insaneynoodle Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Hello everyone, I'm posting here because I don't know if I'm just being exceedingly insecure or if there is a legitimate problem that needs to be addressed. I have been dating a girl, to whom I am her first boyfriend, that I met on an online game for a few years now, and I really enjoy spending time with her. In the past few months she met someone in much the exact same way we met each other, through the same game. She rarely likes talking to people and she is very picky about who she shares her personal information with, and in fact didn't even tell me her name until about one month after I met her. She also says that she does not make close friends often, but when she does, they are very special friendships which is probably true for most people. However she has a close female friend and she does not act this way around her at all, so there's also that. After she meets this person, her attitude goes from "a cool new gaming buddy" to waiting all day for them to log on so she can chat with him. Eventually she gets convinced to make a Facebook so they can have another outlet to chat besides the game, which I completely understand. To be clear, this all happened in around April so maybe it was a bit more understandable because it was a new person to chill with and everything. However it has gotten to the point now where, whenever he is on he gets ALL of her attention. It doesn't matter if we already had plans or we were already doing something together before he logged in, she will pretty much drop everything in favor of talking to him. Not only that, but trying to converse with her during this just feels like she is replying back out of obligation with no real depth to our conversations, or she just plain doesn't respond. It's not until this person stops talking to her that she will start replying back in a meaningful way. She even ADMITTED to ignoring me while she talked to him, but always just says "I missed you" followed by some bull**** excuse as to why she didn't bother continuing to message me. I have tried talking about this countless times to her but I am not sure how to perceive her answers. On one occasion where I asked what was going on between them, she stated "she wanted to see where it went." I've tried to get her to see things from my point of view, admitting she would feel the same way if the situation were reversed but at the same time just shrugging it off. She has voice chatted with him on occasion and even shown him what she looks like. All of her behaviors parallel what she was doing when she had first met me, but she is adamant that he is "just a friend," saying that she is allowed to have friends, and any further discussion just leads to us arguing and her defending him, so I'd rather not talk about it with her anymore. She insists this attitude is because she does not know how to multitask and therefore can only really pay attention to one person at a time, so she chooses him. It is quite infuriating because she knowingly and willingly does not talk to me, then at the end of the day she says she missed me and wants to do something together. It's gotten to the point where if we are Skyping I have to end the call when they are talking because it is incredibly frustrating to see her completely ignore me while she types to him with a continuous grin on her face. Given the opportunity, I'm pretty sure she would always choose to hang out with him over me. Perhaps out of scarcity; maybe she has spent so much time with me I'm not longer as interesting as this other person. Oh, and this doesn't really fit with the above, but she also never really seems to think about me. What I mean by this is, she sometimes to not tell me where she has gone to or if she is back at her computer unless I explicitly ask, because she "doesn't want to bother me." It was cute at first, but now its annoying that I seem to have to contact her all the time. If I do contact her we can have a good time and do whatever, but on the other hand I could just as well not contact her and she will never bother initiating the contact.
LostOnes05 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Stop contacting her. If she is so interested in the other guy, let her be. When she does call keep the conversation short and say you've got to run. Gotta show her that your life doesn't revolve around her, especially if she can't hold up her end of the relationship or find time to talk without the guy distracting her. Either she will realize that she actually misses you and will put this guy on the backburner or she will continue her behavior. If she continues, simply walk away for good...
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She likes this guy. I'm sorry, OP, but I think she's drifting away I'd go dark on her. Don't reach out, don't make plans. I have a bad feeling that she's going to let you fade. Give it a couple weeks and see how she reacts. If zero changes, let her know you consider this relationship over. There's no point trying to maintain a connection when you're the only one trying.
basil67 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 How often do you get to see this girl in real life?
OnlyHonesty Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 You need to stop all contact, delete her from every contact list you have and walk away. If you don't, you will waste a lot of emotional energy and time, time that could have been put to much better use. However, something tells me that you will not cease contact and that you will learn the hard way. Guys need to learn the importance of being able to walk away at any time and go no contact. You can explain how her actions make you feel as much as you like but it won't make a difference because actions speak louder.
Author insaneynoodle Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 Thanks for all the replies! The thing is I have tried to stay away for a while, but after a day or two she does start asking where I am and that she misses me. The problem is that around this person she seems to not care if I'm around, at least until he is gone. I see her around once or twice a year. Also, she also does seem to get very hurt when think she really likes this other dude, which makes me feel very confused and like a total ass, which is I need some outside opinions on this matter.
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