It has happened quite a lot.

 

I guess because I really like that feeling of when you meet someone you feel excited about and assume it's just that way with them too, that they feel this way also.

 

I also tend to be quite maternal/protective with people in general. I hate it when people are upset or hurting, particularly when they are vulnerable. For example, with one of the guys mentioned above, his mother had passed away when he was a teenager. This made me feel quite protective/maternal towards him. Maybe this is why I don't see vulnerability as a turn off, or even as a weakness.

 

There are a lot of people that will take advantage of you for those qualities. I'm not saying they're bad, but you're absolutely right...it's naïve. There needs to be balance.

 

 

Here's the good news. You are naïve, yes. But you know it. The only way someone can change (which is why you're here, isn't it?) is to want to, and have the self-awareness of what's wrong.

 

 

After that, it's breaking bad habits. You aren't falling in 'like' with these guys right away because you LIKE them, you are doing it because they play to your strengths; they make you feel good about yourself. This is not only obvious through your stories, but also the way you describe the men.

 

 

For example, you wrote you met a guy that was smart, funny, intelligent, perfect, etc. That usually means you like someone. I mean, unless the definition of 'like' has changed recently . But you are searching for feelings right away that normally take months to develop. Don't take the perceived easy road. There is no easy road.

 

 

How long have you given someone a chance that you didn't get the 'endearing' feeling from? Because I'm almost ready to suggest here you use your gut as an early indicator of who you should and shouldn't date.

 

 

Feel yourself falling fast? Probably a good indicator he is reading you and reacting in a way you want him to. Some people are gifted at reading the situation. It's disrespect to you both from him and from yourself. And if a situation is going too well to seem real, then it's not real. That's nearly universal.

 

 

The guy is perfect for you but you don't have that feeling? Probably a good indicator you like someone that respects you and likes you back.

[fitnessfan365]

That's generally my attitude! But at the same time, it feels like its so rare for me to find a guy I feel sparks with. And when I do, it's often the wrong guy/situation/timing etc. so ends up causing me pain ultimately.

 

I would like a relationship and a partner I can be happy with, but my current modus operandi isn't achieving this for me. A lot of the time now, I get frustrated with myself - why can't I just feel crazy about a guy who is emotionally available/lives near me/feels the same way about me etc.

 

I'm curious, how old are you? Younger women tend to still be caught up in the "bad boy" phase where they're more attracted to hardcore indifference and dating games. The unpredictability is what makes them get invested, hence the wrong guy.

 

I've found that once women get older and more experience under their belt, they come to appreciate consistency and directness a lot more. But then again, when a guy is too nice aka boring, that's not going to get it done at any age is it?

[empresario]

I actually don't think you're doing anything wrong. When you don't like a guy, you're trusting you intuition and not stringing him along. Also, you know what gets your panties wet and are trusting your intuition when a guy sparks it right away. That's how it should be. I wouldn't worry about not finding someone you're lukewarm about. After all, why settle and go out with a guy you have to convince yourself to be fully passionate about?

 

I'm a guy but I can say that I date the same way and see it in terms of black or white. Either I feel a strong attraction and continue, or I know pretty much right away she's not for me. But I don't chase shades of gray.

 

FF, though I normally like your posts, this is an exception.

 

 

The more I speak to the OP, the more I realize she doesn't see things how they ARE, she sees things how she WANTS THEM to be. Your advice would be fine...if she had the ability to see things how they are in the moment. She does not.

 

 

This post is a perfect example. She liked it because you told her what she wanted to hear, which doesn't solve her problem of becoming clingy too fast and becoming heart-broken. If she was meant to 'carry on as normal' then she wouldn't be upset enough to post here.

 

 

But, I guess that's for her to decide.

[kaddyB]

There are a lot of people that will take advantage of you for those qualities. I'm not saying they're bad, but you're absolutely right...it's naïve. There needs to be balance.

 

 

Here's the good news. You are naïve, yes. But you know it. The only way someone can change (which is why you're here, isn't it?) is to want to, and have the self-awareness of what's wrong.

 

 

After that, it's breaking bad habits. You aren't falling in 'like' with these guys right away because you LIKE them, you are doing it because they play to your strengths; they make you feel good about yourself. This is not only obvious through your stories, but also the way you describe the men.

 

 

For example, you wrote you met a guy that was smart, funny, intelligent, perfect, etc. That usually means you like someone. I mean, unless the definition of 'like' has changed recently . But you are searching for feelings right away that normally take months to develop. Don't take the perceived easy road. There is no easy road.

 

 

How long have you given someone a chance that you didn't get the 'endearing' feeling from? Because I'm almost ready to suggest here you use your gut as an early indicator of who you should and shouldn't date.

 

 

Feel yourself falling fast? Probably a good indicator he is reading you and reacting in a way you want him to. Some people are gifted at reading the situation. It's disrespect to you both from him and from yourself. And if a situation is going too well to seem real, then it's not real. That's nearly universal.

 

 

The guy is perfect for you but you don't have that feeling? Probably a good indicator you like someone that respects you and likes you back.

 

Sort of - the perfect guy I described, I dated for 6 months. I did find him endearing - he had a stammer and I had a huge amount of respect for him because of his approach to it and how he handled life in general. He did treat me well and it was a good relationship overall in that we were very caring and thoughtful towards one another. The *only* thing missing was that spark. I could have continued to date him to allow those feelings to grow as you mentioned, but at which point does it turn into stringing him along? where do I draw the line?

 

If as you say these guys are using my naivety against me, how do you propose I act differently? How do they even pick up on this? With the guy I met on holiday - it was in a very short space of time - the "lightbulb" moment happened the day after I met him really. Is this enough time for him to, consciously or not, pick out my weakness and find an effective way to play to it?

[kaddyB]

FF, though I normally like your posts, this is an exception.

 

 

The more I speak to the OP, the more I realize she doesn't see things how they ARE, she sees things how she WANTS THEM to be. Your advice would be fine...if she had the ability to see things how they are in the moment. She does not.

 

 

This post is a perfect example. She liked it because you told her what she wanted to hear, which doesn't solve her problem of becoming clingy too fast and becoming heart-broken. If she was meant to 'carry on as normal' then she wouldn't be upset enough to post here.

 

 

But, I guess that's for her to decide.

 

That is fairly spot on. When I met a guy and I get the lightbulb moment, I get excited (because it doesn't happen often) and tend to get carried away quite quickly. I'll think about things in future - not necessarily marriage etc, but fun things I like the idea of doing.

 

Any tips on how to stay in the moment would be appreciated!

[empresario]

Sort of - the perfect guy I described, I dated for 6 months. I did find him endearing - he had a stammer and I had a huge amount of respect for him because of his approach to it and how he handled life in general. He did treat me well and it was a good relationship overall in that we were very caring and thoughtful towards one another. The *only* thing missing was that spark. I could have continued to date him to allow those feelings to grow as you mentioned, but at which point does it turn into stringing him along? where do I draw the line?

 

If as you say these guys are using my naivety against me, how do you propose I act differently? How do they even pick up on this? With the guy I met on holiday - it was in a very short space of time - the "lightbulb" moment happened the day after I met him really. Is this enough time for him to, consciously or not, pick out my weakness and find an effective way to play to it?

 

Absolutely it's enough time. A good manipulator can case you up and down the second you speak. And there are a lot of good manipulators.

 

 

For example, people like myself and FF (also replied) get great response rates from online dating. I've read enough of his posts to know it's not a coincidence...just like it's not for me. We know how to talk to someone to get our foot in the door.

 

 

Where that becomes a problem is when someone abuses it to meet their own agenda.

 

 

And chemistry does exist in a relationship. And perhaps you didn't have it with your 6-month ex. It doesn't mean you wouldn't have it with any of the other men you described as 'perfect' that you never gave a shot (I thought you mentioned earlier there was a guy recently).

 

 

Also, consider this. That spark you feel at the beginning of a relationship? It fades. Love always remains, but that spark does dull over time. Let's say one of your fast fires works but fades over time. Are you prepared to handle that?

[katiegrl]

That's generally my attitude! But at the same time, it feels like its so rare for me to find a guy I feel sparks with. And when I do, it's often the wrong guy/situation/timing etc. so ends up causing me pain ultimately.

 

I would like a relationship and a partner I can be happy with, but my current modus operandi isn't achieving this for me. A lot of the time now, I get frustrated with myself - why can't I just feel crazy about a guy who is emotionally available/lives near me/feels the same way about me etc.

 

kaddy, I am actually the same way as you -- I am engaged now, but when I was dating, I would either feel chemistry with a guy immediately or not at all.

 

 

And no these guys didn't necessarily have things in common, it's all about their energy and the chemistry I felt with them. The rest (looks, career, car, money) is all superficial crap.

 

 

There is no rhyme or reason to it so don't even try to figure it out.

 

 

So that said, it appears that when you feel this intense chemistry with a guy, your strong emotions cause you panic sometimes, you ACT on that panic and end up pushing the guy away.

 

 

Easy solution, learn to CONTAIN your panic, CONTAIN your insecurity, CONTAIN your anxiety.

 

 

When you feel yourself becoming panicky and anxious, go for a run, do yoga, take deep breaths, call a friend.... ANYTHING to alleviate to anxiety.... just don't act it out by calling/texting the guy seeking reassurance, essentially burdening him with what amounts to YOUR neurosis!

 

 

That advice was given to me and it was the BEST advice I ever got.

 

 

Please know, we ALL get anxious and panicky and insecure. Those feelings are normal.

 

 

Again, you gotta learn to be strong and CONTAIN those anxious feelings within yourself and not burden the guy with them, because you WILL push him away....

 

 

It's basically your intellectual mind (realizing it will turn him off) versus your emotional mind (you feel anxious and insecure and MUST alleviate those feelings NOW....and seek reassurance.)

 

 

It's a new learned behavior so it may take awhile..... but it can be learned and enforced, and like I said, best advice I ever got.!!

[kaddyB]

Also, consider this. That spark you feel at the beginning of a relationship? It fades. Love always remains, but that spark does dull over time. Let's say one of your fast fires works but fades over time. Are you prepared to handle that?

 

I have no idea. I don't expect the sparkle bit to last forever, but having never been in love or a particularly long relationship, I don't know what to expect it to feel like when that stage has passed.

[kaddyB]

kaddy, I am actually the same way as you -- I am engaged now, but when I was dating, I would either feel chemistry with a guy immediately or not at all.

 

 

And no these guys didn't necessarily have things in common, it's all about their energy and the chemistry I felt with them. The rest (looks, career, car, money) is all superficial crap.

 

 

There is no rhyme or reason to it so don't even try to figure it out.

 

 

So that said, it appears that when you feel this intense chemistry with a guy, your strong emotions cause you panic sometimes, you ACT on that panic and end up pushing the guy away.

 

 

Easy solution, learn to CONTAIN your panic, CONTAIN your insecurity, CONTAIN your anxiety.

 

 

When you feel yourself becoming panicky and anxious, go for a run, do yoga, take deep breaths, call a friend.... ANYTHING to alleviate to anxiety.... just don't act it out by calling/texting the guy seeking reassurance, essentially burdening him with what amounts to YOUR neurosis!

 

 

That advice was given to me and it was the BEST advice I ever got.

 

 

Please know, we ALL get anxious and panicky and insecure. Those feelings are normal.

 

 

Again, you gotta learn to be strong and CONTAIN those anxious feelings within yourself and not burden the guy with them, because you WILL push him away....

 

 

It's basically your intellectual mind (realizing it will turn him off) versus your emotional mind (you feel anxious and insecure and MUST alleviate those feelings NOW....and seek reassurance.)

 

 

It's a new learned behavior so it may take awhile..... but it can be learned and enforced, and like I said, best advice I ever got.!!

 

that sounds about exactly right!

[thecrucible]

Like Leigh87 has said on here, I've learned to identify real chemistry as opposed to superficial chemistry. It isn't like I have to sacrifice my happiness and it has to be a black and white thing where I'm either really into someone or I'm totally not.

 

I've not been in a relationship for a while but I've found a place where I'm neutral about most guys I meet, even the guys who previously would have triggered intense chemistry from my side. I now understand the difference between cockiness and confidence, and the difference between someone blowing their own trumpet and genuine decency. This is just the result of doing stupid stuff and being with the wrong sort.

 

Since I've become more independent, I'm less attracted to the 'bad boys' who previously used to offer a place of escape and fantasy for me and a route to experiences I wouldn't have had. I feel more confident to do certain things on my own so I don't need a cocky 'bad boy' as a crux. Then when you have more self-worth, cockiness becomes pretty repulsive.

 

I don't think I'm a naive idiot for making mistakes with these guys in the past. There's nothing wrong with going for guys you feel sexually attracted to - I mean there has to be a different between a friend and a boyfriend. I would just say I'm more patient and keener to slow the pace.

 

My strategy is more like this now - first find out whether we have enough shared interests in common to have something to talk about; then see if guy is decent, after a genuine relationship and shares my values; then decide on whether there is enough attraction going forward. Essentially I look for the same things I did before, but they are prioritised differently. So I don't think "this is a no go" just because I'm not tingling within 30 seconds of meeting the dude. This filters out a lot of guys as even if I'm attracted to them on first sight, if I don't think we'll have much to talk about it and we're not looking for the same things, it's not happening.

[thecrucible]

I misread the post slightly. If you freak out when chemistry is intense, just try and slow your emotions down a bit, hard though that is (I can totally relate to that). If it's the real deal, you won't feel like the guy is going to run away at any moment. You can just enjoy your time with him and he should like you enough that you don't have to seek reassurances from him. But hey I've been where you've been. I know how you feel!

[Leigh 87]

I'm rhe same as you. Currently in a relationship with the love of my life.

 

I only date men I fall head over heels for. Mutually.

 

I just don't enjoy dating men who I'm not that into in the hope it'll grow.....

 

I have no motivation to go to the effort of investing time snd energy into a guy I don't feel amazing chemistry with.

 

I am a big believer in connections ...Nothing surpasses an amazing connection with a partner who also laughs so much with you ( when no one else thinks you're funny ) and who's your best friend. ...

 

Without the amazing connection...I also feel nothing at all.... because it just pales so much in comparison to how crazy about a guy I know I CAN be.....