B33F24 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Let me give some context here; I have recently started going on dates again after getting out of a long relationship about 5 months ago. Well, I figured I would give some of the online dating sites/apps a try, specifically Tinder. Now, despite what most people may use the app for, I am not one who looks for one night stands, etc... and have found a lot of women I have matched with to be the same. Anyways, I had a date with this girl last Thursday, we will just call her Jane. The two of us met up at a local bar to have a few drinks after a day of work. We had talked here and there via text and Tinder and were hitting it off well even before the date. To put it simple, the date was amazing, probably one of the best first dates I have been on. We ended up talking, flirting, kissing, and having drinks for about 7 hours. She would keep pro-longing the date which was fine with me as I would do the same. Well, throughout the night and towards the end, she kept suggesting we set up another date and keep doing this. Again, I am really digging this girl and we can both see we're clicking well. So, we decide on Monday (yesterday) since she was going to be busy all weekend. I walk her to her car, we kiss some more, talk a little and part ways. I send her a short message the next morning about how I had a great time with the date and hope she made it home safely. Well later that day since we hadn't actually set up a specific place for the next date I decided to give her a call (this may have been the f-up). The call went to her voicemail, I just left a brief message about setting up a place and time for our next date and immediately after I hung-up the phone, I got a text from her saying that is busy at work right now but she is really excited to call me after. I thought, "okay cool" so I responded to her that sounds good and (portraying interest still) and left it at that. Well time came and went and she never ended up calling. I chalked it up to she forgot and no big deal. Saturday came a long and I figured I would give her some time and wait for her to contact me since she had mentioned she would. I was busy most of the day anyways, so it's not as though I was sitting there pondering the situation. Well, no contact Saturday, either. So I figured, if I don't hear from her some time Sunday, I will call her Sunday night to make sure she still knows I am on for our second date on Monday. I called, it rang and rang, then went to voicemail. Again, left a short message but to the point. Well, Monday happened, did not hear from her, sent one more text a couple hours before the date to verify, no response from her, nothing. So, here I am, confused as to what could have happened. Again, I am fairly rusty at the dating scene since it's been awhile for me. Did I come on too strong? Do I give her a few days and try to contact again? The only thing I can possibly think of is that she found "me" on facebook (an old ex made a fake profile of me, mine is now private and not under my full name, this has since been taken care of), thought I was still in a relationship and just bailed. Thoughts? I know it sounds far-fetched but sadly, it's the case. Should I reach out to her and ask if I did something wrong? I know this is generally frowned upon but it's hard for me to grasp how such a good date, interest, all of it, could sour without something occurring. Thanks in advance for everyone's help. Edited October 21, 2015 by B33F24
Jejangles Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 This is typical of online dating unfortunately. You can only take it one date at a time, don't count on future dates until they're happening! Reach out one more time if you want, but in all likelihood she is done and you will never know the reason why. I could tell you tons of stories about men who fade out on me like this. It's just the way it is, and it's why I am always cautious and keep my expectations in check no matter how great the date seemed to go. 3
PegNosePete Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She changed her mind, and didn't have the balls to tell you. Don't waste your time chasing someone who is clearly not interested in you. When someone likes you and wants to meet you again, they do not behave like this. NEXT 2
Author B33F24 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 This is typical of online dating unfortunately. You can only take it one date at a time, don't count on future dates until they're happening! Reach out one more time if you want, but in all likelihood she is done and you will never know the reason why. I could tell you tons of stories about men who fade out on me like this. It's just the way it is, and it's why I am always cautious and keep my expectations in check no matter how great the date seemed to go. I guess I could reach out once more like you suggest, I'm not exactly what I would even say at this point. Sounds like it's not very salvageable since she lost interest or whatever has happened. Do I make it something simple? I don't really know.
TexasMan68 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Sounds like she doesn't have the courage to tell you its not going to work. Move on.
Jejangles Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I guess I could reach out once more like you suggest, I'm not exactly what I would even say at this point. Sounds like it's not very salvageable since she lost interest or whatever has happened. Do I make it something simple? I don't really know. I reread your post and you already texted once with no response right? So I would just leave it. And please don't waste too much time worrying about why she went quiet, it was likely all her own stuff rather than anything you did or didn't do. I can't see anything you did "wrong", you showed your interest without being too pushy. She likely just wasn't quite as interested, even though she seemed that way on the date. Don't let this turn you off, online dating is a numbers game! On to the next.
Erik30 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She's on Tinder, so expect her to be talking to multiple guys. My guess is that she's probably more into someone else right now, but doesn't want to tell you so she's doing the fade. I really doubt it's the fake FB profile, but I can understand you would start to think like that when it seems there's a real connection. I get that you just want to know what happened, but you didn't do anything wrong. Don't text or call her anymore, you tried so now it's up to her. Maybe you'll find another girl on Tinder who you'll like even more than this one
Author B33F24 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Yeah that all makes sense. I am not sure why I'm so hung up on this girl after one date (albeit a good one). I know I am very new to the whole online data scene, in-fact this was my first. Prior to this I would ask girls out in person, get to know them, etc... so usually when we were to the point of a date, the connection was more or less certain. I will definitely have to change up my mindset a bit when doing things online. It seems like people are far more likely and willing to just up and disappear with no word or explanation. Any advice for a newbie? Thanks again for all of the responses!
thecrucible Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 She should have told you what was up even if it was a white lie. It could be there is someone else in the picture or she is not as interested in dating as she seems and still getting over something. Or maybe she got caught up in the moment but changed her mind when she had time to think about it. She could have sent you a text to cancel and apologise. Anyway, it's her loss.
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