Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Hi, I'm just writing here after my break up with my gf of 5 years. I have already posted some posts on here but today has been a real struggle for me. Me and my ex have not fell out or had any bad words to make this break up happen. She just fell out of love with me she said. I have now not seen her for 2 weeks. We have text a few times but this is now the 4th day of NC. I really want her back! I am really upset and I keep wanting to text or call her. I know that it's not a good idea though so I thought I would post here instead of contacting her.
Draper Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Yes post here as much as you need, just don't cave and contact her. But, by posting here, it seems like you understand NC is the best thing for you so that's good. Realistically NC is the best option whether you want her back or not, and since she was honest and left on relatively peaceful terms, it's totally understandable that you want her back. Just don't get hung up on getting her back, you know? Recognize that she ended it, NC what's best for you to move on, and if she ever changes her mind than she will certainly come to you. Cross that bridge when it comes, though, and operate under the assumption that you will never hear from or see her again. It's hard as hell but it's the best both for your own healing and your chances of getting her back, but again don't get stuck hoping she does. Hope your day gets better.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 What should I do to distract me from texting her and to stop thinking about her?
geronimo Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Theres lots of things you can do, most importantly focus on yourself, do things to make yourself better. Do the things you didn't have time for or couldn't do while in the relationship. Go to the gym, pick up a hobby, see friends you couldn't before, etc. I know its hard man I also got out of a 5 year relationship and it was my first. I'm still struggling with it, but you gotta understand that NC is very important. Don't contact her its going to make things infinitely worse. And also be very careful if she contacts you, thats where I f*cked up. My ex started seeing someone else shortly after our breakup and when she initiated contact I got excited thinking she wanted to reconcile but that wasn't the case, and it just prolonged my recovery and made things alot worse. I know its hard to comprehend but ex's are ex's for a reason, if it were meant to be nothing would come between you two, and trust me that took me a LONG time to understand.
greenleaves54 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 In the beginning NC is a battle, and you're a warrior James. You will fight and win But after a few weeks or months that big urge of wanting to contact your ex kind of disappears. That's what happened to me at least. When my ex broke up she lost the privilege of getting contacted by me. In a while you will realize your self-worth and that she is the one who should be crawling after such a great guy like you, not the other way around. Stay strong!
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Thank you's very much for the reply. I really appreciate it! She was my first love and I was with her for 5 years. It's just so hard to throw 5 amazing years together away. We had such amazing times together and we were always happy together. I just don't get why she left:( I suppose that's just life though eh? Just gotta get on with life and hopefully I will get over the BU and move on and meet someone else. I'm gonna start going to the gym and hopefully this will take my mind off of it.
itisdanielle Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm three weeks into a breakup so I totally get it (as does everyone on here). I find that going to the gym helps me take my mind off it, reading, sitting with friends - even if I don't feel like talking, sitting and listening to them gives your mind a break. I don't know whether this is a cheesy girl thing.. but I also have some quotes saved to my phone that when I read them I think more positively about the situation. I also always tell myself that no matter how much it hurts and how much I feel I won't meet someone else that I will be over it one day and it'll make me stronger. I've read a lot of posts on here from members that have had breakups and gone to meet someone better suited for them and it makes you realise it IS possible Good luck!
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah I have been spending a lot of time with friends. Tonight I am going to start going to my local gym with a friend. It's during the day when I'm at work I mainly think about it because my work isn't very busy:( How long were you in your relationship for Danielle?
itisdanielle Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 You seem to be doing all of the right things so hopefully each day will get a tiny bit easier that's what I'm hoping anyway! We were together for 3 years.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Yeah I'm taking all of the advice on board and trying to use the advice as much as I can and it is helping. It's just some days and nights I struggle which is normal I think. The thing that gets to me most is how the relationship ended, nothing came between us and we never fell out ever. We had such an amazing relationship and she just ended it
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Sorry to hear about your relationship ending
Hope87 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Thank you's very much for the reply. I really appreciate it! She was my first love and I was with her for 5 years. It's just so hard to throw 5 amazing years together away. We had such amazing times together and we were always happy together. I just don't get why she left:( I suppose that's just life though eh? Just gotta get on with life and hopefully I will get over the BU and move on and meet someone else. I'm gonna start going to the gym and hopefully this will take my mind off of it. Hi James, are you a James Brown fan? I'm really sorry about the pain you're going through. The most important thing you need to keep in mind is that you will recover from this and will grow to love someone else. It's your first breakup so i imagine a lot of the emotions and motions must be new and confusing to you, this is natural. My first breakup was crushing, I thought I'd never love again (if only I knew how wrong I was lol). What can you do to keep your mind occupied and minimise the temptation to contact her? For starters, regardless of what you spend your time doing, you will have the urge ( and sometimes they may seem uncontrollable) to reach out to her. But dont succumb to the compulsion to do it. It's going to require a lot of discipline and strength but you will get through it; others before you have so take encouragement and strength from that. I think it's very important to know what to expect hence why I'm telling you this. The best way to occupy your days during these periods to distract you is really dependent on the individual. What brings you joy or makes you a bit happy? For me, I enjoy reading, watching thriller TV shows, travelling, cooking and slightly morbid stuff like researching on weird stuff like prison experiences and plane crashes lol. Reading about prison experiences in a sense makes me appreciate my freedom and the mere fact that I'm not confined to a jail cell and it really gives you some perspective. Likewise, Reading about plane crashes makes me value the gift of life, with life there is hope! I also volunteer at a drug rehabilitation centre. In addition, I love traveling:I've booked a trip away for next week. So, my point is, you need to start to discover things you enjoy doing and get more involved in such things. It's also a good idea to set some targets and goals... gives you something to work towards. For example, I've decided to learn how to swim and to find a better job within the next 6 months. Set goals and focus on achieving them. Will you find love again? Well they say nothing is guaranteed except taxes and death, but I assure you, you will have and enjoy so many more experiences. You have your entire life ahead of you. You will experience love again, get that gloomy and unrealistic idea out of your mind that this is the end of the road. Even if you hadn't broken up just yet, the odds of you breaking up would still have been very high. You have so much growth to experience. You will be fine, take it a day at a time. Most people in this world experience heart break in one form or the other. It's almost inevitable when you think about it except those people who never expose themselves to vulnerability. You should take comfort in the fact that you were a great boyfriend and it's HER loss. Good people aren't easily forgotten. She may come to that realisation in the future, but things wouldn't be the same on your part, even if she did come back, because you'd never trust her. Stay strong and keep posting.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 Thank you so much for the post. It really puts my mind at ease. It also helps knowing that I'm not the only one that has went through this horrible thing! It really is the most horrible thing ever. I just keep thinking in my head about her being with someone else:( I am so grateful for people writing to me on here! 1
BelleSkye Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 My first big break up, I learnt new pieces to play on the piano, went to the beach with my dogs, studied.... My second big break up, spent a lot of time listening to music, watching series, googling break up stuff. My break up now....im running away to start a new life.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Posted October 22, 2015 You have been through 3 break ups?! God that must be hard on you I am just trying to do some new things, I'm gonna go to the gym and maybe go long walks. 2 things I've never really done before. I have also started a new football team!
BelleSkye Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 It is hard james, the second and third break up are from the same guy. I actually suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, along with anxiety from the break up / relationship. Cant stay in the same country anymore with the fear he will never want me back. Hence im running away.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 That does sound really bad! Sorry to hear that. Today I have woke up with more of an urge to contact her. She said last Friday that she would give me a text sometime this week and I have not received a text:(
BelleSkye Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 The best way if you want someone back is to get over them.....that way, if they ever do come back, you can think about your choices more rationally. Dont wait for her, start moving on.
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 I know that's the best way but it is so hard! I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone like her she was so special to me. I am really trying my hardest but it is the toughest thing that I have ever done
SammySammy Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Please, please, please don't contact her. Though you may wake up in a cold sweat, I got the feeling you're going to get over her and realize you're super bad. I know you can feel like a prisoner of love when you've lost someone. It's often said the best revenge is living well. Sometimes that's all there is. Women are something else. Living life with no regrets while you're doing it to death is often the best way to move on from a breakup. Instead of contacting her, you've got to get on the good foot and show the world papa's got a brand new bag. Get it together. Make it funky. Let yourself go. It's a new day. You've got the power to show yourself and others it's truly a man's, man's world.
BelleSkye Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) Just think of it like this, if she really cared, she would not let you suffer. There were times my ex was in so much pain after tbe break up....he wanted me back.....even though I knew he was rubbish I cared/loved. So I took him out of his misery and gave him a chance. Love is forgiving and understanding. If I did not give him the chance, I would have regretted it. Now here is the twist, after 5 years together, I started displaying ptsd symptoms. I felt entitled to protect my dignitg no matter what. The last fight I had with him, I scratched him and threw stuff at him. Now its over. Apparently I will not change. He did not want to give me a chance. He knew I was in pain. So the most I can take from this is that I gave it my best shot and re start getting over him instead of waiting for another reconciliation until he sorts out his feelings : head. There is a big risk waiting for the miracle. So move on, even if she was special. Find someone who thinks you are special. The longer you pine for her, the longer your mind takes to reset Edited October 23, 2015 by BelleSkye
itisdanielle Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I know that's the best way but it is so hard! I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone like her she was so special to me. I am really trying my hardest but it is the toughest thing that I have ever done You say you won't meet anyone like her, but one day you will meet a girl that knows how lucky she is to have you and who won't want to leave you. Even if she did want you back, chances are things wouldn't be the same because you would never know if she would leave again. I know it's hard, like you know for sure that the best thing to do is not contact, but it's all you want to do! Just think how far you've come already and how well you're doing, and if you do contact it will cancel that out. Hope things are getting better day by day
TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I was very much the same to you, but everyone here is giving the same advise as I would have given, What makes it so hard is when your heart gets in the way of your head, but if you ever question doing something, give yourself time a couple hours and then decide, either way these things are not easy for anyone but my advise is dont contact her for now
Author Jamesbrown1995 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Thank you again everyone for the advice! I can't thank everyone enough. It seems to be in the mornings that I struggle and as the days go on it gets a bit better. Is anyone else the same?
BelleSkye Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Mornings are always the hardest...I have no idea why. When I shower or take a long drive (takes me an hiur to drive to work) I think and feel so much better. Then when I start packing my stuff to move out, it hurts again.
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